Now that we’re two episodes into NYC Prep (the real-life Gossip Girl), I’ve been able to form an opinion or two on each cast member.  My assessments, following last night’s episode:

PC - Though probably the most intelligent of the group, he’s disgustingly misanthropic in a super self-proclaimed way that makes his teen angst not charming in the slightest, like it is in most teenagers (love you, sad teens!).  You’re jaded, we get it, PC!  His ennui ($100 says he totally uses that word at least like once a week) stems from the fact that he thinks he’s “gets it” in a way that no one else could possibly even begin to fathom.  He wishes SO HARD he had a self-portrait in his attic that was growing old while he stayed eternally young.  Totally pretentious and condescending, this guy isn’t quite sure whether he’s going for Nate Archibald or Chuck Bass.  Sorry, PC, we don’t care.

JESSIE - She’s been PC’s best friend for ages and keeps him on a tight leash, telling him where to be and who to hang out with.  She fancies herself the Queen Bee, but her face is so busted, everything she says that implies she’s popular or powerful is hard to believe.  Can’t this girl buy herself a new face?  Nonetheless, Jessie organizes fundraisers and is working to get ahead in the cutthroat world of fashion.  She tries to give off the impression that she’s got way too much on her plate, but we can assume being “busy” means having to wait 20 minutes for a town car. Jessie hates letting n00bs infiltrate her social word, but truth is, she’s likely just bummed she’s not pretty.  Definitely going for Blair Waldorf.  Failing.

KELLI - Cute and sweet, but a total blah of a person.  She reminds me of Audrina Patridge from The Hills, in that you keep her around because she’s pleasant, not because you think she’ll ever contribute anything to any conversation you have or get any of your jokes of even any of the movies you watch together.  Kelli’s parents live in the Hamptons most days, but she’s too dumb to take advantage of it, aside from eating take out.  She’s got a huge thing for Sebastian, and acts so pathetic and transparent around him, it makes me want to shake her (DON’T LET HIM BE YOUR JUSTIN BOBBY!).  Ho hum, totally forgettable.  I’m out of words.  Is she Li’l J before Li’l J got cool?  No idea.

CAMILLE - This girl’s got a cool-looking face, which is fortunate for her, cuz she’s almost as boring as Kelli.  Camille’s really into school and the SATs and she’s somewhat sharp-tongued, so she gives off a sort of over-achieving intellectual bitch vibe à la Jessie Spano from Saved By the Bell.  Unfortunately, there’s no way she’ll contribute anything as interesting as OD’ing on caffeine pills to the show, so we might as well pay more attention to Kelli for the duration of the show.  Kelli will DEF either experience super dramatic heartbreak or have a pregnancy scare before the season’s through, so stay tuned.  Hey, maybe Camille and Kelli are the girls from the steps?

SEBASTIAN - My favorite character, hands down.  Dude’s got floppy Farrah Fawcett (too soon?) hair that he can’t stop touching and speaks fluent French, which he whips out to impress girls.  In fact, everything he does is in hopes of hooking up, which he does with “anywhere between two and 16 girls a month.”  Wait, I guess that’s it.  Sebastian flips his hair, speaks French, and hooks up.  Nothing else going on.  He’s like the poor man’s Chuck Bass with a dash of Nate Archibald, cuz he’s sleazy but sort of nice about it.  I’m into it; it’s such a pleasure to watch this guy work his transparent charm on babes with successful results time and time again.

TAYLOR - Token poor kid!  Taylor lives in the Upper East Side, but goes to public school and shops at thrift stores.  As a result, she fluctuates between her poor friends and rich friends, though between you and me, I assume the producers made her befriend Kelli and Camille, because she acts awkward as shizz around them.  In fact, she always seems incredibly uncomfortable to be interacting with anyone.  Who put this girl on a reality show?  She’s not into it!  Leave her alone!  Either way, playboy Sebastian thinks she’s helluv cute (meh, methinks), and starts pursuing her.  She’s likes.  Definitely the Vanessa Abrams of the bunch, though she lacks any spark or concrete interest.

There you have it!  The NYC Prep cast, per me.

Now, the one thing all these kids have in common (besides being rich as shizz) is that they all think the world they live in is real.  They act like mini-adults and parade around, going to bars, attending “networking” events, and having dinner parties  It’s sad to me to think that they have no concept of reality, because being real to them consists of emulating their parents and rich people they’ve seen on TV and in movies.  What a mind-eff to give these non-existing non-people their own reality show.

