Posts Tagged ‘Poison’

MTV’s Skins: Too Hot for TV? And Bret Michaels!

Posted by BRADY in Skins, celebrity gossip

January 24th, 2011, 05:38 PM

They’re sitting very close to each-other! Get it off the air!

MTV’s Skins, a US re-make of the UK Skins, has got exactly what any self-respecting show aimed at young people wants: tons of buzz for being too controversial and parents complaining left and right about what the show depicts. Sounds like something in the tradition of iconic MTV shows like Beavis and Butthead and The Real World that came before. So why isn’t MTV celebrating it’s new edgy show? Well, it’s hard to make money off a TV show that no one wants to advertise on. And at the end of the day, ads are what counts. I mean even a show like Antiques Roadshow remains profitable because they can get ads for fiber supplements and walk-in bath tubs. Those are very hot markets.

But advertisers are abandoning Skins after the backlash from parent groups threatening to boycott any business that dares to advertise during such a scandalous program. The latest drop-outs are Taco Bell and Subway, though I can’t say I blame them. There has to be a big crossover between people with enough time on their hands to write letters to TV networks and those that eat horrible chain-restaurant food on a regular basis. In a related story, I will still refuse to buy a walk-in bath until Antiques Roadshow agrees to re-appraise my ceramic ALF cookie jar for over $8. It’s priceless! Some critics are even going so far as to say that Skins is skirting dangerously close to child pornography, and that legal action should be taken against the producers of the show who are responsible for filming underage kids in these scenarios. Well there is a very easy way to determine whether the show is child pornography: does Roman Polanski have a season pass recording set for it on DVR?

Changing topics, Bret Michaels, a man who knows all about putting perfectly legal filth/almost porn on TV, is once again in surgery. Those who read Square Eyes know of our love of Bret, so we just want to wish him well and a speedy recovery so he can get back to making awesome reality TV! He’s currently having a hole in his heart (discovered during his weeks of health fiascoes surrounding his brain hemorrhaging) patched up. Though we all know he will always have a hole in his heart that only making out with strippers and picking out bandannas to jam in can fill.

I’ll Friggin’ Wed You!

Posted by BRADY in Jersey Shore

November 2nd, 2010, 02:38 PM

This t-shirt sets the tone

Poor New Jersey!  Just when you thought you were safe from Jersey Shore-related nonsense—The Situation is long gone from Dancing With the Stars, Jersey Shore is done for the season—VH1 decides to get in the mix.  Yes, last night brought us the new show (try to keep a straight face) My Big Friggin’ Wedding, following 5 unrelated couples as they plan and execute (let’s make that a pun) their weddings in the fine, yet beleaguered, Garden State.  Nia Vardalos, see what you started?!  Although, to be fair, these people do say friggin’ wedding quite a lot.  There’s nothing quite like spending some time watching stereotypes come to life, is there?  It’s like Jersey Shore met Bridezillas, who then had an affair with The Real World and The Bad Girls Club, then had a kid (My Big Friggin’ Wedding), and no one is quite sure who the father is.  It’s disgusting, intriguing, horrible and awesome, just like reality television should be! First, we met Johnny and MeginJohnny has culinary dreams (though he doesn’t really cook) and wants to make his line of meatballs—dubbed Johnny Meatballs—a success.  Megin just wants him to get a job, already, ya bum!  She herself has a job, a kid, and a bun in the oven.  Megin wants that bun out and about before the wedding, ‘cuz mama needs to get wasted! Tyler and Alyssa are from South Jersey, apparently totally different from North Jersey, and also have a kid.  And a house.  And a Mercedes!  Clearly I’m doing something wrong with my life.  Alyssa and her mom Marilyn are BFF, like sisters!  Eep. Joey and Sandra are tanning their way to happiness.  Think President Obama has an opinion on that?  Neither do I. Danny and Tammie are a multicultural, delusional couple who seemed destined for failure.  Danny’s kids have a problem with Tammie, as he cheated on his former wife with her, but as Danny says, “If it wasn’t Tammie it would’ve been somebody else.”  Classy. Finally, Matt and Amanda.  They met when Amanda was dating one of Matt’s friends.  The friend went to jail, Amanda hooked up with Matt, everyone wins.  Matt loves her, but boy does he love his mother!  Freaky.  And his mom has no problem talkin’ the smack behind their backs. Judging by the previews, things only get more, er, Jersey, from here on out!

