The Kardashians on what I assume is a Sears brand bear skin rug

Ever the entrepreneurs, the Kardashian sisters just announced that they will be launching “Kardashian Kollection,” a new line featuring apparel, lingerie, shoes and accessories. I assume this was originally going to be a Kim only product, but they brought in the other sisters after realizing that when “The Kim Kardashian Kollection” inevitably got abbreviated to “The KKK” it could be bad for branding. So what high class establishment have the Kardashians partnered with for this line? Where would 3 fashion icons choose to bring their style to the world? Well of course it’s at…Sears?

Now I have nothing against Sears, it’s a fine establishment I have shopped at on many occasions. I like any place I can buy a snuggie and a dishwasher. But it doesn’t really scream Kardashain to me, and I certainly can’t imagine most of the elderly clientele I’ve seen at Sears slipping into a matching Kardashian dress and pumps combo to go out for a night on the town to the Red Lobster. But hey, business is business. Sears wants to appeal to the youth who aren’t out there tweeting about sets of non-stick cookware, the Kardashians want more money for what I imagine is their gigantic money pool like Uncle Scrooge’s from DuckTales. What I have a problem with is Kim’s quote about the partnership: “We’ve always shopped at Sears, so we thought it was the perfect outlet for the Kardashian Kollection.” Oh, I must have missed those episodes of Keeping Up With the Kardashians where they spent the day at Sears. I also didn’t know they sold $100,000 diamond encrusted electric toothbrushes at Sears. I assume that is how they brush their teeth.

Also, it’s the Golden Globes this weekend! Although some of the nominees are baffling (The Tourist for best comedy/musical? What?!), with The Office creator/star Ricky Gervais hosting there should be quite a few good laughs. Check out Ricky on Ellen discussing who he will insult the most below!

Lots of dude news in the media today!  Bret Michaels’ new reality show Bret Michaels: Life As I Know It starts up for real on October 18 at 10pm!  VH1 ran a teaser special in May, I think it was, that was basically a sneak peek first episode, full of Bret’s adorable kids and on-again off-again baby mama.  Does it make me like Bret Michaels even more?  Hell yeah, it does—the man shows startling glimpses of self-awareness.  It’s all that’s keeping me from making thousands of jokes about this picture:

There’s a whole lotta Photoshop going on

Former (and, uh, current) The Bachelor bachelor Brad Womack is returning to the show, this time to find love!  For realz!  Brad first appeared on The Bachelor three years ago, in 2007, and shocked the world when he pulled a Kelly Taylor and declined to choose between DeAnna Pappas and Jenni Croft (no word on if he was thinking, “I choose me!” at the time) as the final rose of his heart.  His rationalization for trying again?  He’ll meet 25-30 women he’d never meet in regular life.  Really—that’s his reasoning.  Look, buster: you could drive a MILE and meet 25-30 women you’d never otherwise meet.  And, as Brad told Ellen Degeneres, he’d walk away again if he doesn’t find twu wuv.  He takes this very seriously.  So seriously, in fact, that he’s willing to do it in front of America!  Let the heartbreak begin!  I bet a thousand dollars that the producers bring back (or are trying to bring back) DeAnna and Jenni, even though both ladies are engaged.  Pretend you don’t know! Reality television is all real!

And finally, Michael Bolton is kind of nuts, and last night’s Dancing With the Stars goes out of its way to illustrate that fact:

A tanning salon Lindsay frequented is very concerned about how pale she may get in prison.

I know it must be disorienting to be back in the free world after 13 whole days in jail, but welcome back to society Lindsay Lohan! A lot has changed out here since you’ve been in the big house. Mad Men is back on! And Ellen quit American Idol! Can you believe it? But don’t let it make you feel lost and helpless. You may have become institutionalized while in the slammer, so it could take you some time before you remember how to properly drive and act in society once more. Then again, you’ve kind of had some trouble with those over the past few years, anyway. Well It’s time to write the rest of the blog for the public, Lindsay, but good luck and I’m glad you got to keep your hair extensions in prison. Remember, that tanning salon you sometimes went to is rooting for you!

