Adios, laydeez!

This bit of news trumps anything I would say about America’s Next Top Model: All Stars, because it’s so surprising! Kelly Bensimon, Alex McCord, and Jill Zarin have been fired from Bravo’s The Real Housewives of New York City! Rob Schuter at the Huffington Post has reported that the three ladies “have all been let go from the series and will not be returning as fulltime cast members next season.” The women were directly contacted by Bravo this morning, with no other warning (harsh!).

In breaking news, Cindy Barshop has gotten the boot as well! Ramona Singer is negotiating a new contract, but if it doesn’t work out, she might be off the show, too!

Currently, only two original castmembers, LuAnn du Lesseps and the aforementioned “Crazy Eyes” Singer, along with the newer Sonja Morgan are left to forge ahead, although three new ladies are expected to be added to the cast. No word yet on who the n00bs will be, but the four fired housewives might be offered an olive branch if any of the them don’t work out. Expect to see Jill, Alex, Cindy, or (probably) Kelly attempting to intimidate the heck out of the new girls and force them off the show, on or off camera. Blood on the streets of New York! Racing for pinks!

I’ll certainly miss Jill–she got rather repulsive there for a while, but came back around. Although, well, I’ll never buy her shapewear, or visit her fabric store. Alex was good for a one-liner here or there, but Simon (her hubs) is a total weirdo even for reality television, and their house is creepy weird. Kelly is obviously totally nuts. Good for Bethenny for getting out when the getting was good!

If I had any idea of New York socialites (or women who consider themselves socialites), I’d speculate out the wazoo. But I don’t! So I won’t! Let’s hope the new blood is good television, because right now Atlanta, Beverly Hills, and New Jersey have the series all sewn up (no one cares about Miami). Get back in the game, RHONY!

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ second season may not air

The end times are here! Just kidding. Well–possibly not kidding, for Bravo’s Real Housewives franchise. It seems a large chunk of the plot of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills second season focused on the disintegration of Russell and Taylor Armstrong’s marriage, and with Russell Armstrong’s recent suicide, the future of the show is in doubt. Bravo honchos are not sure what to do with the season–whether they’ll run what they have, re-edit the footage, or scrap it all together. The season premiere is currently scheduled for September 5th, though that may change in light of the tragedy. Russell Armstrong’s family is considering suing Bravo, his sister is giving interviews about their childhood, and Taylor is planning his funeral. Perhaps it’s time for Taylor, at least, to step back out of the spotlight and give herself and her child some normalcy for a while.

Meanwhile, in 2 days, the Kardashian Dynasty will take a major blow, as Kim marries NBA baller Kris Humphries. New deets have come out about the enormous to-do at the Sotto Il Monte estate in Montecito, including Kim’s strict “no ‘plus-one’ policy,” choreographed first dance (oh, of course), and she had to uninvite 50 people due to fire code restrictions. The nerve! Maybe she should had her wedding at Dodger Stadium. Guests have to abide by a strict dress code (black or white only), go through metal detectors, and hand over cellphones at the door–no Facebooking during the ceremony, Justin Bieber! Oh, Kimstraveganza, it will be amazing! Who else would invite Venus and Serena Williams, Demi Lovato, Jennifer Lopez, and Kathy Lee Gifford to the same event? It’s an unusual group of people, is what I’m saying here. Who’s with me in counting down the days to the four hour Kim’s Fairytale Wedding: A Kardashian Event? October 9th and 10th, people! Keep up!

Finally: TLC has canceled both Kate Plus Eight and LA Ink. The reign of terror is over, people! Wait, what? 19 Kids and a Frightened Uterus is still on? And I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant Even Though I Gained 30 Pounds in 9 Months? Nevermind. Continue your downward spiral, TLC.

Returning soon to a television near you?

