Don’t have a cow, man, because it’s official: despite tense contract negotiations between the voice cast and Fox, The Simpsons has been renewed for two more seasons, meaning that the show will be on for at least 25 seasons. That’s a lot of Springfield!

Last week word came out that Fox was coming down hard on the main voice cast with an ultimatum: either accept a whopping 45% pay cut or this season of The Simpsons would be the last. Seeing as though the show is currently in it’s 23rd season and is both the longest running animated program ever and the longest running sitcom ever, I don’t think fans would be declaring the show criminally canceled before it’s time. But still, after such a legendary run, seeing The Simpsons end in an ugly contract dispute would have been unfortunate. The actors, for their part, said they were willing to take a 30% pay cut as long as Fox cut them in on the profits they make on syndication of the show around the world. Fox essentially told them to go screw themselves, figuring they have 23 seasons worth of episodes to continue making money on for eternity and they don’t really care what the voice cast has to say.

At the end of the week an agreement was reached (supposedly the 30% cut without any profit sharing) and The Simpsons lived to see another day. But for how long? Based on the renewal through season 25, and how nasty these negotiations seemed to go, I would not be surprised to see the show bow out gracefully after a quarter of a century. I grew up loving the show, and I probably haven’t even watched it in 15 years, but it’s still nice to know we live in a world where The Simpsons have a voice.

A slightly less talked about Simpsons piece by Banksy

There was a point in time when The Simpsons was one of the most subversive and edgy shows on TV. Stacked with brilliant comedy writers (which, to be fair, it still is) and on the once-young and hip Fox network, there’s a reason why many of today’s top comedy minds still cite The Simpsons as the cartoon that really inspired their twisted comedy minds. But then came South Park and Adult Swim and all kinds of other unique comedy outlets and as it aged The Simpsons retained its fan-base but not its edgy image.It’s just a beloved institution where we can reliably tune in and see our favorite cartoon family sitting on their couch in some sort of wacky predicament. Well, until this week…

Famous (yet elusive) UK street artists Banksy, best known for his stencil graffiti and various artistic stunts, was given the chance to storyboard a special extended opening credits sequence that took The Simpsons to a dark and subversive new level. You can watch the intro here:

Yes, after tagging a few Springfield landmarks with his name, Banksy plotted out a disturbing journey into a cave-like Asian sweatshop where hundreds of animators slave over cell drawings with toxic chemicals, throw kittens into wood-chippers to stuff Bart dolls, seal boxes with the help of a decapitated dolphin head and even use a malnourished Unicorn’s horn to poke the center hole in Simpson DVDs. There have been many accusations over the years about The Simpsons animation being shipped out to South Korea, so there’s no question what inspired the piece, but what is really confusing is why it was approved. It paints the show and 20th Century Fox in a very bad light, and apparently much of The Simpsons animation department threatened a walkout. Is it supposed to be exaggerating the truth as a way of dismissing the claims as overblown? Or is it a strange sort of confession? Or does it even matter? After all, by creating this sequence Banksy himself contributed to the very process he is condemning! I can’t think about it too much or I’ll get another nosebleed like the one I got after Inception…

All I know is that it definitely did one thing: got people talking about The Simpsons as an edgy show again. Also, if you haven’t seen Banksy’s “documentary” Exit Through the Gift Shop make sure to do so. Even if you think he is an over-hyped spraypainter with an ego it is a fantastic piece of film-making.

Britney on Glee! Sorry Fatone, you don’t have quite the same appeal…

For most of us, TV serves a few vital functions: entertainment, news, and learning what the real housewives of various cities are like. Conclusion: they’re all bad, shallow people. Consider my horizons broadened! But for those who are better than us (I speak of CELEBRITIES of course), TV can serve a far more utilitarian function: salvation! Whether it be their career or their public image, TV offers the last hope for many of today’s stars.

