Oh SNAP!  No biggie, but I JUST came across an extended trailer for the upcoming 6th season of The Hills.  Feast your eyes on this bad boy:

Excitement!  I have to admit, this season looks way more exciting than the last few.  Laguna Beach’s Kristin Cavallari def knows how to shake things up.

“How can one person turn all our lives upside down?” asks Stephanie Pratt.  It’s almost as if this show is scripted, eh, Steph?  Heh.

Other things that caught my eye - I totally forgot how different Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt act on the show than they do in real life.  In “real” life, they’re all about making outlandish statements and supporting each other 100%, whereas on the The Hills, they sorta stick with the Heidi-wants-to-settle-down/Spencer-resists thing.

And a Speidi baby?  No thank you!  I hope Heidi’s lady parts expire before THAT becomes a reality.

As for Holly Montag needing to go to rehab - from what I’ve seen of her on I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!, the girl is totally regs.  What a snoozy plotline for Speidi to make up.  Let’s get a bit more creative, people!

Same with Kristin dating Justin Bobby - I don’t buy that that wasn’t fabricated for a second.

Basically: Yay Hills!  September 29th on MTV, everybodyyy!

*** UPDATE: MTV has taken down the trailer!  Here’s the only video clip I could find of the darn thing:

If you’ve been watching this here space over the past few months, you know I was uncharacteristically stoked on I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!

One of the most intriguing things about the show was the relationship between American Idol reject Sanjaya Malakar and minor Hills character Holly Montag, a.k.a Sanjolly.  It wasn’t clear whether the relationship was romantic, or just a case of the BFFs.  Though Holly denies any hanky panky, rumor has it that things are getting serious, and that she is currently en route to Kauai to meet Sanjaya’s family.

Are they or aren’t they?  To be honest, it doesn’t really matter to me, I’m just in it for the Speidi soundbites.  Here’s what Holly Montag’s brother-in-law Spencer Pratt has to say about the whole thing:

“I’ve actually been praying nonstop that they get married, and I can actually have a brother-in-law named Sanjaya, and I can go to India and hang out. Speidi and Sanjolly are going to Bollywood!”

Love that guy!  Can’t wait to see Heidi totally disrespecting Indian culture by wearing her sari like a bikini.

[Source: Reality TV Magazine]

For those of you keeping score…

It’s Lou Diamond Phillips for the win on I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!

But the real winners last night were the American public, who were treated to an other visit from Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, who returned to the jungles of Costa Rica all the way from The Hills to see the show off.

“They have increased my value of celebrity, I found out, so I owe them all greatly,” said Spencer.

And as an added bonus, a Pizza Hut advertisement featuring Speidi have surfaced on the Internets!  The following clip was supposed to air during I’m a Celebrity, but the pair didn’t last on the show long enough for the ad to make sense.  Here’s a couple of dummies hawking a pizza pie:

Thanks to Pink is the New Blog for uncovering this gem.

What’s next for Spencer and Heidi?  Nothing to do with E!, that’s for sure.

I knew things were getting strangely quiet…

Quiet no longer!  The gruesome twosome is back in our headlines!  Yep, Heid Montag and Spencer Pratt have once again emerged from The Hills to rip on Today Show anchor Al Roker.

The duo were on the show this morning to discuss their time on I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! and were apparently rubbed the wrong way by the Rokester.  Roll that beautiful Speidi footage:

Eh, wasn’t all that bad, per me.  What sorts of questions do these guys expect? 

Heidi is now claiming Roker attacked her, telling Ryan Seacrest on his radio show:

“I was shocked at how rude he was - I was crying afterwards because I couldn’t believe I felt personally attacked.  I wanted to say to him, do you feel proud of how you’re talking to me right now? I’m just a young woman and you’re coming at me so aggressively and meanly and mean-spirited… I just wanted to talk about the show and my experience there and how fun it was, and he just made it a very uncomfortable and awful experience. I really would advise women especially to be careful around him because I feel like he definitely came and attacked me and I did not appreciate that at all.”

Wah wah wah!  Go write about it in your diary, Montag.

Spencer’s take?  On point as usual:

“Was the weatherman asking us questions? I thought we were getting interviewed by a guy named Matt Lauer. We were thrown off that the weatherman was even trying to talk to Speidi.”

What will they think of next!

Oh, I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!, you managed to do it again.  You pulled me in for another two-hour block of programming and you didn’t even feel bad about it.  Well, you know what, I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!? I ain’t gonna lie; I enjoyed every second.

Picture it, folks: The Hills‘ Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt locked up in a pitch-black tiny shack getting spiders dropped on ‘em while mice squeal at their feet.  If they can make it through this night in this here Lost Chamber, they get to return to jungle.

And you know what?  They did it, with minimal complaint!  Could the rumors that they’re claiming they were tortured be false?  Yes.  Yes, they were.

The pair does indeed make it back to camp, where they manage to put on the most flagrant Jesus show I’ve ever seen my entire life.  And by “Jesus show,” I mean mentioning/citing/praising/evoking/praying to/relishing in the existence of Jesus and/or God for hours at a time, in addition to spiritual fasting.  Spence really took his makeshift Baldwin baptism to heart last week, didn’t you hear?

Meanwhile!  Frances is all bummed that Angela got the boot last week and decides to bounce.  What’s a Frangela without the Angela after all?  If you guessed “Fr,” then you were right.

So blah blah, Speidi are in fantastic spirits and everyone’s noticing.  Heidi decides to treat us viewers at home with a taste of her vocal stylings which, sans some serious behind-the-scenes studio editing, sound more terrible than you’d think.  It’s like a regular person’s voice got shoved through a vocoder and then spit up into a meat grinder.  Straight-shooter Janice Dickinson takes note and tells the girl she sounds like a drowning cat.  Spencer finds out about the jab and gives Jan a talking to, but manages to keep his temper under check and be respectful - or, as he put it, he manages not to “Spence out.” Spence really took his makeshift Baldwin baptism to heart last week, didn’t you hear?

Next up: America has spoken!  They’ve voted to put Janice Dickinson up against Sanjaya in the next challenge, which involves unlocking shackles in a tank full of rising water filled with baby crocodiles and frogs whatnot.  Sanjaya predictably kicks ass, while Janice predictably quits 30 seconds in.

Speaking of Sanjaya, homeboy has some serious jungle chops. He’s building brooms and making homemade ink and slapping together friendship bracelets with things he finds ’round town.  My money’s on him for the winner.

All the while Heidi’s puking up a storm, complaining of massive stomache problems.  “Maybe it’s the devil coming out of her,” snickers our man Sanjaya, giggle giggle smirk smirk.  She’s sent to the emergency room and put on an IV, then diagnosed as having a gastric ulcer.  “I love you so much, baby. … Jesus loves you more than anyone, baby,” Spencer tenderly whispers into her ear.  I beg to differ, Spence!

Finally, Speidi decide enough’s enough and they bow out of the show again.  “If Heidi is sick, then I’m sick because we are of one flesh,” notes our man Spence.

Back at the camp, the gang needs to pick a new leader and has another one of those ridiculous crazy shizz-eating competitions.  Of the mopane worms, leaf-cutter ants, bull testicles, stick insects, and cow tongue, no one can devour the entire collection, and thus the group decides to keep Lou Diamond Phillips as camp leader.

Some time passes - and now we’re on to the individual immunity challenge.  It’s called “Hang Tough,” and, as you may have guessed, the gang has to hang from a bar over water.  Person who hangs on for longest wins immunity.  Yeah, they’re not particularly creative with their challenges here at I’m a Celebrity. We’ll find out Wednesday night who wins.

So are Heidi and Spencer really gone for good?  Methinks so.  Heidi’s got a line of dry shampoo to hawk back in Hollywood, after all.

I’m dead serious, people.  Geniuses, idiot savants, or dumbasses?

Oh, brother.  As just about anyone could’ve predicted, there’s more Speidi drama from the set of I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! this week.

Last we heard, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt had returned from The Hills, begging NBC and their castmates to let them back on I’m a Celebrity.  They were sentenced to a night in the spooky/creepy/crawly “Lost Chamber” before their return would be brought into consideration.

Over the weekend, the rumor mill has been churnin’ something awful.  Apparently, Heidi got sick and asked to be let out of the chamber - but it seems everyone’s got a different story as to what actually went down:

From Reality TV Magazine:
Heidi was rushed to the hospital and diagnosed with a gastric ulcer, after spending a day and night in a dark room with only water, rice and beans. She has now left and is on medication. One cast member said this of Speidi’s punishment: ”It’s the same as Guantanamo Bay.” Another member of the cast said that the execs tried to coerce Heidi into not seeking medical attention.

From Extra:
The source insists the Lost Chamber posed no harm to the “Hills” duo. “The environment in the “Lost Chamber” was not in any way harmful or dangerous; no critters, just a few ordinary bugs. They were indoors — never in any danger or facing life-threatening situations. Absolutely no one is or was being held against their will.”

From Stephanie Pratt’s Twitter:
Im really saddened to hear that nbc felt it was ok to punish speidi so harshly-and torture them as if they were criminals-that Heidi was…rushed to the hospital and has an IV in her arm after being locked in a dark room for 3 days w no food or water. Pls pray she will be ok

Personally, I believe Extra’s unnamed source.  I find it extremely hard to believe that NBC would “torture” the pair - though I really wouldn’t blame ‘em if they had.

Meanwhile, Perez is reporting that Heidi’s sister Holly Montag is already on board to replace Heidi on the show.  This further leads me to believe the torture scenario is untrue.  Would you really sign on to a show that had threatened your sister’s life?  Gosh, who knows with these people.

And - you guessed it - rumor has it that Spencer is planning on suing NBC over the show.

I smell the thick, odorous stench of a Speidi publicity stunt!

I’ve hit rock bottom, dear reader.  Last night, I watched I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! AGAIN, for the third night in a row, with the intention of tuning in just long enough to see if Heidi and Spencer return.

“Just twenty minutes,” I told myself.  “Then I’ll turn it off.”

It’s like when you go somewhere just because you think a special someone will show up.  You’d heard they hung out there, after all. Well, Heidi and Spencer are my special someones and I’d heard they might stop by.   I don’t think I’ve ever felt so many emotions at the same time.

Yeah, ended up watching the whole thing.  Whatever.  They showed up.

So here’s what went down.  Yadda yadda yadda, Janice Dickinson and John Salley got in a huge fight, Janice has bronchitis, the cast had another food challenge.

Men vs. Women.  Competing for a pork dinner.  Each team member had to take a turn sticking their arm into a mystery hole to find a plastic star.  Team with the most plastic stars wins.  Easy, right?  Trouble is, each mystery hole was filled with something creepy and crawly.  We’re talking tarantulas (John Salley conquered his arachnophobia!), rats (Lou Diamond Phillips‘ arm was seriously gnawed on!), tanks full of fish (Patti Blagojevich rocked it, she’s used to slimy characters, BADUM-CH!), cow dung and earthworms (easy!).  Guys win by a landslide.

Back at camp, we hear a surprise guest is on his/her way.  Please oh please oh please let it be Heidi and/or Spencer!  Nope.  It’s Daniel Baldwin, Stephen Baldwin’s big bro, a new contestant!  Stephen doesn’t seem all that pumped.  I always knew those Baldwins hated each other.  They all live in the shadow of Alec, for one.

So ANYWAYY, blah blah blah and YAY!  Heidi and Spencer!  Speidi have returned from The Hills!  Myleene Klass interviews the duo, who explain that they wanted back in.  The devil had apparently gotten to them and told them to get out of the jungle.  That pesky devil!  Spencer also plead insanity, and claimed he hadn’t expected to pass the psych test in the first place.  He’s loco!  Straight jacket this guy!

Oh man. I love these two and the ridiculous tricks they have up their sleeves.

Myleene explained the grounds for their return to I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! First, the pair had to spend the night in the pitch-black shack full of disgusting things from Tuesday’s episode - apparently called “The Lost Chamber.”  Second, their camp mates had to vote and agree to bring them back on.  Good luck with that one, chumps!

Flash to Damien Fahey, who’s at camp, ready to take a vote regarding Speidi’s fate.  Janice Dickinson, John Salley, and Stephen Baldwin vote yes, everyone else no.

COME ON, people!  You think this show’s gonna do anything for your bummer careers if no one watches?  REALLY, Sanjaya?!  You really have no desire to be relevant?  BUZZKILL.

Eh.  Speidi are back no matter what, though, am I right?

Totally not watching tonight.  Seriously.  Please, Jesus, help me free myself of my addiction!

THESE TWO ARE DRIVING ME BONKERS!

Another night, another episode of I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!, another evening of Speidi craziness.

Last night’s episode was just about nuts as Monday’s, with The Hills gruesome twosome, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, stealing the show, as was to be expected.

The pair volunteered to represent their respective male/female teams on the next food challenge, which consisted of going into a pitch-black shack full of disgusting things - rats, snakes, spiders,  eel goo, you name it - and collecting as many plastic stars as possible.  The person with the most stars won their team a fish and watermelon dinner for the evening.

Heidi and Spencer each took their turns, with Spencer coming out victoriously with two stars.  They made their way back to camp, and immediately announced that they would be heading home (for real this time, they swear!), they were done with the jungle. Or, as they aptly put it, they were ready to “run back to The Hills.”

But not after Spencer got baptized by Stephen Baldwin!  Yeah, I’m not kidding.  Spencer asked born-again Christian Baldwin to baptize him in a nearby river before his departure.  Baldwin obliged, and Spence got dipped.  Spencer’s getting really into this Christianity stuff; he even had a personal testimony to the power of prayer.  Apparently, he prayed and prayed and prayed that he’d get to go on a double date with Miley Cyrus, and it came true!  Proof that God exists!

You can’t make this stuff up!

In the end, we see the pair running off camp and hopping into a limo, on their way back home to Beverly Hills.

My favorite Spencer quotes from last night:

Spencer, about his fellow castmates:
“I feel like I’m an all-star player playing with a bunch of Bad News Bears”

Spencer, after being baptised by Stephen Baldwin:
“I really do feel like next level, powerful, clean.”

Spencer testimonializing about leaving the show, while Heidi compulsively sprays her hair with dry shampoo:
“I am a super celebrity. My wife is a super celebrity. Super celebrities don’t belong in the jungle, they belong in Hollywood with the paparazzi.

Spencer shouting out of the back of a limo, as him and Heidi leave the show:
“I don’t volunteer. I get paid!”

Brilliant.  So are they out, or what?  Some reports say Heidi’s sister Holly Montag and Stephen’s brother Daniel Baldwin would be replacing the pair; however, Us Weekly claims that the Heidi and Spencer we saw heading back home from the airport under black cloaks were actually decoys - Spencer’s sister Stephanie Pratt and friend Spenser - and that the pair would be remaining on the show

But what does Spencer himself say? From his official Twitter page:

The devil fooled speidi in to making an awful decision and we are praying to Jesus to get NBC to give us another shot to redeem

Oy!  Publicity stunts galore!  For the love of Blago, when will it end?

Yeah.  I guess I’ll watch I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! again tonight.

Last night I spent two hours of my life watching what proved to be the most fascinating show of our time: I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here.

The reality show follows The Hills‘ Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, supermodel Janice Dickinson, American Idol reject Sanjaya Malakar, baby Baldwin Stephen, actor Lou Diamond Phillips, comediennes Frangela, former basketball player John Salley, wrestler Torrie Wilson, and wife of Blago, Patti Blagojevich, as they complete a series of challenges whilst roughing it in the jungles of Costa Rica, all to win money for the charity of their choice.

Needless to say, Speidi stole the show.  The pair freaked out the second they step foot on camp, deciding to leave the show about ten minutes in.  Spencer calls the show’s producer and yells at him about the level of non-celebrity involved, and then later tells Lou Diamond Phillips that it won’t matter if they quit because they picked the biggest charities to support anyway.  I guess the douchey logic there is that big charities don’t need money all that much.

In the end, Heidi and Spencer decide to stick around, but then flip out when they find their castmates have split up their clothes and toiletries in their absence.  Spencer throws a bigger tantrum than I’ve ever seen in all the seasons of My Super Sweet 16 combined, and Heidi bursts into tears, blubbering about her tampered-with dry shampoo, asking Jesus for strength and forgiveness and whatnot.

They calm down after a while, and we later witness Spencer apologizing to everyone for yelling at them, adding it’s the first time he’s apologized on TV and meant it (omg hope LC’s not watching!!!).  He later lets us viewers at home know his apology wasn’t sincere - he was “faking them out,” too.

I can’t even fit all the mind-blowing nonsense I witnessed last night, but here’s a sampling of Speidi quotes from the episode to give you a taste:

Heidi to Spencer, literally 5 minutes after getting to camp:
“I cannot not have sex with you for that long.”

Heidi, bawling her eyes out in the confessional, while Spencer yells at everyone:
“My husband is a very new Christian so he is working very hard on his temper and stuff but I feel like with anyone, like with the mama bear, you mess with the cubs, you’re gonna get the wrath of the daddy bear.”

Spencer, after Heidi finds her dry shampoo tampered with:
“Heidi, this was the first time you cried on camera and it wasn’t fake.”

Spencer, explaining his plan for the show to John Salley:
“I’m a villain, so why wouldn’t I want my brand being negative everywhere?”

Thankfully, Heidi and Spencer’s rollercoaster ends on a positive note, with Heidi praying with Blago’s wife (SO WEIRDED OUT!!!) and the pair being good sports about eating the disgusting crap provided to them in the eating challenge (think rat tails, cow intestine milk shakes, live stick insects…).

Regardless, rumor has it this morning that the dynamic duo have officially quit the show for good.  Guess we’ll have to watch tonight to find out!  Yes, again, tonight.  Seriously, this show is on FOUR days this week.

To be honest, I’m not watching after Speidi quit.  I think they might secret geniuses.  You can’t put a price on entertainment this good.

Or actually, let’s go with idiot savants.  Here’s a picture of them sleeping, to prove my point:

Take a look at this ridiculousness, people.  No, this is not a still from an effed up dream you’re having, it’s a promo shot for the upcoming NBC adventure reality series, I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!

Yep, that’s Heidi and Spencer from The Hills with disgraced Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich.  Blago actually won’t be on the show anymore, but he’s been kind enough to continue promoting it.

Basically, the show required him to go to Costa Rica for filming, but a federal judge was all, lolwut, you’re gonna skip town now?  Are you retarded, Blago?  Didn’t you already get voted off of a different reality show anyway?  Go to your room.

The series premieres June 1st.  In addition to Speidi, Janice Dickinson (The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency!), Sanjaya Malakar (the American Idol reject!), Stephen Baldwin (one of the lesser Baldwins!), John Salley (no idea!) and Torrie Wilson (beats me!) will all be appearing on the show.

Wait a second.  It’s called I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!?  They should probs retitle that to I Range From Vaguely Familiar to Totally Unrecognizable… I’m Stoked to Be Here!

Ha.  Just bein’ a beeyotch.  TGIF, y’all!