BUZZKILL!  Sorry to get all stoner philosopher on you, dudes.

Man oh man, Daisy of Love just keeps getting better and better.  Last night’s episode had me convinced that DoL is the best reality series of all time.  Admit it, you agree.  Well done, VH1.

The episode started innocently enough.  Daisy’s diary announced that Flex and Chi Chi would be going on a date that day.  They hit the road and drive somewhere in the middle of the desert, where they’ll be off-roading for the day.  Each dude takes his turn taking Daisy for a spin.  Flex drives fast and crazy, which Daisy says turns her on (grody!).  Chi Chi predictably drives at a conservative pace, so as not to scare Daisy.  Snooze cruise - LITERALLY!

Then it’s Daisy’s turn to drive, and she ends up flipping the dune buggy!  This is why we love her, am I right?

Now back at home, it’s 12 Pack / Dave and Sinister’s turn to hang with Daisy.  She sits them down at dinner, where Sinister tries his hardest to act confident to woo Daisy.  12 Pack / Dave, on the other hand, makes some weird references to heartbreaker London, the hottie contestant who had bounced on Daisy weeks prior cuz of shizz getting too real.  Daisy is visibly weirded out - but this doesn’t stop her from asking 12 Pack / Dave to join her up in her room for a nightcap.

Predictably, Sinister goes apeshizz over not being picked to make out and starts knocking over bunk beds and stuff.  Lame!

Up at the door of Daisy’s room, Daisy and 12 Pack / Dave have to step across Chi Chi to get inside her room.  He’s waiting to get some more time with her.  Daisy politely tells him goodnight, and takes 12 Pack / Dave inside to smooch. Chi Chi then straight up decides to get a pillow and blanket set up at the foot of the door to wait for Daisy’s make out sesh to end so he can hang with her.  What seem like hours pass and, after a while, he gives up.  Oy.  That man has got no self-respect.

The next morning, Riki Rachtman lets us in on a little secret: he’s been in touch with London!  Apparently, our man London (my original pick for Daisy, might I add) decided leaving the show was a bad idea.  He still has feelings for Daisy, and had only left in the first place on account of being too weirded out with the reality TV thing - understandable.  Riki decides to let London come back to talk to Daisy - not because he thinks he’s the one for her, but because he sees that the situation needs some closure.  Good man, that Riki.

So!  London returns! And Daisy gets lost in his puppy dog eyes and agrees to consider letting him back into the house!  She tells all the guys, who are NOT happy with the whole situation.  Flex wonders why they don’t just bring back all 20 guys and just keep the cycle going.  Sinister refers to London as a “local band douchebag.”  Chi Chi doesn’t mind much and invites London to sleep in his room.  Ugh.

Chi Chi then goes up to Daisy’s room to let him know he supports her and all her decisions and blah blah blah will this guy give it a rest already?

Elimination time! Daisy tells London that, even though he doesn’t deserve it, he gets a chain and will be staying to fight the good fight for her affection.

Next up, 12 Pack / Dave gets the first chain, then Flex.  Then it’s time to decide between BFFs Chi Chi and Sinister.  Daisy decides to give Chi Chi the boot, because she doesn’t want to ruin their friendship, and because she sees him as more of a good friend.  Duh squared, am I right?

WOW!  So still in the running, we’ve got 12 Pack / Dave, Flex, Sinister, and…. London!  I think we can probs all stop watching now, cuz it’s…

London FTW!

For those of you keeping score…

It’s Lou Diamond Phillips for the win on I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!

But the real winners last night were the American public, who were treated to an other visit from Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, who returned to the jungles of Costa Rica all the way from The Hills to see the show off.

“They have increased my value of celebrity, I found out, so I owe them all greatly,” said Spencer.

And as an added bonus, a Pizza Hut advertisement featuring Speidi have surfaced on the Internets!  The following clip was supposed to air during I’m a Celebrity, but the pair didn’t last on the show long enough for the ad to make sense.  Here’s a couple of dummies hawking a pizza pie:

Thanks to Pink is the New Blog for uncovering this gem.

What’s next for Spencer and Heidi?  Nothing to do with E!, that’s for sure.

I knew things were getting strangely quiet…

Quiet no longer!  The gruesome twosome is back in our headlines!  Yep, Heid Montag and Spencer Pratt have once again emerged from The Hills to rip on Today Show anchor Al Roker.

The duo were on the show this morning to discuss their time on I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! and were apparently rubbed the wrong way by the Rokester.  Roll that beautiful Speidi footage:

Eh, wasn’t all that bad, per me.  What sorts of questions do these guys expect? 

