Luckily, I missed last week’s Grand Ole Opry night on American Idol, but holla that they took it to Motown this week! I’m allll over those tunes. Paula was wearing some 13-year-old girl’s party dress, but WHOA, she was playful, coherent and made really articulate comments! Is she feeling pressured to flaunt her musical expertise now that Kara Dioguardi’s in the house? Onto the recaps!

Matt Giraud - Let’s Get It On: I will never be into this Poor Man’s Justin Timberlake with his frowny pan face - sorry America. Hey, did Matt always have that mole in the middle of his forehead (PIC), or was it a zit? I just know that I didn’t wanna get it on with him because all I could focus on was the “MOLE, bloody mole!”

Kris Allen - How Sweet It Is: Why does Simon thinks Kris needs to believe in himself *more* when Kris is already wafting conceit all the way through mah TV set? I know little girls must heart him and his guitar, but I can’t handle his ‘tude and weird constipated, no-upper-lip, monkey singing-out-the-side-of-his-mouth faces. I’m such a jerk!

Scott MacIntyre - You Can’t Hurry Love: Wow, American Idol, REALLY? You had to dress the BLIND GUY in tight pink pants, a paisley silk shirt and pinstriped blazer? FTW!  Fashion aside, I’m sorry, but Scott’s gotta go asap. He’s a sweet, dorky goofball, but he’s not a powerful singer and has been my Captain of the Snooze Cruise for weeks!

Megan Joy - For Once in My Life: When did Megan Joy Corkrey become Megan Joy? Is Kara already dispensing advice on how Megan can become a “package artist”? As much as I despise Megan’s spastic dancing, her warble is always interesting to hear. Sadly, she was a train wreck with the speed of that song. It would’ve been much better if she’d slowed the pace and just sang with the piano. One of the worst of the night, but sheesh if she ain’t got cheekbones for days.

Anoop Desai - Oooo Baby Baby - Anoop didn’t really HIT the high notes, but I thought he had great control and was so sweet with his lil doe eyes. HowEVS, I did get a smidge distracted by his sweaty upper-lip. Like, to the point where I was fantasizing about him casually wiping it away while he sang. Too mucha da sweaty!

Michael Sarver - Ain’t Too Proud to Beg: Michael, d’ain’t be too proud to beg everyone you know in America to vote for you after that fiasco. “Ain’t Too Proud to Beg” is one of the best songs ever and he didn’t pay it justice. It’s like he has all of this energy/emotion trapped inside, but he’s too pent-up to just LET LOOSE and go crazy. Everything is held back or restrained: his stiff, jerky dance moves, his tight mouth shapes…let it out, Michael! On another note, I realized that he has a lion face like Vincent from the 1980’s Beauty and the Beast TV series (PIC).

Lil Rounds - Heatwave: Wow, another one of my fave Motown jams ruined. Lil just shouted it to death - she was rushed, winded, PLUS she didn’t go for the high notes on “HeatwaaAAave!” and isn’t that the best part of the song? Boo…I’m still not a Lil fan. She can belt, but doesn’t emotionally connect to the songs, and that’s where she loses me in the heart parts. Give me dowdy-but-amazing Melinda Doolittle from season 6 any day over Lil. She felt it, yes she did.

Adam Lambert - Tracks of My Tears: First, I will try to avoid jokes about the Tracks of Acne on his smug mug (oops, too late), but dammit, Adam, you’re gonna win this thing, aren’t you? Even though he can be annoying and pompous as all sin, he has pretty good intuition on how to wow the teenyboppers. Blast.

Danny Gokey - Get Ready: Note to Michael Sarver, if you really want to “take it to church”, ask Danny for tips. He has much better energy than you for these sorts of songs. Although, he did look like a moron when he’d march and dance with the back-up singers. Let’s leave the Tina Turner-ing to Tina Tuner, kay? I found Danny unusually, pleasantly quiet last night. He just kept making that weird squinty-eyed smile at the judges like an anime character (PIC).

