Is anyone out there besides me still watching The City?  Week after week I tune into the spin-off of The Hills to enjoy the widening and narrowing of Whitney’s eyes, decide whether or not Australian Jay has a severe overbite, and roll my eyes at every word that comes out of Olivia Palermo’s mouth.  Girlfriend thinks she’s in The Age of Innocence or some shizz.

I’ve always been curious about Jay’s supposed music career, as his band Tamarama hasn’t been featured on the show yet.  Today, I came across this post on Just Jared, re: the video for Tamarama’s first single, “Everything to Me.”

Check it out:

Ew!  I feel like that must be one of the least cool things I’ve ever seen in my life.  It’s like a mix between an American Eagle Outfitters ad and LFO’s Summer Girls video, with music by the poor man’s Jack Johnson and also it’s 1998 and they’re from Saved By the Bell: The New Class.  You know what I’m saying.

Honestly, I’m a bit disappointed.  I actually thought Jay might be a vaguely cool dude.  Guess I should’ve known.

I miss Justin Bobby.

The Hot Sundaes are the 1.5-hit-wonder girl group of Jessie Spano, Kelly Kapowski and Lisa Turtle on Saved By the Bell!

Besides covering the Pointer Sisters’ “I’m So Excited” many a time, they’re also probs most notable for the peppy single “Break a Sweat (Go for It)” …and sparking Jessie’s caffeine pill addiction/nervous breakdown (because there was never any time and she just had to get into Stanford!).

Nevertheless, the Hot Sundaes’ music video was nothing short of a jazzercising inspiration to young girls across this great nation during the 90’s.

It’s a piece of work: the way they SHOUT-SING THE WHOLE SONG; dated special effects (abrupt leotard changes, double exposure close-ups, herky-jerky slo-mo); the actresses’ genuine commitment; and just the overall absurdity of a song which (unsuccessfully) tries to bridge the themes of aerobics and falling in love. Utter NONSENSE!

We all assumed these Saved By the Bell vixens would shoot to the tippy-top of stardom, but it’s probably more appropriate to say they’ve all “achieved modest notoriety”. Here’s where the Hot Sundae gals are today:

Elizabeth Berkley (Jessie Spano): Guest-starring in the current season of The L Word as Kelly (seriously?), the “straight girl that got away” from Bette (Jennifer Beals) in college (seriously?). The leads of Showgirls and Flashdance together on-screen? Seems like a dance-off is in order!

Tiffani Thiessen (Kelly Kapowski): Currently working on USA Network’s upcoming series called White Collar as the wife of an FBI Agent played by Tim DeKay (Carnivale). Kay *shrug*.

Lark Voorhies (Lisa Turtle): Appeared in a 2008 suspense thriller film called The Next Hit. Yeah, I didn’t hear about it either. She’s also a musician and releasing a single called “Saturday” (boo, not “Sundae”?) this year.

Put your mind to it and go for it, ladies!

Lolz!  Did anyone hear about this?

This week, on American Idol, the gang visited Louisville, Kentucky, where they met aspiring singer Mark Mudd, who did a brief rendition of George Jones’s “White Lightning” before being dismissed.

On his way out, Mudd told the judges, “Y’all take care and be careful,” to which Paula responded, “That was a threat. You don’t say that to people: ‘be careful.’ That’s not a normal thing to say.”

Apparently “be careful” is a local saying.  American Idol producers issued the following statement on the show’s website, tail between legs:

“We apologize to any viewers who were offended by the misinterpretation of the contestant’s comment to “be careful” upon completion of his audition in Louisville, KY. Our visits to audition cities are relatively brief and sometimes regional greetings and salutations are lost in translation. We had not heard that phrase from any other contestants during the day, so it took everyone by surprise. We now know better and look forward to visiting Louisville again someday.”

Ha!  Don’t you LOVE cultural differences?!?!?!  It’s like when you say “Have a good one!” and people think you want them dead.  Charmante!

Pop-pop speaks!

