Posts Tagged ‘Lily van der Woodsen’

Billy Baldwin as Gossip Girl’s Keith van der Woodsen

Posted by KAT in Gossip Girl

January 20th, 2010, 06:05 PM

Grody! Guess who’ll be playing Keith van der Woodsen (William in the books), the estranged father of Blake Lively’s Serena van der Woodsen, on Gossip Girl in upcoming episodes?

Gossip Girl: William Baldwin as Wiliam van der Woodsen


Gross!  William Baldwin, clearly one of the lesser Baldwins (he’s no Alec) will be taking on the role of Lily van der Woodsen’s former husband.

Eh, I’m not too excited.  Is Stephen Dorff old enough to play this part?

[Source: Perez]

Gossip Girl S03E12: The Debarted

Posted by KAT in Gossip Girl

December 8th, 2009, 12:28 PM

Hey, is Gossip Girl turning into a daytime soap? Car accidents, mistresses, political scandals, good kids gone bad, love triangles, moms back from the dead… all signs point to yes!  Here’s what went down…

Jenny Humphrey & Eric van der Woodsen
SO TIRED OF THESE TWO.  So they’re still rivals, I guess, but they’re really boring about it.  Jenny gets some rare designer handbag, so Eric has some cute dark-haired girl named Sawyer get it too, to piss Li’l J off and make her look bad in front of the minions when she tells Sawyer to get rid of it.  But then Jenny buys everyone rare designer handbags and everyone’s happy.  Then Eric and Jenny make up and its SO BORING.  But are they made up for good?

The end of the ep sees Jenny out on the town with Damien, the drug-dealing son of an ambassador.  It seems Li’l J’s been dealing drugs!  So stoked.  She’ll look helluv cute in juvie.

Gossip Girl: Jenny Humphrey & Damien

Dan Humphrey & Vanessa Abrams

So Dan is STILL crushing on Vanessa and isn’t sure what to do.  She invites him up on a weekend getaway with her and her new bf Paul Hoffman and some cute girl named Willa Weinstein, but he can’t decide whether to go.  Buddy Nate Archibald suggests he either a) confess his feelings or b) start up with some random college hook-ups.  Dan tries b), by trying to hook up with Willa (wearing gold lamé!) but it just don’t feel right and he stops.

On to a)!  In a moment of high emotion, Dan tells Vanessa he loves her.  “I love you, too,” she says, but in a BFF way.  He starts explaining himself, but she stops him and tells him people say things they don’t mean when under stress, and basically brushes him off.

Though pretentious and terrible, Vanessa’s not stupid.  Babe knows what’s going on.  Is she totally over Dan? Will she be ready to address the issue after she’s thought things through?  Eh, can’t say that I care.

Serena van der Woodsen & Trip van der Bilt
Serena’s shacking up with Trip at the family’s country estate, acting like such a teenager.  Zomg where’s the wifi, where’s the TV wah wah wah.  Meanwhile, Trip gets a phone call and tells S he’s off to meet with grandfather.  But guess where he goes?  Off to see wife Maureen!  It seems Maureen is okay with him seeing Serena privately, as long as they’re together publicly - she thinks this fling is just a phase.  Maureen then tells Trip she’d like to speak with Serena, which he agrees to because he’s sooooo spineless.

Gossip Girl: Maureen van der BiltSo Maureen talks to Serena and basically lays it all out for her: “You can have him in private, but I get him in public…I’m Jackie, you’re Marilyn.”  She whips out the letter from Serena’s dad Keith van der Woodsen as blackmail - if S doesn’t agree to the plan, she’ll tell Rufus what’s in that note, which is essentially something about mother Lily and Keith spending the night in a hotel room together while she was supposedly at CeCe’s.

Serena is freaked out and calls mommy, telling her she wants to go home, everything is horrible.  Lily promises her she’ll tell Rufus everything.  Serena starts leaving to find a cab, right as Trip comes home.  Serena’s super pissed at him and wants to leave.  He convinces her to let him drive her back, which she agrees to - but no talking, plz.

BOOM CRASH POW!  Trip swerves to hit a pack of wolves (Wtf? Twilight crossover wolves?) and crashes the car.  Serena is hunched over the dashboard, blood spilling from her dome.  Trip gets out of the car, unscathed, and calls MaureenMaureen waves her magic PR wand and ding!  Serena has been transferred to the driver’s seat and is now the lone car crash survivor and is rushed to the hospital.

But Nate knows everything!  He had been on his way to the country estate to see Serena when he came across the accident.  Nate confronts cousin Trip in front of the hospital, and after Trip responds like a wuss, Nate punches his lights out!  So awesome.  P.S. Do people still say “punch his lights out”?  I hope so. 

Lily rushes to the hospital to see Serena, and tells her that she still hadn’t told Rufus about the letter, which bums her out. Lily leaves to tell confront the situation, but unfortunately, she’s too late: Maureen has already gone to Rufus with the note.  We later see him meeting one of the trophy wives he’d met earlier in the episode at a bar - he needs to talk to someone who can relate.  Get it?  Rufus is a trophy husband who’s been tossed aside!

Serena wakes up in the middle of the night and sees Nate asleep in a chair and her room.  This makes her happy.  Love is blooming!

Chuck Bass and the Ghost of Bart Bass
Finally, a Chuck Bass storyline we can sink our teeth into!  So basically, it’s the anniversary of Chuck’s father Bart’s death, and so he keeps imagining the old-timer everywhere.  Bart is constantly over Chuck’s shoulder, criticizing his business deals and telling him he’s gone “soft” because he’d let gf Blair Waldorf into his heart.

Gossip Girl: Bart Bass & Chuck Bass

Obv, this causes Chuck to act like a huge dick to Blair, who keeps trying to comfort him on his day of grief.  Dude keeps pushing her away, but she understands what’s going on and is persistent.

On his way to an important meeting, Chuck gets a call about step-sis Serena’s accident and asks his driver to turn the car around to the hospital.  Of course, Bart shows up and tells him he sucks, he’s gonna lose the deal.  Chuck manages to disregard dad and heads to see his fam.

At the hospital, Chuck relives the scene of  his father passing away - seeing Bart on his deathbed, being overwhelmed with emotion, and rushing past Lily and Serena out the door.  Chuck panics and collapses on the hospital floor.  Blair comes out to talk to him and tells him he’s strong, that he had grown up to be the man his father never was - someone who cared about people and confronted his emotions.

