Believe it or not this is the cast of Storage Wars, not the latest batch of hunks for this season of The Bachelorette.

Forget bath salts, if you really want something addictive just turn on your TV. Plus TV probably won’t make you want to eat anyone’s face…unless it happens to be the challenge ingredient on an episode of Iron Chef and someone whips up a tasty looking three course serving (Appetizer:Face a-la-carte, Dinner: Open-Faced Sandwich, Dessert: Puff Face-stries). But when it comes to TV, people will always tell you the same shows are addictive: The Wire, Lost, Justified, Downton Abbey, Mad Men. You know, all those quality programs with artistic ambition, well-crafted writing and nuanced performances. But let’s be honest, those aren’t the shows that you watch 7 episodes in a row of when you flip the TV on, simply because you can’t bring yourself to change the channel. These shows, however, are. Or at least they are for me. Basic cable has cracked the code of hos exactly to keep me watching through every commercial break: cliffhangers and marathons of episodes.

5. American Pickers - This show about a couple guys digging through old barns and houses stuffed with rusty old garbage could be incredibly boring, but the two hosts make it a fun ride and make you excited about their latest find. I honestly never thought I would be excited about the prospect of finding a rare oil can, but that’s just how infectious their enthusiasm is. Plus checking out the bizarre places crammed with junk is always amusing.

4. Swamp People - When a show is filmed entirely in the USA, and only features born and bred Americans, but still requires subtitles, you know you’re in for a treat. This is a show about people in the swamps of Louisiana who hunt alligators for a living, which is pretty insane and looks horribly unpleasant. I don’t know what is scarier, the alligators or the dentistry. But when they start fighting with a big old gator it becomes pretty riveting TV. And yes, you do find yourself rooting for the gator a lot.

3. Pawn Stars - Will Rick buy that Civil War era rifle? Will Big Hoss risk buying a used ice cream truck? Will Chumley say something really dumb and scripted about whatever collectible is brought in? (yes) Will the Old Man live through the entire episode? These are the questions I ask myself pretty much every episode of Pawn Stars, and boy do they keep me watching. By highlighting collectibles and rare finds over what 95% of the pawn shop business is actually about (buying a blood-stained gold watch from a crackhead so they can go buy more crack) they’ve come up with a winner.

2. American Restoration - Every episode of American Restoration is simple: a couple people bring in really cool old timey items, the guys on the show fix them up so they are even cooler looking old timey items. But once you see the rusted shell of a unique item and hear what they have in store you just can’t help but see it through to the end. Every time they try to put in a “story” or feature the “characters” it is some of the most poorly scripted reality TV I have ever seen, but checking out that shiny refurbished item is always worth it.

1. Storage Wars - Ok, I’ll be the first to admit the premise of this show is depressing from every angle. Storage lockers go unpaid for (probably because the person is dead, in prison, or in horrible debt) and then get bid on by people desperate to dig through dirty old junk in hopes of eeking out a bit of profit. But boy oh boy is it addicting! Just waiting to see what odd treasures they discover is great, but when they happen to stumble across a safe and have to bust it open it’s low stakes suspense TV at it’s finest. I’ll also be the first to admit that the producers clearly plant some of the more unique items to spice the show up, but who cares? This show has Barry Weiss, after all, the greatest personality in all of reality TV.

Barbara Walters has announced the guests on her annual “Most Fascinating People” special for 2011, and as usual they are not really very fascinating at all. The best picks on the list are Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Eric Stonestreet (aka the gay guys from Modern Family) because at least they are talented, funny and on a great TV show, but I’m not sure how fascinating they are. As for the rest? It’s like Barbara has gone hipster on us and filled the list with the most ironic choice possible.