Check out what Jeffrey Tambor a.k.a patriarch George Bluth, Sr. a.k.a. Uncle Oscar Bluth had to say about Arrested Development: The Movie:

“If I have to call him up and say, ‘Get on set right now, young man,’ he’ll be there.  The movie is going to happen this year, and Michael Cera is on board. Trust me.”

BAM!  Jeffrey Tambor is totes gonna grab Michael Cera by the ear and drag him to the set, kicking and screaming in his vintage old man cardigan.  Arrested Development: The Movie is on its way!

Ha!  I wonder what Michael Cera has to say about THAT.  And more importantly, WHAT is he doing right now?

Hmph!  All sorts of hubbub this week surrounding Hannah Montana, only this time, it’s unrelated to Miley Cyrus getting too sexy.

Perez sez that writer Richard Fronduto is suing Disney for stealing his idea for Hannah Montana’s premise.  Fronduto supposedly pitched a script called “The Secret Life of Sindi” to Disney in 1990, later retitled “The Family Business.”

Disney liked it so much, they asked him to turn it into a two-hour pilot.  That, apparently, birthed the Hannah Montana series, which follows the life of average teen Miley Stewart, who moonlights as pop star Hannah Montana.

And then Disney went and stole the darn thing!  Allegedly. Fronduto is asking for some dolla bills and his name tacked on to a “Created by” line in the credits of the show.

So I don’t know about all of y’all, but I was a big fan of Hannah Montana the FIRST TIME it came out, back when it was called Jem and the Holograms. Only then, it had holographic computers, killer dance tracks, whispery ballads, and an amazing rival band called The Misfits.  Oh, and a boatload of synthesizers.

Suck it, Richard Fronduto!  Stories about girls with pop stars alter-egos are as old as time itself.  Heck, I may have even penned a short story or two about a multiple-personalitied teenybopper back in the second grade.  You don’t see me asking for a “Created by” line.

Honestly, recycled plotlines ain’t no thang.  You don’t take credit for hot-girl-nerd-with-ponytail-and-glasses, or any sort of twin identity swap, for that matter.  You just learn to love ‘em.  Case closed!

OMG you guys, the cast of America’s Next Top Model Cycle 12 has just been revealed!

My initial take?  Thanks for asking!  Honestly, they look like a big ole batch of duds to me.  And since you’ve shown such a healthy interest in my opinion, I’ve decided to treat you to my predictions.  I’m super good at judging a book by its cover (The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen? Hecka good, AS PREDICTED).

Read on…

ALLISON: The crybaby.  Twiggy’s really into her, though.

FO: Faced adversity.  Positive attitude.

ISABELLA: The drunk.  Renowned high-fashion photographer Nigel Barker hates her.

JESSICA: First one cut. Photographs big-jawed.

CELIA: The ugly one.

KORTNIE: Self-proclaimed “rocker chick.” Annoying as hell.

LONDON: Much more boring than she looks.  Actual name is Sarah.

AMINAT: WINNER! Tyra loves her eclectic style.

NATALIE: Secret shizz-talker. Mediocre in every way.

NIJAH: Boyfriend back home. Who cares?

SANDRA: The bitchy one.  Has a killer walk, though.

TAHLIA: Modeled for JC Penney in the past. Actually 38 years old.

TEYONA: Second one cut. Too pointy-faced, bad attitude.

Catch the premiere of ANTM February 25th to see if I’m right!  In the meantime, you can find the first 11 cycles on blinkx Remote.

Helluv fierce!

OOH LA LA!  So before lovin’ on Mad Men’s costume design becomes even more passé than it already is, I’ve got to express my utmost excitement upon hearing the following news: Mad Men costume designer Janie Bryant might launch her own label!

OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG!

In an interview with Glamour’s Slaves to Fashion blog, Janie hints that a fashion line is in the works.  A very very small hint, I know, but I’ll take it!

Next to Gossip Girl’s Blair Waldorf style, there’s no set of threads I’d rather slip into than those of Joan Holloway.

Look at this magnificence:

Alright, you get it.