Allison Iraheta - Papa Was A Rolling Stone: I’m biased. Allison has been my fave since she wailed “Alone” by Heart, so I worry about the fact that she was in the bottom 3 last week. It doesn’t help that American Idol is hellbent on using weird camera angles and poorly-timed cut-aways when she sings. Or that Simon was too busy drawing a crayon mustache on Paula (see top photo) during their critiques of her performance. But Allison smashed it last night. Those final notes? Whoo-ee! I’d love to see her in a showdown against Adam in the final 2. Don’t think she can win, but I hope she pulls a Clay Aiken (*gag*) or Katherine McPhee and still gets a record deal in the end.

Scott, Michael and Megan were the bottom 3 performers. Scott should leave tonight, but as we know, America can be thick as bricks. Find out who goes home tonight and what group song they’ll butcher next tonight at 9pm on FOX!

So You Think You Can Dance fans should check out this goofy, inspired “Don’t Take Our Man, B!tch” concert performance brought to you by last season’s top ladies: Comfort Fedoke, Courtney Galiano and Katee Shean! Comfort belts out the Titanic ballad “My Heart Will Go On” as Katee passionately pounds on a Casio keyboard in the background and Courtney films the madness.

The lady-duo call themselves Carter & Lee (after Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan’s characters in Rush Hour). It’s magic… Enjoy!

Ok…Comfort won’t win American Idol, but I appreciate that she “still goes hard” for the whole act. Get it, ladies! Nothing better than seeing girls just wanna have fuh-unn and act a fool together. BUT let’s not forget that these ladies are psycho-talented dancers - watch them tear it up on SYTYCD:

Katee & Joshua - Contemporary

Comfort & Twitch - Hip Hop

Courtney & Mark - Jazz

Thanks to last night’s Michael Jackson-themed American Idol, I haven’t been able to get through one moment of today with out MJ’s songs hammering my brain - and I like it.  The “Beat It” riff here, a little “PYT” chorus there, “Black or White”s preachy lyrics everywhere… Heeee-HEEE!

I’ve been unimpressed with this gang, but actually most of them did (to quote Randy) “a very well job done!” No one really embarrassed themselves (shucks), so begrudging props all around.  Thoughts:

Lil Rounds - The Way You Make Me Feel: Yeah, I still don’t get the Lil Rounds thing. I like her energy and how she gets the audience going, but the tone of her voice just never really gets me all goosebumpy or sells the song. Take me there, Lil! I want to drink from the Lil Rounds’ punchbowl of Kool-aid! Note to Kara: I love you, but please try to stop awkwardly using hip hop phrases whenever you critique Lil. It makes me uncomfortable.

Scott MacIntyre - Keep The Faith: Sorta slumbery. Nice to see (cringe, no pun intended) resident-blind-guy Scott at the piano, but of all the MJ tunes to choose from, why this slow, unknown one? Scott should be able to get a record deal regardless - I mean he’s so sweet and inspirational, but he’s far from the best on Idol and shouldn’t stick around for long.

Danny Gokey - PYT (Pretty Young Thing): Damn you, Gokey! Always impressing me even though I get this feeling that you aren’t the “nice church widower” they’ve profiled you out to be and lack humility (I saw you basically shove bereft, dream-crushed Tatiana aside to celebrate when you beat her for a spot in the Top 12). Still, Danny really let his Church Choir Director personality out and gave PYT a nice spin. An “I’m sangin’ this for Je-SUS!” spin. I can really see him winning.

Michael Sarver - You Are Not Alone: Aw, this big block of oil rigger is so cute. He doesn’t light up the stage like Lil or Adam, for e.g., but he’s really solid and seems so comfortable with who he is. He’ll get the Middle America vote but I don’t know if he can make the finals unless he brings more spark and pizzazz.

Jasmine Murray - I’ll Be There: So our little 17-year-old Mo’nique look-alike made it through the Wild Card round! She is just adorable in the face parts and really did alright on this song. Her problem is that her personality puts her somewhere in the middle: she’s always got that guarded perma-smile on and with her OK vocals, so she won’t be around for too long.

