The Rendon Family, earlier this year

We all hear about 16 and Pregnant’s Amber Portwood and Gary Shirley all the time, Maci Bookout and Farrah Abraham have been in all sorts of magazines, and even Catelynn Lowell has been featured here and there. All are alumnas of 16 and Pregnant and currently showcased on Teen Mom. Besides one follow-up special on the first season of 16 and Pregnant, the rest of the girls have dropped out of our collective radar.

Until now. Remember Ebony Jackson? She, along with boyfriend Josh Rendon wanted to join the Air Force upon her graduation from high school. Unfortunately, she was pregnant, so she and Josh got married and he enlisted. Time has passed, and things are not so good: their daughter was just taken away by the Arkansas Department of Human Services and they’ve been charged with maintaining a drug premises and unauthorized use of another’s property to facilitate a crime, as well as misdemeanor child endangerment, possession of drug paraphernalia and possession of a controlled substance. The place sounds absolutely filthy, and I suppose it’s for the best.

If Ebony and Josh had signed up/been tapped for Teen Mom, things might be different. They’d have a hell of a lot more money, for one thing, but they’d also be held accountable in different ways. Look at Amber and Gary: they might live like total pigs, but they don’t have feces smeared on their walls. It’s pretty early in the case and both are currently free on bond, but it makes me wonder what happened to the other teens who didn’t end up on Teen Mom or Teen Mom 2. Does MTV have future responsibility for these girls, or does responsibility end when filming stops? I suppose the same could be said for True Life subjects: they’ve made their own decisions, now they need to live with them.

It’s just a sad state of affairs. No glove, no love!

I can totally start a meatball business, Mom!  I did my taxes online all by myself!

My Big Friggin’ Wedding continued its Jerseyrifficness last night, but (and I realize this might be shocking!) some of it feels very manufactured, and frankly, I’m a little disappointed.  I’ll keep watching, sure, but it’s no Jersey Shore, so don’t be fooled.  Too much Joey and Sandra, who are pretty lame.  Joey expects Sandra to cook dinner every night, once they’re married.  Sandra does not know how, nor does she care to know how, to cook.  Newsflash, Joey: just ‘cause you’re married doesn’t mean things are gonna change!  Their fights were stupid and nonsensical (one memorable line from Joey: “Next time, do me a favor: don’t do me anymore favors!”  Excellent verbiage, guy), and Joey is the King of Boring Drama Queens, always getting roid ragey.  Meanwhile, Johnny Meatballs is getting drunk at a ‘business meeting’ while extremely pregnant fiancé Megin is figuring out their wedding budget (it includes tanning) and congratulating herself on her financial wizardry.  She’s a nice girl, but snore.  Where is Tommy Cheeseballs when you really need him?  Can’t someone at MTV call him up and offer him a spot on this show?  He was one of the greatest Jersey guys of all time (from True Life: I Own a Summer Share)!  Or Charlie and Sabrina, from True Life: I’m Getting Married (technically Staten Island, but I’ll let it slide):

THAT is what My Big Friggin’ Wedding needs.  Megin’s mom comes close (and maybe as the weddings get closer, we’ll see more crazy), but for now?  Less Joey and Sandra, please!

I want to close this post with a plea to the How I Met Your Mother writers, producers, and creators: please, PLEASE get rid of Zoey.  She is annoying, she is horrible, she is awful, and nobody likes her!  Thanks to last night’s episode, you’ve endowed her as a bored trophy wife with nothing better to do than take up a random cause.  She has no redeeming qualities!  Check her out:

Tonight: new episodes of 16 and Pregnant, Glee, the season premiere of Bravo’s The Fashion Show (now with Iman!), and the Dancing With the Stars result show, among myriad other offerings!  How can you stand it?!

