All of these people are awesome and deserve Emmys. That is all.

It’s Emmy Season! With the nominees officially announced, and months to go until the actual broadcast, there’s only one thing for TV bloggers to do: speculate and complain! But first let’s kick things off with what makes me happy.

The Good

Mad Men got 17 nominations, including one for Jared Harris (aka the mopey, bespectacled Brit Lane Pryce) for best supporting actor! Of course he should still lose to the brilliant Peter Dinklange from Game of Thrones, but I’m still glad to see his stellar work get some recognition. Louis CK, and his amazing show Louie, also got a ton of nominations! Yay good comedy! Speaking of, the comedy series they chose this year are mostly spot on, without any of those pesky pay cable “dramadies” poking their nose in and bumping out shows that actually have way more, you know, comedy. And finally, Margaret Cho was nominated as a guest star for her hilarious performance as Kim Jong-il on 30 Rock. If you saw any of those episodes, you’ll understand why it’s ok to root for Kim Jong-il.

The Bad

Sure, Amy Poehler got her much deserved best comedy actress nomination, but no love for the rest of Parks and Recreation?! No nomination for Nick Offerman as Ron Swanson?! Come on Emmys, get it together. You’ve had 4 seasons. The man is a living TV icon. Nick Offerman should be awards best actor in a comedy and his mustache best supporting actor in a comedy. That’s how good he is. And although I praised the academy for recognizing Louis CK for his acting, writing, and directing… why wasn’t the show nominated for best comedy? So you guys love every important element of the show but not the show itself? What, was the lighting not Emmy worthy or something?

The Ugly

Betty White is nominated as best variety program host for her show Betty White’s Off their Rockers. I get it, America still can’t get enough of Betty White for whatever reason. But this means a show about old people pulling lame pranks on young people is officially nominated for an Emmy. I’m not the only one who finds that unacceptable, right?

For almost 2 decades, Thursday has been THE must-see TV night on NBC. From Friends in the 90’s to The Office in the 2000’s, NBC has always plunked its prime comedy programming on Thursday nights, and a for a long time they dominated. But as the TV landscape has changed, with solid programming on cable and of course the advent of DVR (which makes it easy to transplant Thursday night to Saturday afternoon or any other time you’ve got free), they’ve struggled to find a combination that works. Throughout this season they’ve made changes seemingly monthly, making a DVR season pass pretty much a requirement if you don’t want to miss out on your favorite in its new timeslot, new night, or after its sudden return after months off.

After bumping Whitney to Wednesday nights and benching Community for half a season, NBC settled on 30 Rock, Parks and Recreation, The Office and Up All Night. A night of solid comedy shows (even as The Office continues its downward spiral, it still has laughs), even without our precious Community. But next week Community is back to finish its season! But that means shows have to move time-slots and Parks and Recreation has to go away for over a month, completely killing the momentum of the big election storyline they are currently nearing the climax of. Then Parks and Recreation will return in April, with Up All Night dropping off the schedule. Though it seems the future of any of these shows is not certain, and when they actually air is even less certain, one thing is for sure: the schizophrenic Thursday schedule is not a good sign for a network that used to rule that day of the week and is already ranking last among the major networks. Seriously, those CBS sitcoms get better ratings than these shows? For shame…

But hey, lets not gloss over what’s really important here. Community returns next week! Watch the epic trailer for the return below.

The damning Civil War photo, revealing Nicolas Cage to be the immortal monster we always suspected

I always suspected that Nicolas Cage was some sort of otherworldly being or somehow in touch with the mystic side. I mean just take a look at some of his performance and try to convince me the directors didn’t catch a man possessed by bizarre, wild and over-acting spirits on film. But a Vampire? That’s what one man suspects after uncovering a Civil War photo that matches up strikingly well with the actor. And somehow this internet rumor has gotten to the man, forcing him to explain his apparent immortality on multiple occasions while promoting his latest tour-de-force, Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance. Below is a video of Nic addressing the matter with David Letterman.

Though he denies drinking blood and seems to think his Civil War counterpart looks, well, to be politically correct, “slow,” he does admit to channeling ancient spiritual forces to fuel his acting style, which he calls “nouveau shamanic.” Here, let the man himself explain the insanity swirling around in his head:

“I would paint my face with black and white make up to look like a Afro-Caribbean icon called Baron Samedi, or an Afro-New Orleans icon who is also called Baron Saturday. He is a spirit of death but he loves children; he’s very lustful, so he’s a conflict in forces. And I would put black contact lenses in my eyes so that you could see no white and no pupil, so I would look more like a skull or a white shark on attack.“

“On my costume, my leather jacket, I would sew in ancient, thousands-of-years-old Egyptian relics, and gather bits of tourmaline and onyx and would stuff them in my pockets to gather these energies together and shock my imagination into believing that I was augmented in some way by them, or in contact with ancient ghosts. I would walk on the set looking like this, loaded with all these magical trinkets, and I wouldn’t say a word to my co-stars or crew or directors. I saw the fear in their eyes, and it was like oxygen to a forest fire. I believed I was the Ghost Rider.”