Simon Cowell. Oh yeah, that guy who has been around for a decade is judging a new show that is almost exactly like his old show. FASCINATING. Pippa Middleton. What an accomplishment, she’s related to Kate Middleton who is famous for marrying some guy no one in this country cares about. FASCINATING. Donald Trump. Hey, that guy who has always been a pompous jerk is still a pompous jerk but pretended he might run for President. FASCINATING. The Kardashians. One of them had a sham wedding and the other two happen to be related to her, oh and they have a clothing line at Sears. FASCINATING. Amanda Knox. She got out of a murder rap. Ok that’s somewhat FASCINATING. Katy Perry. She had whipped cream AND fireworks shoot out of her boobs in two different videos. FASCINATING. Derek Jeter. Sports? FASCINATING.

So, here is my very unofficial list, in no particular order, of who I think were the most fascinating pop culture figures of the year and who should be interviewed by Babwa Wawa.

1. Rebecca Black- She went from being a precocious kid who got her parents to fork out the cash for a fake music video by a scam “production” company to having the most mind-numbingly hummable song of the decade, “Friday.” Come on, that’s fascinating.

2. Louis CK- The veteran stand-up has come into his own over the past few years, but with the debut of his TV show Louis, which he writes, directs, edits and stars in, he completely re-defined what a TV show by a stand-up comedian could be.

3. Barry Weiss- The crazy older guy with the eccentric personality and skeleton gloves, who digs through abandoned storage units for antique treasures on the highly addictive Storage Wars. If you’ve ever seen an episode, you know why he’s one of the strangest and most charismatic people on TV.

4.Justin Bieber’s Fake Baby Mama- Because we need answers! I still do not understand what she was hoping would come of that scam.

5. Ryan Gosling- He starred in a string of successful movies, broke up a street fight in a tank top and his fans protested People magazine’s headquarters for daring to name Bradley Cooper the sexiest man of the year over him.

6. Kermit the Frog- Because The Muppets are back and we never want them to go away again. Get on the puppet bandwagon Barb.

7. Nicolas Cage- The evergreen of fascinating people. He was arrested in New Orleans while arguing with his wife about whether or not a house was actually theirs. Dog the Bounty Hunter then bailed him out. Plus this year he gave us two of his worst (and therefore best) films, Season of the Witch and the mind-boggling Drive Angry 3D, plus he is starring in Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, in which he kills people with his flaming pee. Come on!

The Royal Wedding was last night. Or this morning. Or yesterday afternoon. Something like that, it’s a time-flux equation I don’t understand. All I know is that it played live where I live at about 2 AM, which meant I sure wasn’t going to be tuning in. But let’s be honest, I wouldn’t have tuned in if it was the only thing on every channel in prime time. It seems to have captured the minds and hearts of half the globe, but I could not care less about these royal nuptials. And here are some reasons why I think that might be:

-It’s way too formal. I want a Royal Wedding that’s set up like Medieval Times, huge fat bearded men chomping down on turkey legs while cheering for Knights to hit each other off horses and do grand battle in the name of the blushing bride. Come on, that would be awesome.

-No Nicolas Cage.

-I’m still mad my limited edition Princess Diana Beanie Baby is now worth nothing.

-Prince William looks like he’d be friends with those creepy rowing twins from The Social Network.

-No dragons.

-All the royal women look like they raided Lady Gaga’s hat closet for the big day.

-Every time I see the Queen on TV and realize Helen Mirren isn’t the actual Queen of England I get disappointed.

-If I wanted to cry over a regal ceremony in a magical land where everyone has British accents I’d watch the end of Lord of the Rings.

-I bet they didn’t even play YMCA or Celebration at the reception.

-I have the Royal Engagement and Royal Bachelor Party DVR’d but haven’t watched them, so I didn’t want spoilers.

-It looked kinda boring. And it was like 12 hours long. You could watch every episode of the UK version of The Office in that time and enjoy something great the UK has given us.

-Speaking of The Office, all my tears were used up for Michael Scott’s final episode last night.

-If I was up at that hour I’m sure there was a marathon of Storage Wars on A&E that I would find infinitely more fascinating. That show is awesome.

-Seriously, no one sent Nic Cage an invite? He has to give the best wedding toast ever.