“It’s the end of an era,” quoth Saved by the Bell’s A.C. Slater. He couldn’t be more right: Mario Lopez may have left Bayside High in order to be Saved by the Baby, but Slater lives on in reruns, internet jokes, and photos. A Chicago bar aptly named Mulletsused to have a framed photo of the beloved mullet wearer over a urinal in the bathroom–until an unruly patron smashed it in a fit of RAGE! Says the Chicago Tribune, “”I just don’t like Slater,” the man reportedly told the owner after allegedly yanking the photo from its place of pride above a urinal and smashing it on the floor.”
Anyone else getting a Dustin Diamond vibe from this news item? Where’s Screech these days? Does anyone even care?
Except for this 11 Points contributor! You should really check out the long, long list of highlights (eleven, in fact!) they’ve put together, but in the meantime, let me condense them for you in a mostly SFW fashion so you can see if it’s worth your time:
1) Dustin has had sex with over 2,000 women and is well-endowed. Dustin is no Screech Powers.
2) Mario Lopez (a.k.a. A.C. Slater) raped a girl, and NBC paid her to keep quiet.
3) Tiffani Thiessen (Kelly Kapowski) was dating Eddie Garcia, the actor who played Johnny Dakota in the anti-drug episode, while having relations with both Mark-Paul Gosselaar (Zack Morris) and Mario Lopez at the same time.
4) The entire cast was smoking weed during the said anti-drug episode (”Theres no hope with dope!”).
5) Elizabeth Berkley (Jessie Spano) also had relations with both Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Mario Lopez.
6) Lark Voorhies (Lisa Turtle) also had relations with both Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Mario Lopez.
7) Martin Lawrence was abusive to Lark Voorhies when they were engaged (Whoa! Never knew they were together).
8 ) Dustin had sex with Linda Mancuso, NBC’s VP of children’s programming.
9) Mark-Paul Gosselaar confessed to the cast that he had used steroids before Saved By the Bell: The College Years.
10) Ed Alonzo (a.k.a. Max, owner of The Max) used to practice magic tricks with a young Neil Patrick Harris and also get sexy with him.
11) Executive Producer Peter Engel (you’ve seen the name!) used to have threesomes with Tiffani Thiessen and Mark-Paul Gosselaar in his office.
That’s all he wrote. Only Mr. Belding remains unscathed!
Okay, so not to be a total Pollyanna, but I’m assuming just about all this is made up. For one, these lies aren’t even creative. They basically amount to: everyone had sex with each other. And even if it DID happen, who cares? Dustin Diamond is quite simply continuing to reveal himself as the insecure, bitter has-been that we already knew he was.
So the question remains: should we read this? Nah.
Here’s what Kelly Kapowski had to say about Screech Powers in a recent interview with TV Guide:
“I feel so sad for him. I dont think he’s had the right direction. We’re all working and he’s not. I think people can see that, and that’s what’s sad about it.”
Aw. She’s totally right. Dustin Diamond isn’t as marketable as the other cast members (read: unattractive), so he’s clearly having a tough time finding jobs. In fact, has he ever played a character other than Screech or himself?
My advice to Dustin: quit acting/being a douche and become a real-life nerd already! Child actresses Mayim Bialik and Danica McKeller, for example, both dropped acting for some time to become crazy smart. If you’re gonna look helluv dorky, you might as well be helluv smart, too.
Though it may be too late for Dustin Diamond. This dude’s dumb as bricks.
If you happened to watch Late Night with Jimmy Fallon last night, you were lucky enough to witness one of the most wonderful moments of our time.
You know what I’m talking about, reader. Jimmy’s guest just happened to be none other than Saved By the Bell‘s Zack Morris.
No, not Saved By the Bell’s Mark-Paul Gosselaar, dummy. We’re talking straight ZACK MORRIS, no chaser!
The Zackster not only showed up, broke the fourth wall, called a time out, and pulled out his giant cell phone, but performed Zack Attack’s hit single “Friends Forever” with house band The Roots to boot. And so much more!
You’d have to see it to believe it:
Magic. The Attic? Stacey Carosi? 1502? Johnny Dakota? Everything about that was flawless. This must be what born-again Christians feel like.
And that Zack hasn’t aged a bit!
As you’ll recall, Jimmy Fallon is petitioning to get the entire original cast of Saved By the Bellto reunite on Late Night in honor of the show’s 20th anniversary. So far he’s locked down everyone but Tiffani Thiessen (Kelly Kapowski) and Dustin Diamond (Screech Powers). Screech we could do without, but what’s a party without Kelly Kapowski?
Seriously, if her dad loses his job and makes her miss ANOTHER major social event, I’m calling bullshizz!
The Hot Sundaes are the 1.5-hit-wonder girl group of Jessie Spano, Kelly Kapowski and Lisa Turtle on Saved By the Bell!
Besides covering the Pointer Sisters’ “I’m So Excited” many a time, they’re also probs most notable for the peppy single “Break a Sweat (Go for It)” …and sparking Jessie’s caffeine pill addiction/nervous breakdown (because there was never any time and she just had to get into Stanford!).
Nevertheless, the Hot Sundaes’ music video was nothing short of a jazzercising inspiration to young girls across this great nation during the 90’s.
It’s a piece of work: the way they SHOUT-SING THE WHOLE SONG; dated special effects (abrupt leotard changes, double exposure close-ups, herky-jerky slo-mo); the actresses’ genuine commitment; and just the overall absurdity of a song which (unsuccessfully) tries to bridge the themes of aerobics and falling in love. Utter NONSENSE!
We all assumed these Saved By the Bellvixens would shoot to the tippy-top of stardom, but it’s probably more appropriate to say they’ve all “achieved modest notoriety”. Here’s where the Hot Sundae gals are today:
Elizabeth Berkley (Jessie Spano): Guest-starring in the current season of The L Word as Kelly (seriously?), the “straight girl that got away” from Bette (Jennifer Beals) in college (seriously?). The leads of Showgirls and Flashdance together on-screen? Seems like a dance-off is in order!
Tiffani Thiessen (Kelly Kapowski): Currently working on USA Network’s upcoming series called White Collar as the wife of an FBI Agent played by Tim DeKay (Carnivale). Kay *shrug*.
Lark Voorhies (Lisa Turtle): Appeared in a 2008 suspense thriller film called The Next Hit. Yeah, I didn’t hear about it either. She’s also a musician and releasing a single called “Saturday” (boo, not “Sundae”?) this year.
Another one bites the dust this week - this time, your favorite pair of Ukrainian cuties from Dancing With The Stars. Professional dancers Karina Smirnoff and Maksim Chmerkovskiy announced their engagement over the weekend, after just 6 months of dating. Maksim supposedly popped the question on New Year’s Eve at the Wynn Hotel in Las Vegas.
Congrats to the happy couple! I must say, I’m not the hugest fan of Maksim, who famously pointed fingers at all the DWTS dancers he thought had too much junk in the trunk. However, he DOES seem to be a step up from over-dimpled Saved By the Bell alum Mario Lopez, Karina’s ex and rumored cheat! Nice upgrade, girl!