Remember, this type of method acting that some actors would maybe dip their toes into for an Oscar-worthy role, is what Nic Cage did every day for the Ghost Rider sequel, which currently has a 12% on Rotten Tomatoes. And which I will be seeing in theaters tonight. God I love Nicolas Cage.

The next President(s) of the United States of America

Stephen Colbert has been mocking politicians on The Colbert Report for years, but now he’s taking his schtick to the podium, announcing himself as a fake candidate for President (but only in South Carolina). And the craziest part? His rally in South Carolina this afternoon (along with fellow fake candidate Hermain Cain) drew a much larger crowd than any other candidate’s in the state so far. That’s a lot of people taking time off work for a joke, and that is hilariously awesome.

To recap, about a year ago Colbert was given the right to create his own SuperPAC, an organization that has no official affiliation to a candidate but buys up air time slamming the opponents. How he even got this was amazing, but that was just the beginning. After a few humorous ads, Colbert got bored with the SuperPAC and handed over control to Jon Stewart so that he could concentrate on forming an exploratory committee to possibly run for President (but only in South Carolina). Of course Colbert waited far too long to get his name on the ballot, meaning he is thinking about running even though nobody can vote for him. Hermain Cain, however, is still on the ballot after dropping out of the race, and since Cain is a walking punchline, Colbert has instructed voters to vote for Hermain Cain as a proxy, in order to show their support for his potential run for President. Confused? Don’t be, it’s just as ridiculous as it sounds.

Colbert and Stewart have been having a field day mocking the “laws” surrounding campaign financing and SuperPACS, testing the limits of what “coordination” between a SuperPAC and a candidate means (in short, it’s empty words that mean nothing). And better yet, Hermain Cain, ever the lover of attention, is more than happy to join in. Him and Colbert hosted a joint rally today to encourage voters to see them as the exact same person, and as I said before, it actually got the highest turnout for any rally in the state. And with Colbert’s SuperPAC airing ads calling Mitt Romney a serial killer throughout the state, is there a chance that Colbert (I mean Cain…) will actually get a  fair share of votes? I certainly hope so, because it makes some damn good TV.

Rock me like a Hermain Cain indeed…

It’s a sad day, dear readers, as we have lost another one of our grand Hollywood romances: Katy Perry and Russell Brand have split up. I find this to be utterly shocking! No, not that they’re getting a divorce, that was pretty much a matter of “when” not “if” since their overblown Indian wedding. I mean, I’m no relationship expert, and I believe opposites can attract, but did these two have anything at all in common? I’m going to assume Katy was a sucker for a British accent and tattoos, yet another way to rebel against her uptight midwest upbringing, and Russell was a sucker for…well the fact that Katy Perry wanted to be anywhere near him. Come on, it’s Katy Perry. No, what I find shocking is the fact that it was Russell Brand who filed for divorce! Has he looked in a mirror and then back at a picture of Katy Perry recently? Their wedding photo looks like she’s posing with a melting wax statue of an emaciated neanderthal at a low rent museum.

Now it might seem like I’m being mean to Mr. Brand (since I am insulting his looks for no good reason) but I actually like him quite a bit. The Arthur remake withstanding I think he’s a very funny guy. And as far as bubblegum pop goes I must admit Katy Perry’s songs are pretty darn catchy. So I like the both of them, I just can’t believe this divorce wasn’t filed for the night of the wedding. Seriously, what did these two have conversations about?!

Also, in unrelated celebrity divorce news, Mel Gibson will reportedly lose half his $850 million fortune once his divorce is finally settled. I hope his ex-wife really sticks it to him by using it to fund a new Jewish history museum or something…

That’s right people: the Bluths are back! Five years after the brilliantly hilarious sitcom (it almost feels dirty to call something so good a sitcom) was canceled by Fox after 3 amazing seasons, creator Mitch Hurwitz gathered the entire cast of Arrested Development for a reunion at the New Yorker festival this weekend for a “look back” at the series. But what it really turned into was a big look forward. Before the show even finished airing the grieving hardcore comedy nerd fanbase began to hang their every hope and dream on the potential of an Arrested Development movie. Five years later, and still all we’ve gotten was word that it’s “in the works” and that “everyone is on board.” Until now.