Mad Men has been credited by many as a major influence on fashion today.  I can see its inspiration in Hollywood style, not to mention D.C.  Wouldn’t you agree that Michelle Obama’s bright colors, pencil skirts, and brooches are straight outta Sterling Cooper?   J.Crew is ALL over it.  Genius!

Dye my hair red and slap a Janie Bryant design on me, I’m done.

Oh SNAP!  CATFIGHT!

This is probably my fave feud since the days of Hilary and Lindsay fighting over Aaron Carter back in 2004 (miss you guys!).

It’s Joseph Gordon-Levitt vs. Michael Cera, center stage at Sundance!

According to Lainey Gossip, Joseph G-L, who got his start on 3rd Rock From the Sun and has worked on a few critically-acclaimed indie films since, ain’t much of a Michael Cera fan.  He was overheard declaring that he wasn’t really into Michael C’s body of work, before backhandedly conceding that Cera “took a script as annoying as Juno and made it into a good piece of work.”

SNIZAP!  I’M SO SORRY, Joseph Gordon-Levitt! It must be SO HARD living life as an absolute genius stuck in an adolescent’s body, oh wait, that was your character Tommy on 3rd Rock From the Sun.

Meanwhile, my boy Mikey C (of Arrested Development, doi) attended a screening of Joseph’s directorial debut, a short film called Sparks, and got all bitchcakes right smack dab in the lobby of the theater after the show.  Mike was overheard saying that Sparks was the least interesting of the seven shorts shown and generally lacked anything impressive or memorable.

SHAZAM!  EXCUSE ME, Michael Cera, I was too busy being impressed with and remembering Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist to catch your meaning!

Joseph’s in town promoting both Sparks and 500 Days of Summer, a quirky anti-rom-com (I don’t make this stuff up, people) co-starring favorite actress of every girl with bangs, Zooey Deschanel.  Meanwhile, Michael’s in Utah premiering Paper Heart, a film co-written by his ladyfriend Charlyne Yi.  Michael and Charlyne play themselves falling in love whilst filming a documentary about love.  Awkwardness ensues.

CUTE OVERLOAD!  I’m like thisclose to puking hearts and tickling the soft down underbelly of a grey and white striped kitten in anticipation of these films.

CATFIGHT WINNER: Can’t deal with these two.  They both lose!

Hey!  What do you think Michael Cera’s doing RIGHT NOW?!

Wahoo!  Untitled Amy Poehler Comedy Project has gone and gotten itself a name!

The New York Times reports that the show will likely be called Public Service.  It’s set to premiere Thursday, April 9th at 8:30 p.m.  Again, this non-spin-off of The Office will feat. Saturday Night Live’s Amy Poehler as a mid-level local government official.  Mockumentary stylez.

Premise?  Check.  Title?  Check.  Time slot?  Check.

Let’s get these missiles ready for launching!

Did everyone see yesterday’s Rock of Love Bus?

For me, the star of yesterday’s episode was Ashley, a.k.a Juliette Lewisface.  Ashley gets crazy drunk, makes out with Farrah all sloppy-like to get male attention, then goes on a witch hunt to expose Beverly as a drummer-smoocher.  Bret’s drummer, to be exact.  Scandal!

But let me present to you my favorite scene of the episode:

Ashley talk-to-the-handing Beverly and requesting, no, DEMANDING a cheeseburger.  With subtitles, no less!  Homegirl is thisclose to getting a LOLAshley series if she isn’t careful.

And I absolutely loved her whaeva ‘tude as she stumbled around puking into trash cans. Whaeva I do what I want I live like a rock star whaeva she’s not here for Bret whaeva I want a cheeseburger so sophisticated whaeva I SAW YOU! whaeva if you wanna date a rock star you’d better get used to falling of the stage bitch whaeva! MAKING OUT! I want a cheeseburger!

Just drunk Ashley freestylin’, y’all.

Regardless of Beverly’s smooching and Ashley’s drunking, Brazillan babe Marcia was the one to leave the Rock of Love Bus this week.  Her tequila/Doritos breath will surely be missed!