As you all know, the First Couple of Scientology, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, have called it splitsville. It came out of nowhere and Cruise’s people attempted to sweep it under the rug just as quickly, finalizing a divorce in under two weeks, what just might be a Hollywood divorce record. Ever since the divorce was announced the media has been speculating and the internet swirling with rumors about just what happened to spoil their highly secretive marriage. From a “5 year contract” to the old “Suri was grown in a Scientologist lab,” no rumor has been too outlandish and unbelievable. So hey, why not make up some of our own? These are just as likely to be true as most of the theories out there.

-Katie Holmes was brainwashed into forgetting her former life, but Tom accidentally let her watch an episode of You Can’t Trust the B— in Apartment 23, where James Van Der Beek plays himself, and a flood of Dawson’s Creek related memories flashed through her mind, reminding her of who she truly is.

-Tom Cruise became so method about his role in the musical Rock of Ages that he acted like an 80s rock legend for months on end and insisted on singing their every day activities. This would drive anyone crazy.

-Katie saw all the reports about John Travolta’s massage parlor scandal and realized Tom frequented all of the same spas.

-That Oprah incident wasn’t a one time thing. Tom is jumping on couches constantly. It’s not safe for a young child like Suri to be around.

-Remember what Tom Cruise looked like in Tropic Thunder? That wasn’t make-up, that’s his regular appearance. The thin, handsome Tom Cruise we know is a result of 9 hours of make-up and prosthetic every day. Can you blame Katie?

-The new Batman movie has opened up old wounds, and Katie Holmes is now on a one-woman revenge mission against Maggie Gyllenhaal for stealing the role Katie played in Batman Begins and playing it in the way more beloved The Dark Knight.

-The “33 curse” (based on the fact that all 3 of Cruise’s wives have left him at the age of 33) is true. In fact they were all exactly 33 1/3 years old on the day of divorce. This is because Tom Cruise loves vinyl records so much.

-Although they had a whirlwind romance and a happy few years together, eventually Tom and Katie grew apart and realized it would make them happier to be apart and continue their lives. Haha unbelievable! Who would buy that?!

The happy (and by “happy” I mean “really creepy and gross”) couple are no more

TV is a world full of some nutty people who do some pretty nutty things. What did some of them get up to this week? Well keep reading!

- If you haven’t heard, the millions upon millions of people who tuned into Oprah’s farewell show haven’t found the remote yet to change the channel to OWN, Oprah’s new TV network. It’s tanking so far, with pretty miserable ratings that come nowhere close to what her show would pull in on network TV. So Oprah’s solution? Promise that she will get the most insane interview of all time. Oprah will be starting a new chat show on the channel (making her huge finale kind of pointless and empty) and has stated that her dream interview to boost the ratings of her channel would be O.J. Simpson confessing to murder. Of course O.J. is in jail for at least 6 more years, and she would be asking him to ADMIT TO KILLING TWO PEOPLE, but besides that it sounds like an awesome plan Oprah.

- Crystal Harris, the Playboy playmate who was engaged to Hugh Hefner, has left him and canceled the wedding at the last minute. Sure, getting out of a weirdo marriage with the perverted Cryptkeeper doesn’t sound so crazy, but listen to this: Crystal was supposedly planning on leaving Hef at the altar for the sake of the reality TV special and was already trying to negotiate a $500,000 interview about why she did it. When every magazine and TV show laughed in her face she apparently decided to just bolt. I’m sure Hef is wiping away his tears with other naked women.

- Michelle Obama filmed a special appearance on an episode of iCarly this week. Really? You know people who watch that show don’t vote, right Michelle Obama? The only people that watch Nickelodeon shows like that are kids, stoners and prisoners, I’m sure of it.

- Teen Mom star Amber Portwood supposedly tried to commit suicide this week, but the details are pretty sketchy about whether she actually did anything or just threatened to. Apparently when she told her boyfriend/punching bag Gary Shirley he said “Go ahead,” so it’s nice to see their relationship is as healthy as ever. About her (possible?) suicide, eh said:  “It was the best feeling. I love the way it made me feel. It was euphoric. It was wonderful.” Wow, someone get this girl a real shrink who isn’t Dr. Drew. That quack has no place around real mental problems.

- On The Today Show, Matt Lauer rode Jim Carrey like a horse for no apparent reason. I have nothing to add to that, just watch the bizarre video below to see for yourself:

Thou shalt do whatever the Oprah asketh of you, no matter the bodily harm.

