Before recapping last night’s True Blood (Season 2, Episode 10), here’s an open letter to Maryann the Maenid (Michelle Forbes). Sisterfriend, I love a good party as much as the next girl, but you’ve overstayed your welcome in Bon Temps. I’m dang near sick of your exaggerated, flirtatious whimsy; sculptures of raw meat and broccoli flowers; encouragement of unattractive townsfolk to bump nasties in the streets; sweaty demon claws; and relentless stalking of poor shapeshiftin’ Sam Merlotte (Sam Trammell). Get out! *Elaine Benes shove*

Score 1 for Team Eric - This week’s True Blood picks up after last week’s dramatic self en fuego-ing of oldie-but-goodie vampire Godric (Allan Hyde). I’m sure that Eric (Alexander Skarsgård) fans collectively get a case of the vapors when Sookie (Anna Paquin) finds him vulnerable, shirtless and crying bloody, bloody tears of anguish over the loss of his Maker. If there’s one thing TV has taught us, it’s that: attractive couple + vulnerable grieving state + sexual tension = comforting make-out session. Check! If there’s another thing that TV has taught us, it’s that if it’s too good to be true, it’s probably alllll a dream. As was the case here. Blue balls!

Lafayette, Try Slapping Tara a Few More Times - Tara’s (Rutina Wesley) in full dead-eyed, Maryann minion mode but Lafayette (Nelson Ellis) and Lettie Mae (Adina Porter) have successfully kidnapped and restrained her, trying to shake the bad juju out. She’s fuming, spitting and chanting until Lafayette snaps and smacks her across the face. Hurrah! It plays like a poor man’s The Exorcist and doesn’t work, of course. It takes a combination of Bill’s glamouring and Sookie’s telepathy to bring Tara back to the light. Eh.

Sam, Jason & Andy = Three Stooges - This bumbling trio served up the best comedic moments of the episode. Andy’s (Chris Bauer) still drunk and bitter, but at least he has compatriots; Jason (Ryan Kwanten) puts his Fellowship of the Sun arsenal to good use and goes commando-style on the hypnotized villagers to save the day; and Sam goes commando-style, emerging post-shapeshift with nothing on but an apron a fire extinguisher. You had to be there.

Maryann Meets Her Match - Bill (Stephen Moyer), Sookie and Jason finally return from Dallas to see the havoc wreaked by Maryann and her empty black-eyeballed posse of hedonists. Bon Temps has become a dirty, nasty mess of a place and people are running around like idiots in preparation for Sam’s sacrifice to the horned god. Is that still Maryann? Could it be…SATAN (what up, Church Lady reference!)? Is it some other character? That awaits to be seen. Regardless, it’s probably in Sam’s best interest to NOT be involved unless he wants his blood drained, back clawed and heart torn out. Just a guess.

As usual, Maryann cackles with delight over everything and has taken over the Stackhouse, er…house. This leads to a confrontation which ends with Bill drinking and barfing up Maryann’s toxic, black blood(?) and then Sookie making her “Talk to the Hand“. To the surprise of everyone, once they touch, a searing white light zaps out, burning Maryann’s mug something awful. Maryann’s shocked, but (surprise) cackles with delight and asks, “What are you?” Something tells me Sam’s gonna be old news as she sets her sights on Sookie.

Trouble Ahead for Jessica and Hoyt? - Ruh roh! Are storm clouds a’brewin’ for my favorite couple? That was quick. Poor Hoyt (Jim Parrack): one minute, he’s de-virginizing a vampire girl and the next, she’s angrily drinking his possessed mama’s blood. So, this will either cause a rift between Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) and Hoyt, or he’ll forgive her for doing it to “protect” him since Mrs. Maxine Fortenberry (Dale Raoul) is in the wrong state of mind and saying the cruelest things. Something tells me it won’t end well… but you can’t keep these sweet kids apart for long, plus, that’s what make-up sex is for.

Bill Hails the Queen - I like Stephen Moyer, but why does Bill seem so dopey these days? Is it the haircut, or his insecurity over Eric’s new bond with Sookie? A mix of both, maybe. But anywho, Bill slow-motion saunters into the mysterious Queen’s (Evan Rachel Wood) grandiose estate to ask for her help in ridding Bon Temps of Maryann the Maenid. Alas, *GASP*! We only see her dangling legs covered in a trickle of blood - is he too late?? *cue credits*

Naw, I’m guessing she’s just being fabulous and draining some poor sap a la Carl’s Jr. (if it doesn’t get all over the place, it doesn’t belong in her face). After all, we already see a red-headed, fanged Evan Rachel Wood in next week’s previews, so give me a better cliffhanger next time, True Blood!  Just two episodes left of this season - that went by fast, non? Tune in to HBO next Sunday, or watch True Blood online here!

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