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VH1’s Dad Camp had a lot going for it—drama, high expectations, babies popping out (well, maybe—unpredictable little suckers!).  Unfortunately, it seems to be little more than Tool Academy with babies.  I’m so disappointed!  I guess I want something more like 16 and Pregnant or True Life and less like The Biggest Loser, where these poor fools have to make it in their regular situations and not off in some stock VH1 fancy mansion house completely removed from reality, doing ridiculous challenges in the name of “therapy.”  I still like Dr. Jeff and, believe it or not, I still like the premise, but holy douchebags, Batman!  In the most recent episode, the baby daddies had to sell a bunch of their shizz flea market style to raise some dough for their oven buns.  Who knew it would be grounds for some crazy drahmz?  Check out this ridiculous fight—if you ignore Bri’s bulging belly, it could be taken from any episode of Tool Academy.

PANTS!! I might give it one more week.  Maybe.

Today being Tuesday, look for the season finale of Glee, the little show that can!  Tonight, New Beginnings goes head-to-head with Vocal Adrenaline at Regionals, and Quinn, who has looked about three months pregnant for the past, oh, ever, is suddenly about to pop.  Does this mean we get to see Mercedes Jones’ house, now that Quinn (as of last episode) is presumably living with the Joneses?  Meanwhile, Sue Sylvester, along with Olivia Newton-John and Josh Groban, are judging Regionals.  Sneaky, Sue, very sneaky!  This episode is called Journey, and hot damn do I hope someone sings “Separate Ways!” Can’t wait to see what happens.

Do you need to relive fantastic Glee moments?  Check out EW’s list of the Top 10 Glee performances here!

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Your baby would love you more if you cut your hair.

Tuesday’s new episode of 16 and Pregnant was awkward and weird and was definitely an editorial nightmare.  Lakewood, Florida high school dropout Nicole Fokos (aged sixteen, dropped out upon learning she was pregnant) and junior high expellee/baby daddy Tyler Keller (turns sixteen during the episode, hasn’t gone to school in three years) are excited to become parents in that big picture kind of way that all the teen moms seem to be: can’t wait to meet the baby, but don’t really know what to do with it when it comes.  MTV, this is supposed to be semi-educational, right?  I realize you don’t want to break the fourth wall (see: True Life) but really.  Pony up for some childbirth classes!  Parenting classes!  Something!  Break those pipe dreams and let reality quickly set in!

I think all these 16 and Pregnant episodes are getting to me, because each one is more depressing than the last.  This one, oy—when Nicole was ten months old, her premature baby sister died 3 hours after birth (on Tina’s, Nicole’s mom, birthday).  The year after that happened, Nicole’s father dropped dead on Tina’s birthday.  The woman couldn’t get a break!  She was probably the most excited teen mom’s mom in the history of this fine program.  She was excited, Tyler’s grandmother (with whom he lived, sort of) was excited, Tyler’s mom Farrah (herself a teen mom, having Tyler at seventeen) was not excited, but ended up helping them out in the end.  But she wasn’t afraid to hold back her opinions, oh no, unlike passive aggressive Grandma and jubilant (yet seemingly silently judgmental once the baby was born) Tina,  Farrah made no secret of her disappointment and disapproval of the whole situation.  And good for her, except when she undid all her awesomeness by giving in to Tyler’s car pout and telling him he was superduper fantasticness.

