Uh, okaaaay… So, hey America, how do I put this gently?

You’re whiggity-whack on criggity-crack.

Why are you keeping jackarses on So You Think You Can Dance when it’s past their due date?

Tonight’s Bottom 2 guys and gals? Ridonkulous! Evan and Melissa definitely should’ve been there - they’re the weakest of the eight (and trust me, I like Melissa a lot!).

Recap and videos (by MJ) of tonight’s 100th episode and bummer elimination show…NOW:

GROUP DANCE: Choreographed by Mia Michaels - “One” from A Chorus Line, Original Broadway Cast - That’s right, Mia made that dance, not Tyce DiOrio. Very traditional Broadway-style dancing for this song (except with broken mirrors - ooooh, how edgy!). It’s a weird choice to open this celebratory 100th episode of SYTYCD because I recall that “One” is actually a bittersweet number that represents how dancers put blood, sweat and tears into their passion, but they usually just end up as a dot in a mass-ensemble of dancers. No love, no recognition. Way to open up the show with that message! *sad trombone* VIDEO

We see that a lot of SYTYCD alumni are in the audience (particularly from Season 4), so it’s a bummer that they didn’t all get to perform tonight, hmph. The judges reminisce (Ellen isn’t back tonight) about the show’s impact and Nigel again talks about last night’s breast cancer dance by Melissa & Ade - specifically that Olivia Newton-John contacted him about how she (as a survivor) was so moved by it. VIDEO

Cue sentimental montage of past five season highlights. VIDEO

Enough mushy stuff, it’s time to find out which girls are in the Bottom 2! Melissa is safe, which is KINDA unfair because she at least should’ve been in the Bottom 2 based on last night’s terrible Cha-Cha. But I like her, so I’m sorta glad. I’m so torn! Jeanine is safe, which means that two perfectly strong ladies, Kayla and Janette, are in the Bottom 2. Laaaame! It will be a loss tonight no matter who goes home. VIDEO

We take a stroll down Memory Lane and re-watch Season 3’s “The Hummingbird and the Flower” dance (choreographed by Wade Robson) featuring Jamie Goodwin and Hok Konishi. Oh yay! At least they brought them back to perform it live! Wow, this dance reminds me that this season sorta STANKS compared to past years. VIDEO

The lads are lined up to find out who’s in the Bottom. I’m mentally crossing my fingers, squeezing my eyes shut and chanting, “Let it be Evan, let it be Evan!” But that mofo is SAFE and not even in the Bottom 2! Truly outrageous! Ade is also safe, which means Jason and Brandon are in trouble tonight. REALLY? Brandon in the Bottom over Evan? Last time I checked, Brandon = power, passion, strength in every genre and Evan = doughy, hit-or-miss, bland performances beyond his genre. ARGH.  VIDEO

As I grind my teeth, we watch Season 2’s “The Park Bench” dance (choreographed by Mia Michaels…again) featuring Travis Wall and Heidi Groskreutz. Why do these dances seem so much more powerful than this year’s? Maybe earlier seasons had the privilege of showcasing unique dance styles and choreographers to America before we got spoiled and started to expect it (although there were some awesome routines as recently as last season, too)… VIDEO

SOLO DANCES: Kayla, Jason, Janette and Brandon DANCE FOR NO REASON, re-doing their solos from last night. Brandon is just…wow - he needs to be in the Top 4. Kayla’s solo is more interesting than Janette’s slowed-down ballroom one, but not by much. VIDEO

Ok, people liked last night’s zombie dance by Kayla & Jason, but the original, awwwesome SYTYCD zombie dance was Season 2’s “Ramalama (Bang Bang)” number (choreographed by Wade Robson…again). Tonight we see it again with lots of alums and Wade himself. It’s so fun to watch. Sensational performances! Question though, why are we only watching dances by Wade, Mia and Tyce tonight? Can we get a little diversity up in this special? Sheeeesh! VIDEO

Speaking of, here’s another freaking Tyce dance. It’s the much-plugged (pre-taped) dance by Tom Cruise’s wife– I mean, Suri Cruise’s mom– I mean, Katie Holmes. She does a song-and-dance to “Get Happy” as a Judy Garland tribute. She sings it in a thin voice and y’know- whatever. Kinda the usual Broadway dance that makes me glaze over. VIDEO

ELIMINATED: Janette Manrara and Jason Glover. Royal bummer to see Janette go, although I probably would’ve been equally down if Kayla left. Both ladies are really talented - Janette just has a tiny bit more of a spark in her personality. Cat makes it no secret that she thought Kayla was going home because she won’t stop kissing Janette, tearing up or saying how shocked she is about her elimination (sucks to be Kayla, don’t it?). The judges agree - they all loved Janette. Too little, too late! They should’ve pimped her way earlier. Oh yeah, Jason leaves too, but y’all know I wasn’t never a fan of his, so better him than Brandon. VIDEO

And then the show just sorta ends. A let-down for the big 100, if you ask me! Wonder who the new couples will be next week. If the producers want to mix it up again, it’ll be: Kayla & Brandon, Melissa & Evan and Jeanine & Ade.

Next week: Top 6, So You Think You Can Dance, be there or be Square (Eyes?).

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