Chuck takes Blair’s words to heart and decides to visit his father’s grave - and is met with a strange woman at the gravestone, who calls out “Charles!” and runs off.  Confused, Chuck approaches the grave and finds a locket with an “E” and a picture of Bart on it.

HELLO!  This is clearly Chuck’s mother, am I right?  His mom’s name had been Evelyn (E locket!), she’d brought yellow flowers (mom’s fave!), and Blair had mentioned Chuck had never been to her gravesite because Bart thought it was morbid for children to visit cemeteries.  Basically, Evelyn Bass is alive, right?

We’ll find out… when?  It’s unclear when Gossip Girl will return from winter hiatus, but I hear it may not be until March.  Sheesh!  Way too long!

I’ve enjoyed these past two episodes.  Don’t quit on me now, Gossip Girl!  xoxo!

Gossip Girl S03E11: The Treasure of Serena Madre

Posted by KAT in Gossip Girl

December 1st, 2009, 12:43 PM

Oh man!  Finally, a Gossip Girl that kept me titillated at each turn!  We celebrated Thanksgiving a week late this year with a bit o’ Upper East Side hijinx…

Jenny Humphrey and Eric van der Woodsen
So basically, Eric’s bad now and it’s surprisingly not annoying.  At Thanksgiving dinner, Jenny finds out that it was in fact Eric who sabotaged her at the debutante ball, costing him his relationship with JonathanJenny attempts to call a truce, but Eric (in a pretty pimp ‘welcome to the dark side’ speech) tells her they’ve both changed and their ain’t no turning back on evil.  This means war!  The end of the ep sees Eric texting someone (probably that bleh Kira Abernathy girl?) to let them know it was time to pounce on Li’l J.

Gossip Girl: Blair Waldorf & Chuck Bass

Blair and Eleanor Waldorf

So Blair’s got abandonment issues and is convinced mother Eleanor is keeping a secret from her.  After accosting long-suffering maid Dorota in the hallway and insisting she look into her shopping bag, Blair finds a pregnancy test and is convinced her mother is pregnant.  In the end it turns out it’s Dorota who’s knocked up - with doorman Vanya’s baby!  Our sweet maid is concerned with how her Polish family will react to her canoodling with someone from the Soviet out of wedlock (as a Polish gal myself, I can relate). P.S. How cute will this li’l dumpling of a baby be?!  So excited!

Eleanor’s secret?  She and Cyrus Rose are moving to Paris!  Blair is left alone to make her mark on New York.

Dan Humphrey, Vanessa and Gabriella Abrams
Snooze!  So Dan’s giving Vanessa the googly eyes on account of he’s been crushing on her ever since they had that grody threesome with Olivia Burke.  Meanwhile, Vanessa’s being a bitch to mother Gabriella on account of mom cares more about saving baby whales and condescending to the working class and stuff than her own daughter.  Dan succeeds in reuniting mother and daughter by explaining to Gabriella that she sucks at being a mom.  Mom and daughter leave to meet up with Paul (new theater guy Vanessa’s seeing off-screen) and his parents.

Gossip Girl: Gabriella Abrams, Vanessa Abrams, Dan Humphrey

But not before Dan confesses his budding romantic feelings for Vanessa to Gabriella!  A mother knows, you guys, and like I said, Dan’s feelings are written all over his googly face.  Gabriella advises the boy to only pursue Vanessa if he truly knows his feelings for her are true.  “If you break her heart again, your friendship won’t survive,” Gabriella tells him.  OoooOooh!

Gossip Girl: Lily van der WoodsenRufus Humphrey, Lily van der Woodsen, and CeCe Rhodes
Even though the Humphreys love Thanksgiving, Lily van der Woodsen wants to keep it small and low key.  Rufus and Eric, however, decide to video-conference in grandma CeCe, on account of she’s been sick and they want to surprise Lily.  They soon find out that she’s in perfect health, and the broad basically invites herself over for din, knowing something’s up.

By the end, we discover that Lily is in fact keeping a secret from Rufus.  It turns out CeCe’s cancer has been in remission since August, and Lily has been using her mother as an excuse to be away from home.  When Rufus confronts her about it, she lies again, telling him she was bonding with her mother and didn’t want to leave, though she knew it was unfair to him.  Rufus buys it, but Lily reveals to CeCe that she’s keeping a secret from him that she’ll never reveal. $10 says it has to do with Keith van der Woodsen and that letter she’s hiding from daughter Serena.

Serena van der Woodsen and Trip van der Bilt
Serena is STILL crushin’ on Trip, but is nervous about getting affectionate with him until his divorce with wife Maureen goes through. She’s super dumb, however, and invites him to spend Thanksgiving with her in her hotel room, telling mom Lily that Trip has her working at a soup kitchen for the holiday.

Unfortunately for S, Lily runs into Maureen on the street (wearing the same coat!) and invites both Trip and her to Thanksgiving to relieve Serena of her philanthropic duties.  Maureen accepts the invitation, knowing something’s up.

Meanwhile, Serena is doing her best trying to avoid Trip, but ends up making out with him in her hotel elevator after pulling the emergency brake.  Stupid S seems to have forgotten that step-brother Chuck Bass owns the hotel, and has access to the security tapes.  Chuck tells buddy Nate Archibald about said tapes and Nate, perhaps selfishly out of love for Serena, gets his hands on the footage and shows it to Maureen.  Shizz ends up hitting the fan over Thanksgiving dinner, and Maureen blows up at T and S, telling Serena to end it (”He’ll be a political joke and you’ll be a punch line,” she says).

Gossip Girl: Serena van der Woodsen, Trip van der Bilt

A freaked out Serena apologizes to Maureen, promises to never see Trip again, and accepts BFF Blair’s invitation to visit Paris with her.  When the girls go to find Serena’s passport in Bart Bass’s old safe, they find a letter addressed to Serena from dad Keith van der WoodsenSerena is shocked by its contents!

Trip shows up at that moment and asks for her hand again, and Serena decides to go with him, with Blair’s support.  Not really sure why, btw - his speech was like negative moving.  On their way out, Lily tries to stop her daughter, but whatever S found out in Keith’s letter inspires her to throw the note in Lily’s face and say “You don’t get to judge me, ever again” and walk off.  Lily takes the note and hides it in her coat pocket, to keep it from Rufus.

