Happy almost Thanksgiving, folks!

Besides gettin’ stuffed like a turkey, one of the best things about ye olde T-day is the amount of TV you spend watching while yo mama’s slaving away in the kitchen.  But what to watch?  I’ve got some suggestions for on-demand online viewing.  No one watches TV on a TV anymore, dummy.

1) Friends Thanksgiving episodes!  And boy, were there some great ones.  I’m having flashbacks of a turkey on someone’s head, former Mr. Aniston Brad Pitt guest starring, and lots of fat Monica flashback scenes.

And you can find them all online!  Check out “The One With The Football”, “The One With The Rumor”, “The One With The Late Thanksgiving”, and “The One With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks” on blinkx Remote.

Totally awesome.

Is that a fez on that turkey head?

2) South Park!  Did you know that 12 seasons are available online?  My gift to you!  No, really, stop, it’s okay you didn’t get me anything, really, it’s my pleasure.

Have you seen the episode with the Miracle Worker Thanksgiving pageant?  Peep these qt kiddies singing a cutesie Thanksgiving song:

Thanks to Dan Hopper of the Best Week Ever blog for welcoming this catchy number into my world.

3) Dorota!  Okay, so sorry to be like sooOOOoooo annoying, I know this one doesn’t really count.  HOWEVER!  I read some mad crazy news today: my main man Josh Schwartz is bringing a special mobile phone series to Verizon users.  A Gossip Girl spin-off centered around Blair’s maid Dorota!

I have no idea when this one’s coming to light, no do I have a Verizon phone… I just got excited and had to blog it up!

But if you STILL don’t have enough to watch, just catch up on episodes of Gossip Girl.  Duh.  It’ll make this blog much more enjoyable to read, don’t you think?  Don’t you yearn to understand me?

That’s all, folks!  Happy Turkey day!

Dancing With The Stars finale tonight!!!  Get excited!!

We’re left with a great mix of final contestants: Lance Bass, filling the hey-not-fair-he’s-kind-of-actually-already-a-dancer quota, Brooke Burke, our token kinda-old-but-still-hot female, and hey!-athletes-can-dance-too! favorite, Warren Sapp.

My money’s on Lance Bass.  Ever since my teen eyes came across NSync’s Tearin’ Up My Heart music video back in ‘99, I’ve been impressed.

And speaking of NSync, read about former NSyncer and DWTS contestant Joey Fatone as a) he weighs in on the show and b) promotes the new Charmin Deluxe Public Restrooms (wtf?!?!?!).

Let the games begin!!!

What?!  No Gossip Girl last night?  Time for snoozy Gossip Girl news in lieu of a re-cap!!!

It was recently announced that Leighton Meester, a.k.a Blair Waldorf, has become the second Gossip Girler to to hawk tennis shows (Ed “K-Swiss” Westwick was the first).  Meester has signed on as the new face of Reebok!  Check out some pics from her Reebok photo shoot here on Trendmill.

If you thought this news couldn’t get any more snoozy, think again!  Let me add a li’l so-boring-it-hurts personal spin on this here blog post, just to get your blood boilin’.  Get ready for the ultimate snooze cruise!

Now, if you’ve been paying attention to Square Eyes over the last few weeks, you’d know that I count Blair Waldorf as one of my personal style icons, mostly because she kind of just dresses like an American Girl doll.  Now, my only other style icon is crazy ole British musician M.I.A., who wears some of the nuttiest fluorescent garb you can think of.  Where do my two style icons intersect?, I’d wonder.  Do I go out in lime green schoolgirl garb?  Where do I fit all this in?

Fluorescent Reebok high-tops, that’s where!  Finally, the sweet, sweet marriage of M.I.A. and Meester.  You bet you bottom dollar I’m going out to get a pair today.

Barfness.  I’ve been successfully weaning myself off The Hills for the past few months on account of how insanely boring it is week after week.  I owe my success to the fact that you get more interesting news about its cast members by scanning tabloid headlines - something this almost-interesting article in today’s Los Angeles Times touched on.  Why watch the show when they won’t even say the words “sex tape” or “snoozy fashion line” out loud?

Case and point, this morning’s big news: Heidi and Spencer got married!!!  They secretly eloped in Cabo San Lucas!  And what’s tonight’s episode of The Hills dealing with?  Decorating LC’s pool house or something?

Perez Hilton was the first to break news about the couple eloping and has gone hog-wild blogging updates all morning.  He even got an image of an unreleased Us Weekly cover announcing the news.  I’d keep an eye on that guy if you want obsessive, up-to-the-second updates.

Sup with Speidi?  Is it true love?  The hasty decision of gal with low self-esteem convinced she can’t do any better?  Or did they get married to supplement their income with wedding photo sales?  FASCINATING!

But I still won’t watch.  Nope!

Buzz buzz buzz, people!  Arrested Development: The Movie is on like donkey kong, the Hollywood Reporter reports!  Yes, they put it in exactly those words.

Well, almost on!  A certain sooooomebody is holding up the train.  Check out this shizz an unnamed AD cast member said to Kristin Dos Santos of E! Online:

“Yes, it’s a go. We’re all very excited. And it will happen with or without the holdout.”

One of the cast members still hasn’t signed on!

“Yeah, [he or she] might not do it,” an actor says of this costar. “However, I do know that we will do the project with or without [him or her].”

Do they have to spell it out to you people?  Michael Cera is STILL being a huge bummer all over town!  Too busy buying American Apparel hoodies and collecting rare vinyl to make a movie, eh, Michael Cera?

