Rejoice! Arrested Development is Actually Back!

Posted by BRADY in Arrested Development

August 24th, 2012, 02:00 PM

It was before Arrested Development was even officially canceled after it’s third brilliant season when the show’s fans and creators alike tried to imagine contingency plans for how the critical darling (but ratings redheaded stepchild) could make a grand return. While fans started online petitions and grassroots promotional campaigns the writer’s filled the final episodes with meta jokes about cheap ratings stunts and a distant hope that they might be picked up by HBO or Showtime. The show did end and then… we waited. It seemed every month (and every interview with a former castmember) dropped a hint about a possible reunion. Now, finally, it’s happening.

Ten years after the show debuted on Fox we are getting a brand new 10 or 13 episode season exclusively airing on Netflix, all premiering on the same day. Employers of comedy nerds beware: there are going to be a lot of folks calling in sick to binge on all new Bluth content. I wouldn’t believe it myself, but over the past few weeks the web has been flooded with set pictures tweeted from the cast and fans alike, proving that the model home, the stair car, and even Tobias’ cut-off jean shorts will all be returning. Hallelujah. The second coming is actually upon us.

What do we know so far about this new season? The entire cast is all back, including omniscient narrator Ron Howard. Mad Men’s Jon Slattery will have a multi-episode guest arc, which is awesome because he is… well… awesome. I somehow see Roger Sterling getting along very well with Lucille Bluth over dry martinis. Each episode will apparently focus on an individual character to catch us up on their lives, but with the other character being woven in throughout. And, according to David Cross, creator Mitch Hurwitz is slathering this season with even more hidden jokes and layered plots than before, meaning the whole season will have to be watched multiple times to catch everything and tie it all together.

We wouldn’t have it any other way.

Emmy Nominees! The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Posted by BRADY in Square Eyes

July 23rd, 2012, 04:25 PM

All of these people are awesome and deserve Emmys. That is all.

It’s Emmy Season! With the nominees officially announced, and months to go until the actual broadcast, there’s only one thing for TV bloggers to do: speculate and complain! But first let’s kick things off with what makes me happy.

The Good

Mad Men got 17 nominations, including one for Jared Harris (aka the mopey, bespectacled Brit Lane Pryce) for best supporting actor! Of course he should still lose to the brilliant Peter Dinklange from Game of Thrones, but I’m still glad to see his stellar work get some recognition. Louis CK, and his amazing show Louie, also got a ton of nominations! Yay good comedy! Speaking of, the comedy series they chose this year are mostly spot on, without any of those pesky pay cable “dramadies” poking their nose in and bumping out shows that actually have way more, you know, comedy. And finally, Margaret Cho was nominated as a guest star for her hilarious performance as Kim Jong-il on 30 Rock. If you saw any of those episodes, you’ll understand why it’s ok to root for Kim Jong-il.

The Bad

Sure, Amy Poehler got her much deserved best comedy actress nomination, but no love for the rest of Parks and Recreation?! No nomination for Nick Offerman as Ron Swanson?! Come on Emmys, get it together. You’ve had 4 seasons. The man is a living TV icon. Nick Offerman should be awards best actor in a comedy and his mustache best supporting actor in a comedy. That’s how good he is. And although I praised the academy for recognizing Louis CK for his acting, writing, and directing… why wasn’t the show nominated for best comedy? So you guys love every important element of the show but not the show itself? What, was the lighting not Emmy worthy or something?

The Ugly

Betty White is nominated as best variety program host for her show Betty White’s Off their Rockers. I get it, America still can’t get enough of Betty White for whatever reason. But this means a show about old people pulling lame pranks on young people is officially nominated for an Emmy. I’m not the only one who finds that unacceptable, right?

The TRUTH Behind the Cruise/Holmes Split!

Posted by BRADY in celebrity gossip

July 16th, 2012, 01:58 PM

As you all know, the First Couple of Scientology, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, have called it splitsville. It came out of nowhere and Cruise’s people attempted to sweep it under the rug just as quickly, finalizing a divorce in under two weeks, what just might be a Hollywood divorce record. Ever since the divorce was announced the media has been speculating and the internet swirling with rumors about just what happened to spoil their highly secretive marriage. From a “5 year contract” to the old “Suri was grown in a Scientologist lab,” no rumor has been too outlandish and unbelievable. So hey, why not make up some of our own? These are just as likely to be true as most of the theories out there.

-Katie Holmes was brainwashed into forgetting her former life, but Tom accidentally let her watch an episode of You Can’t Trust the B— in Apartment 23, where James Van Der Beek plays himself, and a flood of Dawson’s Creek related memories flashed through her mind, reminding her of who she truly is.

-Tom Cruise became so method about his role in the musical Rock of Ages that he acted like an 80s rock legend for months on end and insisted on singing their every day activities. This would drive anyone crazy.