Nate tries to stop Serena from getting into the car with Trip, asking her to give him a chance.  She’s torn for a second, but in the end, gets in.  Uh oh, methinks trouble will be afoot!

Maureen is still at the van der Woodsen house and dejectedly goes to the closet to pull on her coat and leave.  In the elevator out, she reaches into her pockets and discovers… the Keith van der Woodsen letter!!!  She’s mistakenly put on Lily’s identical coat!  As Maureen reads the letter, an evil smile comes over her face.  She now has some sort of ammunition against Serena.  Oh noes!

Phewf.  Okay, so that’s that.  I’m wondering if everyone else enjoyed the episode as much as I did.  Sure, the story was as disjointed as ever and plots were thrown at us a mile a minute - but we got some great story development in there.  And I can’t wait to find out what all these secrets are!

What do you think?  xoxo!

Goss Girl S3E9: They Shoot Humphreys, Don’t They?

Posted by KAT in Gossip Girl

November 10th, 2009, 12:10 PM

OM3! Last night was the much-publicized Gossip Girl threesome, and let me tell you, it wasn’t pretty.  Let’s start the rundown.

Jenny Humphrey
So basically, Li’l J’s still being a huge bitch, ordering her minions around and scheming to remain Queen Bee.  But don’t worry, you guys, she’s only a crappy person cuz she’s insecure on the inside.  See, J is from Brooklyn, and thus way behind on things like ballroom dancing and wearing skirts that reach past her the fingertips.  Luckily, stepmother Lily van der Woodsen has pulled some strings, and Jenny is able to make her debut at cotillion along with the other Upper East Siders. Insecure about her lack of experience being rich, Jenny decides she needs to have an A+ date to the deb ball, namely, some dude named Graham Collins.  Unfortunately, her minions are having some trouble pinning the guy down.

Gossip Girl: Jenny Humphrey & her minions

Newly-scheming stepbrother Eric van der Woodsen, pretending to be helpful, convinces her to go to the ball with his boyfriend Jonathan (no clue why she would agree).  He then swipes Li’l J’s phone and texts “No, thanks” to Graham Collins‘ actual invitation to the dance on Jenny’s behalf.

However, Jenny finds out what Eric did and, in turn, dumps Jonathan as her date and Blair Waldorf as her pseudo-mentor (J: “Your era’s over. And so is that headband”).  This incites Eric and Blair to team up, and they do so by taking in this babe named Kira Abernathy with a seriously busted face (did she win a walk-on role sweepstakes?) and making her over to become the new Queen Bee.  Eric even blackmails hottie Graham Collins to go with her, by telling him that what happens at Camp Suisse doesn’t necessarily stay at Camp Suisse (scandal!).

The plan is as follows: when each girl debuts, Jenny will take the stage thinking Graham is her escort, and then be publicly humiliated when she discovers this isn’t the case - and she actually has no date to her society debut.  So this basically happens, and sure, it’s pretty mortifying - but it’s not really a biggie on account of Li’l J makes a quick call to Nate Archibald and he comes a-runnin’ to join her on stage for the debut.  BORING!  But hey, you think these two will rekindle their near-romance?

Gossip Girl: Jenny Humphrey & Nate Archibald

BONUS: Boyfriend Jonathan is nonplussed by Eric’s deviant behavior (shock me shock me shock me!) and dumps the dude.  Bummer!  This just means Eric‘ll have more time to scheme with busted-faced Kira.  “The next time we take Jenny down,” he tells her, “It will be for good.”  Cute!

Serena van der Woodsen and Blair Waldorf
These former besties are still feuding, and Chuck Bass is tired of it.  Thus, he schemes to trap Serena and Blair in an elevator, where they will remain until they make up (what is this, an ABC sitcom?).  So they do, and Serena opens up to Blair about her daddy issues and blah blah blah while Blair listens in with an uncharacteristically sympathetic ear.  Serena also tells her about her crush on Senator Trip van der Bilt, Nate’s cousin and Serena’s recent employer.  She admits that things between them are getting a little too personal - Trip admitted as much to her earlier that day.  Blair recommends that she quit and never see Trip again; dude is a married Congressman after all!  Serena agrees, and marches down to his office to resign then and there.

Gossip Girl: Trip van der Bilt & Serena van der Woodsen

Unfortch, when Serena finds Trip, she is distracted by his boyish good looks and is easily convinced that the two of them can manage to keep things professional.  I think we all know where this is headed.

Dan Humphrey, Olivia Burke, and Vanessa Abrams
On with the show!  I’ve saved the worst for last!  Yes, I’m sorry, ole greaseface, beefarms, and hemphair make up the trois in our ménage a trois.  After Olivia is notified that she will be soon leaving town to film Endless Knights IV, Dan and Vanessa decide to cram the full college experience into one wild ‘n crazy night, by running through a “15 Things You Have To Do In College” list in 24 hours.

Gossip Girl: Dan Humphrey & Vanessa Abrams

They do a bunch of boring stuff like drink at a party and blah blah blah finally retire to the girls’ dorm room after a full night.  Dan (that dog!) points out that they have one item left to check off: have a threesome.  This leads to the “Have you ever?” question (they hadn’t), which leads to Olivia kissing Dan, Olivia kissing Vanessa, then Vanessa kissing Dan.  Cut to the three of them asleep in bed.  We can all assume what went down, and let’s face it, Vanessa loved every minute.

But Olivia gets a text message as she sleeps: Endless Knights IV is off!  This means she’ll be sticking around after all.  Guess they didn’t have to have that threesome!

Though winding down with a barf, the episode ends with a gasp.  Lily van der Woodsen picks up the mail to find a letter to Serena from Daddy van der Woodsen (Keith, I believe?)!  Will she give the letter to Serena?  Hide it?  Will Serena resolve her ongoing daddy isues?

The Parents Television Council (PTC) tried to keep this week’s episode of Gossip Girl off the air, but why?  “They Shoot Humphreys, Don’t They?” was an anti-threesome ad, if you ask me.  Did you see the trio in question?  Would you want to be involved with any of them?  Gross me out!

Besides, kids don’t even watch this show.  25+-year-olds trying to relive the Bev 90210/OC glory days do.


