Warning: this is not for the faint of heart. Now, I’m not saying I condone the following actions or endorse this video in any way, I just feel as though it is my duty to post any Golden Girls updates that cross my path.

With that disclaimer, here goes nothing:

Gross, right?  Some dude painted The Golden Girls on his face and then strategically wiggled his face around to the tune of the theme song.  Was this worth your time?  Probably not.

[Source: TV Squad]

ZOMG!  Could this day get any better?

Jezebel’s got the scoop:

According to a press release, Disney’s announced “a Latin American reversioning” of The Golden Girls, Los Años Dorados. It’s tailored for a Hispanic audience with actresses from Mexico, Colombia and Cuba; set in Miami and filming in Venezuela. ¿Cheesecake, anyone?

Oh HELL YES!  I haven’t been this excited since the Turkish Golden Girls were announced.

What do you think?  Blanche Deveraux, Dorothy Zbornak, Rose Nyland, and Sophia Petrillo recast with a group of senior Latinas?  Muy bien!

I hope the “reversioning” includes infusing The Golden Chicas with some local flavor.  Flan instead of cheesecake?

The folks over at Pophangover?  Kindred spirits!  Take a look at this amazing Golden Girls-inspired Twitter feed they’ve slapped together:

Chortle!  I could read these all day!  I wish Dorothy would @reply Sophia with a straight-up “Maaaa!” on that most recent tweet (made from the lanai, mind you!).  I’d RT that.

But…. no cheesecake?

[Source: Pophangover]

If you know anything about Square Eyes, you know we’re mad about The Golden Girls.  And thus, these Square Eyes have decided to take the next step in ultimate fandom and immortalize this love in ink.

May I present to you my latest work of body art: Blanche Deveraux, Rose Nyland, Sophia Petrillo, and Dorothy Zbornak etched into my skin! Some might say the idea for this tattoo just fell into my lap, hyuk hyuk hyuk.  Peep:

JK JK JK!  Those totally aren’t my thighs.  Pretty awesome though, right?  I appreciate this thigh-owner’s commitment to staying golden.

Mom: if you’re reading this, I was just kidding, okay?  No tattoos here.  Sheesh.

[Source: Pophangover]

As you all probably know, all of us here at Square Eyes HQ have been mourning Bea Arthur like nobody’s business.  It’s been heartwarming to watch all the Bea tributes rolling in all over the Internets, but it also serves to bum this lady out a bit.  Ms. Bea will truly be missed.

But let the tributes continue, I say!  I thought I’d take this opportunity to share an awesome Bea moment, one that falls after both Maude and Golden Girls on the Bea timeline.

I’m talking about the Sex and the City parody, starring Bea Arthur as Carrie!  Take a look at these classic broads:

Genius, no?  You may recognize Sally Struthers as Samantha, Charlotte Rae (Mrs. Garrett from Facts of Life!) as Charlotte, and Katherine Helmond (Mona from Who’s the Boss?!) as Miranda.  Two kudos to Katherine Helmond for taking the tougher route and being typecast as a redhead rather than a slut.

Heck, why not throw in one more!  Here’s Bea on The Golden Girls in her signature role as Dorothy Zbornak, with the amazing Estelle Getty (RIP as well!) as Sopha “Ma” Petrillo, singing “I Got You Babe”:

So good!  Like Erin, I haven’t been cast as a Dorothy in the online quizzes (I’m a Blanche, okay? You don’t get Dorothy looking THIS good), but I’ve always been envious of that razor sharp wit and impeccable comedic timing.

Sigh.  I’ve gotta stop right there, all this nostalgia has got me doing one of these:

We love you, Bea!

Kat and I are proud Golden Girls fans - we can muse and laugh about those four sassy senior ladies for hours and a day. You can guess that we were already depressed as hell when Estelle “Sophia Petrillo” Getty passed away last July, so today’s news of Bea “Dorothy Zbornak” Arthur leaving us at age 86 has resulted in countless frowny-faced smileys

My friends and numerous online quizzes tell me that I have a ‘Sophia’ personality, but I’ve always wished I were more like Dorothy Zbornak; IMO, the raddest of all the Golden Girls and a character brought to full-flavored, brassy dameness by the comedic talents of Bea Arthur. With those throaty zingers and that leveling, dead-pan stare, she could always crack me up something awful.

Bea Arthur, you will be sorely missed, but we’re grateful that your work lives on in those wonderful Lifetime marathons of the Golden Girls reruns.

Say hi to your Ma for us, Pussycat. And R.I.P.

It’s your lucky day, people!  Two Golden Girls posts in two days!!!!

Yesterday, we told you the Turks were doin’ it up right with a Turkish-flavored version of our beloved Golden Girls, miniseries style, to be titled Altin Kizlar.

Today, we reveal to you their faces!  Check out this cast shot:

From Broadcastnow UK:  Award-winning feature film actress Hülya Koçyiğit will play Ismet, theatre actress Nevra Serezli takes the role of Gonul, former politician and actress Fatma Girik is cast as Safiye and one of Turkey’s most famous actresses, Türkan Şoray, portrays Inci. The first episode aired on 12 April.