Heh.  Just kiddin’.  I ain’t mad at ya, Mike.

While you’re counting the minutes ’til the movie, check out this great who’s-signed-on pic I stole from Defamer:

We’ve got a majority, people!!!  Stay tuned!

Survivor has gotten wicked interesting since my last entry! It’s literally been one blindside after another in the past three weeks. I love watching people get served. Love it something awful.

I’m still rooting for Ken, the professional gamer, who has played damn well voting off the most powerful members of the Kota alliance:

Ace - pompous “British” power player

Marcus - A McDreamy doctor and the favorite the win the game (aka. The guy who couldn’t keep his junk in his trunks).

Charlie - Marcus’s #2 guy and #1 fan.

Randy - Jerk.

Go get ‘em, Ken! Just please try not to let the newfound glory go to your head!

I’d love Ken to get the million in the end, but dammit if Matty isn’t also deserving - he’s hungry to win, but had the bad luck of carrying his tribe’s dead weight. I like him and shoooot if he ain’t hot like an impish Ethan Hawke/Leonardo DiCaprio manlovechild.

Yowza! Tune in next week to see if Corinne and Bob can conjure a miracle Immunity Idol before they’re picked off!

Today, two pieces of Saturday Night Live news….

1) Apparently no one’s all that stoked on Fred Armisen’s impression of Barack Obama.  The people have spoken!  “Are we really going to have to listen to that guy stacatto his way through politics skits for the next four and/or eight years?”, they ask.

Hell naw! Rumor has it, there are a few more potential Obamas in the running, one being some dude named Jordan Carlos that Gawker’s way too stoked on.  Whatevs.

Hopefully Armisen will stick to playing Nicholas Fehn, political commentator dude.  Cracks me UP!

2) Holy canoli.  Look at this picture of former SNL cast member Horatio Sanz I found.  What the fudge?!  Dude got skinny!  He kinda looks like a bearded Latino Jimmy Kimmel.   In the best way possible.

Work it, Horatio!

Shucks.  I kinda miss this guy.  The fat version.

Shucks, ABC seems to be intent on rehauling its line-up.  The network announced this week that it was pulling the plug on three shows: Pushing Daisies, Dirty Sexy Money, and Eli Stone.

Too bad!  I think Pushing Daisies fans will be especially bummed.  Those guys are culty.

On the bright side for ABC, it’s bringing back that one show about hanging out on the beach for way too long everyone’s like sooooo obsessed with.

Lost, dummy!  Check out a brand new trailer I came across this morning:

OMG, you guys!  Hot new showz alert!  Three of ‘em!

Untitled Amy Poehler Comedy Project!

More info on Untitled Amy Poehler Comedy Project!  As we all know, the talented Miss Poehler is bouncing out on Saturday Night Live to be a baby mama and star in her own sitcom.  The sitcom was orig supposed to be a spin-off of The Office but then they nixed that idea and unspun it into its own thing, detes totally undisclosed and TBD.

Update! It’s been announced that Rashida Jones, a.k.a. Karen in seas 3 of The Office will be joining the cast of the unspun Untitled Amy Poehler Comedy Project as a nurse named Ann.  The show is set to be exec produced and written by same folks as The Office.

Cool non-Office spin-off, Amy Poehler!  Where’s it going to be set?  In an OFFICE?!?!

Heh.  JK.

10 Things I Hate About You: The TV Series!

OMG!  My heart has been racing since I heard this news.  10 Things I Hate About You (1999) will be spun into an ABC Family sitcom!

As someone with a PhD in teen movies, this is one of my all-time faves.  A tale of two sisters!  If there’s anything to know about me, it’s that I’m the mainstream, uptight (but like seriously cute as a button and totes popular) counterpart to the free-spirited intellectual hot girl thing my big sis has got going on.

Also exciting: in the role of Patrick Verona is Ethan Peck, Gregory Peck’s grandson and my bf’s brother’s college roommate.  I’m literally like one degree and a stolen phone number away from drinking too much wine and calling Ethan to advise him on how to work this out.  Ethan’s got some big ole shoes to fill, after all.  Heath Ledger like, BECAME Patrick Verona in the film.  Do I smell posthumous Oscar?

So many questions.  Will they make Ethan act vaguely Australian in the role?  And will this show be good?  Or barfy, like Clueless: The TV Series?

Either way, can’t wait!

Cougar: The Reality Show!

Really, producers of The Bachelor?  You’re really casting a reality show about cougars?  Are you seriously looking for single men who love “a more mature woman”?  You’re seriously going through with this?

But really.  ANOTHER cougar project?  We’re still doing this?  Can we talk about something else?  Maybe we do a different show instead?  How ’bout it?  Maybe we spin another movie off, eh?  How about Good Will Hunting: The TV Series?

Excitement, people!!!

The time has come, 24 fans!

For ‘merican audiences, FOX is airing the much-anticipated 24 movie “Redemption” this Sunday, November 23rd at 8pm. It’s been a long time coming and bridges the Season 6 finale with Season 7’s premiere (beginning January ‘09).

How better to start Thanksgiving week than drool over two jam-packed hours of Jack Bauer saving the world again - high-speed car chases, testosterone-fueled fisticuffs and fiery explosions - it’ll be epic! You need something to be thankful for this year? Be thankful that you can leave all the Jack Bauering to Jack Bauer.

Before watching Redemption to get amped for Season 7 of 24, get pumped for Redemption itself by watching this amazing 24 prequel spoof which dares to asks “what if 24 took place during 1994?”

You’d laugh out loud, that’s what.