Gossip Girl S03E06: Enough About Eve

Posted by KAT in Gossip Girl

October 20th, 2009, 11:13 AM

Ugh.  Most confusing Gossip Girl ever.  I don’t even know if I’ll be able to recap this one.

Gossip Girl: Olivia Burke & Dan HumphreySo I suppose the biggest deal of the evening was Blair Waldorf and Vanessa Abrams duking it out over who’d get to deliver the freshman toast at the NYU parents dinner.  Vanessa was all set to deliver the speech, and seemingly no effort from Blair begging and pleading with Josh Ellis, Head of Freshman Affairs, could stop her.

Unfortunately, across town, Dan Humphrey was busy inviting new celebrity gf Olivia Burke to the parents dinner so she could meet his parentals, Rufus Humphrey and Lily van der WoodsenOlivia decided to call up Mr. Ellis and accept his invitation to give the freshman toast so she could impress the fam, unknowingly bumping Vanessa from the position.  Looks like Olivia will be delivering the toast!

Nate Archibald is busy working hard on cousin Tripp Vanderbilt’s congressional campaign.  He’s also keen to help Serena van der Woodsen with the whole Carter Basin situation, and tells her the Buckley’s have shipped Carter off to Texas to pay off his debts to the family at an oil rig. 

Nate thinks only way to pay off the debt is to play a high-stakes game of poker with P.J. Buckley (didn’t she spend time playing poker with her step-father in Monaco, after all?) - and Serena agrees, for some insane reason.

Blair finds out about Olivia’s new role as toastmaster and throws it in Vanessa’s face, then uses her primo powers of manipulation to convince Vanessa to trick roomie Olivia into backing out of the toast.  Vanessa tells Dan that Olivia is freaked out over meeting the ‘rents and convinces him to disinvite her to the parents dinner and make her chicken dinner instead.  As a result, Olivia gets all freaked out that Dan’s cooling on her, so Vanessa tells her that Lily and Rufus are really judgmental when it comes to “Hollywood types.”  OMG VANESSA IS SO BAD AT LYING!

But!  Back to Blair!  The girl still hasn’t secured her position as freshman toaster.  She concocts a little plan: she and bf Chuck Bass will resume their cheating man/scorned woman act in order to embarrass Mr. EllisChuck will flirt it up with the administrator and Blair will catch him in the act. Chuck is all for it, obviously, and does a bang up job - Ellis ends up planting a big ole smooch on the Bassface.

But no!  Embarrassing Mr. Ellis wasn’t Blair’s actual plan - she was, in truth, selling Chuck out!  Apparently, Blair had struck a deal with Mr. Ellis to check #27 off the TriBeca Scavenger Hunt List: Kiss Chuck Bass.  With that exchange, Blair got her speech.

In the meantime, Serena is all set to play poker and totally blows it, losing all of Nate’s money.  However, the guy’s got faith in her and raises the stakes with a photo of cousin Tripp with a bong - an image that could ruin his political career.  Serena, of course, loses again.  The money and Tripp’s campaign are lost.

Gossip Girl: Serena van der Woodsen & Nate Archibald

But are they?  It turns out Nate actually wagered a doctored photo.  He wanted the image to be released so that it looked like the Buckleys were gross enough to sink as low as all that and victimize the poor VanderbiltsSerena, pissed that she’d been used, calls up P.J. and tells him to truth, and pays off Carter’s debt herself.  Unfortunately, when she tells Carter he’s in the clear, he isn’t happy.  He wants to do things his own way, now that he’s a good man.  Carter doesn’t need her charity, he wants her respect.  He leaves; Serena is left heartbroken.

Gossip Girl: Gabriella Abrams & Vanessa AbramsAt the parents dinner, Blair is all prepped to speak, but unfortunately, Vanessa isn’t done fighting yet.  She’s keen to deliver the speech herself, as her super self-righteous, condescending mother Gabriella will be there, and Vanessa wants to convince mom that NYU is the place for her (Gabriella Abram’s opinion on private education: “Knowledge should not be for sale”).  Vanessa confronts Blair, but not without a hidden microphone.  Blair confesses, unknowingly mic’d in front of everyone, that she had stolen the toast, that she had been willing to do anything to get it, including lying to Chuck, “the one person who trusts me more than anyone.”  BUMMER!  Chuck is noooot happy.

Meanwhile, Olivia is busy acting like a super stuck-up Hollywood type in front of Lily and Rufus, on account of she’s pissed that they’ve pre-judged her as exactly that.  Dan eventually figures out what’s going on and he and Olivia confront Vanessa - who’s been acting very un-Vanessa this episode, am I right?  Vanessa confesses all that has gone down and apologizes, telling them how important it was to prove herself to her mother with this speech. “I wish Rufus and Lily were my parents,” she tells them - and mama Gabriella overhears!

Lily gives Blair a mini-lecture about how important trust is in a relationship and the girl seems to take it to heart.  However, when Blair goes to ask Chuck’s forgiveness the next day, he won’t have any of it.  Chuck knows how little respect she has for the people she manipulates, and he won’t be one of them.

The episode ends with Blair sitting down at a cafe with Vanessa, who’s just been stood up by her mother for breakfast.  The two bitches left in the dust!

Gossip Girl: Blair Waldorf & Vanessa Abrams

What did you think of Vanessa’s new manipulative streak?  Is she falling into a life of private school games?  Does anyone care?  How does the real NYU feel about all this publicity?

And seriously, could I get a litte more Gossip Girl narrative up in this mix?  xoxo!

Gossip Girl S03E05: Rufus Getting Married

Posted by KAT in Gossip Girl

October 13th, 2009, 11:55 AM

Whoa whoa whoa, Gossip Girl, slow down!  I can’t pick up these story lines you’re putting down fast enough!

Oy, where to begin?  It all starts with Dan Humphrey chatting with new ladyfriend Olivia Burke on his mini-comp.  Snooze.  Olivia is in Japan filming a movie or something.  Whateva.

Georgina Sparks is back after a week in Boston getting secrets out of Scott / Lovechild!  She runs into Vanessa at a coffee shop and finds out Dan’s been seeing someone new.  Hence, the blackmail begins.  Georgina threatens to tell the Humphrey - van der Woodsens that Scott / Lovechild is their lovechild, and not just lovechild’s brother - and that Vanessa knew it all along - unless Vanessa convinces Dan to dump Olivia and get back with Georgina.  BORING!  This seems too easy.