VH1 showed sense, following the klassy couples with the lovely Bret Michaels: Life as I Know It.  His daughters Raine and Jorja just get better every week!

-This post brought to you by DIANA

This Post is a Rockin’ Rock of Love!

Posted by BRADY in Rock of Love, Rock of Love Bus

October 19th, 2010, 02:31 PM

Bret Michaels talk today!! I can’t be the only one who watched Rock of Love Girls: Where Are They Now? last night, can I?  As a whole, it was not particularly illuminating—but nice to see updates from seasons 1, 2, and Bus.  Producers packed a whopping fifteen former Bret girls into an hour, loosely held together by douchetool Riki Rachtman, who could barely hide his disdain for the teleprompter.   Aren’t you dying to know who made the cut?  Unfortunately, there was no DJ Lady Tribe, no Brittaney Starr, and no mention or sign of Gia Lynn or her ladybits.  Instead, we saw a lot of Heather Chadwell (who not only still has her Bret tattoo, but also appears to have a Rock of Love tramp stamp!), who lives in Las Vegas and has a 2011 calendar coming out.  Yay?  Also in Vegas are Taya Parker (running a striptease show at the Sahara; Bret broke her heart; she’s a nice girl!), Marcia ‘Brazil’ Alves (loves guns and tequila), and everybody’s favorites, the Blondetorage Farrah Sinclair and Ashley Klarich, who were the highlights of the show. Still BFFs, still stripping, still drinking, these two are a riot and a half.  Lacey Conner and Daisy de la Hoya both live in LA and are crappy singers in crappy bands (Daisy sings with a British accent—WTF?), and Daisy fancies herself an actress.  It’s sad. Destiney Moore is now a single mom, living in LA, and poses for Hustler (her baby is adorable, by the way!), ‘cause she gotta do what she gotta do!

Cindy ‘Rodeo’ Steedle works with a lot of charities (awww) and inspires people with her crazy laugh.  Frenchy, otherwise known as Angelique Morgan, drives a Barbie pink car, still strips, and seems to be enjoying her life.  Tamara Witmer, who couldn’t figure out how to exit the set on both Rock of Love and I Love Money, lives with her parents and wants a man (boring!).  Both Megan Hauserman and her sidekick, Brandi Cunningham, live in Florida.  Megan’s engaged to a mobster (and went wedding dress shopping in a bikini—now that is class), and Brandi got engaged on the show last night (of course)!  They don’t seem to keep in touch.  And I’ve saved the best two for last: remember Kristy Jo, who was technically still married when she was on Rock of Love 2?  Well, she and her husband not only worked things out, but moved to Arizona and have twin boys!  She’s probably the most well adjusted out of all the girls, and that’s saying something, considering what a trainwreck she was on the show.  Least well adjusted?  Well, that would be Mindy Hall, the runner-up to Taya on Rock of Love Bus She still lives in Cincinnati, but seems to be between homes, is still in love with Bret, and is shooting a calendar called ‘Indulgence and Desire,’ which includes pictures of her (fully clothed) splattered with brownie mix.  Sexy?  Er.  You decide.

Bret Michaels: Life As I Know Itdebuted following ROLG:WATN?, and Bret Michaels is still awesome, and his daughters are still adorable.  Fully endorsed!

-This post brought to you by DIANA

Bret Michaels Joins Celebrity Apprentice 3 Cast!

Posted by KAT in America's Got Talent, Celebrity Apprentice, Hangin' With Mr. Cooper, Seinfeld

October 23rd, 2009, 03:39 PM

Celebrity Apprentice: Bret Michaels

Oh my goodness, you guys!!!  I haven’t heard news this exciting in a while!  I literally gasped when I read the news!

Looks like my man Bret Michaels will be on the next season of Celebrity Apprentice!  The Poison frontman and Rock of Love / Rock of Love 2 / Rock of Love Bus (ha!) reality star will be duking it out again his fellow near-celebs to win Donald Trump’s respect and some dolla billz for the charity of his choice.

The New York Post put out a list of castmembers before NBC could even get to it.  Here’s what they have in store for us:

* Sharon Osbourne (America’s Got Talent)
* Cyndi Lauper (”Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”!)
* Carol Leifer (Seinfeld writer, Elaine was based on her)
* Bill Goldberg (wrestler)
* Daryl Strawberry (
baseball dude)
* Curtis Stone (Aussie celebrity chef)
* Summer Sanders (Olympic gold medal swimmer)
* Sinbad (comedian!)
* Holly Robinson Peete (Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper?)
* Maria Canellis (wrestler)
* Rod Blagojevich (disgraced Illinois gov!)

