Oh my goodness, you guys!!!  I haven’t heard news this exciting in a while!  I literally gasped when I read the news!

Looks like my man Bret Michaels will be on the next season of Celebrity Apprentice!  The Poison frontman and Rock of Love / Rock of Love 2 / Rock of Love Bus (ha!) reality star will be duking it out again his fellow near-celebs to win Donald Trump’s respect and some dolla billz for the charity of his choice.

The New York Post put out a list of castmembers before NBC could even get to it.  Here’s what they have in store for us:

* Sharon Osbourne (America’s Got Talent)
* Cyndi Lauper (”Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”!)
* Carol Leifer (Seinfeld writer, Elaine was based on her)
* Bill Goldberg (wrestler)
* Daryl Strawberry (baseball dude)
* Curtis Stone (Aussie celebrity chef)
* Summer Sanders (Olympic gold medal swimmer)
* Sinbad (comedian!)
* Holly Robinson Peete (Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper?)
* Maria Canellis (wrestler)
* Rod Blagojevich (disgraced Illinois gov!)

The return of Blago!  The real Elaine!  Wrestling!  What do you think?  Will you be watching?

Megan Wants a Millionaire.  Do not watch this show.  This show is terrible.  I’m three episodes deep and I’ve never felt worse about myself, the way I spend my leisure time, and what I’ve done with my college diploma.

The millionaires aren’t that rich (Net worth $2 million?!?!  PUH-LEASE!  That barely pays for a set of braces), everyone is extremely awkward and trashy, the challenges are snoozy, and Megan Hauserman pretending to find these disgusting men sexy is laughable and unconvincing.  To top it all off, she has the face of a fat woman.

The best thing about the show?  This dog:

And I think we’d all agree that Lily is ugly cute, at best.

I’ll have to resort to reruns of Rock of Love and Daisy of Love.  VH1, I never thought you’d disappoint me.

Happy almost-4th of July, everybody!

In order to get the countdown to the long weekend started off right, I present to you a photo of Rock of Love reality star / Poison frontman Bret Michaels dressed as a pirate from a recent People magazine photo spread:

Swashbucklers seem oddly patriotic, don’t they?  Especially if they’re Bret Michaels!  The U.S. of A is full of rebels and rock stars, after all.  Suck it, Queen Mum!

[Source: Jezebel]

Poor Bret Michaels.  As I’m sure everyone’s heard by now, the Rock of Love reality star/rocker got pelted in the head by a descending backdrop whilst performing on stage at the Tony Awards this past week.

If you haven’t seen it - then, well, fine, here’s some video footage:

Originally, Bret just laughed it off, saying “All I remember is Shrek and the donkey helping me up, and Liza Minnelli giving me a towel.”  Good sport!

However, today, his rep has come out with a public statement, expressing annoyance with the backdrop plopdrop.  My fave parts in bold:

“After a performance by singer Bret Michaels at the Tony Awards Sunday night, he turned to exit the stage and was struck in the head by a descending half-ton stage prop, sweeping him off his feet causing contusions to his face and knocking him to the ground. Even at that point of impact, the heavy prop was still not halted and continued to descend even though Michaels remained underneath it. Witnesses state the singer moved himself out of the way just moments before the prop touched down. With all due respect to everyone working the Tony Awards, somewhere down the line there was a lack of communication and the prop should have been immediately halted until Michaels was clear. Sunday morning at rehearsals, Bret was never informed that the descending set piece existed, let alone would be moving into position as he was exiting the stage. Although Bret was visibly dazed, he remained extremely calm backstage as members of Poison’s road crew brought him a towel to wipe the blood from his face. His only comment at the time was, ‘What the hell just hit me?’ The severity of this injury is not being taken lightly as symptoms from head and neck injuries at first may seem like nothing and sometimes do not present for days. At this time, the full extent of his injuries remain to be seen until all x-rays are back. I find it surprising that a Tony spokesperson would brush off this incident with a comment stating, ‘Mr. Michaels missed his mark,’ with no mention of concern for his condition. If everyone at the Tonys were aware that Bret missed his mark, then they should have been aware enough to stop the set piece from hitting him or at least slowed it down until he cleared the stage. I feel had this incident happened to Liza Minelli, Dolly Parton or Elton John, the Tonys would have at least issued a letter of concern.”