Back at home, Lily van der Woodsen’s still pissed at Rufus Humphrey for supporting Serena in her decision to not attend Brown.  Serena, meanwhile, is busy living at BFF Blair Waldorf’s and canoodling with new beau Carter Basin.

Gossip Girl: Bree Buckley & Nate ArchibaldMeanwhile, Blair’s hatred for Nate Archibald’s new lady Bree Buckley and love for Carter are annoying the shizz out of bf Chuck BassChuck decides to get to the bottom of who’s good and who’s bad and corners Bree.  She tells him Carter is trouble - but that’s all she can say.  Chuck seems genuinely concerned for his step-sis Serena, and goes to Carter with a one-way plane ticket, implying that he knows the full story and telling him to skip town for good.  Will he leave or be honest with S?

Serena decides to go home and work things out with her mother, which happens in like 2 seconds cuz Lily is too busy thinking about herself and Rufus to give an eff about her daughter.  Serena decides to take matters in her own hands and has the Humphrey family “accidentally” run into the van der Woodsen’s at a restaurant.  The kids leave Lily and Rufus alone and, after an early ’90s reverie about Lincoln Hawk opening for Sonic Youth, the pair get in a fight about how to have their wedding, raise their children, etc.  The reconciliation is off!

But only for like a second.  Lily and Rufus make up later over the phone and decide to “take a leap” - to have their wedding TOMORROW!  Eek!  Obviously Serena’s gonna plan it and it’s gonna be awesome, cuz they’re all insanely rich.

Across town, Vanessa tries to convince Dan that Olivia is in Japan rubbing elbows with Orlando Bloom or possibly preggers.  He doesn’t believe it for a second, and instead, decides Vanessa is in love with him.  HA!  Vanessa responds with a massive AW HELL NO! and spills Scott / Lovechild’s secret lickety-split (sers, I’d be totes embarrassed if Dan thought I was crushing too).  Dan decides he can’t tell daddy just yet, so as not to spoil the wedding.

Gossip Girl: Carter Basin & Serena van der WoodsenInstead, he decides to lie to Georgina to keep her away from the wedding for the time being, telling her he’d like to get back together.  However, when he kisses her, he doesn’t grab her ass like he used to when he genuinely was interested in her, and she smells something’s up.

Obviously, she runs to get Scott / Lovechild and brings him to the wedding to ruin the whole damn thing.

At the wedding, we finally find out the Carter / Bree connection.  Carter mans up and shows up to tell Serena his full sordid tale.

It seems he got into huge gambling debt, then took advantage of Bree’s cousin Beth - going as far as asking the girl to marry him - in have the Buckley family settle his bills before abandoning her.  Serena is less than stoked about the news, and refuses to talk to him, even though he insists she’s changed him.

Meanwhile, Bree admits to Nate that she used him in order to get to Carter.  Bummer!  The episode ends with Bree’s big jocky brothers hauling Carter off in the back of a car.  Rich people love revenge!

Our bride Lily, in the meantime, is having serious wedding jitters, and tells Rufus she wants to call the whole thing off, seconds after the wedding march starts.  She tells him they’re too different, it won’t work; he insists she’s making excuses because she’s scared. Scott / Lovechild obviously picks this moment to walk up and meet his parents - and Lily goes all bitchcakes on him.  She’s never met the guy!  He runs off and, after Georgina cruelly explains who he is, Lily and Rufus run to follow him to the Chinatown bus he’s about to board.

Catching Scott / Lovechild at the bus, he tells them he was hoping his parents were in love, not trainwrecks blah blah blah Lily tells him she’s dreamed of holding her lovechild in her arms for years.  GROUP HUG!

Gossip Girl: Lily van der Woodsen, Rufus Humphrey, Scott / Lovechild

Rufus and Lily decide to get married after all, and tie the knot in front of an intimate crowd with Sonic Youth’s Kim Gordon (ZOMG!!!) officiating.

Ah yes.  Then we all dance happily to the tunes of Sonic Youth.  Bros Dan and Scott / Lovechild hug it out before Scott / Lovechild goes back to Boston to be with his poor family.  Serena and Nate are bummed cuz their beaus suck.

Gossip Girl: Lily van der Woodsen, Rufus Humphrey & Sonic Youth

What about Georgina?  Nobody likes you, GeorgieBlair enacts a bit of revenge with the girl, sending Dorota to execute some sort of plan that entails a Belarussian prince picking her up at the bar.  $5 says he’s not actually a prince.

Too much! But at least we got some much-needed closure.  What’s next?  Will Chuck save Carter from a Buckley beating?  Probs.

I still wish Gossip Girl would talk more. Less confusion, more puns, plz!


Gossip Girl S03E04: Dan de Fleurette

Posted by KAT in Gossip Girl

October 6th, 2009, 12:42 PM

Gossip Girl: Dan Humphrey & Olivia BurkeyOMFG! An episode of Gossip Girl I was actually satisfied with (sorta)!  On with the show…

Where do I begin?  Let’s see.  So Dan Humphrey meets this blond babe in a fedora in front of a coffee stand who introduces herself as Kate.  However, due to him being insanely out of touch, Dan doesn’t realize Kate is actually famous actress Olivia Burke (a beefy-armed Hilary Duff!), star of Vampire Knights (let’s face it, they mean Twilight).  Olivia / Kate is stoked to be seen as a normal hottie and not a famous one and welcomes the attention.

The next day, Dan is at a cafe with Nate Archibald, telling him about this cute “Kate” girl when - lo and behold! - there she is at a table behind them!  Nate, who obviously knows who Olivia Burke is, is super amused, but decides not to let Dan in on the joke.

Heh!  Dan goes over to ask Kate out, and she obliges, but later tells him her life is too crazy and dumps the poor guy.

Nate?  He’s just busy being boring.  His snoozy gf Bree Buckley is off somewhere or other.  Who cares?  We’re putting that storyline on hold this week.  That, and the whole Carter Basin thing.

But I digress.  So obviously, Olivia Burke winds up being Vanessa Abrams’s roomie.   Vanessa returns to her dorm one evening to find Olivia’s publicist Casey rearranging the room (Vanessa: “I see you’ve taken down my Godard poster.”) and making everyone sign confidentiality forms in exchange for tickets to the premiere of Olivia’s upcoming movie, FleurOlivia is mortified!  Please, just let me be normal!