The most desperate case recently has to be Joey Fatone, former member of ‘NSYNC and current “I will do anything please hire me” actor/singer/dancer/host. After being stripped of his hosting duties on The Singing Bee (which moved to County Music Television, so now contestants can just yell “BEER HORSE AMERICA” and have a good chance of getting the lyrics right) as well as his role as red carpet host for the TV Guide channel, Joey is looking for any way to get himself seen. I mean, at least on the TV Guide channel people saw him for 27 seconds before spotting something better to watch in the guide. His solution: Glee! After seeing the Britney Spears episode last week Joey Fatone has become convinced that they should do an ‘NSYNC episode and is staring a Twitter campaign to do it, and he very graciously offered to guest star in it! Maybe Glee is done with the gimmick pop star episodes for awhile? Well then Fatone says he will gladly take a role as a singing, dancing teacher. Joey will also consider set preparation, camera operator, and actual Glee club teacher. He just needs a paycheck. I miss the days when the most pathetic thing Joey was doing was that Star Wars dance on Dancing with the Stars.

What do you do if you’re a young Hollywood starlet caught with cocaine? Besides a ridiculously short stint in jail or rehab? Reality TV of course! After her most recent run-in with the law, that is exactly what Paris Hilton is going to do. But this won’t be The Simple Life. Far from it! In this show we’re going to see what a serious young businesswoman Paris is and that she is not the ditzy blonde bimbo that we have been led to believe by the tabloids. Yawwwn. What, are they bringing in Ty Pennington to host “Extreme Paris Hilton Public Image Makeover”? Are we going to have to watch Paris sit in business meetings and work at pet adoption fairs while sipping vitamin water and reading Jane Austen? At least The Simple Life was entertaining in a “losing faith in the decency of human beings” kind of way.

And finally, Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook, appeared on The Simpsons this week to have a laugh at his own expense while explaining to Lisa why all the best billionaires dropped out of school. But was there more to his agenda? Some are noting it’s quite coincidental that Zuckerberg’s appearance this week on The Simpsons coincides so well with the release of The Social Network, which characterizes Zuckerberg as a fairly unlikable egomaniac. Maybe someone wanted to show off their pop culture savvy and fun side? Also, The Simpsons is still on?! Check out the Zuckster in animated form below:

VH1 kicks off the summer with a new show about baby daddies!

And so winds down the television season with this most merry last week of May!  Bret Michaels won Celebrity Apprentice and is planning on touring soon!  Two of the most popular shows of the past ten years (Lost and 24, of course) shut down for good in the past two days!  Or, at least until the movie comes out, right, 24?  What will the world do with all this spare time during the summer hiatus?  Fret and moan, rend garments and pull hair?  Gnash teeth, wail, bemoan the loss of the season?  NAY!  We will watch summer programming, of course! And with a bunch of new shows to choose from, the summer has never looked so nice.  Let’s go through some of my faves, shall we?

Dad Camp premieres next Monday on VH1 (of course).  What it does not do, however, and what I appreciate, is have Dr. Drew “Famewhore” Pinsky anywhere near the show.  Instead, the host/doctor is a psychologist named Dr. Jeff Gardere, and Dr. Gardere’s plan is to turn immature deadbeat baby daddies into capable parents.  Unfortunately, none of the couples from 16 and Pregnant seem to be part of this show, but hey!  It’s still a step in the right direction!  I’ve seen bits of the preview, and hell yeah am I gonna watch this show!  And perhaps even give ya’ll some recaps!  Comparisons to 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom are a given, especially since I just read the cast bios on the VH1 website and oh damn, these people are hot messes!

Meanwhile, back on the networks, NBC is coasting on The Biggest Loser’s following by giving hardcore no BS trainer Jillian Michaels her own show, Losing It with Jillian Michaels.  Think her psychosis is frightening within the safe confines of the television?  Imagine if she showed up at your house and used her patented techniques on you and your family!  That, my friends, is the premise: Jillian shows up on doorsteps across America and tells fat people they’re fat, and they are going to die unless they change.  My kind of programming!  Jillian jumps through your screen and yells at you to get over yourself starting next Tuesday.  Should be fun!

Aaaaaaand!  Just when you thought it was all reality shows (which, let’s be honest, are easier to follow than scripted due to the lack of, well, scripts): I haven’t heard much about The Gates on ABC, but the little blurbs I’ve read sound promising, if vaguely like the “You Only Move Twice” episode of The Simpsons when the family moves to the perfect community (Cypress Creek) that ends up being run by a madman.  Well, a mix of that and the Syfy show Eureka.  The Gates sounds more supernatural in nature, which is up my alley, even if I hate that Twilight Saga crapola with every bone in my body.  Shut that mess up, Stephanie Meyer!  Let’s see if I remember to tune in to this new show, since it doesn’t start until June 20^th.

