Gossip Girl: Let’s All Graduate!
Posted by KAT in Gossip GirlMay 19th, 2009, 01:24 PM
Blargh. The season finale of Gossip Girl (“The Goodbye Gossip Girl”) aired last night, in case you were wondering. The episode consisted of a series of head-scratchers and wtf-ers. Read on…
It’s graduation time at Constance Billard / St. Jude’s! Serena’s stoked because the end of high school means the end of winding up on Gossip Girl. But not until after one more gossip blast! Whilst seated in their graduation caps and gowns (ew, Serena wears her tassel as like, a hair extension), the class of ‘09 gets one more text message, labeling Nate the class whore, Dan the ultimate insider, Chuck a coward, Blair a weakling, and finally, Serena, officially irrelevant. It’s like The Breakfast Club, ‘cept these kids aren’t interested in owning it. Serena starts fuming and decides to take down Our Lady of Gossip once and for all.
Serena, Blair, Chuck, and Nate team up to find out Gossip Girl’s identity. These four dummies decide to do something they should’ve thought of four years ago: text Gossip Girl a tip and see who, in the room full of classmates, receives the message (no shizz, Sherlock, AM I RIGHT?!). Serena hits send and… it’s li’l Eric’s bf Jonathan! Which is like the stupidest thing ever, right?
Right (phewf!)! Turns out Jonathan merely hacked into Gossip Girl’s server for funsies, and now has access to all of her emails. Which is kewl for Li’l J, cuz the girls on the steps say whoever finds the best bit of gossip gets to be the new Queen. Li’l J wants to end the high school hierarchy! Homegirl’s been listening to a crapload of Green Day lately, it seems.
Flash forward! It’s Nate Archibald’s fancy graduation party and everyone’s there! Blair and Chuck are like thisclose to professing their love, Li’l J’s thisclose to telling the girls that Blair slept with Chuck’s uncle (oh yeah whatever remember that?), Nelly Yuki’s like thisclose to telling Dan Humphrey she’s crushin’… but then HOLY GG BLAST! Gossip Girl is all pissed Serena couldn’t leave well enough alone and decides to blast allllll the secrets she has in one go.
Among the collection: Dan slept with Ms. Carr (didn’t everyone already know that?), Jenny had sexy pics taken of her, Blair slept with Uncle Jack, Chuck slept with Vanessa. Everyone flips out on each other, but then Chuck and Blair turn their contempt to Serena, who was supposedly the reason Gossip Girl sent out the secrets.
Ugh. So Serena comes up with the dumbest plan ever. She tells Gossip Girl to meet to her at the bar, or she’d reveal her true identity to everyone.
HELLO! Do you really think a sharp cookie like Gossip Girl would fall for something like that? My girl Gossip’s a master of disguise (and puns!).
Will Serena come face to face with Gossip Girl? NOPE! Instead, ole GG texts everyone and gets like crazy deep on them and is all, you get a clean slate now, folks! Without you I’m nothing xoxo you know you love me blah blah see you alllllllllll at boring ole NYU. What a buzzkill!
Other stuff: Lily and Rufus get stoned and decide to get engaged after all, Blair crowns Li’l J the new Queen, Nate gets hit on at the Mayor’s office (obv!) and decides to go backpacking in Europe with Vanessa instead, and Serena goes on the hunt for her father, for some reason.
And OMG! We run into Lovechild at NYU! He’s going to school with us too!
And who else? Georgina! She visits the admissions office and requests Blair Waldorf as her roommate. Blair Waldorf living in the dorms?! As if!
Finally, we have Chuck and Blair. Chuck comes back from Europe with gifts and flowers for Blair, and gives her the ole “It’s you… it’s always been you” speech. And then HELLLOOOOO! He says, “I love you, too.” Camera pans out, we’re on the sidewalk makin’ out, sayin’ 143 over and over. RING A DING DING DING DONG!
Le sigh. Crappy episode, Gossip Girl, but what an ending! Let’s just cancel the show right now. At this point. I’m spent!
Nah. See you next semester! xoxo!
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