Hey! The little kiddies get some airtime!  Jenny Humphrey and Eric van der Woodsen return to Constance Billard and St. Jude’s, respectively.  Li’l J is excited to have broken down the former hierarchy imposed by Blair Waldorf and others after having won the crown and smashing the system.  However, when she arrives at school, it seems her classmates haven’t followed suit; she’s met with punky eyeliner Li’l J wannabes who are at her beck and call!  She demands they stop the madness, effective immediately.

Across town, Serena van der Woodsen’s being a big whiner about not wanting to go to Brown. She’s won the support of slacker step-dad Rufus Humphrey, but now has to face the Lily van der Woodsen firing squad.  Expectedly, Lily is less than thrilled with her daughter’s decision.  Serena decides to get a job to prove her mother she can do a thing.

The job she gets?  Assisting movie star Olivia Burke’s publicist Casey, who needs the help of a “diva whisperer.”  Serena is brought on board to help out with Ursula Nyquist (Tyra Banks), a movie star, diva, and Olivia co-star.  Obviously, Serena and Ursula wind up being total BFF and Serena’s job basically amounts to having a slumber party with her and h2h-ing.

Gossip Girl: Serena van der Woodsen & Ursula Nyquist

Later,  Serena finds out that a scene in Ursula and Olivia’s upcoming movie Fleur that Ursula is particularly proud of is being cut.  Casey doesn’t want to tell Ursula about it, because she wants to make sure the actress attends the premiere, which Serena doesn’t agree with.  Honestly, I don’t understand the moral dilemma here.  Why tell Tyra about the cut scene and stress her out on her big day?  Console her later!

PS: did anyone else find Tyra Banks’s histrionics both obnox and endearing at the same time?

Meanwhile, Blair is busy being bummed that she’s not Queen Bee (”How can I rule over people I don’t understand?”) and embarrassingly retreats back to the Constance Billard crowd, taking Jenny’s progress back a step.  She invites a bunch of girls over to her house for the annual Waldorf sleepover party, at the dismay of both Dorota and bf Chuck Bass.

Gossip Girl: Chuck Bass & Jenny HumphreyChuck turns to Jenny to help save Blair’s ego, and they hatch a plan to attend the Fleur movie premiere together. Gossip Girl sends out a blast, letting all the girls at the Waldorf sleepover know that Li’l J is out on the town with none other than Chuck Bass.  Blair, furious, rushes to the premiere to see what’s what.

Meanwhile, Vanessa convinces Dan to attend the Fleur premiere, where he obviously finds out that Kate is actually super famous movie star Olivia Burke.  Yadda yadda yadda, they talk and decide to continue going out because they’re both soooo normal.

Blair goes to figure out ’sup with Chuck and he gives her the skinny: “I’m Chuck Bass. And I told you I love you. You’re saying I’m easier to win over than a bunch of pseudo-intellectual homesick malcontents. You’d really insult me like that?”  BAM!

He continues: “The next time you forget you’re Blair Waldorf, remember I’m Chuck Bass. And I love you.”

He then tops that killer speech off by paying a paparazzo to take her photo.  Ego restored!  Best boyfriend ever!

Time for the movie!  The film begins and Ursula soon realizes her big fat scene is cut and runs out in tears.  Serena runs after her, where Casey is busy telling the actress to throw a public tantrum.  Serena defies Casey and tells her to respond with dignity instead, which Ursula sees as the most novel thing anyone’s ever suggested.  Casey is PISSED and fires poor Serena.

Later on, Ursula tells Serena she convinced Casey to hire her back, because she helped her “find herself” (oh puuhhhhhleaaaase!).  Serena then realizes she can’t find HERSELF under the roof of Lily van der Woodsen, packs her things, and moves out.

In the end, we see Blair lecturing three headband-wearing girls about how to rule the school - it seems like she’s found a couple of misplaced aristocrats like herself at NYU.  Ah yes, the return of Blair Waldorf.  Back at Constance, we see Jenny Humphrey presiding over her own group at the steps. Order restored.

But that’s not all!  The episode ends with Vanessa calling Scott / Lovechild in Boston, who has to hang up abruptly because he has an incoming call… from Georgina.  Trouble is afoot!

We’ll see how this all pans out.  I’m curious to see how Georgina manages to both break up Dan and Olivia and mess up Scott’s whole situation.  Any ideas?


Gossip Girl S03E03: The Lost Boys

Posted by KAT in Gossip Girl

September 29th, 2009, 11:43 AM

Zoinks! Is it just me, or has Gossip Girl ceased to make sense?  I’m not even sure I can summarize the thing for you without getting things horribly wrong.  Let’s try…

Oh snap!  Dan Humphrey and Georgina Sparks are hookin’ it!  Dan does something smart for a change and lets her know that he wants to have a “no strings” relationship. Georgina pretends to agree, but it’s clear she’s into this guy, for whatever reason.  She’s got the guy’s mug on her desktop wallpaper!

Meanwhile, Blair Waldorf’s got her panties in a bunch because bf Chuck Bass is too busy trying to be a business man to spend any quality time.  Luckily, she receives an invitation to join La Table Élitaire, a secret society that will prove her worth at NYU.  FINALLY!

Gossip Girl: Carter Basin & Serena van der WoodsenSerena van der Woodsen’s still dating Carter Basin, at the objection of her friends (he’s been a jerk in the past, after all).  She believes he’s changed for the better, but an event or two starts giving her doubts.  For one, some babe approaches him and claims to have slept with him just a month ago - he denies it.  Second, his credit card gets denied at the hotel and he refuses to pay room service - he claims he doesn’t owe a thing.  Tsk tsk!  Is he truly bf material?

On the other side of town (not really, just needed a segue), Scott / Lovechild’s still being a creep.  Vanessa Abrams starts getting suspicious and decides to look into it.  Turns out he’s been lying all along: he isn’t enrolled at NYU after all (the horror!).  Vanessa confronts him about it, and he confesses he’s been trying to sneak into the lives of the Humphrey / van der Woodsens on account of Rufus and Lily being his biological parents and all.  Sers, dude’s been straight up creepy, taking guitar lessons from Rufus and whatnot.  Vanessa encourages him to spill the beans to Rufus at the Sotheby auction everyone’s going to. Scott / Lovechild agrees to, but begs her to keep her mouth shut in the meantime.

