OH NO THEY DIDN’T!!!

Rumor has it AMC will be cutting TWO MINUTES out of each episode of Mad Men in season 2 to allow for an additional commercial break.  Way to butcher art and blame it on the economy, AMC!

What could happen in those two minutes we’re missing?  Um, HELLO, Don Draper could seduce a free-thinking babe, shake up a killer martini, come up with some mind-boggling creative, and be home at a reasonable hour at the 1:48 mark alone.  Chew on that, duders.

Well, now I’ve heard everything.  Apparently a company called New Sensations is making a porno parody of Seinfeld.  Yes, Seinfeld. Possibly the least sexy show of all time.

Check out the trailer below - and don’t worry, it’s totally SFW, no nudity in this one.  I guess all these fellas are sponge-worthy:

The Porn Nazi!  Ridiculous.

Apparently, New Sensations already scored big with their XXX parodies of The Office and Scrubs.  And why stop there?  They should totally do Frasier next.

Last night on: So You Think You Can Dance. The show took us to the West Coast where LA impressed and Seattle depressed. I’ll just focus on the good dancers - videos below thanks to MJS Big Blog:

Bianca Revels - Tap (VIDEO): Bianca is a stellar tap dancer who nearly tippity tapped her way to the Top 20 last season, but fell short. Man, these kids just don’t quit do they? She’s back with fancy footwork and a cheeky smile - all enough to earn her a ticket straight to Vegas.

Calico Sequeira - Lindy Hop (VIDEO): Ok, so Calico is not a very good dancer, but she had a really spunky attitude and this video is only worth watching because guest judge Adam Shankman goes up to dance with her and pokes fun at the whole audition process.  PLUS, we get to see last season’s stars: Joshua Allen, Katee Shean and Comfort Fedoke make an appearance and tease him! Cuh-yootness.

Asuka Kondoh and Ricky Sun - Latin Ballroom (VIDEO): The judges were totally enamored by this couple, and by Miss Asuka in particular. I’m not sure if I’m 100% sold on them, but they were solid enough to skip choreography and head straight to Vegas. So there’s that.

Nathan Trasoras - Contemporary (VIDEO): Oh my gosh, I looooooved this kid! He is such an incredible dancer - very graceful and strong. The judges note that he has a very good “center” meaning he can spin and spin and spin like the dickens without losing balance. He’s too pretty - crazy long limbs that go on for days and excellent movement.  Unfortunately, Nathan won’t be 18 before the show starts, so he was ineligible! Blue balls. Like me, Nigel hearts him so much that he wrote an “IOU” pass to Vegas for Season 6 of SYTYCD (coming this fall)! Now I definitely have to tune in to next season in hopes that Nathan continues to amaze.

Sammy Ramirez - Pop Locker (VIDEO): Sammy has the CUTEST face, with twinkly eyes and a grin from ear to ear. He’s a really entertaining pop locker and also proves that he can handle learning choreography so he makes it to the next round.

Amanda Kerby - Contemporary (VIDEO): I’m not sure what to think of Amanda. I thought she was an alright dancer (also has a “good center”), but not perfect - even shaky in some parts. My parents were outraged that she made it through at all, and blame it on the fact that’s she’s just pretty. I think they’re haters - what do you think about Amanda?

Phillip Chbeeb and Arielle Coker - Pop Lock and Contemporary (VIDEO): I’m new to SYTYCD, so I have no idea who this Chbeeb character is, but people seem to adore him. He’s a pop-locker whose missed a few chances to get to the finals, so this year he got a ticket to Vegas, no questions asked. As it turns out, he’s also a partner for contemporary dancer, Arielle. The judges were impressed with their choreography but seem way more excited about Phllip than Arielle. We’ll see if they both make the cut. 

Kelsea Taylor - Contemporary (VIDEO): Kelsea came to the judges after a day of horrendous Seattle auditions. She’s very quirky and creative, although her hair style screamed, “Amy Winehouse” to me. I’ll forgive her because I found myself really locked in to her performance.