Hugh Jackman is a man of many talents. He can do action in X-Men. He can do drama (and magic!) in The Prestige. He can do singing and dancing on Broadway. He can even voice a rat in a terrible animated movie like Flushed Away (aka “The Poor Man’s Ratatouille“). But, beyond all that, I hope this is the clip he becomes known for: whacking his head into a lighting rig after zip-lining down to meet Oprah from the Sydney Oprah House.

Ok, maybe that requires some explanation.

As part of Oprah’s big Australian celebration, she asked Hugh Jackman to make a surprise appearance to introduce her to his home-country crowd. After-all, Hugh is about the only Australian actor Oprah can count on. Russell Crowe would have been liable to angrily hurl phones at the crowd and Mel Gibson might have enlightened them all on how to string words together in the most offensive way possible. He’s really good at it. So Hugh it was, and for a suitably grand kick-off he agreed to zip-line down to the stage from the top of the Sydney Opera House, a stunt he says was quite fun until he failed to stop and ran full-speed and face-first into one of the dangling lighting rigs. He failed to duck down under them. Heyoo!

Luckily, thanks to his adamantium skeleton and healing power (Hugh is strictly a method actor, of course he developed these traits to fully understand the character of Wolverine), Hugh walked away with just a black eye, curing himself with nothing more than a rag and a glass of red wine before introducing the big O. Crocodile Dundee would be proud of how he walked it off like a true Australian tough guy, but red wine?! Come on Hugh, that’s not the drink of an Outback man.

Witness Hugh’s big entrance below!

So apparently there is a 7 year long feud between Shia LaBeouf and Frankie Muniz, which Shia has decided to hold onto till this day. How did I not know about this?! This is like when Rosie O’Donnell and Donald Trump had a feud, I love it when two people I dislike fight it out! Because it always forces me to examine things and decide which of them I really don’t like. Apparently the feud started when they were both on the family friendly TV shows Malcolm in the Middle and Even Stevens in 2003, but Shia re-opened the wounds in an interview this week when he commented that he had just gotten lucky with roles and that most of his movies like Transformers would have gone to number 1 no matter who starred in them, even if it was Frankie Muniz. Oh snap, Shia! When asked if he was worried about running into Muniz after the dig, LaBeouf said, “I don’t really hang out in Frankie Muniz-type zones.” Muniz immediately hopped on Twitter with his response: “Dear Shia LaBeouf, it’s getting creepy the fact that you can’t stop talking about me. It’s been 12 years now. I don’t know you. Thanks.” So who do I dislike more in this scenario? Despite minding his own business and simply asking to be left alone, it’s still Frankie Muniz. Sorry, he seems like a tool. Furthermore, by using the phrase “Frankie Muniz-type zones,” I think I actually like Shia LaBeouf now.

Speaking of things that I find disturbing, Snooki from Jersey Shore is writing a book. Ok, “writing” might be a generous term. She’s collaborating on a book. Still too generous? Ok, her agent and manager are probably quickly glancing at and approving pages from a series of struggling ghost-writers while Snooki gets drunk in a hot tub and makes money off of it. Better? Although I immediately assumed it would be an autobiography of sorts, Snooki has instead chose to go the Lauren Conrad route of writing a “novel” with a main character that sounds exactly like herself. A Shore Thing (sigh) will “revolve around a girl looking for love on the boardwalk (one full of big hair, dark tans, and fights galore).” How does she think of a character like this? What an imagination! The best part of this news? Snooki tweeted only a few months ago about reading her first book and how proud of herself she was. And now she’s writing one! And it will probably be a bestseller! Take that struggling writers and the dying art of real literature!

And finally, the long-time feud between David Letterman and Oprah (which had seemingly been smoothed over thanks to mutual appearances on their shows a couple years back) has once and for all been explained thanks to a conversation between Letterman and Jon Stewart on the Late Show with David Letterman. We always thought it was just Letterman’s jokes about Oprah and Uma Thurman during his ill-fated turn hosting the Academy Awards that kicked it off, but it turns out it was all over a classic prank. I’ll let Letterman explain what he did, but come on, take a joke Oprah! Like you can’t afford to cover a meal for Dave! You give your audience cars!

12 years after departing her mega-successful daytime talk show, Rosie O’Donnell is returning with a new talk show, but promises the new show will be something completely different from what she has done before. And what did her stint on The View and her various bandanna-wearing video blog rants teach us over those past 12 years? Whatever Rosie comes out with these days, it’s gonna get some attention. She’s not exactly one to keep her opinion to herself.