Sotheby’s?  Why are we all going to this auction again?  Seriously, if you have any clue, let me know.

Well,  Chuck and Blair, at least, have a clear reason for going.  Turns out the businessman Chuck’s trying to impress - Patrick McMullan - and Blair’s secret table society would both be stoked to get a certain photograph up for auction at the event.  They agree not to bid, but then, no, they’re both too stubborn to back down.  Time for a Chuck and Blair showdown!

Nate Archibald and Bree Buckley?  Yeah, they’re still dating.  Or something. SNOOZE CRUISE! 

Vanessa’s having a hard time keeping the Scott / Lovechild secret from Dan, and lets him know that she found out the dude doesn’t attend NYU.  Dan’s weirded out, and is encouraged by Georgina to do some looking into Scott / Lovechild’s past.  They figure out via the Internets (where else!) that dude’s been lying about his last name.  Dan puts two and two together and realizes Scott / Lovechild is the same guy who wrote him a fan letter last year.  He fears he’s a crazy stalker that needs to be stopped (you wish, Humphrey!).

Now we’re at the Sotheby’s auction!  Serena figures out that Chuck and Blair are behind the Carter problems, setting him up to look like a tool in front of her.  Their usual manipulation pisses her off and she does the unthinkable: outbids them in their bidding war for the photo!

Gossip Girl: Blair Waldorf & Chuck Bass

Serena ends up giving the photo to Blair, who hands it over to Chuck, because she loves and believes in him (omgah qties!).  Howevs, it turns out this is all for naught: Georgina’s behind the whole thing!  Turns out she made up the invitation to Blair’s society and is buddies with the assistant who gave Chuck the tip about the photo.  Oh, Georgina!

Side note: Serena was the one to figure out Georgina’s involvement in all this and, in an uber-bad Serena moment, wages war on Georgina.  Watch out, bitch.  Love it!

Ooh! And in the meantime! Scott / Lovechild’s all prepped to tell Rufus he’s his daddy, when his adopted mother shows up to let him know she fully supports her decision. Scott / Lovechild is so moved by her love for him, that he ends up telling Rufus that he’s dead Lovechild’s brother Alexander rather than Lovechild himself, and just wanted to meet his bro’s fam - this explains away all the stalking.

Gossip Girl: Vanessa AbramsVanessa is taken aback and ultimately, realizes she has a BIG secret to keep.  Unfortch, our gal Georgina overhears her conversation with Scott / Lovechild and gets busy plotting.  The episode ends with her booking a trip to Boston, where Scott / Lovechild will be returning.  Is this a plot to get close to Dan?  Get back at Serena?

Serena ends up apologizing to Carter, which he accepts.  BUT!  It turns out Carter IS hiding something.  We find out that he somehow knows Bree Buckley, who he encounters in a limo, on her way to finally face her familly. “Considering what you did to us,” she says to him, “Being able to find you is going to go a long way in getting me back in.”  What the eff does that mean?!  Is she using our Nathaniel to get hunt down Carter?  I wish any of this made sense.

Luckily, the episode ends on a high note: Chuck, all giddy from having Blair believe in him, decides that, instead of finding a partner for his proposed club, will sell all of his Bass Industries shares and buy an entire hotel on his own.  The scene with Chuck and Blair in front of the hotel is truly lovely; it almost makes me think this relationship’s gonna work out fine.

Good episode?  Bad episode?  I’m not sure, but hey, at least we’ve got some wheels in motion, finally.  I was a bit overwhelmed by new stories starting up and old stories being revisited, but I’ve got faith they can figure things out.

But seriously, I’ve got one final bone to pick: where the eff is Gossip Girl?  Did she not follow us to college as I had hoped?  Babe got like 2 seconds of airtime this episode.  Boooooo!

Tyra Banks and Hilary Duff next week!  xoxo, y’all!

Gossip Girl S03E02: The Freshmen

Posted by KAT in Gossip Girl

September 22nd, 2009, 11:48 AM

Ah, college: where losers get popular.  Last night’s Gossip Girl proved that yes, this is always the case, with the majority of our gang moving into the dorms at NYU.

Blair Waldorf in a dorm room?  I suppose the writers want us to suspend disbelief with this one, which I’m more than happy to do.  Blair apparently wants to immerse herself in dorm culture so she can conveniently infiltrate the freshman class and once again become the Queen Bee.

Unfortunately, when she arrives, she’s greeted by an unfortunate dorm mate: Georgina SparksGeorgie’s still doing the whole sweet act, but Blair can see through her and knows it’s war from here on out.

Gossip Girl: Blair Waldorf & Georgina Sparks

Blair attempts to launch her reign by throwing a fabulous sushi and saketini party for her classmates (side note: don’t sushi/saketinis sound sort of late ’90s?).  When no one shows up, she finds out it’s because Georgina invited everyone into their room for pizza and a screening of Vanessa Abrams’s documentary (snooze cruise!).  Vanessa, it seems, doesn’t see through Georgina’s act, and has decided to be friends with her.


Meanwhile, college-less businessmna Chuck Bass is attempting to make millions with the proposed purchase of bank and turning into a restaurant - and the vault, a secret nightclub.  He seems strangely grown up, both mature in his relationship with Blair and serious about becoming a businessman.  Weirded out!

Serena van der Woodsen, on the other hand, is a hot mess.  The girl reclaims her bad side and decides to defer Brown for a year, because she lacks the direction and motivation to attend.  She’s afraid to tell Rufus Humphrey (still standing in for an absent Lily van der Woodsen) and ends up hiding out at Chuck’s place.

Obviously, Serena ends up ruining a meeting with an investor for Chuck, and he let’s her have it.  On her way out the door, he mutters “trainwreck” under his breath, which doesn’t go unheard.  The girl packs up and moves her stuff to the Humphrey loft in Brooklyn.

Later, we also find out Chuck has told Rufus that Serena hasn’t gone to Brown after all.  This, coupled with the “trainwreck” comment from earlier on, has got our blond babe fumin’.  This means war!

Totally boring plotline alert!  Nate Archibald is still busy shacking up with family rival Bree Buckley.  They decide to stay in all week to find out the personal details about each other that’ll ultimately lead to their demise as a couple.  But guess what?  They end up just liking each other more!  SNOOZE!  Not giving this story any more attention.