Mitch Hurwitz announced that not only will there be an Arrested Development movie, but preceding it will be a new limited TV season! Thank you gods of television! Although Hurwitz said business deal still had to be worked out he seemed quite hopeful that it would become a reality next summer, and soon after AD stars Jason Bateman and Will Arnett both took to Twitter to confirm the news. So what can we expect of this Bluth re-birth? Hurwitz explained that each of the TV episodes will focus on one character so we can play catch up on what the last 5 years has held for them. Then the first movie can jump right into the action with the Bluths reuniting in grand fashion. And what will the action of the movie be? In typically 4th wall breaking, meta-humor Arrested Development fashion, this new movie about the Bluths will focus on the fact that there is a movie being made about the Bluths. Thus is going to be glorious.

Also, TV, one you get done reviving Arrested Development, can you move on to Party Down? Thanks!

The cast of Arrested Development do a group “chicken dance” on stage to celebrate the news

For seemingly no reason at all, yesterday Jim Carrey filmed himself confessing his undying love and affection for 22 year old actress Emma Stone. He acknowledges he is far too old for her (sorry Jim, doesn’t cut down on the creep factor to point out that you know you’re being creepy) but then goes on to describe the chubby freckled babies they would have together as well as some mentions of their…intimate times in this alternate universe he has constructed in his head. This is definitely not wacky Jim Carrey from Bruce Almighty, this is full on creepy Jim Carrey from The Number 23. Except, unlike that movie, this video is actually entertaining

The amazing part of this video is how much of the entertainment news world is reporting on it like it’s real, saying Jim shows “no sign of sarcasm” and acts “extremely creepy.” Yeah, acts! He’s an actor! I know he’s been in a few dramas in recent years, and most of his comedies these days aren’t actually funny, but let’s not forget that Jim Carrey is a comedian! He makes people laugh! And if you ask me this video is one of the funniest things he’s done in recent years. It’s bizarre, unexpected, and he totally commits to the bit all the way through. Plus it’s not some viral video designed to promote the Mr. Popper’s Penguins DVD release or something. It’s just him doing something dumb and acting like a weird idiot because he thinks it’s funny. That’s what the internet is for!

And to be fair, who doesn’t love Emma Stone?! She’s amazingly talented, funny, pretty and for the most part she actually chooses to be in good movies. The entire internet should be full of people confessing their love to her!

Proof that Jon Hamm doesn’t always look undeniably handsome. He can also look funny.

It’s a good day for people who watch good comedies on TV and are fans of awesome people named Jo(h)n: two of my favorites are heading back to TV! Sorry Welcome Back Kotter fans, unfortunately one of them isn’t John Travolta reprising his role of Vinnie Barbarino. Hope I didn’t get your hopes up! You should have known when I said good comedy. Oooo! Burn on Welcome Back Kotter 30 years too late!

The first is Jon Hamm, who has already made a lasting impression on TV history over the course of 4 seasons of Mad Men. And even though that drama, where he plays the suave and morally ambiguous Don Draper, introduced Jon Hamm to the mainstream public, most of his outside projects since have proved that it’s comedy where he really prefers to dwell. Whether it’s hosting Saturday Night Live, guest-starring on 30 Rock with hooks for hands, or stealing scenes in Bridesmaids, it’s obvious the guy likes to hang out with funny people and make them laugh. So it’s really exciting to hear he will be joining the small IFC show The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret, which stars David Cross and Will Arnett. The hilarious and criminally under-watched show, which revolves around one man’s business trip to London based on a lie gone horribly wrong, is headed into it’s second season, and a ratings boost from the presence of the super talented Jon Hamm would be welcome! Come on people, watch some Todd Margaret! It’s some of the most awkward and dark comedy on TV, and that’s worth keeping around.

Although the next John may not have the same chiseled good looks as Mr. Hamm, he’s certainly lost a lot of weight recently. The always amazing, and recently thinned down, John Goodman will be returning to TV on one of the best TV shows going: NBC’s Community. That’s a combination I like! Goodman, who is probably best known for his long stint on Roseanne, hasn’t really done much TV comedy since, so the world should be thrilled that he’s coming out of sitcom retirement to guest star on at least 6 episodes of Community. He will apparently play a Vice Dean who wields great power at the Greendale community college and finds himself at odds with the very, very odd Dean Pelton, best known for his lofty party themes and love of adults dressed as dalmatians. I can’t see into the future, but I predict extremely funny things.

Even if you’re scared of clowns you should still watch this show, Look at all those funny people!

In case you weren’t aware, it is a very good time to be a fan of fiercely original TV comedy. Sure, our sitcom favorites like Parks and Recreation, 30 Rock and Community are gone, but the summer, the season in which re-runs rule and networks don’t expect huge ratings, is the place where some of the most creative comedy gets it’s start.

