As you all know, the First Couple of Scientology, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, have called it splitsville. It came out of nowhere and Cruise’s people attempted to sweep it under the rug just as quickly, finalizing a divorce in under two weeks, what just might be a Hollywood divorce record. Ever since the divorce was announced the media has been speculating and the internet swirling with rumors about just what happened to spoil their highly secretive marriage. From a “5 year contract” to the old “Suri was grown in a Scientologist lab,” no rumor has been too outlandish and unbelievable. So hey, why not make up some of our own? These are just as likely to be true as most of the theories out there.

-Katie Holmes was brainwashed into forgetting her former life, but Tom accidentally let her watch an episode of You Can’t Trust the B— in Apartment 23, where James Van Der Beek plays himself, and a flood of Dawson’s Creek related memories flashed through her mind, reminding her of who she truly is.

-Tom Cruise became so method about his role in the musical Rock of Ages that he acted like an 80s rock legend for months on end and insisted on singing their every day activities. This would drive anyone crazy.

-Katie saw all the reports about John Travolta’s massage parlor scandal and realized Tom frequented all of the same spas.

-That Oprah incident wasn’t a one time thing. Tom is jumping on couches constantly. It’s not safe for a young child like Suri to be around.

-Remember what Tom Cruise looked like in Tropic Thunder? That wasn’t make-up, that’s his regular appearance. The thin, handsome Tom Cruise we know is a result of 9 hours of make-up and prosthetic every day. Can you blame Katie?

-The new Batman movie has opened up old wounds, and Katie Holmes is now on a one-woman revenge mission against Maggie Gyllenhaal for stealing the role Katie played in Batman Begins and playing it in the way more beloved The Dark Knight.

-The “33 curse” (based on the fact that all 3 of Cruise’s wives have left him at the age of 33) is true. In fact they were all exactly 33 1/3 years old on the day of divorce. This is because Tom Cruise loves vinyl records so much.

-Although they had a whirlwind romance and a happy few years together, eventually Tom and Katie grew apart and realized it would make them happier to be apart and continue their lives. Haha unbelievable! Who would buy that?!

Chace Crawford is a classy piece

That’s just one of the delicious bits of info floating around the internet! Top interesting stories today include:

Chace Crawford has submitted himself for an Emmy as Lead Actor in a Drama, for his work on Gossip Girl. Don’t worry, Chace–your inevitable failure won’t keep me from seeing you star with Katie Holmes (aka Kate Cruise) in upcoming romantic comedy Responsible Adults. Oh, wait–yes, yes it will.

Natalie Portman is celebrating her new baby boy! It’s her first child with fiance (and Black Swan choreographer) Benjamin Millepied.

Crystal Harris has called off her Saturday wedding with Hugh Hefner, and all sorts of speculative shenanigans are to blame! Apparently the 60 year age difference doesn’t even matter?

Last, but not least, and possibly not even least celebrity-related (ahem, Crystal Harris, who are you, other than the woman breaking poor Hugh’s withered old heart?): original 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom cast member Amber Portwood has been hospitalized after an apparent suicide attempt. According to Amber’s brother, baby daddy Gary Shirley is the reason behind all of Amber’s problems, and is to blame for her attempt. We talk a lotta smack about those two (because, seriously, get it together!), but really: they need to get off of television and into counseling. Stabilize your lives!

The Kennedy name has had tragedy tied to it for decades, and it looks like the latest in the long line of Kennedy tragedies will be the worst of all: a TV show about them was canceled!

First of all: no, surprisingly it was not a reality show. I’m sure Keeping Up With the Kennedys would be on the air if any of the interesting Kennedys were still alive (Sorry! RIP!), but in this case it was actually going to be The History Channel’s first ever script TV show. With a big-name cast (Greg Kinnear is JFK! Katie Holmes is Jackie Kennedy!) the show seemed like a sure-fire ratings history maker (pun intended!) for the channel, but after seeing the finished 8 episode mini-series the channel has decided to pass on ever airing it. Why? Well, first of all, despite what I’m sure were countless network notes, Hitler never makes an appearance. Anybody who has watched The History channel knows they don’t have much interest in non-Hitler related programming. But they also claim that, despite being well acted and executed, the series took too many creative liberties and strayed from recorded history too far.