Back at NYU, Blair realizes she needs the help of the newly-popular Dan Humphrey to navigate college.  Quelle horreur!  He asks him to be his date to Georgina’s rooftop party and agrees to lose the headband (”No headbands in college, okay?”).  At the party, Blair still can’t seem to connect with any of the other students, and plots to take down the popular Georgina.  She calls in Georgie’s old Jesus Camp friends (you know, the OMJCers), and announces to the crowd that Georgina only threw the party to convert them all.  The plan doesn’t seem to go particularly well, and Dan decides to resuscitate the party by grabbing the mic and encouraging everyone to party and drink cheap beer with him.  Dan, the life of the party?  Weirded out!

Gossip Girl: Scott/Lovechild, Vanessa Abrams, & Katie

And Blair, foiled again!

Oh, and crazy ole lovechild Scott is there, and he starts acting all weird when another student playfully questions a professor recommendation he made to Vanessa.  Is he possibly not an NYU student after all?  Is he just there to buddy up with Dan?  Loser.

Back at the Humphrey ranch, Serena makes a date with recent semi-beau/past douchebag Carter Basin to have drinks downtown.  We soon find out she’s only there to ruin another one of Chuck’s business meetings - which is super bitchy on account of Chuck only told Rufus about her Brown deferral out of concern.  Futhermore, Carter realizes she was only using him to mess with Chuck and is PISSED.  He tells Serena off.

Gossip Girl: Chuck Bass & Investors

Ho hum, Serena crawls home and has an h2h with Rufus about Brown, finding herself, blah blah blah, clearly, he’s the father she never had.  She then goes off and apologizes to Carter, telling him he’s not her “bad habit,” but someone she trusts and wants.  They smooch, yadda yadda.

Now is it just me, or are Serena’s motivations totally unclear this season so far?  Is she bad Serena now?  Does she actually like Carter?  Why the sudden daddy issues?  Explain, plz.

Ah, yes. Gossip Girl S03E02 ends with Blair crawling into bed with Chuck (such love!) and Dan waking up on the roof, fully-clothed next to… Georgina?!  I like where things are heading.

Drama is afoot, so please, keep watching! Gossip Girl is taking a huge hit in the ratings this season so far, and I’m getting fearful.  I don’t think I could stomach another The O.C.-sized disappointment.  xoxo!

Gossip Girl Season 3 Premiere: Reversals of Fortune

Posted by KAT in Gossip Girl

September 15th, 2009, 10:57 AM

And it’s out the gates with a whimper!  Gossip Girl’s Season 3 premiere last night proved to be somewhat of a disappointment - too much build up, not enough substance.  But don’t fret!  They’re just getting us warmed up…

Serena van der Woodsen returns from getting crazy abroad with Carter Basin. The paparazzi are right behind her the whole time, catching shots of her dancing on a table, doing shots with Prince Harry, gettin’ topless, etc. Serena sibs Jenny Humphrey and Eric van der Woodsen attempt to hide the news from Rufus and Dan Humphrey, our two moral authorities, with no luck.  You can’t hide that mob following S around everywhere.

Gossip Girl: Chuck Bass & Blair WaldorfChuck Bass and Blair Waldorf are back from summer with a romance in full bloom. We see Chuck being uncharacteristically sweet, tender, understanding… all that mushy stuff (”I’m not Chuck Bass without you”?  Puh-LEASE). They’ve stayed together since we last saw them and are apparently playing games to keep the spice up.  It seems Chuck gets the attention of an attractive woman, and just as the gal’s about to put out, Blair jumps in and screams at her, stopping the event.  It’s satisfying for both of them - however, Blair starts having her doubts and wonders whether they could exist without the games.  By the end of the ep, they decide to put an end to it, and role play instead - pervy Chuck-as-waiter / Blair-as-dissatisfied customer stuff. Will it last?  Do we want it to? Gossip Girl: Carter Basin & Serena van der Woodsen

Li’l J and Dan are having a great time being rich, which BFF Vanessa Abrams notices immediately and is annoyingly unhappy with.  Homegirl throws a hissy after seeing Dan get in a limo after he’d told her he’d be taking the subway - which I can understand on his part, cuz you KNOW he’d never sneak by without a sassy comment had he told the truth.  Vanessa wants some time to talk to Dan, so she weasels an invite to the Vanderbilt polo match, which the van der Woodsen / Humphreys will be attending, at her new boyfriend Scott’s suggestion.

SCOTT, btw, is exactly who we think it is: Lily and Rufus’s lovechild!  He’s totes using Vanessa to get to his parents.  Why else would anyone date her?

But back to business!  At the polo match, Serena engages in another publicity stunt, jumping on a horse and riding off into the woods.  Travel buddy Carter Basin follows her, and we find out the pair are somewhat of a secret item - though she’s been telling everyone he’s been stalking her.  Carter asks her to tell everyone the truth.

Nate Archibald has also returned from his European extravaganza with a new lady - who turns out to be Bree Buckley (JoAnn Garcia from Privileged!), part of a family of Archibald rivals.  He takes her to the polo match to piss off Grandfather Vanderbilt, which rightly upsets her.  Nate apologizes, because he actually likes the girl.  Grandfather Vanderbilt, however, thought acting like a sweetheart, sees their romance as an opportunity to get the best of the Buckley family.  Mwahaha!

Gossip Girl: Grandfather Vanderbilt, Bree Buckley, Nate Archibald

Vanessa and Dan, meanwhile, have a bit of an altercation, in which she accuses him of not acting like himself.  BORING!  Scott takes this opportunity to tell Rufus how much he loves his band Lincoln Hawk.  KISSASS!

But back to Serena, scandal monger.  In the end, Rufus, steps in for an oddly absent Lily van der Woodsen (supposedly tending to a sick granny), pays off all the paparazzi to stop following Serena… all but one, that is.

Serena’s got that last pap locked down!  It turns out that, as hinted at in the Season 2 finale, Serena has been on the hunt for her father this whole time, by way of a unique method: to garner as much bad press as possible.  She’s been acting out purposefully, to get daddy’s attention.  Will it work?

Exciting to get an all-new episode, isn’t it?  Can’t wait to see how Season 3 plays out…

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