Posts Tagged ‘Sara Longoria’

Confidence: Alexandria Haz It

Posted by Diana in America's Next Top Model

March 17th, 2011, 03:33 PM

ANTM goes Mad Men to sell…fake coffee?

Few surprises on last night’s America’s Next Top Model, would you agree? Alexandria continued her reign of bitchassness, occasionally trying to disguise it as helpfulness, Sara was still upset about her short hair (which…girl, you had short hair before!), and Molly’s weave was, thankfully, removed.

The episode’s runway challenge was all bark and no bite. Fire on the runway! Whoosh! But there was never any danger, any hint of someone going up in flames, no one’s hair or clothing caught fire. It was all very tame–no one even fell! There was no particularly bad walker, either–no one even approaching the trainwreck of last cycle’s Ann Ward. Wearing dresses by Geoffrey Mac, the girls had to light their be-gloved hands on fire, then walk down the runway cupping the flame. Easy does it, ladies! Kasia (for her signature Real Doll mouth), Sara (failed to get her hands to light), and Hannah (blank eyes and face), as the bottom three, were forced to walk home from wherever they were. Dalya ended up winning two Geoffrey Mac dresses, while Alexandria (sigh) and Brittani were commended for a job well done.

Tyra decides, hey, it’s time to sell a fake product! Remember H2T Water last year? Roller skates? Ann falling, Esther failing, and Kayla freaking? Nothing quite that exciting happens this time around. Sara suddenly has five or six talking heads about being a feminist and feeling uncomfortable exuding sexiness to sell a product, and the viewing audience said to themselves, “Goodbye, Sara–it’s confusing to be eighteen and to have opinions, but damn girl, you’re on a modeling reality show.” The costumes weren’t booty shorts, they were retro, Mad Men inspired looks to go with the theme and to sell (sigh) Fierce Roast Coffee. Man, at least H2T Water was kinda believable! Alexandria got it into her head that a good model takes over everyone else’s responsibilities–the director, the gaffers, the makeup artists–and bossed everyone around, thus endearing herself to yet another guest judge (not!).

Molly’s new weave, y’all? Oh. My. GEE. Just give her a wig and leave her alone!

Kasia and Jaclyn have the strongest commercial, and Kasia gets first screen capture. Bottom two end up as Sara, for total lack of anything even resembling confidence, and Alexandria, for being a stank know-it-all and giver of ‘tude. Alexandria continues on in the hopes of becoming America’s Sixteenth Next Top Model, but only if she finds some humility and zips her lip! Shorn Sara with the sad short hair, is sent back to Texas, to learn that feminists come in all shapes, sizes, and mindsets.

Next week: all the money in the world wouldn’t stop Alexandria from being a big ol’ you-know-what!

Well Played, Miss Banks. Well Played!

Posted by Diana in America's Next Top Model

March 10th, 2011, 04:11 PM

Top 11 before makeovers!

Tyra’s changing the game on America’s Next Top Model! Last night’s elimination left me mightily surprised, and not a little pleased. It was finally time for makeovers, and the remaining eleven almost screamed themselves hoarse at the very idea of change. Little did they know that only some of them would have drastic changes, and no one would go very long to very short (always my favorite, for the sheer dramatics). The makeovers were, frankly, a little boring. The girls read Tyra’s ideas for them off a curtain, then showed up at the salon and got their hair did! And that was it! Mr. Jay Manuel and Ms. Jay Alexander were there to give feedback and to scare the jeebus out of Jaclyn, who is truly as dumb as the small box of hair cut from her head.

Most of the girls (Kasia, Hannah, Alexandria, Mikaela, Monique, and Jaclyn) stayed more or less the same–some went a little longer, some went a little darker or brighter, but by and large look the same. Dalya was the recipient of Tyra’s favorite thing to do to black girls: the Naomi Campbell weave. Doesn’t really work for Dalya–the planes of her face are too strong, and she looks a little draggy. Sara went shorter, much to her chagrin. “Give me long hair!” she wailed. Girl, please! Everyone wants long hair, until they realize they have to take care of it! Dominique got a big, bright red weave that looked crazy, Brittani got a fierce dark brown bob, and Molly got a gross blonde weave. Tyra was going for a blonde Diana Ross (like Christina Aguilera in the “Lady Marmalade” video) but ended up with dirty hippie. Seriously stank! Molly was as good a sport as she could be, unlike Alexandria, who is the whiner of the bunch.

Alexandria even bitched during the photo shoot, and the celebrity stylist Lori Goldstein not only noticed, but commented on it at panel. ‘Moted! Unfortunately, Alexandria got best photo anyway, proving that pride doesn’t always go before a fall. Bottom two were Raggedy Ann impersonator Dominique and androgynous Sara. Expecting Tyra to keep to her regularly scheduled racially charged cycle, I was sure Sara was going home. Not so fast! Tyra pulls a fast one, eliminating Dominique! This means one of two things: either Kasia or Dalya win…or it’s anybody’s game!

And can I just say, Monique would be an excellent addition to the Rock of Love girls, should Bret Michaels feel up to another season.

Next week: a fiery runway walk! I will make at least one Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me joke!

Goodbye Ondrei!

Posted by Diana in America's Next Top Model

March 3rd, 2011, 03:47 PM


If you’re like me and have watched entirely too much Project Runway, you can’t hear the name Andrae (or Ondrei) in your head without it sounding like Santino Rice’s impersonation of Tim Gunn. Last night, with Ondrei the sad focus of America’s Next Top Model, I couldn’t get Santino outta my head! But let’s back up before getting to the nitty of the gritty.

