Ho hum.  It’s Monday morning and I have nary a Mad Men episode to recap.  I’ve lost all sense of purpose in life.

To fill the void, let’s watch this clip of January Jones (that’s disgruntled housewife Betty Draper!) playing beer pong last week on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon:

Perhaps we just can’t see past the Betty Draper facade.  Or maybe Jones is just one of those babes whose terrible jokes always get laughed at by the boys because she’s hot.  No more of that, please.

The actress also hosted Saturday Night Live over the weekend, with musical guest Black Eyed Peas.  I have yet to view the episode, but will be doing so later today.  Let’s watch!  We’ll see who has the last laugh.

[Source: EW.com]

Does anyone even watch this Gossip Girl show anymore?  This show is getting harder to follow than Queen Mum after a few drinks (that was funny, right?)!

Let’s break it down by character; otherwise, this shizz is way too hard to follow:

Dan Humphrey and Olivia Burke
Olivia for some reason doesn’t want to show bf Dan her appearance on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.  She goes to great lengths to keep footage of the show from him, but he eventually comes across the clip.  It seems Olivia told Jimmy Fallon the story of her first date with Dan, in which he emerged from the bathroom with his shirt on inside-out.  Fallon starts calling him “Bathroom Boy,” it’s hilarious blah blah blah.  Dan ends up not really caring, just being bummed he forgot their one-month anniversary, yadda yadda all is right with the world.

Nate Archibald, Vanessa Abrams, and the Congressional Campaign
Nate’s cousin Trip van der Bilt is running for Congress.  Nate’s helping out while Vanessa documents the whole process for one of her snoozy short films.  She gets footage of Trip saving a drowning man in the Hudson River, but when reviewing the tape before selling it off to a local news station, learns that the whole thing was set up to make Trip look like a hero.  She warns Nate ahead of time so Trip can plan his PR plan of attack ahead of time.  What ends up happening instead is Nate tricking Vanessa into forking the footage over by sending a fake journalist to purchase the tape.  Vanessa later figures it out and gives him one of her b.s. moral authority speeches about how he isn’t the Nate Archibald she once knew.  Nate redeems himself later by taking credit for the whole set up, even though he had nothing to do with it.

BONUS: We all thought it was Grandfather William van der Bilt (p.s. love it how they all call him “Grandfather”), but it turns out to be Trip’s sneaky wife Maureen who was behind the whole shebang.  She confesses this to Grandfather with a shizz-eating grin on her face, because she knows he’s underestimated her in the past.  Grandfather responds that he actually doesn’t think about her much at all.  Disssssss!

Blair Waldorf and Serena van der Woodsen
The girls are still pissed at each other over last week’s snafu with Chuck Bass’s Gimlet bar opening and whatnot.  Blair finds herself a new best friend in the form of some babe named Brandeis whose got a penchant for designer clothes.  Blair takes Brandeis to Trip van der Bilt’s election party at Chuck’s Empire Hotel, where Serena is attending with her new fake boyfriend actor Patrick Roberts, who she is dating only to keep her job as a publicist.  Patrick gets mondo drunk at the party and lets our friends know that Blair’s buddy Brandeis is not only a psych major at NYU, but a high-class call girl - she’s at the party looking for new clients!  Things get crazy, Blair gets drunk-as-a-skunk Patrick kicked out of the party, Serena tells Blair about her new friend’s actual calling in life, Blair gives her one of those takes-one-to-know-one lines, and S pushes B’s face into a cake.

Whew! Serena ends up feeling like a whore after all, quitting her job, and trying to make up with Blair - but Blair won’t have it.  Blair’s got a real life now, with school and a real relationship, while Serena’s floundering through life, alienating her family and friends.  Blair wants no part of it.  Could this be the end of Serena and Blair?!?!?!?

The episode ends with Blair crawling into bed with Chuck - she’s got no friends, but at least she has him, she says - and Serena running into newly-elected Trip at a bar and him joining her for a chat.  Both these scenes seemed foreshadowing to me.  Will Blair lose Chuck too?  Will something happen between Serena and Trip?  I certainly hope both of those questions are answered with a big fat NO.

Next week?  It’s supposed to be the big threesome episode we’ve been hearing buzz about (OM3!).  Who do you think it’ll be?  I’m half-assuming it’ll involve Olivia (you know how loose those Hollywood types are!), but I’m hoping Vanessa will be involved because maybe THEN she’d shut up.  Serena would be too obvious, no?

Maybe our girl Gossip will show up.  xoxo!

If you were curious as to what Miley Cyrus’s dad Billy Ray Cyrus (her dad on Hannah Montana, too!) had to say about Miley quitting Twitter, you’re in luck!  He made a video response to HER video response.

Feast your eyes:

Lolz!  JK!  That was totally Jimmy Fallon, duh.  The Late Night host spoofed it up on his show the other night with this humorous parody.

Don’t forget to follow @billyraycyrus for more Cyrus family fun!

I gotta tell ya, though I had my doubts, Jimmy Fallon is on his way to becoming the awesomest talk show host of our time.

Last night, on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, the J-man challenged Golden Girl/national treasure Betty White to a game of beer pong.  Observe:

How charming is she?  We love us some old ladies here at Square Eyes.

Looks like Fallon finally broke his losing street with this victory over White.  He’d previously been beaten by Anna Kournikova, Serena Williams and Ivanka Trump.

If you happened to watch Late Night with Jimmy Fallon last night, you were lucky enough to witness one of the most wonderful moments of our time.

You know what I’m talking about, reader.  Jimmy’s guest just happened to be none other than Saved By the Bell‘s Zack Morris.