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag have done an excellent job of disappearing from the public eye for at least the past few months, as they regroup and plot their return to reality domination. RadarOnline reports today Heidi (meaning, of course, Spencer) is actively pursuing joining the cast of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.  Camille Grammer, who came out a winner in her divorce from Kelsey, has not publicly said if she will return for Season Two, leaving a possible opening in the cast. Who better to step in than experienced reality whores Heidi and her needy husband Spencer? Spencer, the mouthpiece for Heidi’s oracle of wisdom, is quoted as saying, “‘We would move to Beverly Hills in a heartbeat. We would be psyched if this happened for us.’”

Now, I’m not one to wish Heidi or Spencer any more attention than they already grab, but could you imagine the two of them trying to take on Kyle Richards or Adrienne Maloof?  Despite the fact that Heidi is the least housewife-y person in possibly the entire world and can barely form full sentences, she (and her cray cray hubs) does bring a lot of notoriety and controversy along with her plasticized form and several trucks full of emotional baggage. Would it be a positive addition?  A negative?  And if Camille does return, would it be Heidi vs. Camille for who wins the I Am Always the Victim award?

Fierce!

America’s Next Top Model Cycle 16 premieres February 23 on The CW (that’s pretty soon!). Seems like Cycle Fifteen, the Haute Couture/High Fashion cycle featuring winner Ann Ward, just ended, doesn’t it? Guess Tyra Banks is finding herself at loose ends without her talk show, and is desperately trying to stay as relevant as possible (although let’s be honest: RuPaul is the new Tyra, and RuPaul’s Drag Race is the new ANTM. This has been utterly proved since the amazing Sutan Amrull is now on RuPaul’s Drag Race, and should win!). Pictures and bios of the fourteen finalists haven’t yet been announced, but this pleaser of a teaser has been released:

I can’t believe the contestants are finally put in big plastic balls! JUST LIKE HAMSTERS! My money’s on the trained killer bees girl!

Any of ya’ll watch The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion? Yes/no/maybe? Cackling, fake cigarette aficionado and Medium Alison DuBois claims Camille Grammer will not be returning to the show next year. “Camille has told me that she is looking forward to moving on with her life without the Housewives,” DuBois told RadarOnline.com.”Camille said that filming the reunion show was the longest eight hours of her life. Camille thought the filming was never going to end, eight hours seems a little long. It was extremely draining for her, emotionally.” Meanwhile, back in New York, the as yet undivorced Kelsey Grammer has booked The Plaza Hotel for a February 25th wedding to his pregnant paramour, Kayte Walsh. Negotiations with Camille have yet to be finalized, but Kelsey seems confident she’ll accept his terms by then. The complication? No prenup! Kayte won’t be signing one either, so we can do this whole song and dance again in a couple years.

Speaking of song and dance, earlier today it was reported that Ricky Gervais has been invited back to host the Golden Globes yet again, next year! To which he said, SUCK IT, HATERS! Now, in an exclusive piece, The Hollywood Reporter is reporting Phil Berk (head of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association) said there is no truth to this rumor! Haters, you win this round!

Finally: porn star and Charlie Sheen undacovah lovah Kacey Jordan went on Good Morning America and said Charlie had no probs with her babysitting his kids. Denise Richards, one of two Sheen baby mamas, took to Twitter for her 140 character response: “If you caught GMA today..FYI.. No “adult film star” will be babysitting our kids!” No word yet from Brooke Mueller.

Stop photo-bombing Charlie Sheen’s party, Ron Jeremy!

Oh Charlie, what are we gonna do with you? Somehow the star of the most beloved/generic/non-offensive sitcom out there, Two and a Half Men, manages to get into more trouble than most actors in Hollywood combined. I mean come on Jon Cryer, can’t police find you in a drugged up, naked frenzy with a prostitute some time? Charlie is doing all the work to get your show publicity! Charlie is now notorious for his rampant drug use and late nights with porn stars, but the producers still let him run free, happy if he shows up to work enough days to film an episode. Jon Cryer even commented on last week’s Conan that he checks TMZ every morning to see if he should bother showing up to work that day. Well guess what Jon? There’s a new handy solution! Just set this website as your homepage for a simple update each day on the status of Charlie Sheen’s existence! http://ischarliesheendead.com/