Second episode, and no makeovers! Lame, Banks. Lame. Some obvious talking heads that were filmed after makeovers (the ‘do rags are a dead giveaway, producers), but we’ll have to wait until next week for the short and the long of it. Instead, Tyra’s awful fake French accent and Tyra’s chef friend teach the girls about “cheaties,” which are things you can eat sometimes to cheat on your model diet of Kleenex and cigarettes. Like a toaster waffle with peanut butter! Or spaghetti and meatballs!

Dalya and Alexandria get into a fight about raw chicken. “‘This is not America’s Next Top Best Friend,’” said Jade Cole in cycle 6, and Alexandria wholeheartedly agrees.

The challenge of the week is barely a challenge: confront your inner critic! The girls draw their inner critics, then acting coach Eugene Buica “plays” their inner critic and makes the girls confront him. It’s about as passive aggressive as it sounds. Ondrei breaks down crying, not really at her critic, overwhelmed by the fact that one of her brothers was murdered a few months before, and another brother had previously died in a car crash. Everyone else cries, too. And then everybody wins, which is lame.

The photo shoot is, yes, the one with the bees! Everyone squeals, per usual. Jaclyn freaked out a bit, ’cause she’s allergic to bees, y’all, but all she gets are welts, not anaphylactic shock, so whatev. Hannah bursts into tears when Mr. Jay tells her she’s screwing up, but the tears end up working for her and she eventually gets best photo! And the other girls get covered in bees and photographed, and nothing bad happens, but that Monique is suddenly the catty narrator of the group and has an opinion on everything. At panel, supermodel Alex Wek is the guest judge, and she is amazing! Ondrei just can’t take it anymore and decides to drop out. Tyra is pretty classy about it (she totally knew beforehand), so she doesn’t scream at Ondrei like she did at Tiffany Richardson in cycle 4 (”I have never in my life yelled at a girl like this!”), and it’s actually kind of a letdown.I am sad, because Ondrei was my favorite coming in! But! Ondrei didn’t have the worst photo (!) so someone else goes home, too–and it’s blond Nicole Lucas, who photographs extremely old for being all of twenty years old. Two out in one episode means eleven continue in hopes yadda yadda yadda.

With Ondrei Aroe dropping out of the competition (NOOOOOO!!!), it’s pretty clear who will win. Don’t know if you’ve all noticed (there have been FIFTEEN opportunities to notice), but Tyra Banks has a formula for winners: two girls of the same race–or weight class–never win in a row. Ann Ward took it home last cycle, which means that all the porcelain skinned beauties this time around are outta luck, except Kasia Pilewicz as the lone plussie. Who knows if Tyra will break the pattern this season; if not, Dalya Morrow or Dominique Waldrup are shoo-ins, with Kasia Pilewicz still in the running since to date Whitney Thompson has been the only plus size winner (with, of course, controversy).

Makeovers next week! FINALLY! Get the scissors–Sara’s rattail has got to go!

ANTM News Heats Up!

Posted by Diana in America's Next Top Model

February 3rd, 2011, 03:45 PM

Taylor Momsen called and wants her eyeliner back!

Ask and ye shall receive! The CW has announced the contestants for America’s Top Model Cycle 16 just days after setting the premiere date of February 23rd (exactly 3 weeks from yesterday!). Another high fashion/haute couture season is upon us, again featuring prizes from IMG Models and Vogue Italia (and Cover Girl, but Cover Girl sounds so low rent compared to the other two!).  Guest stars and judges this season will include everybody’s favorite stylist Rachel Zoe (with baby bump?), models Alex Wek and Sonia Dara, designer Lana Marks, and the incomparable Vogue Italia editor-in-chief Franca Sozzani.

Fourteen contestants, and already one is the Saleisha Stowers (the controversy) of the bunch!. Kasia Pilewicz, 26, is a New York based model previously signed with Wilhemina Models “W Curve” board (so she’s the plus size of the bunch?). Says New York Magazine, “Top Model contestants are prohibited from agency representation during their participation on the show, so Kasia — who featured in V’s Size Issue last year — must have given this up. When asked to comment, a W Curve booker at Wilhemina said that Kasia was “on hiatus … for a TV show,” but couldn’t divulge further details.” So–Kasia is already a working model in New York.  Kasia meets one Mizz Tyra Banks during casting for Cycle 15.  Kasia doesn’t make it into 15, but does get to top 14 on Cycle 16. She’s a ringer!

But!  Let’s check out the competition. Kasia is old, y’all, for a model–she’s 26! Grandma! Texas must make ‘em tall (Cycle 15 winner Ann Ward was 6′2 and from Dallas), giving us Sara, Jaclyn, Hannah, and Dominique.  Shorty of the bunch Ondrei (wow) is also the only Michiganer, while both Alexandria and Dalya hail from California.  Angelia (oook), Mikaela and Nicole are all Floridian, while Brittani reps Pennsylvania, Monique gives big ups to Illinois, and Molly brings it Southern style from South Carolina.

It’s hard to say what the girls actually look like–despite whatever Taylor Momsen might think, absolutely no one looks good with raccoon eyes. I can also definitely say Jaclyn (second from right, looks like her neck is broken) is the heavily accented “BEES!” girl from the promo.  Yeesh. Based on looks alone, I’m so far rooting for Ondrei, Hannah, and Mikaela (see photos below). Once we meet them, however, things may change. They often do.

Who’s your fave (so far)?  OR, who do YOU think will win this cycle of ANTM?

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