Oh MAN!  So, a) I can’t think of anything cooler than having a member of Poison’s road crew wipe blood off your face, b) there are no marks in rock ‘n roll (unless you count TRACK MARKS badummmchhhh), and c) show the man some respect, Tony Awards!

I’m with the Bret Michaels’s rep on this one.  Liza Minelli may be wobblin’ on her own already with all those martinis jostlin’ around in her belly, but seriously, the second she gets smacked in the head by a stage prop, she’d raise a stink so stinky it’d be stinkier than her 2003 divorce with David Gest (oops, too soon?).

I’m putting my foot down: Bret Michaels deserves to be treated as Liza Minelli, no better, no worse.  The man is a national treasure!

Besides, they both do equally wonderful things with eyeliner.

Back in February, we posted news that lovable late-’90s rapper M.C. Hammer would be starring in his own reality show, pegged the reality version of The Cosby Show.

Well, it’s called Hammertime, it’s debuting on A&E June 14th, and we’ve got a sneak peek:

Looks like one big party if you ask me.  Pretty adorable, right?

Will you be watching?

Welcome back from the long weekend, everybody!

And what better way to dive back into the work week than to discuss Sunday’s Daisy of Love?  Let’s do this!

This episode followed the dudes as they directed a photo shoot to photograph the cover of Daisy’s single “Pretty Messed Up.”  The fellas were broken into two teams and given specific roles: art director, photographer, make-up/hair, model.

Daisy of Album Cover!  Here are the images the two teams came up with:

Not half bad!

It was close, but the punky/pinky shot won out in the end.  Fox was named team MVP regardless of being totally worthless, basically because he smooched it up with Daisy during the shoot and batted his eyelashes while he applied her make-up and trashy hair extensions.  He got to go on a solo date with our gal Daise, wherein he basically said a bunch of stupid, stupid shizz, like how he wants someone who will go out when he says he’s going out and how that makes him say, “Wow.”  You can’t make this stuff up, folks.  Put a lid on it, Fox.

Back at the homestead, Sinister was obviously all butthurt about not winning the MVP solo date for the rest of the ep on account of he came up with the shoot’s concept and look and basically directed the whole thing and everybody involved.  Apparently, Sinister thinks these competitions are based on merit rather than on being hot and flirty, which has been his Achilles’ heel since day one.  Dude might not be the dullest crayon in the box, but he certainly isn’t the sexiest, either.

It’s called Daisy of Love, not Daisy of Talent, loser.

But the show’s biggest stinker (besides a totally awesome skunk who snuck into the house and sprayed it up with stank, prompting 12 Pack to dump a bottle of tomato juice on his chiseled abs!) was Cage, who went totally apeshizz or, as our friend Fox put it, was “furiated” throughout the entire episode.  Homeboy burns Flex, attacks 6 Gauge, then hops back on Flex for a beatdown.  Not even sure exactly what he was so pissed about, to be honest; it was just one big flurry of fury.

Mamma mia!  Daisy of Anger Management Issues!

Cue testimonials from Cage ’bout how he had it so rough growing up that all he knows is fightin’.  Blah blah blah. He spends the end of the episode weeping it up (seriously, guy shoulda gotten one of those single-tear face tattoos rather than the weird tribal shizz he came up with) and H2Hing with Daisy about how he doesn’t think he can stay in the house without hurting someone.  In the end, Daisy and Cage decide he should leave, and thus, no one is sent home that night.

ANOTHER night of voluntary eliminations?  Why, I never!  I think it’s safe to say Daisy’s feeling pretty crappy about herself, as no one can get it together for long enough to try to win her love.  She leaves the room crying.  AGAIN.

IMHO, all this voluntary bouncing is sort of fun.  Adds some twists and turns, speeds up the show… and besides, you expect us to believe all these dudes would be into Daisy after seeing that pucker up close?  Love the honesty, fellas!

Oh, and in case you were interested, following the departure of my boy London (boo!), I’m throwing my support behind a new candidate.  He’s not entirely dumb as bricks, and he’s handsomer than the others… he’s Flex!:

Daisy of Eyeliner, it’s Flex FTW!

