Aw come on, does this look like the face of a crazy person? Oh, wait, it totally does

They say time heals all wounds, and that’s especially true in Hollywood. Chris Brown was back on the top of the charts less than a year after beating Rihanna. Dog the Bounty Hunter is back hunting meth-heads after disgracefully leaving the air after dropping racial slurs. Even that dude from Friday Night Lights is starring in Battleship months after the disaster that was John Carter (spoiler alert: I don’t see Battleship going much better). But Mel Gibson just keeps burning any goodwill he builds up to the ground.

It’s no secret that Mel Gibson has had a rocky few years. The drunken arrest and anti-Semitic/sexist remarks that came along with it. The horribly offensive voicemails for his ex-girlfriend. The trial for abusing said ex-girlfriend. The weird beaver puppet movie. But it seemed like Mel was finally getting things under control and making peace. Mel began planning his next directorial feature, The Maccabees, which would be a biblical epic to prove he didn’t hate Jewish people, and Robert Downey Jr. even introduced him at an awards show with an impassioned plea for Hollywood to forgive his sins and let a talented man work again. Boy, I bet Robert wished he saved his breath now.

As you’ve probably heard by now, a letter from Mel’s co-writer of The Maccabees was leaked after the project went belly-up, and it does not paint a pretty picture. Mel is depicted as a hateful lunatic, referring to characters in the script with Jewish slurs, discussing a delusional plan to have his ex-girlfriend killed, and even threatening sexual crimes against her in front of the writer’s son. A recorded rant backing up some of these claims didn’t help matters for Mel. So, like every time Mel makes news, I have to ask: is this it? The final nail in the coffin?

This is Hollywood, and they love a comeback story, so there’s always a chance for redemption. Here, in no particular order, are some ways in which Mel could still make that (less and less likely) comeback.

-Reveal that the real Mel Gibson has been living on an island for 6 years, what we’ve witnessed is Sacha Baron Cohen’s tour-de-force performance for his best prank film yet.

-Lethal Weapon 5: We Thought We Were Too Old For This S#$! Before

-Punch Lindsay Lohan’s dad, just because

-Use part of his massive Passion of the Christ fortune to personally fund a 4th season of Community

-Crash Courtney Stodden’s 18th birthday party and stand next to her, look infinitely more likable by comparison

-Agree to a 3 year commitment to a Broadway production of Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, from the director of Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark

-Play a slightly fictionalized version of himself as the Nazi villain in the next Captain America movie

-Explain himself and his actions in an in-depth interview on The Wendy Williams Show

Come on, I said gross and TV. You knew these two would show up.

Two very different TV clips have turned my stomach this week, so now it’s time to choose: which one is grosser? Let’s take a look at the contenders!

First up are the King and queen of gross themselves: The Hills stars Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. I refuse to use their celebrity couple name “Speidi” because it is insulting to Spider-Man, so instead I have crafted my own combo-name for them: Plastic Surgery Scarred Weird Beard. I think it’s gonna catch on. But aren’t Heidi and Spencer split apart, filling out their divorce papers and re-evaluating their fake, shallow, fame-hungry lives posing for any photo-opp possible? Of course not! Next thing you’re gonna tell me you believe Joaquin Phoenix’s new “documentary” is real. No, it turns out they really pulled a fast one on America and are back together, apparently staging their break-up to get their names in the headlines (kind of like everything they do). Now that they are publicly together again they were spotted having a romantic picnic but moved along when they spotted paparazzi snapping pictures of them. Oh wait, this is Spencer and Heidi. So this is how they celebrated their reunion. (Click the link for video)

That’s right, they invited a TMZ camera crew to watch them ceremoniously burn their divorce papers and made smores over the flames. And this was all during the week which saw the hottest day in LA history, mind you. This much desperation and scheming just to appear on TV? Pretty gross.

Their opposition: Bruce Willis’ new hair. Don’t worry, he didn’t get a terrible toupee like Donald Trump (seriously, how has his wig-maker not gotten a “You’re fired!” yet?). No, Bruce was actually inspired by Lady Gaga (though it’s pretty obvious he really has no idea who she is, which makes me love him even more) and arrived on Late Show with David Letterman wearing a raw hamburger hairpiece. Hey, maybe it was good for his scalp? But the joke turned from bizarre to just plain disgusting when Bruce pulled out a fork and encouraged Dave to take a bite:

I don’t care if it’s on a celebrity’s head, raw meat is not something I want to chow down on. Neither did Letterman, apparently, as he quickly ran backstage to spit it up.The last time Bruce Willis had that effect was when people heard his awful blues/rock album The Return of Bruno.

So which is grosser? Sorry Heidi and Spencer, it’s still you two. Eating raw meat has a good chance of making you sick, but observing Spencer and Heidi’s ridiculous life makes me sick every time. On the plus side? I can’t wait to see what ridiculous couple’s costume they go as for Halloween this year! They got back together just in time!

Huh?!  James Franco is going to be on General Hospital?!

Defamer sums it up quite nicely:

ABC confirmed that Franco will be on the show playing a “mysterious person” who moves into Port Charles, the fictional New York town that is over run by mobsters, evil family dynasties, and plots to freeze the entire world. Guess that’s not any more ludicrous than Spider-Man. ABC Soaps In Depth speculates that his story arc will be a few months long and that he’ll do one day on the set each week, filming scenes for several episodes at once. His story begins on November 20. Oh man, Franco is totally going to get me sucked back into this show!

Okay.  So I guess the next logical question to ask is: was James Franco totally stoned when he accepted this role?!  Just sayin’.

Whoa!  How awesome is this:

That’s Tim Gunn!!!

From The New York Times:

On Aug. 26, Marvel will release the first issue of Models Inc., a sartorially minded mini-series that unites some of its fashion-friendly supporting characters and pushes them into new starring roles.

The runway divas include Millicent Collins (a k a Millie the Model), Patsy Walker, also known as the superheroine Hellcat, and Mary Jane, the model-turned actress who is the sometimes wife of Peter Parker, the Amazing Spider-Man.

The women team up to clear Millicent, who is the prime suspect in the murder of the set designer. Think of it as Charlie’s Angels set in the fashion world.

But what would the angels be without someone to guide them? Enter Tim Gunn of Project Runway. In the debut issue’s second story, Mr. Gunn becomes an action figure — jumping into Iron Man’s suit of armor to save a fashion exhibition from evildoers.

That’s right, Mr. Tim Gunn from Project Runway is getting his own comic book.  Could life get any better?

The big news today is that actor James Franco just scored a totally sweet book deal with publishers Simon & Schuster.  He’ll be penning a collection of short stories, for the Scribners imprint.

Franco is most likely best known for his roles in Milk and the Spiderman series (though he’ll always be Daniel Desario from Freaks and Geeks to me!).

What gives, people?!  Apparently, all you need to get a book deal these days is boyish good looks and a sheepish grin.  Slap a pair of chiseled cheekbones on me and call me a writer, I’m done.

KIDDING!  Hot people can write, too (I’m right here, folks!).  Franco is actually quite serious about his writing career: he’s enrolled in a creative writing Master’s program at NYU, in addition to taking writing classes at Columbia.  Oh, and his mom is a bestselling children’s author, if that helps.

I just hope Franco does better than Ethan Hawke, whose self-impressed debut novel The Hottest State I read a few years back.  To summarize, The Hottest State left me with a loaded gun pointed at my temple, trigger cocked.  JK!  But seriously, I rolled my eyes so many times, I thought they’d pop out and slide around on the ground like a pair of peeled grapes.  Back to the ’90s where you belong, Hawke!

And good luck to you, James Franco.