Kris Allen - Remember The Time: Wow, Mr. Milquetoast is way more appealing with his guitar. Very Jason Mraz-y, as Randy also said. Buuut, he’s still boring. Plus his sideburns are too long and make him look like a chimpanzee at times. Distracting! The BEST part of Kris’ performance was Randy Jackson’s slip of the tongue critique: “Very well job done, baby!” A very well job indeed, dawg.

Allison Iraheta - Give In To Me: I’m still rooting for Ms. Sweet Sixteen. She rocked out to this song (although I wold’ve preferred something better known). I do worry that she’ll stagnate down the road if they try to lock her into this “wailing rocker chick” role. But, I appreciate her passion and hope she makes it far. PLUS, her awkward teenagerness off-stage still cracks me up (e.g., professing last night that she’s not a cutter - way to be, Al!).

Anoop Desai - Beat It: Anoop Dawg was one of the most disappointing last night. I mean “Beat It” is killer and he couldn’t keep up or give it the energy it needed. Oh, Anoop, you goofy geekball. We all knew he wouldn’t get too far, but who’da thunk he’d become “blah” so soon?

Jorge Nunez - Never Can Say Goodbye: The other notably disappointing performer last night. First of all, he has EYEBROWS for days and I can never get past them when I see his eager mug. He’s a likable guy and singer, but the song choice was poop in a scoop. It won’t be a surprise if Mr. Nunez is sent packing tonight.

Megan Joy Corkrey - Rockin Robin: Her voice is growing on me but I still cannot get over her rhythmless twitching dance moves between lyrics.

Adam Lambert - Black or White: The judges looove this musical theatre actor-turned-rocker. I am always impressed with him and his charisma, but I thought his rendition was actually dizzy and frenetic. I’m not sure if his persona is really mainstream enough for a win compared to Danny Gokey, but we’ll see. It’s also possible that he’ll get backlash for the recent leak of his gay, in-drag makeout photos - you know how them Bible belters can be.

Matt Giraud - Human Nature: I’m still not into Matt Giraud and his bloated Justin Timberlake resemblance - sorry! Still, he was solid and is way more interesting when he’s playing the piano.

Alexis Grace - Dirty Diana: I like Alexis, she can sang like mad for such a tiny gal. Her look is still a little “try too hard” and Nikki McKibbin for me though. C’est la vie.

Which two will get the boot tonight? It should be Anoop and Jorge, but you know how America can be effin insane, so it’s anybody’s guess. Catch American Idol tonight on FOX and find out!

The skillz of the final group competing to be in American Idol’s Top 12 were more even than the past weeks, but I was totally unimpressed. Am I just a scrooge about things or is this year’s bunch really cardboard-bland?

From top (l-r):

Arianna Afsar (”The Winner Takes It All” by ABBA) - She tried her best to mix up the melody, but why do these children pick such cobwebby songs? ABBA is dated enough, but “The Winner Takes It All” is one of their snooziest works! The judges also sighed at the lame song choice, although the kept saying that Arianna was “cute as a button.” Unfortch, all I could focus on was her odd, pinched, button nose.

Alex Wagner-Trugman (”I Guess That’s Why They Call It the Blues” by Elton John) - This kooky dweeb reminds me of Charlie Korsmo, the kid actor from “Hook“. His singing was terrible - tons of exaggerated throat-growling and note-fouling. And the “dancing”! He was just a clumsy, flailing ragdoll. No more, please.

Felicia Barton (”No One” by Alicia Keys) - After finalist Joanna Pacitti was nixed for having too much experience and too many music industry connections, Felicia won a first-class ticket to Hollywood, where she gave an overdone rendition of “No One”.  She looked fab, but I couldn’t stand her over-the-top lounge-singer style. I may be alone here cuz the judges were nay-sayless and seemed to like her.

Jorge Nuñez (”Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me” by Elton John) - He ain’t a looker but I thought Jorge did a nice job with this American Idol standard number. But what is up with the judges’ offensive suggestion of, “Hey, you there from Puerto Rico - stop sounding so Puerto Rican.”?? Not to mention nutball Paula saying maybe he should keep his accent because it sounds funny? Paula, you’s got some ’splaining to do!