The History Channel is owned by A&E Television Networks, so they have a reputation to uphold. I mean this is the network that created Dog the Bounty Hunter and Hoarders. Only the classiest of programming! Although rumors are already circulating about what channel will pick it up (Showtime most likely), that day can’t get here soon enough, because I have to see what’s so bad that the channel that paid for it would just drop it! Does John F. Kennedy fake his own death and run off with Marilyn Monroe? After the moon landing does he secretly commune with moon-men to plot a shared domination of our solar system? Speaking of aliens, did Katie Holmes insist Jackie Kennedy be a scientologist in this version? So many questions! Check out the trailer below to see what the network deemed too controversial to air:

Sick of seeing her yet? Don’t worry readers, the finale is this week

I realize sometimes I can get a bit lengthy when discussing TV, so here is a quickfire TV news round-up for those with short attention spans! Oh who am I kidding, you probably already skipped this opening paragraph to get to the stuff about TV shows. That’s ok though, I guess this is just a precursor to the actual article, the news items probably speak for themselves when you…ah yes, what was that about getting lengthy?

The Dancing With the Stars studio was stormed by authorities on Friday, but unfortunately it wasn’t to tell them that with a finale featuring Sarah Palin’s daughter, some kid from a Disney show, and an actress who hasn’t had a noteworthy role since 1987 they are legally prohibited from using Stars in the title. Instead, FBI arrived to investigate a letter addressed to Bristol Palin that contained a white powder. Hey, why jump to negative conclusions FBI? Maybe it was one of her old Alaskan friends sending her a special magic dancing powder made from ground up caribou antlers. She could obviously use help with her dancing, and I’ve watched enough of Sarah Palin’s Alaska to know there are some crazies up there.

Mike & Molly, the CBS sitcom about a couple who meet in over-eater’s anonymous, will take some time out of their Thanksgiving episode to acknowledge the controversy started when a blogger for Marie Claire referred to the stars as “fatties” and mentioned that she can’t watch the comedy because she doesn’t want to imagine them being romantic. Although even acknowledging the remarks of an internet blogger only feeds their own ego (pun not intended, I swear), I will agree that the article was in very poor taste and I found every part of it offensive. Especially when she called the show a comedy. (Do I get a mention in the Christmas special??)

Capri Anderson, the adult film star who police found locked in a bathroom when they arrested a supposedly naked and out of his mind Charlie Sheen, has started doing the interview circuit to describe her night with the Two and a Half Men star in great detail. She claims Charlie yelled racial slurs throughout the evening, threw appliances, and even put his hands around her throat to choke her. Charlie, didn’t you hear? They already replaced Mel Gibson in The Hangover 2! Stop auditioning for his role!

Finally, who knew Anne Hathaway was funny? She hosted SNL this week and did a dead-on Katie Holmes impression. Check it out before the Church of Scientology gets it removed from Hulu! No one dares insult the bride of Cruise!

Uh, okaaaay… So, hey America, how do I put this gently?

You’re whiggity-whack on criggity-crack.

Why are you keeping jackarses on So You Think You Can Dance when it’s past their due date?

Tonight’s Bottom 2 guys and gals? Ridonkulous! Evan and Melissa definitely should’ve been there - they’re the weakest of the eight (and trust me, I like Melissa a lot!).