No, not Saved By the Bell’s Mark-Paul Gosselaar, dummy.  We’re talking straight ZACK MORRIS, no chaser!

The Zackster not only showed up, broke the fourth wall, called a time out, and pulled out his giant cell phone, but performed Zack Attack’s hit single “Friends Forever” with house band The Roots to boot.  And so much more!

You’d have to see it to believe it:

Magic.  The Attic?  Stacey Carosi?  1502? Johnny Dakota? Everything about that was flawless.  This must be what born-again Christians feel like.

And that Zack hasn’t aged a bit!

As you’ll recall, Jimmy Fallon is petitioning to get the entire original cast of Saved By the Bell to reunite on Late Night in honor of the show’s 20th anniversary.  So far he’s locked down everyone but Tiffani Thiessen (Kelly Kapowski) and Dustin Diamond (Screech Powers). Screech we could do without, but what’s a party without Kelly Kapowski?

Seriously, if her dad loses his job and makes her miss ANOTHER major social event, I’m calling bullshizz!

Holy moly!  How come no one told us about THIS:

Yep.  Jimmy Fallon is trying to get the entire original cast of Saved By the Bell to reunite on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, in honor of the show’s 20th anniversary.

Mr. Belding will clearly take part, as per the video clip above.  And I think we can safely count Dustin Diamond (Screech) in - what else has he got going on (besides financial troubles!)?

Mark-Paul Goselaar (Zack) and Mario Lopez (Slater) I could go either way on, and I’m not expecting to see any of the girls any time soon.  Throw us a bone, Kelly Kapowski!

So basically, per my expert assessment of the situation, the only ones we can count on are Mr. Belding and Screech.  Ugh.  Bummer scene.

What is this, Saved By the Bell: The New Class? Yechhh!

Go big or go home, am I right? Sign the online petition here, on Fallon’s blog, and cross yer fingers and toes!

Oh man! Not to go overboard with my Muppet Show references this month, but I love me some Statler and Waldorf!

The pair hijacked Late Night with Jimmy Fallon Friday night with some trademark curmudgeony jabs.  Fallon was interviewing puppet-lover and How I Met Your Mother-er Jason Segel, who was there promoting his new movie I Love You, Man with Paul Rudd.

Peep this:

BADUM-CHHH!  Totally awesome.  Don’t mess with those two!

Oh, and you can watch the entire episode here, if you’re so inclined.  Are you?

Much to my surprise, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon is doing well.  Really well.  In fact, its Monday premiere garnered the best Monday night ratings for its slot in three years, and its second outing maintained.  You can watch both episodes online here.

I always sorta considered Jimmy Fallon the poor man’s Adam Sandler when he was on Saturday Night Live, and honestly, I assumed his mumbly hair-twirliness would make him a lousy talk show host.  Tee hee, I’m Jimmy Fallon.  Glad to be proven wrong!

Whaeva.  In case you snoozed through either episode and haven’t the patience to catch up online, I’ll let you in on some junk that’ll help you breeze through those Gen Y watercooler talks that leave you feeling so hopelessly out of touch.

Hush up, now. I’ll tell you about Twitter later.

So, day one: Fallon’s got Bobby DeNiro (heh) and Justin Timberlake.  Timberlake shows up and does a killer impression of John Mayer:

BAM!  Spot on.  The only thing that I find unpalatable is how J.Tim clearly fancies himself a comedian.  An air of arrogance!  Yeah, he’s been in some funny Saturday Night Live skits and all, but COME ON!  He’s mildly amusing, at best.  And besides, there ain’t NOTHIN’ funny about Jessica Biel.

Yeah, that’s it.  Basically, I dislike J.Tim for little to no reason.  And you can never take that away from me.  Suck it!

Day two: Our girl Tina Fey shows up and tells us about how her li’l toddler baby Alice basically writes for 30 Rock and whatnot:

LOVE HER!  LOVE 30 ROCK! And finally, LOVE ALICE!  Though I bet Uncle Tracy beat her to the punch and taught her to say “I wanna have a lot of sucks tonight.”

Sigh.  Tina Fey’s so much better than everybody in the world.  Suck it, everybody!

I’m feeling ornery today, people.  I want to go to there.  Lunch.

Did everybody watch 30 Rock last night?  Who cares, it was a boring one.  Let’s not talk about it.

You know what’s NOT boring, though?  How everyone thinks Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal sounds like Kenneth from 30 Rock.  Cracks me UP!

So here’s what happened.  Basically, the Lou-Gov offered up the Republican response to President Obama’s address to Congress earlier this week, and was met with a kajillion and a half comparisons to Jack McBrayer, who plays Kenneth the Page on the Rock.  The Internets went NUTS with clicks n comments n boop boop beep boop.

Judge for yourself!  Here the first bit of Jindal’s speech:

I don’t get what the big deal is, personally.  Sounds sim, I guess.  MY governor, on the other hand, is a straight up DEAD RINGER for the dude from the Terminator movies.

Hyuck hyuck hyuck just a li’l California humor.  We’re really laid-back here, ya know?

So anyway.  Jack McBrayer went on the still-online-only Late Night with Jimmy Fallon to offer a response to the Internet response to the Republican response to the President’s address to Congress.

Check out his response to all the Internet hoo-ha:

Hilars!  That guy’s schtick never gets old.

P.S. I’m kind of impressed that Jimmy Fallon (formerly of SNL, rememb?) had the savvy to address an Internet rumor on his show.  Meanwhile, Leno and Letterman are all, Internet who?

2 Kudos, Fallon.