Posts Tagged ‘Lisa Turtle’

Dustin Diamond’s Saved By the Bell Tell-All, in Short

Posted by KAT in Saved By the Bell, Saved By the Bell: The College Years

January 27th, 2010, 12:58 PM

Saved By the Bell: Mark-Paul Gosselaar as Zack Morris, Dustin Diamond as Screech Powers, Mario Lopez as A.C. SlaterBy now, we all know Dustin Diamond wrote a tell-all book about his years on Saved By the Bell called Behind the Bell that simultaneously grossed us out and made us sad.  Not that anyone actually read it.

Except for this 11 Points contributor!  You should really check out the long, long list of highlights (eleven, in fact!) they’ve put together, but in the meantime, let me condense them for you in a mostly SFW fashion so you can see if it’s worth your time:

1) Dustin has had sex with over 2,000 women and is well-endowed.  Dustin is no Screech Powers.
2) Mario Lopez (a.k.a. A.C. Slater) raped a girl, and NBC paid her to keep quiet.
3) Tiffani Thiessen (Kelly Kapowski) was dating Eddie Garcia, the actor who played Johnny Dakota in the anti-drug episode, while having relations with both Mark-Paul Gosselaar (Zack Morris) and Mario Lopez at the same time.
4) The entire cast was smoking weed during the said anti-drug episode (”Theres no hope with dope!”).
5) Elizabeth Berkley (Jessie Spano) also had relations with both Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Mario Lopez.
6) Lark Voorhies (Lisa Turtle) also had relations with both Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Mario Lopez.
7) Martin Lawrence was abusive to Lark Voorhies when they were engaged (Whoa! Never knew they were together).
8 ) Dustin had sex with Linda Mancuso, NBC’s VP of children’s programming.
9) Mark-Paul Gosselaar confessed to the cast that he had used steroids before Saved By the Bell: The College Years.
10) Ed Alonzo (a.k.a. Max, owner of The Max) used to practice magic tricks with a young Neil Patrick Harris and also get sexy with him.
11) Executive Producer Peter Engel (you’ve seen the name!) used to have threesomes with Tiffani Thiessen and Mark-Paul Gosselaar in his office.

That’s all he wrote.  Only Mr. Belding remains unscathed!

Okay, so not to be a total Pollyanna, but I’m assuming just about all this is made up.  For one, these lies aren’t even creative.  They basically amount to: everyone had sex with each other.  And even if it DID happen, who cares?  Dustin Diamond is quite simply continuing to reveal himself as the insecure, bitter has-been that we already knew he was.

So the question remains: should we read this?  Nah.

[Source: 11 Points via ONTD]

Zack Morris Hits the Late Night Circuit

Posted by KAT in Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Saved By the Bell

June 9th, 2009, 02:19 PM

If you happened to watch Late Night with Jimmy Fallon last night, you were lucky enough to witness one of the most wonderful moments of our time.

You know what I’m talking about, reader.  Jimmy’s guest just happened to be none other than Saved By the Bells Zack Morris.

No, not Saved By the Bell’s Mark-Paul Gosselaar, dummy.  We’re talking straight ZACK MORRIS, no chaser!

The Zackster not only showed up, broke the fourth wall, called a time out, and pulled out his giant cell phone, but performed Zack Attack’s hit single “Friends Forever” with house band The Roots to boot.  And so much more!

You’d have to see it to believe it:

Magic.  The Attic?  Stacey Carosi?  1502? Johnny Dakota? Everything about that was flawless.  This must be what born-again Christians feel like.

And that Zack hasn’t aged a bit!

As you’ll recall, Jimmy Fallon is petitioning to get the entire original cast of Saved By the Bell to reunite on Late Night in honor of the show’s 20th anniversary.  So far he’s locked down everyone but Tiffani Thiessen (Kelly Kapowski) and Dustin Diamond (Screech Powers). Screech we could do without, but what’s a party without Kelly Kapowski?

Seriously, if her dad loses his job and makes her miss ANOTHER major social event, I’m calling bullshizz!

Saved By the Bell Saved By the Jimmy Fallon?

Posted by KAT in Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Saved By the Bell

April 6th, 2009, 05:06 PM

Holy moly!  How come no one told us about THIS:

Yep.  Jimmy Fallon is trying to get the entire original cast of Saved By the Bell to reunite on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, in honor of the show’s 20th anniversary.

Mr. Belding will clearly take part, as per the video clip above.  And I think we can safely count Dustin Diamond (Screech) in - what else has he got going on (besides financial troubles!)?

Mark-Paul Goselaar (Zack) and Mario Lopez (Slater) I could go either way on, and I’m not expecting to see any of the girls any time soon.  Throw us a bone, Kelly Kapowski!

So basically, per my expert assessment of the situation, the only ones we can count on are Mr. Belding and Screech.  Ugh.  Bummer scene.

What is this, Saved By the Bell: The New Class? Yechhh!

Go big or go home, am I right? Sign the online petition here, on Fallon’s blog, and cross yer fingers and toes!

Hot Sundaes Meltdown on Saved By the Bell

Posted by ERIN in Saved By the Bell

January 30th, 2009, 04:33 PM

Saved By the Bell Jessie's Song I'm so excitedThe Hot Sundaes are the 1.5-hit-wonder girl group of Jessie Spano, Kelly Kapowski and Lisa Turtle on Saved By the Bell!

Besides covering the Pointer Sisters’ “I’m So Excited” many a time, they’re also probs most notable for the peppy single “Break a Sweat (Go for It)” …and sparking Jessie’s caffeine pill addiction/nervous breakdown (because there was never any time and she just had to get into Stanford!).

Nevertheless, the Hot Sundaes’ music video was nothing short of a jazzercising inspiration to young girls across this great nation during the 90’s.

It’s a piece of work: the way they SHOUT-SING THE WHOLE SONG; dated special effects (abrupt leotard changes, double exposure close-ups, herky-jerky slo-mo); the actresses’ genuine commitment; and just the overall absurdity of a song which (unsuccessfully) tries to bridge the themes of aerobics and falling in love. Utter NONSENSE!

We all assumed these Saved By the Bell vixens would shoot to the tippy-top of stardom, but it’s probably more appropriate to say they’ve all “achieved modest notoriety”. Here’s where the Hot Sundae gals are today:

Elizabeth Berkley (Jessie Spano): Guest-starring in the current season of The L Word as Kelly (seriously?), the “straight girl that got away” from Bette (Jennifer Beals) in college (seriously?). The leads of Showgirls and Flashdance together on-screen? Seems like a dance-off is in order!

Tiffani Thiessen (Kelly Kapowski): Currently working on USA Network’s upcoming series called White Collar as the wife of an FBI Agent played by Tim DeKay (Carnivale). Kay *shrug*.

Lark Voorhies (Lisa Turtle): Appeared in a 2008 suspense thriller film called The Next Hit. Yeah, I didn’t hear about it either. She’s also a musician and releasing a single called “Saturday” (boo, not “Sundae”?) this year.

Put your mind to it and go for it, ladies!

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