Recap and videos (by MJ) of tonight’s 100th episode and bummer elimination show…NOW:

GROUP DANCE: Choreographed by Mia Michaels - “One” from A Chorus Line, Original Broadway Cast - That’s right, Mia made that dance, not Tyce DiOrio. Very traditional Broadway-style dancing for this song (except with broken mirrors - ooooh, how edgy!). It’s a weird choice to open this celebratory 100th episode of SYTYCD because I recall that “One” is actually a bittersweet number that represents how dancers put blood, sweat and tears into their passion, but they usually just end up as a dot in a mass-ensemble of dancers. No love, no recognition. Way to open up the show with that message! *sad trombone* VIDEO

We see that a lot of SYTYCD alumni are in the audience (particularly from Season 4), so it’s a bummer that they didn’t all get to perform tonight, hmph. The judges reminisce (Ellen isn’t back tonight) about the show’s impact and Nigel again talks about last night’s breast cancer dance by Melissa & Ade - specifically that Olivia Newton-John contacted him about how she (as a survivor) was so moved by it. VIDEO

Cue sentimental montage of past five season highlights. VIDEO

Enough mushy stuff, it’s time to find out which girls are in the Bottom 2! Melissa is safe, which is KINDA unfair because she at least should’ve been in the Bottom 2 based on last night’s terrible Cha-Cha. But I like her, so I’m sorta glad. I’m so torn! Jeanine is safe, which means that two perfectly strong ladies, Kayla and Janette, are in the Bottom 2. Laaaame! It will be a loss tonight no matter who goes home. VIDEO

We take a stroll down Memory Lane and re-watch Season 3’s “The Hummingbird and the Flower” dance (choreographed by Wade Robson) featuring Jamie Goodwin and Hok Konishi. Oh yay! At least they brought them back to perform it live! Wow, this dance reminds me that this season sorta STANKS compared to past years. VIDEO

The lads are lined up to find out who’s in the Bottom. I’m mentally crossing my fingers, squeezing my eyes shut and chanting, “Let it be Evan, let it be Evan!” But that mofo is SAFE and not even in the Bottom 2! Truly outrageous! Ade is also safe, which means Jason and Brandon are in trouble tonight. REALLY? Brandon in the Bottom over Evan? Last time I checked, Brandon = power, passion, strength in every genre and Evan = doughy, hit-or-miss, bland performances beyond his genre. ARGH.  VIDEO

As I grind my teeth, we watch Season 2’s “The Park Bench” dance (choreographed by Mia Michaels…again) featuring Travis Wall and Heidi Groskreutz. Why do these dances seem so much more powerful than this year’s? Maybe earlier seasons had the privilege of showcasing unique dance styles and choreographers to America before we got spoiled and started to expect it (although there were some awesome routines as recently as last season, too)… VIDEO

SOLO DANCES: Kayla, Jason, Janette and Brandon DANCE FOR NO REASON, re-doing their solos from last night. Brandon is just…wow - he needs to be in the Top 4. Kayla’s solo is more interesting than Janette’s slowed-down ballroom one, but not by much. VIDEO

Ok, people liked last night’s zombie dance by Kayla & Jason, but the original, awwwesome SYTYCD zombie dance was Season 2’s “Ramalama (Bang Bang)” number (choreographed by Wade Robson…again). Tonight we see it again with lots of alums and Wade himself. It’s so fun to watch. Sensational performances! Question though, why are we only watching dances by Wade, Mia and Tyce tonight? Can we get a little diversity up in this special? Sheeeesh! VIDEO

Speaking of, here’s another freaking Tyce dance. It’s the much-plugged (pre-taped) dance by Tom Cruise’s wife– I mean, Suri Cruise’s mom– I mean, Katie Holmes. She does a song-and-dance to “Get Happy” as a Judy Garland tribute. She sings it in a thin voice and y’know- whatever. Kinda the usual Broadway dance that makes me glaze over. VIDEO

ELIMINATED: Janette Manrara and Jason Glover. Royal bummer to see Janette go, although I probably would’ve been equally down if Kayla left. Both ladies are really talented - Janette just has a tiny bit more of a spark in her personality. Cat makes it no secret that she thought Kayla was going home because she won’t stop kissing Janette, tearing up or saying how shocked she is about her elimination (sucks to be Kayla, don’t it?). The judges agree - they all loved Janette. Too little, too late! They should’ve pimped her way earlier. Oh yeah, Jason leaves too, but y’all know I wasn’t never a fan of his, so better him than Brandon. VIDEO

And then the show just sorta ends. A let-down for the big 100, if you ask me! Wonder who the new couples will be next week. If the producers want to mix it up again, it’ll be: Kayla & Brandon, Melissa & Evan and Jeanine & Ade.