Kendall Beard (”This One’s for the Girls” by Martina McBride) - Kendall is so bubbly and adorable to the max, but she isn’t the best singer by a loooong shot so I don’t really think she’ll make the Top 12. But I’m sure people will start a Facebook fan group for her anyway– oh wait, they already have.

Ju’Not Joyner (”Hey There Delilah” by The Plain White Ts) - HEL-LO! Ju’Not took a song that I pretty much hate and turned it into a silky-smooth, sultry, R&B number. I don’t think he’s right for American Idol (he’s just a little too cool for these jokers) but he was one of the best performers last night.

Kristen McNamara (”Give Me One Reason” by Tracy Chapman) - Yet another weird-shaped nose in the bunch. I know Kristen was once a contestant on Nashville Star, so I was relieved when she didn’t choose a country song. She did a really decent job and gave the jam an interesting spin. Sidenote: she’s in her early twenties, but something about her screams “cougar“. Is it just me?

Nathaniel Marshall (”I Would Do Anything for Love” by Meatloaf) - Nope. Nathaniel didn’t even come close to having the vocal strength to pull off this song. He wins points for his *it’s so wrong that, huh, maybe it’s right* style (lady-headbands around his dome & way too tight pants), but Adam Lambert has a lot more stage presence and power in his voice.

Lil Rounds (”Be Without You” by Mary J. Blige) - The judges LOVE this lady. I really WANT to love her, but I’ve never been that blown away with Lil Rounds (PS - best name evs). Idol’s had some psychotically-fantastic soul, R&B singers in the past, so even though Lil is strong this season, I don’t think she holds a candle to some of the peeps we’ve seen.  Something about her performances just doesn’t connect with me. Well, even if America won’t vote her in, the judges will definitely choose her as one of the Wildcard winners - she’s probably guaranteed a Top 12 spot.

Scott MacIntyre (”Mandolin Rain” by Bruce Hornsby) - Scott is the infamous blind guy. He’s genuine, sweet and sang ok, but I agreed with Simon who said he wasn’t the strongest. This is when it comes down to the “whole package” thing, so I feel like America will keep Scott in just because he’s got some talent and is aw-shucks-gosh-durn likable.

Taylor Vaifanua (”If I Ain’t Got You” by Alicia Keys) - Omg, I can’t remember her performance - that’s not a good sign.. If this is who I think it is, Taylor nailed some tough notes toward the end, but it just wasn’t enough to “WOW!” I think she’s the gal that “needed to show more personality.” Yeah, I agree. Who is this chica?

Von Smith (”You’re All I Need to Get By” by Marvin Gaye) - Von annoys me for some reason. Was it the oversized gray suit he was wearing? Maybe the too-short haircut? I couldn’t put my finger on it, but then Simon pointed out that Von has the same vibe as Season 2’s Clay Aiken. Maybe THAT’s it (sorry, 45-yr-old moms, I’m not a fan or “Claymate”). I was amused that, rather than be gracious about it, Von was totally offended about the comparison. Well, he earns some of my respect then.

A tough night to pick a really obvious Top 3, but I’ll go with Scott MacIntyre, Lil Rounds and Ju’Not Joyner.

Who would I like to see win the 3 judges’ picks as wildcards? Anoop Desai (Group 1), Mishavanna Henson (Group 2) and Taylor Vaifanua (Group 3).

Catch American Idol tonight to see how it all goes down!

Finally! I’ve been “meh” about the American Idol potentials so far (still not feeling front-runner Danny Gokey for some reason), but last night gave me a tentative favorite in 16-year-old, flame-haired oddball Allison Iraheta. If I had my way, the 3 to move on would be Allison Iraheta, Adam Lambert and Mishavonna Henson. Catty thoughts on last night’s performances below:

Starting at the top, left-right:

Jasmine Murray (“Love Song” by Sarah Bareilles) - What a shame this cute lil Mo’nique look-alike didn’t impress. I actually was away from the TV while she sang, but what I heard was not good. It’s official: American Idol hates Sarah Bareilles. Last week she got dissed by Ann Marie Boskovich and this week her song gets a manglin’.