Heidi is now claiming Roker attacked her, telling Ryan Seacrest on his radio show:

“I was shocked at how rude he was - I was crying afterwards because I couldn’t believe I felt personally attacked.  I wanted to say to him, do you feel proud of how you’re talking to me right now? I’m just a young woman and you’re coming at me so aggressively and meanly and mean-spirited… I just wanted to talk about the show and my experience there and how fun it was, and he just made it a very uncomfortable and awful experience. I really would advise women especially to be careful around him because I feel like he definitely came and attacked me and I did not appreciate that at all.”

Wah wah wah!  Go write about it in your diary, Montag.

Spencer’s take?  On point as usual:

“Was the weatherman asking us questions? I thought we were getting interviewed by a guy named Matt Lauer. We were thrown off that the weatherman was even trying to talk to Speidi.”

What will they think of next!

Poor Bret Michaels.  As I’m sure everyone’s heard by now, the Rock of Love reality star/rocker got pelted in the head by a descending backdrop whilst performing on stage at the Tony Awards this past week.

If you haven’t seen it - then, well, fine, here’s some video footage:

Originally, Bret just laughed it off, saying “All I remember is Shrek and the donkey helping me up, and Liza Minnelli giving me a towel.”  Good sport!

However, today, his rep has come out with a public statement, expressing annoyance with the backdrop plopdrop.  My fave parts in bold:

“After a performance by singer Bret Michaels at the Tony Awards Sunday night, he turned to exit the stage and was struck in the head by a descending half-ton stage prop, sweeping him off his feet causing contusions to his face and knocking him to the ground. Even at that point of impact, the heavy prop was still not halted and continued to descend even though Michaels remained underneath it. Witnesses state the singer moved himself out of the way just moments before the prop touched down. With all due respect to everyone working the Tony Awards, somewhere down the line there was a lack of communication and the prop should have been immediately halted until Michaels was clear. Sunday morning at rehearsals, Bret was never informed that the descending set piece existed, let alone would be moving into position as he was exiting the stage. Although Bret was visibly dazed, he remained extremely calm backstage as members of Poison’s road crew brought him a towel to wipe the blood from his face. His only comment at the time was, ‘What the hell just hit me?’ The severity of this injury is not being taken lightly as symptoms from head and neck injuries at first may seem like nothing and sometimes do not present for days. At this time, the full extent of his injuries remain to be seen until all x-rays are back. I find it surprising that a Tony spokesperson would brush off this incident with a comment stating, ‘Mr. Michaels missed his mark,’ with no mention of concern for his condition. If everyone at the Tonys were aware that Bret missed his mark, then they should have been aware enough to stop the set piece from hitting him or at least slowed it down until he cleared the stage. I feel had this incident happened to Liza Minelli, Dolly Parton or Elton John, the Tonys would have at least issued a letter of concern.”

Oh MAN!  So, a) I can’t think of anything cooler than having a member of Poison’s road crew wipe blood off your face, b) there are no marks in rock ‘n roll (unless you count TRACK MARKS badummmchhhh), and c) show the man some respect, Tony Awards!

I’m with the Bret Michaels’s rep on this one.  Liza Minelli may be wobblin’ on her own already with all those martinis jostlin’ around in her belly, but seriously, the second she gets smacked in the head by a stage prop, she’d raise a stink so stinky it’d be stinkier than her 2003 divorce with David Gest (oops, too soon?).

I’m putting my foot down: Bret Michaels deserves to be treated as Liza Minelli, no better, no worse.  The man is a national treasure!

Besides, they both do equally wonderful things with eyeliner.

Oh, I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!, you managed to do it again.  You pulled me in for another two-hour block of programming and you didn’t even feel bad about it.  Well, you know what, I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!? I ain’t gonna lie; I enjoyed every second.

Picture it, folks: The Hills‘ Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt locked up in a pitch-black tiny shack getting spiders dropped on ‘em while mice squeal at their feet.  If they can make it through this night in this here Lost Chamber, they get to return to jungle.

And you know what?  They did it, with minimal complaint!  Could the rumors that they’re claiming they were tortured be false?  Yes.  Yes, they were.

The pair does indeed make it back to camp, where they manage to put on the most flagrant Jesus show I’ve ever seen my entire life.  And by “Jesus show,” I mean mentioning/citing/praising/evoking/praying to/relishing in the existence of Jesus and/or God for hours at a time, in addition to spiritual fasting.  Spence really took his makeshift Baldwin baptism to heart last week, didn’t you hear?

