America’s Next Top Model, I thought you were high class, but that might’ve been a lie.  What kind of nonsense are you perpetrating, putting gigantic women on roller skates and making them memorize lines?  And not even for a Cover Girl commercial, but some made up energy water drink?  Directed by Nigel Barker, who might be a ‘noted fashion photographer,’ but is not a ‘noted commercial director.’ Double you, tee, eff, Tyra.  But before that, before that!  It was the long awaited episode featuring Zac Posen, who is a mayjah designer, and a tiny little man, and friend to one Mizz Jay Alexander.  It was Top Model contestants and professional models going head to head and bitch to bitch in Zac Posen’s runway show, including Fatma Dabo from Project Runway Season 6!  See, the pro models were told to be bitches—that’s why they were mean!  To build character!  And probably to make Ann cry—mission successful!  And while it was probably quite painful seeing Ann slip and slide (and fall) on the roller skates was actually pretty funny.  Chris’ cheese factor finally paid off, as there was no photo shoot this week, and everything depended on the stupid commercial, and Chris can turn it out when it comes to big energy and enthusiasm.  Esther, on the other hand, walks like an amputee and has elocution problems, enough to land her in the bottom two with Ann (who clearly, clearly is not going home).  Bye bye, my favorite Modern Orthodox Jewish gal on my teevee!  I miss her already.

MTV’s docudrama 16 and Pregnant returned to the airwaves Tuesday night, but I wouldn’t exactly say it was a bang-up episode.  It was an exercise in learning that teens are gonna do what teens are gonna do.  Brooke Smitherman-Tarrant and her boyfriend/baby daddy/husband Cody Tarrant live with Brooke’s parents, race cars and raise goats.  Brooke’s mom not only taught Brooke how to use condoms, she kept them under the bathroom sink and made sure Brooke knew where they were.  And Brooke?  Well, this show’s not called 16 and Makes Good Decisions, right?  The wedding was nice—Brooke looked nice, anyway.  Cody looked a hot mess in a racing onesie, or whatever those things are called, but was it really necessary?  I guess they’ll get a tax break, but they had the most gigantic baby shower ever (well, not counting Phaedra’s!), are still in high school, and live with her parents, who want them out.  I like that Brooke’s mom was pretty pragmatic about the whole situation, but damn—your daughter married a guy who needed four chances to pass the high school exit exam!  I realize that academics are not his forte (“Cody doesn’t read!”), but for serious—he should probably stay home with the baby while Brooke works.  And Brody, though it is a combo of their names, is not a terrible name.  Just look how well it’s worked out for Brody Jenner!  These kids seem to be trying to do the best they can, though it will definitely help when Brooke graduates from high school and both of them can work.

What I really wish is that MTV would film a girl in an urban area, instead of the constant rural/suburban chicks.  Give me someone in Chicago, Milwaukee, Miami—somewhere different than country or subdivision, at least give me a coast instead of middle America!  Next week, we meet Felicia Cooke, who also lives in Texas (Lewisville).  Felicia is 17, and has a baby with her boyfriend, Mauricio.  Sneak peek below!  And spoiler: no one seems to be happy.  Surprised?  Me neither.

-This post brought to you by DIANA

Nigel and Tyra suck up to special guest Francesco Carrozzini

That Tyra, eh?  She’s got some kind of tricks up her onesie jumpsuit sleeves!  It doesn’t get much more Los Angeles than last night’s America’s Next Top Model.  I must quickly point out, by the way, that the show must be getting some sort of funding or help from the Venice, CA government, because every single elimination has Ty Ty saying, “You must return to your house in VENICE, CALIFORNIA, and pack all your belongings, etc.”  Listen, producers: we realize they aren’t in Italy (yet).  Unless you are receiving promotional considerations or kickbacks (is that why you did that pointless road closure for the moving runway?), I don’t think the location needs to be mentioned every single time.  PS: Square Eyes is brought to you by blinkx.

Moving on.  What an exercise in product placement, eh?  Not Cover Girl, for once and be grateful, I bet  a bunch of designers and the Grammy Awards can expect a jump in web searches today.  The top eight started out the episode at the Grammy Museum, before being challenged to pair up and pick out clothes for their teammate to theoretically wear to the Grammys.  The teams are: Liz and Kayla (the androgynous one and the lesbian), Ann and Chelsey (the one always picked first and the drag queen), Esther and Jane (Modern Orthodox Jew and Princeton gal), and Kendal and Chris (the virgin and the loudmouth).  Liz wants a ballgown, but Kayla gives her pants and a shirt—and it ends up looking pretty good.  Pretty much everyone else (with the exception of Ann, who looks like a vampire) looks a hot mess—too short, too long, too big, too boring.  It’s no surprise that Liz and Kayla won the challenge—and Kayla gets to be a Grammy girl at the 2011 Grammy Awards!  Liz almost claws Kayla’s eyes out with jealousy, but manages to just get floor-crawlingly drunk instead.

And for the elimination challenge?  Everyone pretends to be someone else!  A major designer someone else!  Liz is John Galliano, and nails it, despite not knowing a thing about him (doesn’t even know who he is, yet Jay Manuel claims to be pals with him!).  Kayla excels as Vivenne Westwood, helped along by her hair and styling.  Chelsey gets her best photo yet (and best make-up, I have to say) as Carolina Herrera, and Ann does quite well as Alexander Wang (she just sits there, and it’s good).  Chris has Betsey Johnson’s energy, obviously, and does a credible job, but Jane falls flat (with a terrible, terrible fake stubbly beard) as Marc Jacobs.  Liz pulled the rug out from Ann and took top photo, breaking Ann’s unprecedented streak at the top!  Bottom two end up being the fabulous Esther (as Christopher Decarnin, and boy, the styling did her no favors), and Kendal, who had her usual vacant, dead eyes as Vera Wang.  Who goes home?  Kendal, thank goodness, who herself admitted that she needed more experience.

Final seven!  Zac Posen next week!  Time for another poll!

-This post brought to you by Diana

Confession: I’ve caught Twilight fever with a side of Robert Pattinson crush, just like the rest of y’all.  Ain’t no shame in loving a vampire!

This fever, coupled with my years-long Project Runway frenzy, has got me pretty excited about this.  InStyle asked some of their favorite designers to sketch Bella Swan’s wedding dress from Breaking Dawn, the fourth book in the series.

The dress is described as having an early 1900’s design with a train and veil updated by Edward Cullen’s sister Alice, kinda Austen style.

Witness Project Runway winner Christian Siriano’s dazzling creation:

Though Siriano never fails to impress, common consensus across the Internets seems to be that designer Monique Lhuillier’s gown is the one most faithful to the authoress Stephenie Meyer’s description:

What do you think?  Has Lhuillier caught the fever?

Also sketching Bella’s gown are designers Erin Fetherston, Brian Reyes, Max Azria, Prabal Gurung, Lela Rose, Badgley Mischka, and Zac Posen.

Honestly, I’d wear any of these - with the exception of Brian Reyes’s look.  What the?  Is that a goat rising from the ashes?  Sheesh.  Maybe Kristen Stewart could pull it off.

[Source: InStyle.com]