Next week: Top 6, So You Think You Can Dance, be there or be Square (Eyes?).

Lace up your dancing shoes, people, tonight’s episode of So You Think You Can Dance is set to be star-studded!

Tonight’s special 100th episode will feature a tribute to legend Judy Garland, as performed by Katie Holmes.  The Hollywood actress, who’s been taking the stage in a Broadway performance of Chicago this past year, will be showing off her moves on SYTYCD in an effort to get her newly-launched dance scholarship fund the Dizzy Feet Foundation some attention.

Created alongside Dancing With the Stars judge Carrie Ann Inaba, Holmes‘ Dizzy Feet awards scholarships to underprivileged youth, affording them the opportunity to take part in dance programs and enroll in accredited dance studios.

A lovely idea, I say.  Katie Holmes head might be all sorts of mixed up, but at least her heart’s in the right place.

$10 says Tom Cruise is giddy as a school girl in that studio audience while his wife tippety-tappity-takes the stage.  Furthermore, I hope they dress a reluctant Suri up like a ballerina for the occasion.  TOO CUTE!

[Source: ICYDK]

Tonight our Top 8 dance-dance-DANCED for us on So You Think You Can Dance. We got Mia Michaels as a guest judge along with “who invited her to the party?” talk-show host, Ellen DeGeneres. K, I like her, but just cuz Ellen does goofy dancing on her show doesn’t mean she’s an expert for the panel. Sers! We got new couples and the judges all refused to use adverbs proper(LY), but let’s move on to the dancing.

Each pair did two numbers and then all 8 dancers did a solo. Videos (from MJ) and recaps below:

MY BOTTOM GUY & GIRL: Evan Kasprzak & Melissa Sandvig (she’s actually one of my faves but I’m being objective here)

GROUP ROUTINE: Choreographed by Travis Wall - “Let It Rock” by Kevin Rudolph ft. Lil Wayne (VIDEO): The dancers are all doing some hippity Contemporary to this rock/Hip Hop song, wearing Lite Brites and glowing Geordi LaForge visors in the dark. It was aight, can’t complain.

Janette Manrara & Evan Kasprzak - Jazz by Sonya Tayeh  - “Move” by CSS (VIDEO): For me, it’s Evan’s time to go home this week. He just doesn’t bring enough passion and ownership of the dances compared to the other three guys. He has the “aw shucks”, shrugged shoulders attitude which may work for old fashioned Broadway style dancing, but makes his other performances so pedestrian. I was focused on Janette during most of this number cuz she hit the moves like boom, boom, pow(!), and Evan, well, he was there in the background…

Janette & Evan - 2nd Dance - Rumba by Tony Meredith and Melanie LaPatin - “Heartless” by Kris Allen (VIDEO): Wow, this song sounded way better when Kris “Monkey Jaw” Allen sang it on American Idol. Again, Janette stole the spotlight and I thought I saw Evan falter in the beginning and at the end on some steps, but the judges didn’t mention it so maybe I’m cuhrazeh? I preferred Melissa & Ade’s Rumba from a few weeks ago to this one. A little dark and empty for me.

Jeanine Mason & Brandon Bryant - Waltz by Hunter Johnson - “May It Be” by Hayley Westenra (VIDEO): Wow, SNOOZE CRUISE alert! Poor Jeanine got stuck wearing this totally unflattering canary yellow dress. The judges weren’t too pleased with this Waltz and neither was I. It was so uninteresting, especially coming from two of the strongest dancers of the season. I thought these two would be a dream couple, but this Waltz did them ZERO favors. Yeech. Skip it!