Matt Giraud (”Viva La Vida” by Coldplay) -They call him “dueling pianos guy”, which means nothing to me. His performance was way breathy-nervous and off-key. Too stiff, lots of forced knee-squatting and toe-tapping to the beat. And his face fits somewhere between Justin Timberlake (let me finish before you get excited), Michael Phelps and Jason Segel. *shudder*

Jesse Langseth (”Bette Davis Eyes” by Kim Carnes) - I forgot how great this song is. Jesse tried, but wasn’t good enough since I glazed over and decided I’d rather hear Allison Iraheta sing it. Or at least the decent Gwyneth Paltrow cover from the movie “Duets”. Voice aside, Jesse would benefit from some bangs because that’s quite a forehead on her.

Nick Mitchell (”And I’m Telling You” by Jennifer Holliday) - More commonly known as his flamboyant alter-ego, “Norman Gentle“, this duncecap is a complete waste of airtime, IMO. Basically, Nick Mitchell doesn’t have the balls to be himself and sing (probably because he wouldn’t impress), so he goes over-the-top with this whiny, Richard Simmons-esque character named Norman (who can’t sing anyway!). Maybe I’m alone (with Simon) but this “personality” isn’t amusing - he’s grating and just rolls around in bermuda shorts and a disco top. I’m not a serious American Idol fan, but I also don’t think it’s fair that a lot of these kids are truly talented and passionate about winning and “Norman Gentle” is just a terrible joke. If he makes it through, I hope the others get Lord of the Flies on his ass.

Mishavonna Henson (”Drops of Jupiter” by Train) - I thought she did a good job with the song, but the judges found her “old” and blah. I wouldn’t mind if she made it to the next round though.

Adam Lambert (”Satisfaction” by The Rolling Stones) - Meatloaf. That’s who I thought of while Adam was waiiiiiling to “Satisfaction” (alike in voice, not in looks). Adam’s interesting to watch with this rock persona he has going on. Though after seeing a clip of him get all musical theatrical-y in Wicked, his rocker credibility-ometer plummeted for me. He’s talented though and was a definite stand-out last night… Aren’t you proud that I didn’t mention his unfortunate skin?

Allison Iraheta (”Alone” by Heart) - The show keeps reminding us that cherry-colored hair Allison is “just 16 years old!” Her age showed in her uncomfortable interview with Ryan Seacrest where she came off weird and goofy - with a Natasha Lyonne vibe (whatever happened to her, btw?). But I thought “Alone” was a perfect song for her voice and she had excellent stage presence - she smashed it (as Shane Sparks says on America’s Best Dance Crew). I’ll root for her over golden boy Danny Gokey fo sho! It turns out she’s a seasoned pro though: in 2006, Allison was a 14-year-old braceface and still won Telemundo’s singing competition Quinceanera.

Kris Allen (”Man in the Mirror” by Michael Jackson) - His voice was ok, but the words “vanilla” and “milquetoast” came to mind. *yawn* He’s so cute in the face parts, but it didn’t compensate for his blah performance, his chaste, close-kneed bouncing and his distracting twiddle-y fingers on the microphone. Sooo distracting (it’s a mic, not a trumpet, Kris!).

Megan Joy Corkrey (”Put Your Records On” by Corinne Bailey Rae) - Another weird dancer in the house! I thought Megan was way too odd with her twitchy waist-twisting, hand-flappy dance moves. It’s like every time there was a pause in the lyrics she was at a loss of what to do with herself so she’d throw in a few bizarre moves to fill in the space. “Girl put your records on *twist-twist* Tell me your favorite song *flap-flap* Just go ahead let your hair down *spazz-twist-flap-jerk*” She has a chance of making it through though because her voice is unique and she has a pretty face.

Kai Kalama (”What Becomes of the Brokenhearted” by Jimmy Ruffin) - I was bored by him and his furrowed-eyebrow, lip-sneer singing face.

Jeanine Vailes (”This Love” by Maroon 5) - Hm, yeah. This was also not good.  Which is too bad beacuse Jeanine seems to have a fun personality. And adding insult to injury had to be the judges’ comments, “You won’t be a singer, but you have really hot legs.” I’m surprised no one slapped her on the booty shorts and asked her to grab them a cup of coffee on her way out.