This site comes on the heels of yet another incident that saw sirens outside Charlie Sheen’s house, this time from an ambulance. Several calls were made to 911 on Charlie’s behalf, including ( in a strange twist) a couple from his neighbor Adrienne Maloof-Nassif, one of the stars of The Real Housewives of Beverley Hills. Here’s hoping he shows up on an episode to thank her! This is a man made for reality TV. Trust me, he’s getting daily calls from a salivating Dr. Drew looking to make a series around him. When paramedics showed up Charlie was rushed to the hospital with abdominal pains. I checked and Abdominal Pains is not some weird porn star’s name. I guess it turns out Charlie Sheen has a hernia, which is pretty boring as far as potential ailments for a guy with that lifestyle.

BUT! Worry not, reports claim that before the 911 calls a designer briefcase full of cocaine had been dropped off at Charlie’s house and he had been partying with a group of women. See, he hasn’t lost that old Charlie charm! I guess none of his lady friends knew how to help poor Charlie, though I’m sure a few have dressed up as nurses on stage or in a straight to DVD movie. Despite all of these reports and his hospital stay, Charlie will report to work on Tuesday to entertain millions of American families who don’t seem to mind his wild lifestyle. Can you imagine pulling this stuff out in the open and NOT getting fired from your job? Hollywood is weird! Please get better Charlie, the world is waiting on a Hot Shots! part 3!

Several newsworthy things today, my chickadees!  We’ll bounce around reality television today (because it’s the awesomest thing happening right now, obv!), from the Kardashians to Bravo’s real harpy housewives of Beverly Hills to the gorillas of Jersey Shore.  Yes, today’s blog post is brought to you from sea to shining sea.  Anyway.

KHLOE KARDASHIAN-ODOM is now a redhead!  Gingers of the world, unite!  She made quite a stir at the People’s Choice Awards–all the Kardashian girls were there (including the Jenner ones), and Khloe was front and center in the mass of raven tresses.  I think she looks pretty good!  As long as she stays on the auburn side of the spectrum.  Khloe’s new show with husband Lamar Odom premieres soon–another reason to stand out from the Kardashian krowd!

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recently finished taping their reunion show (oh, I hope Medium Allison DuBois makes an appearance!), and once it was done, Camille (Donatacci) Grammer informed producers that she only did the show because her adulterous ex-husband Kelsey wanted her to do it, and now that she’s a single mom raising two kids (with four nannies and $50 million, of course) her priorities have changed.You know what that means–Camille’s holding out for more cash!  Nannies don’t come cheap these days, ya heard?  Camille is also, not surprisingly, not a big fan of how she’s portrayed on the show, but hey–you gotta give crazy to get crazy, amirite?!  Tonight’s new episode focuses on Camille making another cringe-worthy swimming pool-and-tennis-party attempt to mend fences with frenemy (actually, probably straight up enemy) Kyle Richards, and Kyle throws a birthday party for her husband, but Taylor Armstrong’s marital issues threaten to ruin the day.  Salacious!  Kiss the air, Taylor!

The Jersey Shore returns to Seaside Heights, NJ tonight on MTV, dumping deadweight Angelica in favor of Snooki’s friend Deena.  Deena is like Snooki’s twin, but less tan, less stiletto heeled, and less inhibited.  I mean, she “accidentally” shows The Situation the Good China (tm Peach from Project Runway)!  That Deena, man–she’s a doozy!  MTV gave a ten minute preview–it is, not surprisingly, very Jersey Shore:

Very Gossip Girl, no?

Everyone’s favorite summer show Pretty Little Liars returns to ABC Family with new episodes on Monday, January 3rd!  Catch up on episodes 1 through 10 online before tuning in for the second half of the first season.  Sure, the show has some issues, but it’s deliciously ridiculous, and the mystery was just heating up at the end of the summer.  If nothing else, Pretty Little Liars is an excellent way to fill the January television gap before the rest of the season kicks off.  I mean, Glee doesn’t start up until February 6th (after Super Bowl XLV), so something has to fill the hours!