And how did she get this new show? The way all must get a daytime talk show. IT WAS GRANTED BY THE OPRAH. Yes, Rosie’s new show will air on Oprah’s TV channel, meaning it will probably be called “Oprah presents The rOsie O’donnel shOw.” That woman has a thing for the first letter in her name. She probably even has an O shaped swimming pool! Oh yeah, I guess that is just an oval swimming pool and is actually quite common. The surprising part about Oprah deeming Rosie worthy of a show on her channel (what’s next, a photo of her on the cover of O magazine one month instead of just the grand and exulted Oprah??) is that when Rosie’s talk show was at the height of it’s popularity, Oprah reportedly held quite some ill-will against Rosie because of her claim to be “the new Queen of Nice.” No one claims the crown of daytime TV but Oprah. But now (that Oprah gets to be Rosie’s boss) everything is apparently peachy between the two.

Although I was hoping the new show would just consist of Rosie having people like Donald Trump and Elizabeth Hassleback on to have screaming matches with, apparently that’s not the case. But it won’t be a traditional talk show with a desk and celebs hawking their latest crappy movies either. According to Rosie, the show will be “a single topic, hour-long show about life, love and laughter.” Does that mean no more throwing Koosh balls into the audience whenever the mood strikes like she used to do? Do they even make Koosh balls anymore? Oh Rosie your show is working perfectly! I’m already thinking about the big questions in life.

But what will be the first big life topics Rosie decides to tackle? Well, these last few years she has been willing to rant about seemingly everything, from the Iraq War and President Bush to Donald Trump and Jay Leno. So I would think the first episode will either be about the immigration law in Arizona or Lindsay Lohan’s fingernail. Both hard-hitting issues that must be addressed. But my real question is this: will she address Tom Cruise changing his permanent residence to a mansion in Crazytown? Rosie used to mention her crush on Tom Cruise constantly, throwing huge celebrations the few times he appeared on her show. Come on, Tom’s antics over the past years are perfect for a televised Rosie rant!

The So You Think You Can Dance Season 7 top ten performed last night—the eleventh, Alexie Agdeppa, was sent home in a watery tomb of tears and snot last week.  This makes the season half as long, doesn’t it?  Maybe that was their intention—or maybe at a certain point, eliminations stop for a while and we just watch everyone dance.  In any case, it was nice to see some genres last night that aren’t necessarily represented by the All Stars, like Bollywood!   So exciting to see something other than contemporary, hip hop and jazz.  I predict one of the dudes will go home tonight (especially as it’s 6 guys to 4 girls, America!), but wouldn’t it be interesting if it ended up like 6 to 3 and 6 to 2 etc.?  Guys would have to dance together!  Anyway, it’s gonna be a guy, and it’s probably gonna be AdeChike.  Watch tonight to find out!

Onwards and upwards to other Fox show news!  The Glee reality show, wherein producers would search for unknown singers to cast in the show (via the everlovin’ MySpace, of course), has been flushed down the crapper and is no more.  Show creator Ryan Murphy decided work on the reality show would pull too much of his focus from Glee (and now that a third season has been confirmed, he has more than enough on his plate) and scrapped the whole shebang.  And it’s not like Glee needs the publicity, what with it’s overwhelming popularity, live tour, multiple hit albums, and appearances on The Tony Awards and Oprah.  Some hopefuls with video submissions may in fact appear on Glee, but for one episode only.  Not too shabby after all!

AWESOME ALERT!  Futurama starts up anew tonight, with a one hour premiere beginning tonight at 10pm/9pm CT on Comedy Central!  BAM!  Hit it with the spice weasel!

- This post brought to you by DIANA

Goodbye Lost! We will need some other nerd obsession now.

Lost will be coming to it’s climactic end this Sunday at 9, promising 2 1/2 hours of maybe an answer or two that will hopefully live up to some of the hype, while Celebrity Apprentice will be airing it’s own much-talked about (live!) season finale at the exact same time. What is a Lost nerd that loves Bret Michaels and the whole Trump gang to do? Thank god for DVR.