There is of course Louie, which Dan wrote about last week and is still as hilarious as ever. With one season under his belt, Louis CK seems to be pushing the envelope even more about how a TV “comedy” has to be defined. Louis’ always sharp (and usually offensive) stand-up routines are sprinkled between vignettes about a single comedian father’s life, which range from funny and awkward all the way to poignant and touching.Louis is proving that a show doesn’t need a room full of trained writers coming up with rapid-fire jokes to fill every second of air-time. As long as someone as profoundly awesome as Louis CK is in charge just exploring what goes on in his life and in his head is enough.

On a very different end of the comedy spectrum is Jon Benjamin Has a Van, a new sketch comedy show on Comedy Central. Though Jon Benjamin’s name may be new to the non-comedy-nerds out there, you’ll know his voice from Archer, Bob’s Burgers and countless other animated projects. Now it’s his turn in front of the camera, and he has taken the opportunity and ran with it, crafting one of the most brilliantly commuted, absurd shows around. Set up as a fake news show, each episode mixes interactions with real people (such as a parody of Cash Cab called Cash Stall, set inside a men’s bathroom with some very unwilling volunteers) and a long form silly sketch (such as an expose on Little Little Italy, a miniature Little Italy inside a building in Little Italy, which turns into a small-scale mafia war). In their most genius gag to date (and something I still don’t know how Comedy Central approved) their news crew sound man was kidnapped, leaving over half of the show dead silent. Surely some were confused and adjusted their TV, and surely some were just annoyed by the concept, but I thought it was one of the best executed experimental jokes on TV since the joyfully antagonistic Wonder Showzen got canceled.

And finally there’s the breakthrough hit of Adult Swim: Childrens’ Hospital. Essentially a parody or hospital romance shows like Grey’s Anatomy, but set inside a childrens’ hospital, the show has quickly morphed into something much larger and more hilarious, becoming a must-watch for comedy fans and a must-guest star for anyone who wants to be considered hip in the comedy world. Although Rob Corddry’s creepy hospital clown makeup covered face (designed to look like that worn by John Wayne Gacey) has become the symbol of the show, and he did create it, it is actually an ensemble cast with some of the best of sketch comedy (The State’s Ken Marino, Human Giant’s Rob Huebel) and some sitcom legends (Happy Days‘ Henry Winkler, Will & Grace’s Megan Mullally) interacting in new and fantastic ways. Plus it’s only 11 minutes long! Come on, even you have 11 minutes to spare. Give it a shot!

Louis CK’s brilliantly irreverent Louie returned last week for its second season FX and if you aren’t excited about that, well then you might want to check your pulse. The first episode of the second season showed no signs of changing what made the first season so great: toilet humor in one scene and poignant thought-provoking dialog in the next. Louie is a show that covers a lot of ground and as a result, things tend to get pretty uncomfortable at times. For example, the second season opens with Louis’s daughter innocently asking when she gets to see her mother, Louis’ Ex-wife, again. Such a line seems innocuous enough, and Louis explains when that will happen. The daughter seems pleased with this answer and goes on to explain that she enjoys being with her mother more because she loves her mother more. Despite being hit with such an honest and depressing revelation, Louis shrugs it off with nothing more than a furrowed brow. But as his daughter walks away Louis shoots his daughter the middle finger behind her back.

That’s just the sort of show Louie has been from the start: shockingly bleak situations followed by frank and irreverent humor. In that way, Louie is similar to CK’s stand up work, which seems not to have any areas that are off limits. For example, in Season 1 Episode 10 Louis is telling a joke about why we should get rid of the stigma around pedophilia. There’s no possible way for my writing to do justice to CK’s masterful delivery of such incendiary material, so head over to blinkx remote and see for yourself. But it is not the shocking humor which sets Louie apart from other summer TV offerings. Rather it is the abrupt and adroit manner that CK is able to shift gears from the absurd to the allegorical, from the depressing to the delightful and many points in between.

Throughout it all, CK remains utterly empathetically relatable; I can’t help but feel for the guy when things go pear-shaped and that’s what really makes Louie a must-watch.I never know where the show will take me, but I am always laughing along the way. There is another element that really helps the show. Louie is on FX because they gave CK full control of his show, something no other network was offering. Louis CK actually took less money in the belief that he could make a better show if he was free to be himself.Frankly, it’s nigh on impossible to imagine Louie being a watered-down major-network show and retaining any of the qualities which makes it so great. Thankfully, we don’t have to imagine such a show. Instead we get to watch Louis CK have free reign to trample all over our delicate sensibilities.

-This post brought to you by Dan