Jeanine & Brandon - 2nd Dance - Pop Jazz by Laurieann Gibson - “Battlefield” by Jordin Sparks (VIDEO): This dance was a big improvement, but I was NOT feeling it as much as the cracked out judges. Nigel was suddenly raving like a mad man about how much he loved it, and he sort of peer pressured Mary into Hot Tamale Train-ing the dance. What I liked was the energy and strength, but I had problems with the fact that Jeanine was slightly ahead of Brandon’s moves in parts of the dance! Right? Who else caught that? They definitely weren’t that together so I was distracted - it was like the “boot camp” rehearsals with Laurieann effed with Jeanine’s head so she was overcompensating to keep up with her partner. Still, they got the judges’ love and methinks America loves them too - should be safe tomorrow.

Melissa Sandvig & Ade Obayomi - Cha-Cha by Tony Meredith and Melanie LaPatin - “Yeah (Como Goza Mi Morena)” by Chino Espinoza Y Los Dueños Del Sol (VIDEO): I was so happy to see Melissa & Ade reunite, but yikes, this dance wasn’t good at all. Love her old ass as I do, Melissa was really weak in the Cha-Cha. She didn’t possess much fire or hip action and looked uncomfortable attempting to do so and that was all I could focus on. Unfortunately, because this was one of the weakest dances, I think Melissa may be going home tomorrow. The other three gals are just incredibly strong and deserve to stay longer. The only highlight was Ellen’s tongue-in-cheek comment, mocking the terrible puns that usually come from Mary and Nigel, “Are you two carpenters? …Cuz you NAILED it!” (Note: Ellen didn’t have anything bad/constructive to say about any dance tonight, so her reviews don’t really count).

Melissa & Ade - 2nd Dance - Contemporary by Tyce DiOrio - “This Woman’s Work” by Maxwell (VIDEO): So this emotional dance about breast cancer had every judge on the panel in absolute tears (except Ellen). Yes, that means Nigel was choked up and crying, Mary’s tears left tracks in her make-up and Mia was absolutely sobbing during her critique. I love this song, I love this couple, I loved the emotion Melissa brought to it, I loved Ade’s sweet strength, but I was honestly more moved by the judges’ reactions than by the dance itself. Maybe I just had really high expectations because I’d heard rumors that it was so powerful… but I’m not sure I agree with Nigel that this is one for the SYTYCD history books. I’ll remember it for breaking down the judges, but the dance itself wasn’t too memorable for me.

Kayla Radomski & Jason Glover - Broadway by Tyce DiOrio - “Mr. Monotony” from Jerome Robbins Broadway by Kim Criswell (VIDEO): This was a swanky, smooth number. I appreciated Kayla’s dancing tonight more than the other girls - she has grace, style and performs really well as each “character”. Her personality off the dance floor? Well, that’s another story (a.k.a. bor-ring!). Grandpappy Radomski was back in the audience just splitting at the seams with pride and, as I always say, he’s the real reason why I like watching Kayla dance.

Kayla & Jason - 2nd Dance - Hip Hop by Shane Sparks - “They’re Everywhere” by Izza Kizza (VIDEO): After his previous Hip Hop numbers failed this season, I’m sure Mr. Sparks was out for redemption. Luckily, he had strong dancers as a resource and made a Michael Jackson Thriller-esque zombie dance. It was very entertaining and Kayla & Jason have good chemistry together. I do wonder how Tabitha & Napoleon felt after hearing Nigel say he’d been disappointed in the Hip Hop this season? Back-stabbed!

SOLOS

Kayla Radomski’s solo - “The Moment I Said It” by Imogen Heap (VIDEO): One of Kayla’s better solos in the past weeks. She showed a lot of control, really breathed into her movements and hit some beautiful lines.

Jason Glover’s solo - “…Slowdance On The Inside” by Taking Back Sunday (VIDEO) - Pretty boring, actually. Just lots of split leaps and stuff.

