October 28th, 2010, 02:30 PM
America’s Next Top Model, I thought you were high class, but that might’ve been a lie. What kind of nonsense are you perpetrating, putting gigantic women on roller skates and making them memorize lines? And not even for a Cover Girl commercial, but some made up energy water drink? Directed by Nigel Barker, who might be a ‘noted fashion photographer,’ but is not a ‘noted commercial director.’ Double you, tee, eff, Tyra. But before that, before that! It was the long awaited episode featuring Zac Posen, who is a mayjah designer, and a tiny little man, and friend to one Mizz Jay Alexander. It was Top Model contestants and professional models going head to head and bitch to bitch in Zac Posen’s runway show, including Fatma Dabo from Project Runway Season 6! See, the pro models were told to be bitches—that’s why they were mean! To build character! And probably to make Ann cry—mission successful! And while it was probably quite painful seeing Ann slip and slide (and fall) on the roller skates was actually pretty funny. Chris’ cheese factor finally paid off, as there was no photo shoot this week, and everything depended on the stupid commercial, and Chris can turn it out when it comes to big energy and enthusiasm. Esther, on the other hand, walks like an amputee and has elocution problems, enough to land her in the bottom two with Ann (who clearly, clearly is not going home). Bye bye, my favorite Modern Orthodox Jewish gal on my teevee! I miss her already.
MTV’s docudrama 16 and Pregnant returned to the airwaves Tuesday night, but I wouldn’t exactly say it was a bang-up episode. It was an exercise in learning that teens are gonna do what teens are gonna do. Brooke Smitherman-Tarrant and her boyfriend/baby daddy/husband Cody Tarrant live with Brooke’s parents, race cars and raise goats. Brooke’s mom not only taught Brooke how to use condoms, she kept them under the bathroom sink and made sure Brooke knew where they were. And Brooke? Well, this show’s not called 16 and Makes Good Decisions, right? The wedding was nice—Brooke looked nice, anyway. Cody looked a hot mess in a racing onesie, or whatever those things are called, but was it really necessary? I guess they’ll get a tax break, but they had the most gigantic baby shower ever (well, not counting Phaedra’s!), are still in high school, and live with her parents, who want them out. I like that Brooke’s mom was pretty pragmatic about the whole situation, but damn—your daughter married a guy who needed four chances to pass the high school exit exam! I realize that academics are not his forte (“Cody doesn’t read!”), but for serious—he should probably stay home with the baby while Brooke works. And Brody, though it is a combo of their names, is not a terrible name. Just look how well it’s worked out for Brody Jenner! These kids seem to be trying to do the best they can, though it will definitely help when Brooke graduates from high school and both of them can work.
What I really wish is that MTV would film a girl in an urban area, instead of the constant rural/suburban chicks. Give me someone in Chicago, Milwaukee, Miami—somewhere different than country or subdivision, at least give me a coast instead of middle America! Next week, we meet Felicia Cooke, who also lives in Texas (Lewisville). Felicia is 17, and has a baby with her boyfriend, Mauricio. Sneak peek below! And spoiler: no one seems to be happy. Surprised? Me neither.
-This post brought to you by DIANA