Now color us confused, but Erin and I can’t figure out exactly who’s who!

There’s the obvious Sophia with the veil, and the likely Dorothy with the short hair… but is that gal in the blue wearing a slutty feather boa or a wacky feather boa? That’d help with the Blanche/Rose distinction. Though I suppose the one with the long dark hair must be Blanche on account of she’s basically a sexpot.

Whew!  Case closed, right?

Oh, WHAT?!

Us Square Eyes ladies love us some Golden Girls, which is why we were pleased as punch to hear the following news.

Turkey is remaking the beloved U.S. sitcom!  Following a deal with Disney-ABC-ESPN Television, Play Productions will be releasing a 13-part Golden Girls miniseries with a Turkish twist.

The show will star feature film actress Hulya Kocyigit as Dorothy, theater actress Nevra Serezli as Blanche, former politician and actress Fatma Girik as Sophia, and high-profile actress Turkan Soray as Rose.  Dunno who any of those babes are, but I’m sure they’re awesome!

The studio will also be adapting According to Jim and Hope & Faith.  Whatevs.

Back to the Girls.  I’m really curious to hear what kind of cultural amendments will be made to the series to make it Turkishly relevant.  Will the Girls trade their cheesecake in for baklava?  Will Rose’s stories start with “Back in the Ottoman Empire…” in lieu of St. Olaf?  Will “Thank You For Being a Friend” be translated into Turkish?

We’ll have to wait and see.  Just promise you’ll stay golden, Turkish Golden Girls.

Awesome?

Peter Griffin from Family Guy playing Super Mario!

A 2D fighting game engine called MUGEN lets you play video games using the character of your choice.  Sshhh shh!  Don’t make me explain it any more than that.  Ssshhhhh.

What person, real or fictional, dead or alive, would YOU choose to represent you in the virtual world?

. . .

Oh, cool, good answer!

Who would I pick, you ask?  Well, let me stop you right there and tell you no, you’re wrong, it’s NOT Blair from Gossip Girl, though that’s a great guess.  I’d actually have to go with Sophia from The Golden Girls, mostly because I’d like to see her whack things with her bamboo handbag in two dimensions.

OMFG!  Gossip Girl is back with new episodes!  Will they be good episodes?

Nopes!  Last night’s return should’ve been really, really triumphant.  But it wasn’t.

Picture it, Sophia Petrillo style: our gang getting prepped to perform in a theater production of Edith Wharton’s The Age of Innocence to fulfill a senior requirement. So much potential awesomeness.

The Gossip Girl book series was originally modelled on the social-commentary classic, after all.  This episode was well-poised to blow my supersmart mind with meta-layers of meta.

Personally, I was all ready to dust off my liberal arts diploma and get all annoyingly analytical on this shizz.  Unfortch, there wasn’t much to think about, and I was left being dumb ole Kat, twiddlin’ her thumbs, as per usual.

My issues with the ep:

Really, Yale?! You’re gonna decline Blair’s acceptance AGAIN because of Gossip Girl?  This Ivy league’s wishy-washier than a freshman-year-of-college LDR.  Remind me to go to Princeton next time.  Oops, didnt get in to either of those.  Go Bears!

Really, Serena?! You have a crush on that obviously gay theater director who’s like Simon from American Idol mixed with Project Runway winner Christian Siriano with a dash of that English teacher with the chip on his shoulder you had in high school, but in a really bad way?  And you’re going to have Vanessa feed pseudo-intellectual tidbits into your Bluetooth so you can impress him?  Note: remind me to ask someone pretentious if any smart stuff was actually said (HI SIS!).

Really, Nate?! Do you really think Vanessa’s flirting with the obviously gay theater director over the phone?  Is this Three’s Company I’m watching here?

Really, Dan?! You really have to pass notes to pedo-teach?  You haven’t heard of email?  Throw me a bone here, I’m sure you both have Facebook accounts.

Really, pedo-teach? I mean, REALLY?!  Get the fudge off my TV screen.

Really, Chuck?! We’re continuing with this Eyes Wide Shut storyline?  Really?!  This is worth our time?

Really, Elle and Carter?! Are those your names?  Do you really expect me to remember who you are?  Do we really need this many characters?

Really, end-of-episode theater critic?! You thought the play’s modern “breakdown” was smart?  You really thought that was clever?  Are you a Baz Luhrman fan but also sort of retarded?

Really, Blair?! We’re going with an I’m-bad-to-the-core conclusion?  Even Ozzy Osbourne figured his shizz out, dude.  Get over it.

Um, that about sums it up. Dan got rid of pedo-teach for being a meanie, Chuck went to find Blair, but Blair was busy having sexy drinks with this Carter character we’re all of a sudden supposed to know about.  Oh, and Nelly Yuki looked pretty cute in a fat suit, as did Dorota in her pink bathrobe.

I’m getting worried, y’all.  If Gossip Girl declines the way The O.C. did, I’ll be left with nothing but a batch of ’80s teen movie VHS tapes.

Please help me.  xoxo!