Step it up, dude!

Have y’all been keeping up with Daisy of Love?  You know I have!  We’re only three episodes in and already ELEVEN of the original twenty bros have been given the boot or bounced.

It seems VH1 casting directors did a crappy job casting the show, as the majority of dudes are either a) legitimately insane, b) terrible, or c) not there for Daisy.

The Swedish triplets just wanted free food and booze, Flipper was crazy, Brooklyn had a gf, Toolbox badmouthed Daisy, Torch and Weasel were ugly, and Cable Guy and Professor were snoozers.

I’m pleased to note that three of my four “guys who have no chance of winning” have already been given the boot.  I’m so good at this stuff.

Daisy, as hard to look at as she is, has proven herself to be quite a sympathetic object of affection.  I really do believe that she’s actually looking for love!  In like, a totally entertaining way, though. She’s still down to make out and party or whatever.  Don’t worry, this isn’t The Bachelor, we don’t have to pretend that anyone’s actually making an intellectual connection.

So anyway, enough about Daisy and her dudes, back to ME.  I’d like to let you know that I’ve thrown my support behind a particular Daisy of Love contestant.

Feast your eyes on LONDON:

He’s not British, but he’s cute, wears eyeliner, and sorta looks like Billie Joe from Green Day.  No face tattoo, either.  What more could you hope for from this group of losers?

LOLwut? London FTW!

Oh, WHAT?  Now, this is just ridonkulous.

Fine.  So no one told her life was gonna be this way.  Her job’s a joke, she’s broke!  Her love life’s D.O.A!  And now, apparently Jennifer Aniston is going around telling everyone she wants to be artificially inseminated! Her biological clock is ticking and she’s got no man, after all.  Jen must feel like her life is always stuck in second gear. Time for some invitro fertilization, I guess.

But that’s not even the ridonk part!

The ridonk part is, bummer Jen’s top candidate for baby daddy is none other than David Schwimmer, a.k.a. the Ross to her Rachel on Friends!

Life imitating art or whaeva.  In case you missed the 789th season of Friends, Ross and Rachel had a baby together.  Doi.

I realize this goss is from the National Enquirer, so it likely isn’t true, but COME ON!  Would you really not believe that Jennifer Aniston lives in a fantasy world where she actually thinks she’s  Rachel Green?  She’s had a tough year, people.  Some people need to retreat into a world of make-believe or whatevs to get by.  They’re called actors.

Though I understand the logic behind bummer Jen’s sperm donor choice, I’m gonna have to put my two cents in anyway: Jen, will you PLEASE let Schwimmer’s tour end here and accept Bret Michaels’ all-access pass to his heart in order to continue rocking his world?

Yeah?

BAM!

That’s right, folks, Bret Michaels’ autobiography Roses & Thorns officially has a cover!

Out June 23rd by Simon & Schuster, the book’ll take us from the Rock of Love star’s humble Pennsylvanian beginnings to fame/fortune fronting Poison, all the way to present-day VH1 reality star status.

Love that plumped pout!  And so well-manicured!  Such high cheekbones!  Oh boy, look at those piercing baby blues!

This is what dude looks like now, bee tee dubs:

PLOP.  Ouch.  Reality hurts, bro.

Every cowboy sings his sad, sad song, I guess.

Hurrah!  Today is full of exciting reality show news!

Now I KNOW you guys weren’t satisfied with Rock of Love 2, Rock of Love Bus, and Rock of Love Girls Charm School being the only Rock of Love spin-offs out there.  Which is why VH1 has come up with Daisy of Love, a reality dating show featuring Rock of Love 2’s Daisy De La Hoya!

As you’ll recall, Daisy De La Hoya was the totally amazing contestant in Rock of Love 2 who was denied an all-access pass to Bret Michaels’s heart, beating out everybody but Ambre.

Oh happy day, the VH1 blog has posted pics of the Daisy of Love cast members!  I’ve peered at these images closely and ascertained that these d00ds fit into approx. five different categories.

My classification system below.  Get excited, y’all, Daisy’s coming!