ZOMG, this is a GREAT week for celebrity tell-alls! Celebitchy put up a nice big fat chunk of former Full House star Jodie Sweetin’s upcoming memoir, UnSweetined. As you’ve likely heard, Sweetin has battled serious drug and alcohol addiction for years now. Much of the book deals with her struggle to come clean.
Here’s an excerpt from UnSweetined in which Sweetin feels like a hypocrite during a “sober” media tour:
When I got to my hotel near Marquette University in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, I slept for a few hours but when I woke up I was still dead tired. I was a mess. Luckily I had the coke to pick me back up. I did a few key bumps and headed to the lecture hall, where a sold-out crowd waited to hear me speak. I thought for sure that one of the professors would take one look at me and kick me out. But none did. They wanted to hear about the trials and tribulations of Jodie Sweetin, or at least the Jodie Sweetin I had created by appearing on Good Morning America and talking to People magazine.
I stood up at the podium, looked around the room, and put on my best TV smile. I was so disappointed in myself. I was living a complete lie. But unfortunately, guilt doesn’t make you stop. I talked about growing up on television and about how great my life was now that I was sober, and then midspeech I started to cry. The crowd probably thought that the memories of hitting rock bottom were too much for me to handle. Or maybe they thought the tears were just a way for an actor to send a message that drugs are bad. I don’t know what they thought.
I know what they didn’t think. They didn’t think I was coming down from a two-day bender of coke, meth, and Ecstasy and they didn’t think that I was lying to them with every sentence that came out of my mouth. That much I do know. The little bit of coke that I had done before the speech wasn’t enough to make me forget how bad I felt for doing what I was doing. The guilt was eating away at me. I was struggling to keep it together, but no one realized that. I finished. They applauded. Standing ovation. Just how I liked it. And it was over.
I was just so tired. Tired of lying. Tired of pretending to be someone that I wasn’t. I took a deep breath and walked out of the lecture hall. I went back to my hotel room and buried my face in my hands. I couldn’t keep doing this. It had to end. But not today. I wiped away the tears and finished the baggie of coke.
Oh man! I have a feeling there’s gonna be a whole lot of key bumps in this book. I’m looking forward to picking up a copy.
Isn’t it strange to picture little Stephanie Tanner growing up to be a meth addict? She wouldn’t even smoke when Gina offerred her cigarettes!
Well apparently she - Janet Hubert - has penned a tell-all book entitled “Perfection is Not a Sitcom Mom,” in which she reveals a secret or two about the show’s star and America’s sweetheart, Will Smith.
Here are two particularly great excerpts from the exclusive she gave BV Buzz:
“Smith had people around him who made sure no one outshone him. I was happy to see Don Cheadle become the quality actor that he is, and often wondered how he made it past one episode, as Hilary’s boyfriend, being such a fierce actor. No one could be on The Tonight Show that first season, except Will. And I mean no one.”
“I recall the lovely and incredibly talented Countess Vaughn coming to guest star. Oh my God! The day of table read, she was pee-in-your-pants funny. The writers were howling, we were howling, so I knew she was history – banished into the cornfield. Many years later, after she had her own show, I had to tell her when she asked me why. ‘Miss Janet why did I get cut from the episode,’ she asked? Simply, my darling, you were too good.”
As you’ll recall, Hubert was fired from the show and replaced by actress Daphne Maxwell Reid. Her book will also reportedly reveal the true story behind her termination.
Between you and me, I much preferred Hubert as sassy Vivian Banks (”Aunt Viv“). The new babe seemed like a Harriet Winslow knock-off.
Man. This is more exciting than Stephanie Tanner’s meth addiction!
Well, it’s no American Idol, but Dancing with the Stars is acceptable couch potato fodder for Monday nights. The two strongest competitors by far are Melissa Rycroft (The Bachelorreject) and Gilles Marini(sexy Frenchman from the Sex and the City movie). I remember when people assumed Gilles’d be the first to go because he claimed he “couldn’t dance”. Apparently, that was French for “I’m a hustler” because he’s a total natural. Cheater, cheater, escargot eater!
