I tuned into American Idol for the singing, but I just came away with a lot of comments on the hair and fashion (maybe if the performances were stronger that wouldn’t be an issue). The song theme was “Top iTunes Downloads” which I proclaim to be gross. Maybe next week will be “Coca Cola Commercial Jingles of the Past” or “Songs That You Can Sing In a Ford Fusion“.
Before I recap, let me being with this open letter to AI’s BACK-UP SINGERS: 1) Try not to drown out the contestants and 2) if you accidentally do, then at least sing in the CORRECT key! Sincerely, Erin.
And we’re off!
Anoop Desai - Caught Up (Video): I was worried Anoop Dawg was going to perform with the Dirty Sanchez mustache he was sporting during his interview packet, but thankfully he shaved it (are you paying attention, Kris Allen?). Unfortunately, he wore a blazer with shoulder pads so big it recalled Janet Jackson’s Rhythm Nation look. Not a very good song choice or performance - Anoop was singing with a sneering, stank face the whole time. The back-up singers wonked up royally too.
Megan Joy - Turn Your Lights Down Low (Video): Oh no, no, no. I thought M. Joy might pull off Bob Marley but she was off-key and lacked the sexy “smooveness” the song deserves. Also grating? That Megan sings with the diction of a MinneSOHtan townsperson, don’tcha know? And what’s with ALL the necklaces? Those aren’t amulets, woman. I will not forgive your terrible performance just because you look like you robbed a Claire’s.
Danny Gokey - What Hurts The Most (Video): Judges loved him but no goosebumps for me… Gauging by the deep squinchiness of Danny’s face and the spittle shooting out of his mouth during the number, he gave a “passionate” performance. But yeah, I dunno. *shrug*
Allison Iraheta - Don’t Speak (Video): Oh Allison…my little Idol fave and the reason I tune in. I hate that the judges again wasted time on her critique to talk about her outfit. Poor Al, she’s becoming the red-headed stepchild of the show and deserves way better! Actually, her hair was really too much - like two separate hairdos duking it out on her noggin with an innocent bow caught in the middle. Distracting. The judges said she looked like a kid trying too hard, but hello, she is a kid! She did aight, but not her best. I’m tempted to request she sing something by Paramore - would that work? Either way, I hope she makes it through.
Scott MacIntyre - Just The Way You Are (Video): Goodness, that haircut is an improvement, though you’re still not quite as handsome as your hot brother, Scott! Cut it even shorter and it’ll be perfect. I made notes that despite improvement, Scott’s performance was “another pitchy bore”. I appreciate that he’s genuine, but “genuine” doesn’t equal a hit artist — unless you’re Ginuwine. Most interesting part was that just when I thought Paula was hopped up on Jesus Juice, she used the phrase “legato performance.” What!? I can’t handle you, Maestro Abdul!
Matt Giraud - You Found Me (Video): Ok, I wasn’t imagining things because Matt’s forehead mole was back in full force last night (PIC). I’m sorry, I don’t get this guy. The stubble and mole and breathy-nervous performance? Not winning me over.
Lil Rounds - Surrender (Video): That wig’s bangs was all kinds of askew! The song was gloomy and dull. Again, the off-key back-up singers need to PIPE DOWN. But yeah, Lil still fails to impress me. I don’t think I’ll ever complain if she goes home. Truth hurts.
Adam Lambert - Play That Funky Music (Video): The pompadour hair and pompous performer are back. I didn’t get into Adam’s caterwauling at all. Am I the only American not into it? All the shrill blasts sounded desperate and forced to me, like, “Oh crap, I’m losing the audience - quick! I need to do that screechy thing that riles a reaction out of them even if it’s not an appropriate moment in the song - WWWWEEEEAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHAYYY!”
Kris Allen - Ain’t No Sunshine (Video): Ah, another judges’ golden child that I’m not into. I’ll admit that it was a good performance, but it doesn’t mean I’m happy about it (I’m a hater)! Kris still looks like Hal Sparks taking a dump when he sings and his mic picked up his Darth Vader breathing at the end, but he’s a looker and coming into his own. Bollocks! BTW Kris, you picked the wrooong time to get married, son. Think of all the ladies (and gents?) that would grovel at your stampy guitar-dancing feet. Wifey Allen better watch out is all I’m sayin.
Megan Joy was the worst of the night, but I’m fine if she or Scott go. Please get it right, America. Thanks! Tune in to American Idol tonight for the results!
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