Yes, after 6 seasons of insane theories and obsessive viewing, Lost fans (such as myself) will finally get to see what the heck all of this stuff has been leading up to. Will they be happy with what they see? Probably not. There are two things the internet is good for when it comes to shows like Lost: speculation and complaining. Well, there will be nothing left to speculate on, folks. Cue the backlash. I, for one, think it’s going to be great. You won’t see me posting my “How it should have ended” fan-fiction on the web Monday morning. Though if the finale doesn’t involve the smoke monster fighting a polar bear I will be very disappointed.

How will the island and alt-world reconcile? Will everyone (who happen to still be alive) get off the island? Is there any chance of a happy ending? Will Juliet FINALLY show up again? Well, at least we will know in a few short days. I most look forward to people who checked out of the series long ago tuning in to the finale to see how it all ends, only to be woefully confused by all they have missed. “Wait the bald dude is the smoke monster now? Jack is an island protector who drank magic kool-aid? Hurley has been on the island this long and STILL hasn’t lost weight??”

Then there’s Celebrity Apprentice. I’ve always enjoyed the show, but imagining that it could cut into the Lost finale’s likely massive ratings would be ridiculous. Until you add Bret Michaels into the mix as one of the final two contestants. As you probably know, Bret originally went to the hospital for kidney surgery. Then a brain hemorrhage. Then he finally got a bit better and went on Oprah. Then he had a small stroke 3 days ago. Then the doctors discovered he has a hole in his heart. Yet, Bret is still planning on making the Celebrity Apprentice finale. Now that is a man who either really wants to win money for his diabetes charity or is desperate for Donald Trump’s approval.

Of course, with all the coverage of Bret’s many medical trials and his struggle to make it to the live finale, doesn’t Trump kind of have to name him the winner?

Do you remember Food Network chef Juan-Carlos Cruz? Host of Calorie Commando and Weighing In? Yeah, me neither. But you will now! Because Chef Juan-Carlos has just been arrested for planning to kill his wife in the most unusual of ways. You’d think a chef would just pull out a butcher knife, or maybe a pizza cutter if they were feeling creative, but not Juan-Carlos. Instead he attempted to pay a couple of homeless guys to strangle his wife for him. Yes, that sounds bad, but to be fair they did have signs reading “Will Strangle for Change.” It’s an honest day’s work. He even specified not to stab his wife because it is too messy. Leave it to a chef to realize what a hassle clean-up can be. What makes the whole thing even stranger is how Juan-Carlos intended to pay his would-be assassins: with $1,000 in ripped up 100 dollar bills, half before and half after so they would have to tape them together. Brilliant.

I think I am most surprised that it was Juan-Carlos who snapped and tried to kill someone. I always figured that Hell’s Kitchen and Kitchen Nightmares hothead chef Gordon Ramsay would be the one to fly into a murderous rage. Or Rachel Ray. There’s evil in those eyes.

Speaking of permanent fake smiles, Rima Fakih became the first Arab-American to be crowned Miss USA last night! Congratulations Rima! I hop you enjoyed yourself for a few hours, because now it’s scandal time! In what has become a tradition as associated with the competition as the evening gown, as soon as Rima won, pictures of her in a skimpy outfit, grinding against a stripper pole surfaced. Say what you will about a competition that features a swimsuit portion getting upset about “sexy” photos (and I sure hope you’re saying “that’s dumb!”), when it happens every single year doesn’t it cease to be a scandal? At this point the only shocking photos that could surface would be of the winner in a library, or actually doing the charity work they all pretend to. As it turns out they are just stills from an independent short film (a B-movie spoof called “Throbbing Justice”) anyway. At least it was a spoof!

And finally, in non-scandal but still obligatory Bret Michaels news, Bret is in the final two of Celebrity Apprentice! Of course that’s really not much of a surprise since so many articles made a big deal about whether Bret would make the live season finale. No one would really care if the 4th runner up couldn’t make it. Bret will face off against Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper actress Holly Robinson Peete in the final (pre-taped) challenge. Also, because he is a celebrity that went through a traumatic event, Bret will of course appear on Oprah next week. Oprah is, after all, a mythical creatures that feeds off of others’ pain and the shrieks of an audience getting free gifts.

I wasn’t expecting much from last night’s Oscars since it was lacking big ticket nominees (Avatar aside). But there were some laughs, history-breaking moments and the ceremony was short and sweet. Same formula as last year’s show (the Tina Fey-narrated screenplay nominees, extra kudos for the Best Acting nominees and I swear they used that same Best Make Up nominee graphic last year), but they ironed out the wrinkles (yay for nixing the herky-jerky camera panning!).