Like I said above, this whole episode was awkward and weird.  The baby shower: who were ALL THOSE PEOPLE?  There were like 50 people there!  Why was Tyler expelled from school (at 13!) and not convinced/forced to go back for three years?  What did he do all day?  How did he expect to find a job with a, what, seventh grade education?  He bitched about $6.50/hour not being enough money, but hello darlin’, it’s almost Federal Minimum Wage and you don’t have any other options, so buck up.  Nicole and her friends prank call people?  Really?  People still do that these days?  And then, when giant baby (9 pounds, ya’ll!) Brooklyn Marie was born, Nicole started to look so distant and detached.  She claimed Tyler would be a great dad because of how good he was with his little sisters, but to me it seemed like he was good with them because they could articulate their needs.  Brooklyn couldn’t, and he seemed frustrated and immature when trying to deal with her.  Yes—he didn’t go out and party (that we saw), and he did get a job and was working, a definite step up from the usual deadbeat baby daddies profiled on 16 and Pregnant.  But why, why, why were Nicole and Tyler moving every couple days from house to house to house, if everyone was so supportive of them having Brooklyn?  It was uncomfortable, it was strange, the baby was sleeping on a COUCH!  For the love of little apples, babies need WALLS!  So they don’t roll off the edge!    Nicole looked like a zombie by the end of the episode, when Tina pointed out that Nicole was obviously still uncomfortable around Brooklyn.  I don’t think Nicole (choice of baby daddy and his involvement notwithstanding) was quite prepared for motherhood or what having a baby actually entailed.  I hope they’ve stabilized their living situation, because moving around every few days is hard on everyone.

Next week’s Very Special Episode looks like a trainwreck– Leah Messer is having twins!  By her boyfriend of one month, Corey!  Boyfriend!  Of ONE MONTH!  It must be a disasterpiece of epic proportions to be 90 minutes long.  This is one episode that excites me, because it’s definitely different from anything we’ve seen before.  And I’m a twin, so I know what it’s like to be a twin baby (sort of).  I hope she doesn’t a) dress them alike or b) name them rhyming names.  And it takes place in West Virginia!  Holla!

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MTV, former bastion of music television (!!), has gradually stopped the music and moved towards the reality of American teenagers.  Shows like Teen Mom, The City, Cribs, 16 and Pregnant, along with long running series like True Life, Made and The Real World, are focused on bringing real stories (or “real” stories) into living rooms and onto computer screens across the country and the world.  Sometimes it crashes and burns (Living Lahaina, anyone?), and sometimes it hits hard—Catelynn Lowell and Tyler Baltierra’s episode of 16 and Pregnant last season illustrated the extreme complexities and hardships of teen pregnancy.  Ladies, keep it safe!

The second season of 16 and Pregnant debuted last week on MTV, and so far, it’s pretty much just as depressing (though in different ways) as the first season.  And really, teenage pregnancy is not something to be excited about in any way, but if any girl gets knocked up after watching this show, she’s gotta be an Earth Girls are Easy kind of girl.

Actual 16 year-old Jenelle Evans, her unfortunate choice of baby daddy, Andrew, and large baby Jace were the focus of the first episode, which aired last week.  The editing in this episode was terrible!  EDITORS: if she changes her hair, you can’t splice and insert scenes out of sequence.  It just doesn’t make sense!  Short and blonde to long and dark, back and forth and back and forth.  I understand she was getting (and perhaps justifiably) the party girl edit, but seriously.  Nice that she kicked serial drinker and drunk driver Andrew to the curb by the end of the episode.

This week’s pregnant teen, 15 year-old Nikkole Paulun, was definitely the first heartbreaker of the season.  Her mother Rikki was supportive, her 12 year-old brother was amazing, her friends were awesome, but her baby daddy Josh Drummonds was an abusive little so-and-so whose life is peaking in his teen years and will hit rock bottom soon enough (not to wish ill will on anyone, but this boy is a real sociopath).  Baby Lyle was adorable, and it was especially nice to see Nikkole building a relationship with him.  This episode definitely should have ended with a PSA about domestic violence and abuse, particularly one aimed towards emotional abuse.  If Dr. Drew Pinksy tries to convince Nikkole to reconcile with Josh on the reunion show, he will get my size 9 foot down his weedy little throat.

Heavy stuff, eh?  It’s gripping, and is the only show on MTV that I will make time to sit down and watch.  It’s no funny business like Tool Academy 3, or Celebrity Fit Club, or even Millionaire Matchmaker, but it’ll hit you, hit you hard.

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