Janette Manrara’s solo - “Seduces Me” by Celine Dion (VIDEO) - She slowed it down and I really missed her quick, hot Salsa solos. It was okay, but not much of a stand-out for me.

Ade Obayomi’s solo - “Hater” by Various Artists Production (VIDEO) - A much, much improved solo from last week’s. His musicality was way stronger on this number and he was unique, a little odd, and did some powerful leaps and spins - please keep Ade, America! How can you resist that cheshire cat smile?

Melissa Sandvig’s solo - “Headless” by The Yeah Yeah Yeahs (VIDEO) - Totally more interesting than last week’s slooow ballet solo. It came off a bit 80’s and Flashdance-y, but that’s not really a bad thing. I just don’t know if it’s enough to save her. Waaah.

Evan Kasprazak’s solo - “Old Devil Moon” by Jamie Cullum (VIDEO) - He dropped his prop hat and had crazy armpit sweat stains, but I thought he was charming and loved the flip he did. (That doesn’t change the fact that I want him to go home already.)

Jeanine Mason’s solo - “Let the Drummer Kick” by Citizen Cope (VIDEO): Vewy intewesting. Man, Jeanine is thick, isn’t she? It’s sorta distracting, but that’s not to say she isn’t very talented. Nice song selection on her part, and was one of the best girls’ solos of the night.

Brandon Bryant’s solo - performed to “Ain’t Nothing Wrong with That” by Robert Randolph and the Family Band (VIDEO): Brandon is a pack of dynamite. I could watch him dance for hours. Keep this mofo around, even if he’s kinda annoying in rehearsal footage.

Tomorrow night is the big, FAT 100th So You Think You Can Dance episode EXTRAVAGANZA! We’ll be graced with Wade Robson, famous routines from past seasons (I hope they’ll be re-danced by previous contestants, but I won’t hold my breath) and Katie Holmes dances a tribute to Judy Garland. Plus, we find out which guy and gal get sent home - it’s getting tough to predict… Be sure to tune in!

What the WHAT? America is always stanking things up! I’m okay with who went home tonight on So You Think You Can Dance (Randi “unitard girl” Strong-Evans and my Hawaiian honey, Kupono Aweau), but I’m very disappointed that Melissa & Ade were in the bottom! Haters. More ranting below and of course, videos from tonight’s show (by MJ):

GROUP DANCE: (song: “So Much Betta by Janet Jackson) - The gang do some dramatic pop jazzy dance which is filled with pan-Asian stereotypes: red lanterns, conical hats, geisha-style hair/make-up/attire, dragon ladies, ninjas. I found myself wondering, “Where are the firecrackers and Lion dancers? Why isn’t Mr. Miyagi there teaching Crane kicks to Mulan?” Ugh. It was aight and featured Melissa in her ballerina glory as some…high-ranking geisha princess? I couldn’t follow the story, I was too busy placing bets that Sonya Tayeh choreographed it. But I was wrong and I guess the Asian stereotypes in the dance are supposed to be ok because Wade & Amanda Robson did it and she has some sort of Asian background. *GONG!* VIDEO

Cat is having one of those “off” nights cuz her hair is a hot, tangled mess, she looks tired, and someone dressed her in an ill-fitting, deflated discoball. Remember her bob hairstyle last week? That was good. Tonight? Not so much. Anyway, Cat announces that last season of SYTYCD received 4 Emmy nominations for the Choreography category, and one for Make-up. Watching clips from last season served as a reminder that this season’s dancers may be technically skilled, but the personalities on the majority of em? Like watching paint dry. VIDEO

It gets worse! Nigel is gone to receive an honorary doctorate in England, so it’s just Mary and Debbie tonight. Hm. Not the same. It ain’t sh!t without that Brit.