I’m never one to talk fashion (plus, the dresses were disappointingly beautiful this year), so let’s get straight to the show highlights:

Belle of the Ball - None other than the elegant, raaadiant Ms. Meryl Streep whose affable, delighted-to-laugh attitude and cover-her-face-out-of-glee/modesty/embarrassment mannerism made her the loveliest front row participant. She became the go-to gal for practically every host, presenter and award winner and was always ready with an encouraging smile and friendly chuckle. Hollywood freaking loves Meryl Streep and who can blame them?

It Takes Two, Baby - I love the acerbic wittiness of Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin. Their co-hosting job, while uneven, had me at perma-grin whenever they were on-screen. I liked Steve Martin’s solo hosting gig a few years back, but the duo played the “love this guy, hate this guy” rapport with panache and I wouldn’t mind seeing them do the honors again - when they have better material/nominees to work with.

Poker Face or Bad Romance? - Were George Clooney’s stone-hard reaction shots just “playing along” with the on-stage banter of Martin and Baldwin, or was he as pissed off as he looked all night? Usually Clooney’s a good sport, what gives?

Seriously, Oscars? - Isn’t this 2010? Why are we still cutting the camera to a Jewish person when Jews are mentioned (see: Ethan Coen during a “So many Jews in Hollywood” joke), or an African-American when anything Precious-related occurred (”Precious just won Best Original Screenplay! Let’s see how… Morgan Freeman is taking this in! Sure, he’s not even involved in the film, but he’s black and so are the leads in the film!”). Seriously, Oscars?

“Wait, did she just backhand us?” - Mo’Nique’s been on a roll, deservedly collecting award after award for her barenaked performance in Precious. Usually she gives touching, inspirational acceptance speeches, and we like it. We like fierce, we like pride, we like passion, but didn’t Mo’Nique come off as dissing her fellow Supporting Actress nominees by, “thanking the Academy for awarding performance over politics”? I’m hoping she didn’t mean it that way, but it sure sounded like she was belittling the performances of the other ladies in her category.

Hey Audience, Remember That You’re on Camera - Speaking of, what do we think of Samuel L. Jackson’s wide-eyed, “that was intense” mouthing of “Wow…” reaction shot after Mo’Nique’s speech? Sammy J. agrees with me! [Notice again: Mo'Nique won and they cut to Samuel L. Jackson even though he had nothing to do with Precious.] Anyway, back to my point - I’d like to take this moment to remind all members of the Oscar audience that YOU ARE ON CAMERA. So think before you: shrug with indifference over a no-name winner, roll your eyes at a bad joke, or give your partner a “that b!tch was crazy” look. *We can see you!*

Watch Your Head, Watch Your Step - That stage was a little over-done, wouldn’t you say? Who was the set designer? There were so many moving parts: rotating staircases, sliding screens, microphones that raised and dropped from the ground. I felt like the presenters were navigating through a booby-trapped level of Marble Madness! And who thought that a backdrop of lampshades would be classy in that setting? No me gusta.

Don’t You Forget About John Hughes - 80’s freaks collectively squealed to see Molly Ringwald, Matthew Broderick, Judd Nelson, Jon Cryer, Anthony Michael Hall and Ally Sheedy (what, we couldn’t just do a straight Breakfast Club only reunion?) on-stage and paying tribute to the late John Hughes. We love some 80’s teen angst and foibles, but why was Hughes the only deceased to get a dedicated segment? Why not forego that sloppy “Tribute to Horror films” montage (which included Beetlejuice, Misery and Edward Scissorhands?) and give Patrick Swayze a dance tribute or something?

Subtitles Should Not Be Necessary - Loved when Best Foreign Language Film, El Secreto de Sus Ojos director Juan Jose Campanella thanked the Academy for ”not considering Na’vi a foreign language.” Unfortunately, judging by the cool silence of the audience, they didn’t understand his accent and it may have required some s’plaining.

So I Don’t Think You Should Dance - Adam Shankman, judge of So You Think You Can Dance, produced last night’s Oscars which explains the cameos from former SYTYCDers and The League of Extraordinary Dancers to interpret the Best Original Scores (through the Robot and Pop-locking). SYTYCD nerds spotted dancers Channing Cooke, Nick Lazzarini, Travis Wall, Legacy Perez, Jakob Karr, Tony Bellisimo, Noelle Marsh, Kathryn McCormick, Russell Ferguson and Lil C in the mix. I’m a fan of SYTYCD, but the execution for the Best Original Score number was sloppy and didn’t impress me as much as it did for say… Penelope Cruz, who was adorbs and beaming afterward. BAILAMOS!