The return of Blago!  The real Elaine!  Wrestling!  What do you think?  Will you be watching?

Bret Michaels Gets No Respect!

Posted by KAT in Awards Shows, Rock of Love, Rock of Love 2, Rock of Love Bus

June 10th, 2009, 05:04 PM

Poor Bret Michaels.  As I’m sure everyone’s heard by now, the Rock of Love reality star/rocker got pelted in the head by a descending backdrop whilst performing on stage at the Tony Awards this past week.

If you haven’t seen it - then, well, fine, here’s some video footage:

Originally, Bret just laughed it off, saying “All I remember is Shrek and the donkey helping me up, and Liza Minnelli giving me a towel.”  Good sport!

However, today, his rep has come out with a public statement, expressing annoyance with the backdrop plopdrop.  My fave parts in bold:

Bret Michaels in his Poison days“After a performance by singer Bret Michaels at the Tony Awards Sunday night, he turned to exit the stage and was struck in the head by a descending half-ton stage prop, sweeping him off his feet causing contusions to his face and knocking him to the ground. Even at that point of impact, the heavy prop was still not halted and continued to descend even though Michaels remained underneath it. Witnesses state the singer moved himself out of the way just moments before the prop touched down. With all due respect to everyone working the Tony Awards, somewhere down the line there was a lack of communication and the prop should have been immediately halted until Michaels was clear. Sunday morning at rehearsals, Bret was never informed that the descending set piece existed, let alone would be moving into position as he was exiting the stage. Although Bret was visibly dazed, he remained extremely calm backstage as members of Poison’s road crew brought him a towel to wipe the blood from his face. His only comment at the time was, ‘What the hell just hit me?’ The severity of this injury is not being taken lightly as symptoms from head and neck injuries at first may seem like nothing and sometimes do not present for days. At this time, the full extent of his injuries remain to be seen until all x-rays are back. I find it surprising that a Tony spokesperson would brush off this incident with a comment stating, ‘Mr. Michaels missed his mark,’ with no mention of concern for his condition. If everyone at the Tonys were aware that Bret missed his mark, then they should have been aware enough to stop the set piece from hitting him or at least slowed it down until he cleared the stage. I feel had this incident happened to Liza Minelli, Dolly Parton or Elton John, the Tonys would have at least issued a letter of concern.”

Oh MAN!  So, a) I can’t think of anything cooler than having a member of Poison’s road crew wipe blood off your face, b) there are no marks in rock ‘n roll (unless you count TRACK MARKS badummmchhhh), and c) show the man some respect, Tony Awards!

I’m with the Bret Michaels’s rep on this one.  Liza Minelli may be wobblin’ on her own already with all those martinis jostlin’ around in her belly, but seriously, the second she gets smacked in the head by a stage prop, she’d raise a stink so stinky it’d be stinkier than her 2003 divorce with David Gest (oops, too soon?).

I’m putting my foot down: Bret Michaels deserves to be treated as Liza Minelli, no better, no worse.  The man is a national treasure!

Besides, they both do equally wonderful things with eyeliner.

Bret Michaels’ Rock & Roll Reality - The Book!

Posted by KAT in Rock of Love, Rock of Love 2, Rock of Love Bus

March 26th, 2009, 12:31 PM

BAM!

That’s right, folks, Bret Michaels’ autobiography Roses & Thorns officially has a cover!

Bret Michaels: Roses & Thorns

Out June 23rd by Simon & Schuster, the book’ll take us from the Rock of Love star’s humble Pennsylvanian beginnings to fame/fortune fronting Poison, all the way to present-day VH1 reality star status.

Love that plumped pout!  And so well-manicured!  Such high cheekbones!  Oh boy, look at those piercing baby blues!

This is what dude looks like now, bee tee dubs:

Rock of Love: Bret Michaels

PLOP.  Ouch.  Reality hurts, bro.

Every cowboy sings his sad, sad song, I guess.