Ok, who’s in the bottom? Tonight the two guys and two gals with the lowest number of votes must DANCE FOR THEIR LIVES. Oh wait a tick. No they don’t because America’s already decided who’s leaving. I must amend the name for these elimination solos…It’s more like they DANCE FOR NO REASON beyond being asked to by the show. *shrug* I miss the DANCING FOR THEIR LIVES. Anyway, we start with the Top 5 ladies and learn that Randi and Melissa are in the girls’ Bottom 2. Actually, come to think of it, America may have gotten this right. I like old-ass Melissa but I wasn’t into her Broadway number last night and thought her solo was too slow-lo. I agree Randi deserves to be there. VIDEO

Then, more plugs for the fall Season 6. Some girl named Mollee from Utah moved her whole family to Cali just so she could have more dance opportunities. Her audition is scrambled and flawed, imo. But she’s bubbly like Kellie Pickler so I assume  they let her through to Vegas. VIDEO

Now it’s the Top 5 dudes on stage. We learn that Kupono is in the bottom (sadly, I agree), but then Evan is SAFE?? Wtf. That puts poor Ade in the Bottom and I’m piiiiiissed. Dear Evan’s fanbase: you’re clearly massive, but you’re wrong! Evan is not interesting and is a far cry from Ade’s skill level, especially in considering who deserves to stay til the end. Lame! VIDEO

SOLO DANCES: Wait, did the dancers always re-do the exact same solo from the previous night in past seasons? That’s stupid! So we have to watch them do the exact same solo! Rerun! We can’t ask them to create one more 1-minute number when they DANCE FOR NO REASON? (Hm, I guess that answers my question - why should they waste energy to come up with dance if it won’t win them votes…).

Randi’s solo - “Dream” by Priscilla Ahn - Like last night, I’m not too wowed by it. I’m also still bothered by the fact that it’s the exact same dance as last night. Where’s the entertainment in it? VIDEO

Kupono’s solo - “Marina Gasolina” by Bonde Do Rola - He was a bit stronger than last night, and his outfit is equally ridiculous. However, his pants are so low, I can see his male mons veneris and it’s very distracting. VIDEO

Melissa’s solo - “Gabriel” by Lamb - Yup, still slow ballet and boring. She needs to be more creative (like last week) to get the fans behind her. There was a flirty moment at the end between Melissa and Cat - what was that about? Get a room, ladies! VIDEO

Ade’s solo - “Unchained Melody” by Righteous Brothers. Mary and Debbie are in love with him (me too!) and the crowd goes wild for his solo. So why is he in the Bottom 2 again?? VIDEO

The Black Eyed Peas perform “I’ve Got a Feeling” and there are enough wacko things going on that I started laughing out loud at my screen: will.i.am’s continual, almost-self-conscious smoothing of his crooked haircut, Fergie’s usual butterface and twirling a feathered baton for no reason, ugs & androgynous background dancers and creepy Taboo wearing a red leather Michael Jackson jacket. Then confetti explodes from the ceiling. Sure, why not. VIDEO

ELIMINATED: Randi Strong-Evans and Kupono Aweau. Randi, I will not miss your stockiness and unitards. But I’m bummed that I *just* realized you sorta look like Jennifer Aniston. Kupono, I will miss you and even your too-frequent *tilt head up* “WOOOO!”s, but I don’t really ever want to see your pubic area again. Pull up yo pants. VIDEO

Next week Mia Michaels will be a guest judge AND so will talk-show host Ellen DeGeneres (WTF?). I’m confused. And then next Thursday is the 100th episode of So You Think You Can Dance, so it’ll be a big deal and Katie Holmes will dance a tribute to Judy Garland. I’m kinda cringing, just in case of suckage.

Everyone’s fave Scientologist is turning 30 today!

Oh, Katie.  To the rest of the world, you’re Tom Cruise’s glassy-eyed, brainwashed wife, but to me, you’ll always be poor-postured, sheepish-grinned Joey Potter, climbing up into bedroom windows and overacting your way down Dawson’s Creek.

More pics of Katie on a b-day stroll on D-Listed, if you care THAT much.  Loser.