Proving that comebacks come quicker and quicker in Hollywood these days, just a little over a year after his insane public meltdown was winding down (Remember Tiger Blood? Goddesses? Ustream rants? So 2011) Charlie Sheen is coming back in a big way. He has a new show premiering on FX called Anger Management, airing as part of the most eclectic comedy block I have ever seen on television: the aforementioned Anger Management; FX’s critical darling, not to mention extremely hilarious and amazing, Louie; the bizarre man-in-a-dog suit show Wilfred; and Russel Brand’s new talk show Brand X. That’s some variety in comedic voices right there… one of them very annoying (sorry Russel, you’re funny, but even you must admit that voice is grating).

Anyway, back to Anger Management. They’ve been hyping it for months, and so far I can tell its a show about… well, Charlie Sheen is in it. That’s all I know. What was originally pitched as a TV adaption of the Adam Sandler/Jack Nicholson movie of the same name, the casting of Charlie Sheen has apparently completely re-written the show to be something he can sink his teeth into. The ads, which have focused entirely on Sheen’s comeback from his meltdown, featuring footage of trainwrecks and a smoldering Sheen, make it seem like a reality show about Charlie Sheen rather than, you know, an actual sitcom where he plays a character. Somehow I don’t expect him to be stretching his acting muscles too far, surely playing a “Charlie Sheen type.”

The most insane part about this sitcom? A deal was apparently struck as part of Sheen’s contract that if the first 10 episode season hits a certain ratings benchmark every week, FX is contractually obligated to renew it for 90 more episodes. 90 episodes!! That is insanity! No wonder Sheen has been saying this show will be his swan song. If this first season does well he’s employed for a decade. Not bad for a guy fired from the number one sitcom in the world.

Oh, brother.  As just about anyone could’ve predicted, there’s more Speidi drama from the set of I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! this week.

Last we heard, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt had returned from The Hills, begging NBC and their castmates to let them back on I’m a Celebrity.  They were sentenced to a night in the spooky/creepy/crawly “Lost Chamber” before their return would be brought into consideration.

Over the weekend, the rumor mill has been churnin’ something awful.  Apparently, Heidi got sick and asked to be let out of the chamber - but it seems everyone’s got a different story as to what actually went down:

From Reality TV Magazine:
Heidi was rushed to the hospital and diagnosed with a gastric ulcer, after spending a day and night in a dark room with only water, rice and beans. She has now left and is on medication. One cast member said this of Speidi’s punishment: ”It’s the same as Guantanamo Bay.” Another member of the cast said that the execs tried to coerce Heidi into not seeking medical attention.

From Extra:
The source insists the Lost Chamber posed no harm to the “Hills” duo. “The environment in the “Lost Chamber” was not in any way harmful or dangerous; no critters, just a few ordinary bugs. They were indoors — never in any danger or facing life-threatening situations. Absolutely no one is or was being held against their will.”

From Stephanie Pratt’s Twitter:
Im really saddened to hear that nbc felt it was ok to punish speidi so harshly-and torture them as if they were criminals-that Heidi was…rushed to the hospital and has an IV in her arm after being locked in a dark room for 3 days w no food or water. Pls pray she will be ok

Personally, I believe Extra’s unnamed source.  I find it extremely hard to believe that NBC would “torture” the pair - though I really wouldn’t blame ‘em if they had.

Meanwhile, Perez is reporting that Heidi’s sister Holly Montag is already on board to replace Heidi on the show.  This further leads me to believe the torture scenario is untrue.  Would you really sign on to a show that had threatened your sister’s life?  Gosh, who knows with these people.

And - you guessed it - rumor has it that Spencer is planning on suing NBC over the show.

I smell the thick, odorous stench of a Speidi publicity stunt!

I’ve hit rock bottom, dear reader.  Last night, I watched I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! AGAIN, for the third night in a row, with the intention of tuning in just long enough to see if Heidi and Spencer return.

“Just twenty minutes,” I told myself.  “Then I’ll turn it off.”

It’s like when you go somewhere just because you think a special someone will show up.  You’d heard they hung out there, after all. Well, Heidi and Spencer are my special someones and I’d heard they might stop by.   I don’t think I’ve ever felt so many emotions at the same time.

Yeah, ended up watching the whole thing.  Whatever.  They showed up.

So here’s what went down.  Yadda yadda yadda, Janice Dickinson and John Salley got in a huge fight, Janice has bronchitis, the cast had another food challenge.

Men vs. Women.  Competing for a pork dinner.  Each team member had to take a turn sticking their arm into a mystery hole to find a plastic star.  Team with the most plastic stars wins.  Easy, right?  Trouble is, each mystery hole was filled with something creepy and crawly.  We’re talking tarantulas (John Salley conquered his arachnophobia!), rats (Lou Diamond Phillips‘ arm was seriously gnawed on!), tanks full of fish (Patti Blagojevich rocked it, she’s used to slimy characters, BADUM-CH!), cow dung and earthworms (easy!).  Guys win by a landslide.

Back at camp, we hear a surprise guest is on his/her way.  Please oh please oh please let it be Heidi and/or Spencer!  Nope.  It’s Daniel Baldwin, Stephen Baldwin’s big bro, a new contestant!  Stephen doesn’t seem all that pumped.  I always knew those Baldwins hated each other.  They all live in the shadow of Alec, for one.

So ANYWAYY, blah blah blah and YAY!  Heidi and Spencer!  Speidi have returned from The Hills!  Myleene Klass interviews the duo, who explain that they wanted back in.  The devil had apparently gotten to them and told them to get out of the jungle.  That pesky devil!  Spencer also plead insanity, and claimed he hadn’t expected to pass the psych test in the first place.  He’s loco!  Straight jacket this guy!

Oh man. I love these two and the ridiculous tricks they have up their sleeves.

Myleene explained the grounds for their return to I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! First, the pair had to spend the night in the pitch-black shack full of disgusting things from Tuesday’s episode - apparently called “The Lost Chamber.”  Second, their camp mates had to vote and agree to bring them back on.  Good luck with that one, chumps!

Flash to Damien Fahey, who’s at camp, ready to take a vote regarding Speidi’s fate.  Janice Dickinson, John Salley, and Stephen Baldwin vote yes, everyone else no.

COME ON, people!  You think this show’s gonna do anything for your bummer careers if no one watches?  REALLY, Sanjaya?!  You really have no desire to be relevant?  BUZZKILL.

Eh.  Speidi are back no matter what, though, am I right?

Totally not watching tonight.  Seriously.  Please, Jesus, help me free myself of my addiction!