Last night the couples danced the Argentine Tango or Lindy Hop. Videos and thoughts of the performances ahead:
David Alan Grier and Kym Johnson — Lindy Hop (Video): Actor/comedian David Alan Grier doesn’t have me fooled. Behind that guarded wall of sarcasm is a man who really cares about winning and DAAHNCE. He’s bitter by day, but Kevin Bacon Footloose dancing in a warehouse by night. Maybe he doesn’t have the charisma/fans to win, but I see you, David. I see you. Have fun, man!
Lil Kim and Derek Hough — Argentine Tango (Video): Rapper/jailbird Lil Kim is a delight. Her plastic surgery’s taking her face down LaToya Jackson territory, but hey - she’s having a good time with Derek and takes the challenge seriously, so respect. Kim deserves to be in the top 5 for sure.
Chuck Wicks and Julianne Hough — Lindy Hop (Video): This couple is a couple of yawns. Julianne’s a dancer-turned country singer teaching her boyfriend Chuck to become a country singer-turned-dancer. It’s all just too much stunt casting for me and Chuck is too insecure about looking stupid/”unmanly”. If dudes’ dude Steve-O can (barely) do it, why can’t you, UpChuck?
Lawrence Taylor and Edyta Sliwinska — Argentine Tango (Video): Lawrence is a hulking bore compared to past NFL pros, but luckily he has hottie for shottie Edyta dancing, splitting, hair-swinging and high-kicking circles around him. Methinks it’s juuust enough to distract the judges for a few weeks longer.
Melissa Rycroft and Tony Dovolani — Lindy Hop (Video): I like Melissa even though she’s practically a pro with her dance/cheerleading experience. I mean, she was doing the same flips that pro-Chelsie Hightower did with Ty Murray. This duo gets props for scaring the bajeezus out of me on the last flip because I was sure Melissa was plummeting head-first into the ballroom floor. Plus, I love to see how creative the DWTS costume department can get with bejeweling over Mel’s tramp stamp tattoo on her back. Does she remind anyone else of a brunette Jessica Simpson minus the stupid comments? She may suffer from frontrunner backlash lest America forget that the Bachelor dumped her on national television! Pity her and vote.
Holly Madison and Dmitry Chaplin — Argentine Tango (Video): That was hard to watch. Poor vapid Holly nearly fell off their prop stool in the beginning and it was downhill from there. She really does try though, but I don’t think America wants to root for a Playboy gold digger and she’s not winning points by just ditzily giggling through a clenched smile all the time. Dance for your life tonight, Holly.
Steve-O and Lacey Schwimmer — Lindy Hop (Video): Steve-O’s kinda cute with longer hair– did I just say that? But he’s another blah dancer and lost the rhythm a few times. There are some you can teach and some you can’t. Good effort, Steve-O but I don’t want to see you in the finals.
Gilles Marini and Cheryl Burke — Argentine Tango (Video): Gilles is good, really good. Between Gilles’ smoldering looks and Cheryl’s flingy hips and snappy bob haircut, these two are always on fire. And isn’t he just charming - the kinda guy you’d take home to your mama - until your mama realized he was the guy showing his butts cheeks for money on the big screen? Final two for Gilles, si vous plait!
Shawn Johnson and Mark Ballas — Lindy Hop (Video): I can’t get over something about this gymnast. I guess Shawn’s body type is what I’d call “thick”. There I said it. Real meaty-like. Which is fine and to be expected when you’re a solid mass of muscle and have to squeeze into those skimpy ballroom dresses. She’s supposed to be a frontrunner but doesn’t really “perform” the dances well. I mean she can hit the steps (often ending moves in the gymnast salute pose), but there’s not a lot of emotion behind it. Plus, haven’t I seen Mark do this 1950’s nerd character before?
Buddy Holly is that you?
Ah yes, Mark played this character during the Jive with my fave contestant evs, Kristi Yamaguchi (season 6 winner). Let’s remember that finer time, shall we?
It’s a double elimination this week! Time for the Woz and Holly Madison to head home. PLEASE, at least the Woz for god’s sake!
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