Kuponohi’ipoi Aweau - Contemporary (VIDEO): A dancer from Hawaii who reminded me just a tad of Mark Kanemura from last season. Mary was “eh” because some parts of his performance were too lady-like, but I loved watching him. Very emotional and all accented by the delightful swishiness of his hair. He passes the choreography test, however, and gets that golden ticket to Vegas.

Woohoo! So the 6-hours of auditions for So You Think You Can Dance are over! Fun as they can be, the last couple of episodes were spending way too much time on really horrible dancers. But now we’re down to 169 dancers who will duke it out in Vegas during next week’s episodes. They’ve got to suffer and toil through multiple routines by this season’s choreographers. It’s gonna be ROUGH. I’m there.

So remember on Beverly Hills, 90210 how Donna Martin had like the WORST mother ever who totally acted like a moral authority on every matter even though she totally had an affair and also sucked otherwise?  Well, it turns out Tori Spelling’s actual mom is even worse!

Mommie dearest!  Check out what good ole Candy Spelling had to say about Tori on 94.7 WMAS-FM in Massachusetts today while promoting her book, Stories From Candyland:

“My daughter one day decided that she wasn’t speaking to my husband, myself and my son, and that’s how it’s continued for the last, oh gosh, four or five years. And it was sad, that’s what killed my husband, actually. He just didn’t want to live after that. He had just done everything he could possibly do for his daughter, and she wanted no part of him once he couldn’t do anything for her.”

Yeah, and she’s really gonna want to talk to you after saying something like that, Candster.  Weepsauce!  Give it a rest, woman.

BUZZKILL!

Over here at Square Eyes Headquarters, we’ve been crackin’ up somethin’ awful at the latest Funny or Die video featuring American Idol runner-up Katharine McPhee.  We love it!

Now, if you’re like me (read: out of touch), you’ll need to do some background viewing before moving on to the Funny or Die clip.  Watch this video of our girl Katharine escaping from the paparazzi - I promise you, it’s totally worth it.

Highly recommended, but not absolutely required viewing:

Whoa!  Who the eff is that woman?

Well, I’m glad you asked, because that’s exactly what the Funny or Die video seeks to explain.  Feast your eyes on QUWEEN:

BRILLS!  I really love when she says she’ll put her boot in that bee’s ayyyysss.

Apparently, Quween is a homeless woman known to paparazzi as “Queen of the Scene” on account of she hangs around Beverly Hills and gets all up in their business.  She’s well-equipped to protect celebs from those wicked paps, clocks, AND the alphabet!  Hire her if you’re famous!

We love Quween!

Last night, So You Think You Can Dance covered auditions in Miami and Memphis. Here are some videos of the better dancers (courtesy of MJS Big Blog):

Janette Manrara and Romulo Villaverde - Latin Ballroom - (VIDEO): Holy split-flip, Batman! Janette made it to the Vegas finals last season but got cut. The couple did some wild tricks, but I’m not fully convinced she should make it through this season either. Maybe I was put off by her weird English-accented impression of Nigel or maybe it was her Cheryl Burke haircut. I can only handle one fiery, bob-haircutted ballroom dancer on my TV, thanks.

Erik “Silky” Moore - Tap/Hip Hop - (VIDEO): Silky mixes tap and hip hop…”Tip hop”? “Tap hop”? His routine was fun and successful all thanks to Michael Jackson. How can you lose when you put on “Thriller” and imitate those slick moves?  Silky Moore Can’t Lose.

Talia Rickards - Hip Hop (VIDEO): You know what this episode needs? A sob story - bring it on! Talia’s high school sweetheart hubby died in a motorcycle accident a couple of years ago and she’s going to dance, dance, dance it out!  She’s not the best dancer, but she is a firecracker and packs a punch on-stage. Will that be enough to get her through to the finals…?

Marico Flake - Memphis Jukin (VIDEO): I love Marico already! He’s a cute police officer and did a hip hop style of dancing called “Memphis Jukin”. He shows a lot of personality (without coming across as obnoxious) and I loved watching his smoooooth moves. The judges agree and he heads straight to Vegas.