Kanye Moment of the Night - Did anyone expect on-stage shenanigans to occur during the Best Documentary Short acceptance speech? One minute, we’re watching Roger Ross Williams accept the award for Music By Prudence and the next thing we know, he’s bum-rushed by brassy-haired, brassy broad Elinor Burkett. Apparently, she left the project due to creative differences but had no problem with collecting the accolade while Williams stood by in shock. More behind the dispute from Salon.

Most Inappropriate Time to Bust Out the Hooker Heels - I’m talking to you, Demi Moore! You almost got the outfit right this year, but those gold stripper heels were all wrong, especially as you presented the In Memorium segment.

Leaving Out an Angel - Why wasn’t Farrah Fawcett part of the In Memorium? She’s been in films too, you Oscar bast@rds!

Ben, it’s okay to just be you - Is it a pre-requisite for Ben Stiller to show up every year in a lukewarm sight gag? Last year was the awkward Joaquin Phoenix beard and this year he dressed as an Avatar. *yawn*

Thanks for the Deja Vu - I’m serious. Last year, j’adored how they brought five previous Oscar winners on-stage to give a dedicated “love letter” speech to each of the Acting nominees. After all, we tune in to the Oscars for the movie stars, the glamour and their pride as they bask in the self-importance of their art, right? Thankfully, this may become an Oscar tradition because they did it again (although why was it was reserved only for the Best Actor and Best Actress nominees?). Another change was this time, the nominees heard from past costars, directors and er… Oprah Winfrey. It worked and had a very Screen Actors Guild-y vibe about it. Plus, we like hearing behind-the-scenes quips about Morgan Freeman allegedly telling Tim Robbins, “A friend is someone who’ll get you a cup of coffee… So could you do that for me, Ted?  It is ‘Ted’, isn’t it?”; Dame Helen Mirren sporting a sexy spiderweb tattoo on her hand; and Colin Farrell and Jeremy Renner getting plastered in Mexico together, etc. etc.. And then, of course, you had Oprah’s dramatic ode to the whirlwind Hollywood journey taken by Precious newcomer Gabourey Sidibe, which was really moving. From struggling student to actress to nominated alongside Meryl Streep in a year? Fantastic story. Even better? Having the Oprah as a reference at your first Oscars attendance. Newbies win!

Get “The Dude” Off of the Stage Please - We all knew Jeff Bridges would win Best Actor and we’re happy for the likable guy, but didn’t his “groovy” and “man”-laden speech ramble on for a minute or two too long?

Newest Old Face in the Crowd - Sandra Bullock. She’s definitely one of America’s sweethearts and it’s great to see her comeback (in the same year she won a Razzie for the stinker All About Steve, mind you), but did she change her face? Did her nose always look like that? Regardless, I loved her acceptance speech which mixed tears, humility and self-deprecating humor. But now we want to hear more details about George Clooney throwing her into a pool - dish it, Sandy!

Hurts, Don’t It? - Some may be pleased to say, “Suck it, James Cameron!” but at least he looked gracious about losing multiple awards (including the bigguns for Best Director and Best Picture) to his ex-wife Kathryn Bigelow and her film The Hurt Locker. Let’s hear it for the girl, who made history by being the first woman ever to win a Best Director award! Biggy up to Bigelow!

Full list of Oscar winners here. Did you tune in last night? What’d you think of the festivities?

ALSO! Today we’ll be drawing our three winners for our Square Eyes Starry-Eyed Oscars Contest! Did you predict all of the winners correctly? If so, keep an eye on your inbox to see if you won six-months of free Netflix from Square Eyes!

Long story short: the Saints bested the Colts last night in their first Super Bowl evs - congrats! [cue celebratory "When the Saints Go Marching In"]

Okay, enough with pretending that I know anything about football - how ’bout them ads?

We’ve listed 5 of our favorites commercials from the night - take a peep below and vote for your favorite (or let us know what’s missing)!

LATE SHOW - WORST SUPER BOWL PARTY EVER feat. David Letterman, Oprah Winfrey and Jay Leno

SNICKERS - YOU’RE NOT YOU WHEN YOU’RE HUNGRY feat. Betty White and Abe Vigoda

DORITOS - HOUSE RULES

DENNYS - SCREAMING CHICKENS ACROSS AMERICA

GOOGLE - PARISIAN LOVE