As for your weekly, daily, hourly Kardashian update, two bits of news are floating around today: the first is that it’s been confirmed that Kourtney’s son Mason will not appear on Kourtney and Kim Take New York.  The Kardashians will whore themselves out to do many things…as long as they get paid.  Baby daddy Scott Disick went to the mattresses, so to speak, and refused to let Mason appear for less than $5000 per episode.  E! bosses didn’t budge from their offer of $1000 per, and thus: Mason will not be seen on KAKTNY.  Alas?  Cue Kourtney’s reinvention as a swinging single!

Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, Kim is soon to release her first single!  And has been shooting her first single’s music video with none other than the ego himself, Kanye West.  Cue pearl clutching and Taylor Swift bashing!  Directed by Hype Williams, the video’s set was closed to onlookers and lookeyloos ‘cuz we all wants to know: is Kanye just in it, or does he duet?  Gotta know, gotta know!  Maybe it’s a lurve connection!

Last, and probably least (and lacking a Kardashian konnection), Camille Grammer–er–Camille Donatacci (Kelsey Grammer’s soon-to-be ex-wife) is getting $50 million for spousal and child support.  Say what!  The woman has four nannies–I don’t think $50 mil is enough, do you?  Next thing you know, she’ll be wanting/needing her own Bravo spinoff of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.  Madness all around!

Teen Wolf knows how to rock

Remember Teen Wolf, that fantastic film featuring Michael J. Fox?  Remember how awesome it was?  How enthralling, entertaining, and uplifting?  And it was followed by the slightly less awesome, but still entertaining, Teen Wolf Too, starring Arrested Development’s Jason Bateman.  Well, keep that happy feeling in mind, because, if you haven’t heard, MTV has announced a “new” series called Teen Mom 2, a spin-off of Teen Mom, which is (ovb) a spin-off of 16 and Pregnant.  It will feature four girls from the second season of 16 and Pregnant, all of them memorable for one reason or another.  MTV ran an hour long intro to Teen Mom 2 last night, recapping what each girl went through as she transitioned from pregnant teen to teen mom.

Who can forget Jenelle Evans?  She was a hosebeast to her mom and completely ignored her son, but she must have no shame and be hard up for some cash (these girls can make upwards of $60k a year!).  Seems that Jenelle’s mother decides to fight her for custody–and rightly so, as her mom seems to do all the childcare!  We’ll also follow Chelsea Houska and daughter Aubree (adorable, but destined to be a stripper).  Chelsea has not only gotten back together with verbally abusive baby daddy Adam Lind, but moved in with him as well!  Do I need to send you a copy of that horrific text message, Chelsea?  That guy is Bad News.  Leah Messer, she of twin girls Aliannah and Aleeah, has to deal with one of her babies’ serious medical condition.  On the upside, it looks as though she and baby daddy Corey Simms get hitched.  And she has blonde hair–not a good look.  Corey did seem like quite a good guy on their episode of 16 and Pregnant, so I hope to find their segments the least, um, awkward.  The fourth and final mom is Kailyn Lowry, she of the depressing home life, uplifting baby daddy’s mama (her sort of mother in law?), and juvenile baby daddy.  She and Jo Rivera (baby daddy) have broken up, and Kail now lives with son Isaac in the Rivera family’s basement.  I’m definitely interested in her, as she’s been through a lotta life in her tender years, but is pretty resilient.  Catch a quick preview on MTV.com.   Teen Mom 2 premieres January 11th at 10pm on MTV.  Holla!

As for my current favorite viewing, I encourage everyone to check out The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.  At last week’s dinner party, Kyle Richards went at it with Camille Grammer’s friend, real-life medium Allison DuBois, upon whom the show Medium was based (and, conveniently, produced by Kelsey Grammer’s production company!).  It was epic.  Take a look: