Oh my goodness, you guys!!!  I haven’t heard news this exciting in a while!  I literally gasped when I read the news!

Looks like my man Bret Michaels will be on the next season of Celebrity Apprentice!  The Poison frontman and Rock of Love / Rock of Love 2 / Rock of Love Bus (ha!) reality star will be duking it out again his fellow near-celebs to win Donald Trump’s respect and some dolla billz for the charity of his choice.

The New York Post put out a list of castmembers before NBC could even get to it.  Here’s what they have in store for us:

* Sharon Osbourne (America’s Got Talent)
* Cyndi Lauper (”Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”!)
* Carol Leifer (Seinfeld writer, Elaine was based on her)
* Bill Goldberg (wrestler)
* Daryl Strawberry (baseball dude)
* Curtis Stone (Aussie celebrity chef)
* Summer Sanders (Olympic gold medal swimmer)
* Sinbad (comedian!)
* Holly Robinson Peete (Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper?)
* Maria Canellis (wrestler)
* Rod Blagojevich (disgraced Illinois gov!)

The return of Blago!  The real Elaine!  Wrestling!  What do you think?  Will you be watching?

Yikes!  The cast of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew for season 3 has just been announced!

Take a look at the line-up:

From left to right, that’s Hollywood Madam Heidi Fleiss(!!!), NBA diva Dennis Rodman, country star Mindy McCready, America’s Next Top Model reject Lisa D’Amato on the top row, and One Day at a Time’s Mackenzie Phillips, former Miss United States Teen Kari Ann Peniche, original Alice in Chains bassist Mike Starr, and Real World Hollywood’s Joey Kovar filling up the bottom.

These eight celebs will be undergoing an intensive 21-day detoxification and rehabilitation program at the Pasadena Recovery Center, with the amazing Dr. Drew Pinsky as their drug counselor.

Those of you familiar with the most recent season of Celebrity Apprentice were likely already expecting to see Dennis Rodman in the mix.  Dennis was famously fired from the show after being called a drunk by his teammates and told to go to rehab.

The show is set to premiere in early 2010.  Wait for it!

[Source: Reality TV Magazine]

What a crock of pot THAT was!

Joan Rivers, the “75-year-old” comedienne and fameshamewhore was somehow declared Donald Trump’s winner of Celebrity Apprentice last night.

Again I implore the blogosphere: Am I insane?  Was I the only one watching? Because I’m pretty sure that poker player (aka “POKAH PLAYAA“) Annie Duke was the clear winner. Guess I give too much credit to Donald Trump and the show for actually looking for a contestant who can get the job done and also stay professional a la Annie.

I thought it was crystal clear: Annie has won more team challenges, won more as Project Manager, raised BUNSLOADS of cash for charity and remained fairly unflappable in the Boardroom while Joan blew her top over the slightest opposition, freaked the franks out and made very personal attacks on Annie in the Boardroom (e.g., she’s worse than Hitler, she’s white trash, she’s a POKAH PLAYAH and her friends are all in the mafia).

Also, why didn’t anyone (the Trumps, the show’s producers) defend Annie and call Joan out on 1) infuriating the event planner so much that he withdrew participating from the Apprentice altogether (handicapping Annie through no fault of her own), or 2) point out that Joan was completely lying and pretending it didn’t happen? There’s a simple phrase called “Roll back the tape!” which could’ve put all that to rest.

Just because Joan qualifies for a Denny’s Senior Citizen Discount Breakfast doesn’t mean she deserved to win. Don’t pity her just because she’s a waxy dinosaur. The way she and her obnoxious daughter, Melissa, act is so unacceptable in le business world. Thank goodness Annie subtly told Donald Trump that he was a douche of an exec if he let Joan get away w/her inexcusable behavior (not like it got through his thick dome).

Watch Annie make her case in the final Boardroom meeting (she has me sold, but leave it to the Trumps, producers and audience to still root for Joan because she’s a crone who suffers from diarrhea of the mouth).

What do you think? Did The Donald hire and fire the right broads?

Oh man.  I love this lady.

Last week on Celebrity Apprentice, Joan Rivers went apeshizz on professional poker player Annie Duke after daughter Melissa was fired from the show by The Donald, calling all poker players trash.

This week, she’s revised her statement.

Check it out:

“Oh, calm down! I said it about one person. How can I hate poker players? Did you ever look at the cards? Everyone knows I love queens. Poker playing is a very noble profession. A little-known fact is Florence Nightingale had to choose between nursing and cards.”

Wha?  I love her logic.  And her Florence Nightingale ref.  It’s definitely the thought process of a crazy old comedienne.  I aspire to that level of batty.

If you caught last night’s episode of Celebrity Apprentice, you probably feel like all those Sundays spent being bored to tears finally paid off.

If you missed it, I’m here to give you the highlights!

Basically, last night’s task was to put together some advertising for deodorant brand Right Guard.  Though it was hard to tell which team did a better job (nice work, editors!), and Right Guard execs liked both ads, Trump ultimately awarded the win to KOTU.

And after an episode spent whining that Brande Roderick and Annie Duke weren’t inviting her to their hair-brushing party, Melissa Rivers took it to the boardroom and accused the two of joining forces to take her down.  The Donald wasn’t really into it and fire her on the spot.

As if you couldn’t have guessed it, the post-firing reaction from both Melissa and Joan Rivers was priceless.  Check this out:

BRILLIANT!  My favorite part is when Joan tells Annie Duke that pokaaaah playaaas are trash.  Annie’s 3rd grader response is pretty good too: “Poker plays are the most awesome people in the world!”  Love me a couple of dumb broads going at it.

In case you’d like to watch it in full, even after I totally SPOILER ALERTed you, you can find last night’s episode here - it’s already up.

Oh, hum.  Did you catch last night’s Celebrity Apprentice?

Yesterday’s episode followed teams KOTU and Athena as they ran Loews Regency hotel in Manhattan, acting as concierge, room service, and housekeeping for a bunch of bummed out people who probably wanted a nice vacation with peace and quiet and some quality service.  Sheesh.

The dude’s team put Dennis Rodman in charge, who proceeded to get wasted and talk strip clubs with the hotel’s guests.  Not surprisingly, Rodman was up on the chopping block in the boardroom, where the gang basically staged an intervention, accusing the Rodster of being an alcoholic.  Which he didn’t deny.

The Donald fired him on the spot!  Later, drunky!  Drinks are on YOU!

Oy.  So what you’re telling me, The Donald, is that you’re adding Dennis Rodman’s name to the FIRED list?  A list that now also includes Andrew Dice Clay, Tom Green, Scott Hamilton, and a Deal or No Deal model?  You’re gonna fire any hint of celebrity off your show and you expect me to keep watching?

Listen, Joan Rivers gets fired and we’re THROUGH.  All of a sudden I’m s’posed to watch bunch of minor celebs with bad ideas trying to prove they’re good at a thing?  I already watched that show the first time it was on, back when it was called The City.

BADUM-CHHHH!!!

Ugh.  Whatever, guys.  I don’t have time for this brand of malarky.  Watch Week 5 of Season 8 of Celebrity Apprentice if you want to see what I’m talkin’ ’bout.

Check it out!  NBC announced its midseason schedule today.  Notable items:

1) There’ll be an hour-long episode of The Office on February 1st immediately following the Super Bowl.  Get yo chili bowls and chortles ready!

2) The Untitled Amy Poehler Comedy Project is STILL untitled and STILL unscheduled.  Bah!

3) A new season of Celebrity Apprentice is kicking off March 1st.  Now get THIS rumored cast, with items I find funny and/or exciting in bold: Andrew Dice Clay, Tom Green, Clint Black, Annie Duke (poker player), Claudia Jordan (Deal or No Deal briefcase model), Brian McKnight, Tionne “T-Boz” Watkins from TLC, Herschel Walker, Natalie Gulbis (LPGA golfer), Scott Hamilton, Khloe Kardashian, Joan Rivers, Melissa Rivers, Brande Roderick, and Dennis Rodman.

T-Boz FTW!

4) New show called Kings coming out, by the producer of Heroes, which will basically be a contemporary retelling of the tale of David and Goliath.  $5 says Seth Green plays a quippy David to big guy from Everybody Love’s Raymond’s somber Goliath!

Lookin’ good, NBC.