Meanwhile!  Frances is all bummed that Angela got the boot last week and decides to bounce.  What’s a Frangela without the Angela after all?  If you guessed “Fr,” then you were right.

So blah blah, Speidi are in fantastic spirits and everyone’s noticing.  Heidi decides to treat us viewers at home with a taste of her vocal stylings which, sans some serious behind-the-scenes studio editing, sound more terrible than you’d think.  It’s like a regular person’s voice got shoved through a vocoder and then spit up into a meat grinder.  Straight-shooter Janice Dickinson takes note and tells the girl she sounds like a drowning cat.  Spencer finds out about the jab and gives Jan a talking to, but manages to keep his temper under check and be respectful - or, as he put it, he manages not to “Spence out.” Spence really took his makeshift Baldwin baptism to heart last week, didn’t you hear?

Next up: America has spoken!  They’ve voted to put Janice Dickinson up against Sanjaya in the next challenge, which involves unlocking shackles in a tank full of rising water filled with baby crocodiles and frogs whatnot.  Sanjaya predictably kicks ass, while Janice predictably quits 30 seconds in.

Speaking of Sanjaya, homeboy has some serious jungle chops. He’s building brooms and making homemade ink and slapping together friendship bracelets with things he finds ’round town.  My money’s on him for the winner.

All the while Heidi’s puking up a storm, complaining of massive stomache problems.  “Maybe it’s the devil coming out of her,” snickers our man Sanjaya, giggle giggle smirk smirk.  She’s sent to the emergency room and put on an IV, then diagnosed as having a gastric ulcer.  “I love you so much, baby. … Jesus loves you more than anyone, baby,” Spencer tenderly whispers into her ear.  I beg to differ, Spence!

Finally, Speidi decide enough’s enough and they bow out of the show again.  “If Heidi is sick, then I’m sick because we are of one flesh,” notes our man Spence.

Back at the camp, the gang needs to pick a new leader and has another one of those ridiculous crazy shizz-eating competitions.  Of the mopane worms, leaf-cutter ants, bull testicles, stick insects, and cow tongue, no one can devour the entire collection, and thus the group decides to keep Lou Diamond Phillips as camp leader.

Some time passes - and now we’re on to the individual immunity challenge.  It’s called “Hang Tough,” and, as you may have guessed, the gang has to hang from a bar over water.  Person who hangs on for longest wins immunity.  Yeah, they’re not particularly creative with their challenges here at I’m a Celebrity. We’ll find out Wednesday night who wins.

So are Heidi and Spencer really gone for good?  Methinks so.  Heidi’s got a line of dry shampoo to hawk back in Hollywood, after all.

I’m dead serious, people.  Geniuses, idiot savants, or dumbasses?

Oh, brother.  As just about anyone could’ve predicted, there’s more Speidi drama from the set of I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! this week.

Last we heard, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt had returned from The Hills, begging NBC and their castmates to let them back on I’m a Celebrity.  They were sentenced to a night in the spooky/creepy/crawly “Lost Chamber” before their return would be brought into consideration.

Over the weekend, the rumor mill has been churnin’ something awful.  Apparently, Heidi got sick and asked to be let out of the chamber - but it seems everyone’s got a different story as to what actually went down:

From Reality TV Magazine:
Heidi was rushed to the hospital and diagnosed with a gastric ulcer, after spending a day and night in a dark room with only water, rice and beans. She has now left and is on medication. One cast member said this of Speidi’s punishment: ”It’s the same as Guantanamo Bay.” Another member of the cast said that the execs tried to coerce Heidi into not seeking medical attention.

From Extra:
The source insists the Lost Chamber posed no harm to the “Hills” duo. “The environment in the “Lost Chamber” was not in any way harmful or dangerous; no critters, just a few ordinary bugs. They were indoors — never in any danger or facing life-threatening situations. Absolutely no one is or was being held against their will.”

From Stephanie Pratt’s Twitter:
Im really saddened to hear that nbc felt it was ok to punish speidi so harshly-and torture them as if they were criminals-that Heidi was…rushed to the hospital and has an IV in her arm after being locked in a dark room for 3 days w no food or water. Pls pray she will be ok

Personally, I believe Extra’s unnamed source.  I find it extremely hard to believe that NBC would “torture” the pair - though I really wouldn’t blame ‘em if they had.