Yep, after serving 13 days of her 90 day sentence Lindsay Lohan has been freed from jail on account of good behavior and prison overcrowding. I can only hope that her cell will be preserved as is, a Graceland type monument of her short-lived incarceration for future generations of criminals to enjoy. But what’s next for Lindsay? Straight from jail to rehab! For the remainder of her 90 day sentence Lindsay will be in a rehab facility to deal with her drunk driving, cocaine possession, supposed meth use and apparent addiction to writing vulgarity on her nails. The good news for Lindsay: hopefully this stint in jail and commitment to long-term rehab actually help her get better and reassess her life. The bad news for us: she isn’t enrolling in Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab, so we don’t get to watch it all unfold on VH1. Darn. Maybe she can at least star in a Lifetime movie about her time in female prison called “Really mean Girls.” And at least this will make an interesting chapter in her eventual memoir!

Speaking of memoirs, Justin Bieber will be releasing one in October. Yes, 16 year old Justin Bieber, who has been famous for about 2 of those 16 years, is releasing a memoir. I sure hope something interesting happened in pre-school that he can remember, because otherwise that is going to be an extremely short memoir. In fact, there is so little to Justin’s life so far besides the fact that girls go crazy over his weird hair that most of the book will be pictures of said hair. The publisher has confirmed that the book will consist mostly of unreleased pictures of the Biebs. Somehow I think there will be a few more pages ripped out of this one for hanging in lockers than Dick Cheney’s forthcoming memoir. Unless there is a diagram of his shadowy bunker under a volcano, of course.

It’s down to you Randy and Ryan…but only one will survive!

And you thought Simon Cowell leaving the show was the only judge drama going on over at American Idol! They should make a spin-off reality show called Judges of Idol (ala Project Runway offshoot Models of the Runway), because this stuff is waaaay more entertaining/dramatic than last season’s boring Idol sing-off.

For months speculation has been mounting about who would be replacing Simon Cowell as the 4th American Idol judge alongside Randy Jackson, Kara DioGuardi and Ellen DeGeneres. Everyone from Bret Michaels to Howard Stern have been rumored, but yesterday we finally got an official announcement about the current judge situation: Ellen is leaving. Wait…whaaat? Yep, after only one season Ellen is calling it quits, saying that she realized she was overworking herself and wasn’t cut out to be mean to people, plus it cut into her time to force her talk show audience to dance. Seriously, she is like the opposite of John Lithgow’s character in Footloose who won’t let anyone in town dance. She won’t be happy until everyone is dancing! Always! As soon as she announced her departure the rumor mills started turning again, with claims coming in that Jennifer Lopez will be filling Ellen’s seat and that the show will be returning to a 3 judge format.

Well there you have it, your 3 judges for this season. But wait! Turns out the judge shake-up isn’t necessarily stopping there, with new rumors surfacing that Kara DioGuardi has been fired from the show after 2 seasons and is going to be replaced by…Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler! Now that is a decision I can get behind! I really hope that Steven has it written into his contract that even his microphone at the judge’s table has scarves draped from it at all times. Steven could definitely be a good judge, because unlike Simon, who seemed very distracted in recent seasons, Steven would always pay very close attention. I learned from the Armageddon soundtrack that he doesn’t want to miss a thing. The drawback is that he might accuse some dudes of looking like ladies.

Of course these new judges aren’t official yet and there are still a few names floating around as possible last minute replacements. One of those is Jessica Simpson, who was apparently very close to snagging the job before J. Lo showed interest. Come on American Idol, Randy Jackson is going to be the only original judge left, you could at least give us Jessica Simpson, who is by all means a spiritual descendant of Paula Abdul. We need a former pop star judge who will say crazy things, lose her train of thought, refuse to make relevant analogies, and has her own line of tacky jewelery!

Just an FYI to you Twitterers, funny-lady and talk show host Ellen DeGeneres has just joined Twitter!

Dancing queen DeGeneres has been added to the TV section of our celebrities on Twitter list. Here’s hoping to see more fun tweets and behind-the-scenes pics from her!

Follow Ellen on Twitter | Follow Square Eyes on Twitter

OMG, SHUT UP!

Alison Sweeney, host of The Biggest Loser, totally went into labor during today’s taping of Ellen.

Watch this here video Defamer posted.  CRAZY, right?

What a jerk of a baby though.  Did it really have to start kickin’ around in there during a VERY IMPORTANT taping in front of a LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE?!?!  Not cool, baby.  You need to chill out, you little nutjob.  And show Ellen some respect!

That kid’s gonna be the BIGGEST loser, you guys.

Hyuck hyuck.  Just kiddin’.  Congrats, Alison Sweeney!