Matt Breitzke (”If You Could Only See” by Tonic) - Putting him in the Michael Sarver category of “hefty blue collar worker with a heart and voice of gold”, everyone expected more from Matt. Sadly, he was pretty zero on energy level, and for a rock song like that, he looked like he was literally moving in slow motion - like he was ever so gently treading through a pool of warm pudding. To be fair, Michael Sarver is a much stronger singer, and deserves to be in the Top 12 more.

Here’s hoping America isn’t stupid and votes Nick “Norman Gentle” Mitchell in. Watch American Idol tonight to find out which 3 make it through, or catch it online later here!

I have a terrible record of picking American Idol winners (of all of my faves, only Ruben Studdard won and he’s one of the most forgettable). BUT! I’ll still pass judgment on last night’s group of 12 (out of 36) cuz that’s how we roll.

Starting at the top, left-right:

Stevie Wright (”You Belong to Me” by Taylor Swift) - Tina Majorino Stevie bombed hardtimecore. Disastrous. Her mom tried to blame the judges for telling Stevie to sing something “young”. But Mama Wright, does that explain why she missed her song intro, was pitchy and gasping for breath? No, Mama Wrong.

Tatiana Del Toro (”Saving All My Love for You” by Whitney Houston) - Tatiana is uber-dramatic, obnox and sometimes her speaking/whining voice gets Stewie Griffin high. Yet, to the disappointment of the judges and most of America, last night Tatiana pulled herself together and did a decent job! I like Quaaluded Tatiana, but methinks the judges want Batshizz Crazy Tatiana back.

Alexis Grace (”Never Loved a Man” by Aretha Franklin) - She was sultry, solid and the judges compared her to “AUUGH KELLY CLARKSON!” I thought she looked cuter before the judges told her to get “dirty” (aka an asymmetrical haircut and add hot pink streaks). Girrrrl, Nikki McKibbin had that look Season 1and she was last seen on Celeb Rehab 2 with Dr. Drew!

Brent Keith (”Hicktown” by James Aldean) - Country fans will like this country boy, but his performance was like a karaoke singalong with lotsa squatty-squat dance moves.

Danny Gokey (”Hero” by Mariah) - The judges’ golden boy proved himself again by blasting out a swank rendition of “Hero”. A perfect backstory (sweet church choir director picking himself up from mourning the death of his newlywed wife) and nailing one performance after another…is it in the bag for him? I don’t even like him that much, but can see Danny winning the prize.

Ann Marie Boskovich (”Natural Woman” by Aretha) - Ann Marie can sing, but you shouldn’t pick this song unless you can SANG.  She just shouted through it. And wasn’t it awkward when Kara suggested Ann Marie sing something like “Love Song” by Sarah Bareilles, to which Ann Marie replied, “You mean something not as good?” Ouch. Sarah B.’s definitely not gonna write you a love song, Ann Marie.

Anoop DeSai (”Angel of Mine” by Monica) - I like geeky Anoop! His voice is surprisingly smooth and he sings from the <3. Not gonna be *the* American Idol, but he was one of the better singers in this group and can serenade me any time.

Casey Carlson (”Every Little Thing (s)He Does is Magic” by The Police) - HORRENDOUS!  She was weird! She butchered the song and her “Imma pouty, sexy girl” mugging and spazzcercising make me literally furrow my brow and cringe *every time*. Just watch the first few seconds to get the gist:

Yeah, judges hated it too.

Michael Sarver (”I Don’t Wanna Be” by Gavin DeGraw) - People love this pretty boy oil rigger. He was more impressive in the auditions, but he did aiiight last night and should be safe. Even Simon loves the big lug. Flies with honey, kids, that’s how you get ‘em.

Jackie Tohn (”A Little Less Conversation” by Elvis Presley) - I like wisecrackin’ Jackie. She’s got a unique growly voice and personality for days! But despite working the stage in ridonkulous spraypaint-tight pants and high tops, the song was average overall. She’d be better off replacing Seacrest as host.

Stephen Fowler (”Rock with You” by MJ) - *cue sad trombone notes* Everyone had such high hopes for this talented pianist, but of all the Michael Jackson songs to pick - yeesch!  Stephen was way too low energy for the groovy jam.