Caitlin Kinney - Contemporary (VIDEO): We learn that Caitlin’s sister already made it through to Vegas during the Miami auditions (why didn’t they show her full try-out?). Caitlin would love to follow her sis, but well, shucks, she’s only been dancing for 5 years and recently had hip surgery. Ruh roh! Will she end up disappointing? Of course not - Caitlin is a REALLY good dancer - very fluid, elegant and bendy (that’s a technical dance term). Maybe we’re to assume she’ll beat out her sis since her screen time was relegated to a quick montage, but you never know. BTW - Who does Caitlin resemble: LeAnn Rimes? Jamie Lynn Spears? Caroline Rhea?

Anna Dunn - Contemporary (VIDEO): Get ready for more sad backstories (Danny Gokey, what have you started?). Anna’s dealing with her dad’s suicide so leave it to guest judge and hip hop choreographer, Lil C, to bring it up along with his own father’s suicide. Doh! Lil C, ya got Anna crying and probably viewers at home too! Love him though.

Travis Prokop - Contemporary (VIDEO): Travis’ dad is a rough ‘n tough football coach at a high school back in Texico, New Mexico (rhyme time!). Obviously, Travis has chosen to be a dancer (and the show implies he is also gay) - how does he face his pop? Well, wipe another tear from my eyes because Papa Prokop is a very sweet man who supports Travis and his “choices” and just wishes he could protect his son from being ridiculed. Way to be! Travis lacks strength in his movements, but makes it through the choreography test and gets a ticket to Vegas.

Evan Kasprzak - Jazz (VIDEO): Evan almost made it last year with his charming, old-fashioned Broadway/jazz dancing. He’s back for another chance this year. He makes it to Vegas with no problem, but I agree with the judges’ concerns - I’m not sure how well he’d fare when he needs to perform krumping or ballroom numbers…

Ryan Kasprzak - Tap (VIDEO): Ryan is Evan’s big bro and does a quirky tap dance using a whoopie cushion as a prop. He’s really talented, too, and makes it through. They seem really supportive of one another, but the judges have already let a lot of brothers and sisters go through to Vegas together - I smell sibling rivalries ahead!

Another night of auditions airs tonight on So You Think You Can Dance! Can we get to Vegas week already?

Oh my goodness, I finally caught up to the rest of y’all last night and watched Monday’s episode of The Hills.  Finally, some excitement!  Spencer calls Lauren to apologize!  The words “sex tape” are actually uttered!

And have you seen the preview of the season finale?  It’ll mark the end of season five AND the end of LC’s reign as queen of The Hills.  Observe:

Amazing.  I love all this confrontation!

Don’t forget to watch - the hour-long episode airs Sunday at 8 p.m.  There’ll be so much to discuss!

Whoa!  Just when you thought it was over… another American Idol conspiracy theory emerges!

The New York Times (seriously!) reports that AT&T, one of American Idol’s biggest sponsors, may have had something to do with Kris Allen’s victory over Adam Lambert last week.

Currently, AT&T’s mobile phone network is the only one that can be used to cast American Idol votes via text message.  During this year’s competition, AT&T provided phones and free texting services at parties organized by Kris Allen fans in Arkansas after American Idol’s final performance episode.  Also included were instructions on how to send 10 or more text messages at the press of a single button, which violates the American Idol voting rules.

No similar efforts were put forth by AT&T representatives with regards to Adam Lambert fans.

So what do you think, gang?  Is it an AT&T/Allen conspiracy?

Definitely unfair if true, yes - but the word on the street is, Allen won by such a large margin that he would’ve triumphed over Lambert with or without AT&T’s supposed boost.

Either way, bad AT&T!  Bad!  Bad phone company!

I’m sticking with T-Mobs, folks.

This is def one of the better parodies I’ve seen in a long time:

Ew!  Is this a joke? This here’s the cover art for Brooke Hogan’s second album, “The Redemption.”  The Brooke Knows Best star/aspiring pop singer posted this sneak preview on her official site, BrookesWorld.com, today.

Excuse me, Brooke Hogan, is that album art, or something you got spray painted on the back of a denim jacket at Venice Beach?  And on that note, did you Photoshop slain Tejano singer Selena‘s face out of the original image and replace it with your ugly mug?

Nice abs, btw.

[Source: Dlisted]