Your Tour Ends Here, John Mayer

Posted by KAT in Friends, Rock of Love, Rock of Love 2, Rock of Love Bus

February 10th, 2009, 04:27 PM

Bret Michaels & Jennifer AnistonWahoo!  Here’s what Bret Michaels, star of Rock of Love, Rock of Love 2, and Rock of Love Bus had to say about Friends / whateverthatmoviescalled star Jennifer Aniston:

“There is no doubt I find Jennifer to be very hot, smart, funny down-to-earth and a great actress. She is creative and seems to be on top of her business as well. Most importantly, she seems like someone you could take home to meet mom — yet, behind closed tour bus doors, she could rock your world. I am really just stating the facts as I see them.”

On her relationship with John Mayer, he says he respects it, “but should John fall out of the picture for some reason… I’m just saying.”

Hey-ohhh!  As a huge Bret Michaels fan and a big believer that Jennifer Aniston is a total bummer, this hypothetical coupling warms me to my core.  Jennifer Aniston alone?  Sad and pathetic.  Jennifer Aniston and Bret Michaels?  A couple of adorable forty-year-olds who’ve decided there’s honor in settling for less and will forever live a warm life of mind-numbing comfort, crying in each other’s arms and flat-ironing one another’s hair!

Will you stay in this house and continue to rock Bret Michaels’s world, Jen?

And P.S., go ahead and lie to my face and tell me you can’t picture this young lady writhing around on stage wearing stone-washed denim and a Poison t-shirt cut off at the shoulders:

Jennifer Aniston

GET ON THE BUS, JENNIFER ANISTON!

Get on the Rock of Love Bus!

Posted by KAT in Rock of Love, Rock of Love 2, Rock of Love Bus

January 12th, 2009, 05:30 PM

Bret MichaelsOh my gosh.  I’ve been trying to put my feelings for the VH1 Rock of Love reality series into words, but I JUST CAN’T!

Question: what does falling in love feel like to YOU?

Ahem.  So if you’re totally dumb and don’t know, former Poison frontman Bret Michaels has failed TWICE at making a tatted-up and implanted-out skank his perma-groupie with the two previous Rock of Love shows.  The season 1 & 2 ladies just couldn’t hang with his rock and roll lifestyle!

Listen, you guys.  I’ve got a plan.  We need to take these ladies on the road and on tour to see if they can hang with the hard-boozin, bimbo-dodging backstage world of bouncers and forehead bottle-smashing.  With this, we bring you: Rock of Love Bus!!!

That’s Rock of Love [space] Bus AND Rock of [space] Love Bus, if you ask me.  BRILLZ!

Ha.  Part of why I like this show is, Bret attempts to represent his world as what it might have been like back in the late ’80s, back when babes jumped on stage and slithered around in red leather mini-dresses with pythons around their necks, holding key-tars.  In reality, he’s probs just performing for fat people at State Fairs and may not know about the Internet.  It’s like one big non-stop reverie with this guy!

On to the show!  Most seasons have a couple of really awesome broads who’re so dumb, you think they’re probs secret geniuses creating outlandish characters (like Tracy Morgan, obv).  This season is no different.

Howevs, this season’s standout, for me at least, is Brittaney (sic).  This one’s my absolute fave.  Reasons I love Brittaney:

- Episode 1, Bret realizes he recognizes Brittaney from somewhere.  Oh, right, Brittaney used to be a porn star!  Good lookin’ out, Bret.

- Everything makes Brittaney cry, because Brittaney is IN LOVE WITH BRET!!! and DEEPER THAN YOU!!! and BEING VICTIMIZED!!! and VERY INSECURE!!!  Peep this amazing screencap from last night’s ep that says it all:

Rock of Love Bus: Brittaney

Heh.

- Brittaney realizes she isn’t getting enough ‘facetime’ with Bret, so she straps on a bikini and gives him a lap dance that’d basically be TMI for even her OB/GYN.

- Brittaney gets pissed she doesn’t win some trivia contest and thus screams at winner Natasha for only getting the prize cuz she’s black, which was totally kosher for her to say cuz her grandfather is “a beautiful black man.”  That’s like the OPPOSITE of racist, you guys.  I bet she even lets gramps drink from the same water fountain as her!

Heart this trainwreck!  Brittaney’s like Jen Aniston, except really fun to have around. What a hot mess, as Erin would say!

Le sigh.  I really do recommend people of every age, sex, race, religious denomination, and political affiliation watch Rock of Love Bus.  Heck, invite your beautiful black grandfather to watch with you!  It’s truly a feast for the senses.

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