Ricky Braddy (”A Song for You” by Leon Russell) - Ah, Rhheeky Braddy [/Talladega Nights bad French accent]… His voice was nice, but he was a snooOOOoze to watch.

Only 3 will make it through - I’m guessing it’ll be Alexis Grace, Danny Gokey and Michael Sarver - what about you? Find out tonight on American Idol!

The Hot Sundaes are the 1.5-hit-wonder girl group of Jessie Spano, Kelly Kapowski and Lisa Turtle on Saved By the Bell!

Besides covering the Pointer Sisters’ “I’m So Excited” many a time, they’re also probs most notable for the peppy single “Break a Sweat (Go for It)” …and sparking Jessie’s caffeine pill addiction/nervous breakdown (because there was never any time and she just had to get into Stanford!).

Nevertheless, the Hot Sundaes’ music video was nothing short of a jazzercising inspiration to young girls across this great nation during the 90’s.

It’s a piece of work: the way they SHOUT-SING THE WHOLE SONG; dated special effects (abrupt leotard changes, double exposure close-ups, herky-jerky slo-mo); the actresses’ genuine commitment; and just the overall absurdity of a song which (unsuccessfully) tries to bridge the themes of aerobics and falling in love. Utter NONSENSE!

We all assumed these Saved By the Bell vixens would shoot to the tippy-top of stardom, but it’s probably more appropriate to say they’ve all “achieved modest notoriety”. Here’s where the Hot Sundae gals are today:

Elizabeth Berkley (Jessie Spano): Guest-starring in the current season of The L Word as Kelly (seriously?), the “straight girl that got away” from Bette (Jennifer Beals) in college (seriously?). The leads of Showgirls and Flashdance together on-screen? Seems like a dance-off is in order!

Tiffani Thiessen (Kelly Kapowski): Currently working on USA Network’s upcoming series called White Collar as the wife of an FBI Agent played by Tim DeKay (Carnivale). Kay *shrug*.

Lark Voorhies (Lisa Turtle): Appeared in a 2008 suspense thriller film called The Next Hit. Yeah, I didn’t hear about it either. She’s also a musician and releasing a single called “Saturday” (boo, not “Sundae”?) this year.

Put your mind to it and go for it, ladies!

At Square Eyes HQ, we’ve been reminiscing about 1992’s Ghostwriter on PBS. We loved learning to read and write (*snort*) by watching the pre-teen crew solve mysteries with the help of Ghostwriter, a ghost who writes to them by using nearby letters and words.

Those kids were HIP. Best example being their unforgettable, pointedly 90’s music video for “You Gotta Believe”. Aspiring singer/rapper Lenni took a note from Will Smith and proved that rap CAN be positive!

It was so funky and fly back then and now, well, it’s pretty dated and stupid. Noteworthy moments:

0:10 - catchy lyrics: “Aw yeah, aw yeah! / You gotta believe!”
0:43 - seamless special FX
1:08 - avant-garde fusion of dance and martial arts
1:45 - sign language translation of rap lyrics
2:16 - **my favorite part** “BOOM SHAKALAKA BOOOOOOMM!”

I hope that inspired you to turn your dreams into reality. TGIF!

Guess who’s baaaack!

That’s right, folks, everyone’s fave American Idol, Sanjaya Malakar, will be releasing a five song EP called ‘Dancing to the Music In My Head.’  The EP will be available on January 20th, a.k.a. Inauguration Day.

COINCIDENCE?  Probs.

As you’ll recall, Sanjaya was the crappiest singer to ever go far in American Idol, getting ahead with his pearly whites, lion’s mane, and charm.  You bet your bottom dollar Simon and my dad were BUMMED.

I don’t know about you guys, but that album cover is crackin’ me UP.  Looks like dude took Intro to Photoshop at the local community college and got a C+.

And ‘dancing to the music in my head’? Cuz you’re lead SUCH a rich internal life, Sanjaya.  PSHAW!

But hey, you know who’s pretty much STOKED right now?

BAM:

WAAAAHHH!!!!  Love this bitch.