March 17th, 2011, 03:33 PM
Few surprises on last night’s America’s Next Top Model, would you agree? Alexandria continued her reign of bitchassness, occasionally trying to disguise it as helpfulness, Sara was still upset about her short hair (which…girl, you had short hair before!), and Molly’s weave was, thankfully, removed.
The episode’s runway challenge was all bark and no bite. Fire on the runway! Whoosh! But there was never any danger, any hint of someone going up in flames, no one’s hair or clothing caught fire. It was all very tame–no one even fell! There was no particularly bad walker, either–no one even approaching the trainwreck of last cycle’s Ann Ward. Wearing dresses by Geoffrey Mac, the girls had to light their be-gloved hands on fire, then walk down the runway cupping the flame. Easy does it, ladies! Kasia (for her signature Real Doll mouth), Sara (failed to get her hands to light), and Hannah (blank eyes and face), as the bottom three, were forced to walk home from wherever they were. Dalya ended up winning two Geoffrey Mac dresses, while Alexandria (sigh) and Brittani were commended for a job well done.
Tyra decides, hey, it’s time to sell a fake product! Remember H2T Water last year? Roller skates? Ann falling, Esther failing, and Kayla freaking? Nothing quite that exciting happens this time around. Sara suddenly has five or six talking heads about being a feminist and feeling uncomfortable exuding sexiness to sell a product, and the viewing audience said to themselves, “Goodbye, Sara–it’s confusing to be eighteen and to have opinions, but damn girl, you’re on a modeling reality show.” The costumes weren’t booty shorts, they were retro, Mad Men inspired looks to go with the theme and to sell (sigh) Fierce Roast Coffee. Man, at least H2T Water was kinda believable! Alexandria got it into her head that a good model takes over everyone else’s responsibilities–the director, the gaffers, the makeup artists–and bossed everyone around, thus endearing herself to yet another guest judge (not!).
Molly’s new weave, y’all? Oh. My. GEE. Just give her a wig and leave her alone!
Kasia and Jaclyn have the strongest commercial, and Kasia gets first screen capture. Bottom two end up as Sara, for total lack of anything even resembling confidence, and Alexandria, for being a stank know-it-all and giver of ‘tude. Alexandria continues on in the hopes of becoming America’s Sixteenth Next Top Model, but only if she finds some humility and zips her lip! Shorn Sara with the sad short hair, is sent back to Texas, to learn that feminists come in all shapes, sizes, and mindsets.
Next week: all the money in the world wouldn’t stop Alexandria from being a big ol’ you-know-what!