Meanwhile, Perez is reporting that Heidi’s sister Holly Montag is already on board to replace Heidi on the show.  This further leads me to believe the torture scenario is untrue.  Would you really sign on to a show that had threatened your sister’s life?  Gosh, who knows with these people.

And - you guessed it - rumor has it that Spencer is planning on suing NBC over the show.

I smell the thick, odorous stench of a Speidi publicity stunt!

Back in February, we posted news that lovable late-’90s rapper M.C. Hammer would be starring in his own reality show, pegged the reality version of The Cosby Show.

Well, it’s called Hammertime, it’s debuting on A&E June 14th, and we’ve got a sneak peek:

Looks like one big party if you ask me.  Pretty adorable, right?

Will you be watching?

I’ve hit rock bottom, dear reader.  Last night, I watched I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! AGAIN, for the third night in a row, with the intention of tuning in just long enough to see if Heidi and Spencer return.

“Just twenty minutes,” I told myself.  “Then I’ll turn it off.”

It’s like when you go somewhere just because you think a special someone will show up.  You’d heard they hung out there, after all. Well, Heidi and Spencer are my special someones and I’d heard they might stop by.   I don’t think I’ve ever felt so many emotions at the same time.

Yeah, ended up watching the whole thing.  Whatever.  They showed up.

So here’s what went down.  Yadda yadda yadda, Janice Dickinson and John Salley got in a huge fight, Janice has bronchitis, the cast had another food challenge.

Men vs. Women.  Competing for a pork dinner.  Each team member had to take a turn sticking their arm into a mystery hole to find a plastic star.  Team with the most plastic stars wins.  Easy, right?  Trouble is, each mystery hole was filled with something creepy and crawly.  We’re talking tarantulas (John Salley conquered his arachnophobia!), rats (Lou Diamond Phillips‘ arm was seriously gnawed on!), tanks full of fish (Patti Blagojevich rocked it, she’s used to slimy characters, BADUM-CH!), cow dung and earthworms (easy!).  Guys win by a landslide.

Back at camp, we hear a surprise guest is on his/her way.  Please oh please oh please let it be Heidi and/or Spencer!  Nope.  It’s Daniel Baldwin, Stephen Baldwin’s big bro, a new contestant!  Stephen doesn’t seem all that pumped.  I always knew those Baldwins hated each other.  They all live in the shadow of Alec, for one.

So ANYWAYY, blah blah blah and YAY!  Heidi and Spencer!  Speidi have returned from The Hills!  Myleene Klass interviews the duo, who explain that they wanted back in.  The devil had apparently gotten to them and told them to get out of the jungle.  That pesky devil!  Spencer also plead insanity, and claimed he hadn’t expected to pass the psych test in the first place.  He’s loco!  Straight jacket this guy!

Oh man. I love these two and the ridiculous tricks they have up their sleeves.

Myleene explained the grounds for their return to I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! First, the pair had to spend the night in the pitch-black shack full of disgusting things from Tuesday’s episode - apparently called “The Lost Chamber.”  Second, their camp mates had to vote and agree to bring them back on.  Good luck with that one, chumps!

Flash to Damien Fahey, who’s at camp, ready to take a vote regarding Speidi’s fate.  Janice Dickinson, John Salley, and Stephen Baldwin vote yes, everyone else no.

COME ON, people!  You think this show’s gonna do anything for your bummer careers if no one watches?  REALLY, Sanjaya?!  You really have no desire to be relevant?  BUZZKILL.

Eh.  Speidi are back no matter what, though, am I right?

Totally not watching tonight.  Seriously.  Please, Jesus, help me free myself of my addiction!

Yikes!  The cast of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew for season 3 has just been announced!

Take a look at the line-up:

From left to right, that’s Hollywood Madam Heidi Fleiss(!!!), NBA diva Dennis Rodman, country star Mindy McCready, America’s Next Top Model reject Lisa D’Amato on the top row, and One Day at a Time’s Mackenzie Phillips, former Miss United States Teen Kari Ann Peniche, original Alice in Chains bassist Mike Starr, and Real World Hollywood’s Joey Kovar filling up the bottom.

These eight celebs will be undergoing an intensive 21-day detoxification and rehabilitation program at the Pasadena Recovery Center, with the amazing Dr. Drew Pinsky as their drug counselor.

Those of you familiar with the most recent season of Celebrity Apprentice were likely already expecting to see Dennis Rodman in the mix.  Dennis was famously fired from the show after being called a drunk by his teammates and told to go to rehab.

The show is set to premiere in early 2010.  Wait for it!

[Source: Reality TV Magazine]