Summer television!  I think I love you.

- This post brought to you by DIANA

Ke$ha: apparently a timeless icon

I’m a bit tardy to the party (thanks, Real Housewives of Atlanta!), but must ask this burning question: why did The Simpsons feel it must pay tribute to Ke$ha and her irritating song TIK TOK with Sunday’s most recent episode?  Yes, I’m old.  Get off my lawn!  Of all the musical artists to pay tribute to by bypassing Danny Elfman’s iconic theme song, The Simpsons decided to go with Ke$ha?  Twenty years of episodes, thousands of episodes, and the producers choose Ke$ha.  Perhaps they’re trying to pull in a younger fanbase?  It was kind of weird and didn’t really have anything to do with the episode.  Perhaps it will lead to other pop songs replacing the famous theme—some Madonna, perhaps?  A little Gaga, a bit of Britney?  Oh, snap—Glee’s already got that covered!

Speaking of all things real and housewife, Real Housewives of New Jersey started up again last night.  It’s pretty much the same as last season, except Jacqueline Laurita has had a baby and Teresa Giudice is now heavily pregnant with one.  Danielle Staub (aka Beverly Ann Merrill) is still on the show purely to stir up drama, as none of the other housewives want anything to do with her.  It should be one hell of a season!

This is also tardy (but still appalling!): Spencer Pratt, of The Hills and the freaky flesh-colored beard, has teamed up with Jersey Shore’s Snooki’s ex-boyfriend (still following?) Emilio Masella to produce a new reality dating show—starring Emilio Masella—called Fist Pumping for Love.  No joke.  Masella is looking for “a real guidette who can speak Italian, so we are prepared to take my search from Hollywood, California, to the streets of Howard Beach in Queens, New York,” he told People.com.  Fist Pumping for Love?  I’m sorry, I rolled my eyes so hard that for a few minutes there I was temporarily blind.  Must…stifle…so many filthy comments coming to mind!  If there’s one thing both these douche lords know about, it’s riding someone’s coattails to fame!  I’m sure the crème de la crème of the Italian-American communities across the United States will come out to audition for this one.

Bret Michaels has been discharged from the Arizona hospital where he’s been receiving treatment!  Huzzah!  His doctor, Dr. Joseph Zambraski, said Bret is no longer in critical condition and has been moved to a new undisclosed location to continue his recovery (maybe because of his fans stalker-like tendencies, to which we at Square Eyes are not immune!).  Let’s hope his health continues to improve, and that he or Sharon Osbourne win Celebrity Apprentice.

In news that only teen girls will find interesting and probably wildly disputable, Justin Bieber is a complete and utter freaking moron.  I always thought he was Canadian (and actually, I don’t really know who he is—he sings, right?  Or is he an actor? Hey you kids, get off my lawn!), but this clip kind of confirms that he is, lo and behold, a true patriotic American:

Hey dudes!  Christmas is coming up quickly, which leads to an obvious question for this week’s poll…

Vote now!  Or you’ll get lumps of coal in your stocking, etc.

Oh man!

If you ever needed a decent reason to move to New York, this is it: the curmudgeonly Montgomery Burns of The Simpsons earned almost 10% of the write-in vote in the New York City mayoral race.

Mr. Burns unfortunately lost out in the end to Michael Bloomberg - but strong showing nonetheless.  Politics is a cheap mistress anyway.

Release the hounds, Smithers!

[Source: Pop Eater]

Happy almost Turkey Day, everybody!  In honor of the approaching holiday, Square Eyes would like to know….

Get your votes in before the big day!  Happy Thanksgiving, dudes.

Happy almost Halloween!  The results are in for this week’s poll…

Q: What is the Best Halloween-Flavored TV Episode of All Time?

A: The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror Specials!

And by just about a third of the vote, too!  As you know, these Halloween specials consist of three separate adventures that generally involve the Simpson family in some sort of horrific/science fictiony tale.  This year marked the 20th Simpsons Halloween special, which aired on October 18th and featured episodes “Dial M for Murder or Press # to Return to Main Menu,” “Don’t Have a Cow, Mankind,” and “There’s No Business Like Moe Business.”

Good call, voters.  Thanks to everyone for participating.

Hey gang! It’s time for another Square Eyes Poll! This time ’round, we’re getting in the H-ween spirit….

Cast your vote below.