-Katie saw all the reports about John Travolta’s massage parlor scandal and realized Tom frequented all of the same spas.

-That Oprah incident wasn’t a one time thing. Tom is jumping on couches constantly. It’s not safe for a young child like Suri to be around.

-Remember what Tom Cruise looked like in Tropic Thunder? That wasn’t make-up, that’s his regular appearance. The thin, handsome Tom Cruise we know is a result of 9 hours of make-up and prosthetic every day. Can you blame Katie?

-The new Batman movie has opened up old wounds, and Katie Holmes is now on a one-woman revenge mission against Maggie Gyllenhaal for stealing the role Katie played in Batman Begins and playing it in the way more beloved The Dark Knight.

-The “33 curse” (based on the fact that all 3 of Cruise’s wives have left him at the age of 33) is true. In fact they were all exactly 33 1/3 years old on the day of divorce. This is because Tom Cruise loves vinyl records so much.

-Although they had a whirlwind romance and a happy few years together, eventually Tom and Katie grew apart and realized it would make them happier to be apart and continue their lives. Haha unbelievable! Who would buy that?!

Brand New Sheen

Posted by BRADY in Square Eyes

June 28th, 2012, 02:04 PM

Proving that comebacks come quicker and quicker in Hollywood these days, just a little over a year after his insane public meltdown was winding down (Remember Tiger Blood? Goddesses? Ustream rants? So 2011) Charlie Sheen is coming back in a big way. He has a new show premiering on FX called Anger Management, airing as part of the most eclectic comedy block I have ever seen on television: the aforementioned Anger Management; FX’s critical darling, not to mention extremely hilarious and amazing, Louie; the bizarre man-in-a-dog suit show Wilfred; and Russel Brand’s new talk show Brand X. That’s some variety in comedic voices right there… one of them very annoying (sorry Russel, you’re funny, but even you must admit that voice is grating).

Anyway, back to Anger Management. They’ve been hyping it for months, and so far I can tell its a show about… well, Charlie Sheen is in it. That’s all I know. What was originally pitched as a TV adaption of the Adam Sandler/Jack Nicholson movie of the same name, the casting of Charlie Sheen has apparently completely re-written the show to be something he can sink his teeth into. The ads, which have focused entirely on Sheen’s comeback from his meltdown, featuring footage of trainwrecks and a smoldering Sheen, make it seem like a reality show about Charlie Sheen rather than, you know, an actual sitcom where he plays a character. Somehow I don’t expect him to be stretching his acting muscles too far, surely playing a “Charlie Sheen type.”

The most insane part about this sitcom? A deal was apparently struck as part of Sheen’s contract that if the first 10 episode season hits a certain ratings benchmark every week, FX is contractually obligated to renew it for 90 more episodes. 90 episodes!! That is insanity! No wonder Sheen has been saying this show will be his swan song. If this first season does well he’s employed for a decade. Not bad for a guy fired from the number one sitcom in the world.

I’ve Got a Bone to Pick With the Bones Finale

Posted by BRADY in Bones

June 13th, 2012, 09:36 AM

Oh Bones, why you gotta end like this? The season finale started out by reintroducing an old character named Christopher Pelant, a computer nerd murderer. Man, what a cliché character, huh? All those computer nerd murderers fighting the police in the real world… So far he has outsmarted Dr. Brennan, Booth and her teams of squints, which means he has to be pretty clever. Like “doing the Friday New York Times crossword in PEN” clever. That’s really clever. He has set things up meticulously to frame Dr. Brennan for the murder of Ethan Sawyer, who had a brief appearance before as a brilliant mathematics doctor turned paranoid schizophrenic. See, that’s what doing too much math will do to you, kids. The evidence is piling up against Brennan and she is running out of time. Everyone but the squints at the Jeffersonian are kicked off the case, leaving Brennan with two choices: run or go to jail. Not really the ideal situation. But, hey, makes for an easy choice. Get your run on, Brennan!

This season finale was so underwhelming even with all the unexplained evidence bringing Brennan closer to her demise. The episode ends with Brennan and the baby fleeing the scene of the crime, so to speak, and Booth left alone with a rigged alarm clock that will do God knows what when the time is right. Blow him up?! Or, even worse, wake him from a really pleasant nap?!? I would be unbelievably pissed if my wife took my baby girl and left without me, but I guess that just comes with the lifestyle. These TV detectives never get a chance to go on a family vacation, so maybe she’ll find it relaxing! I get that they want to leave you hanging of the edge of your seat with fear and curiosity of how this is all going to turn out, but this episode failed to even do that and just fell flat.

-This post brought to you by Courtney

The Most Addicting Shows on TV

Posted by BRADY in Square Eyes

June 7th, 2012, 03:06 PM

Believe it or not this is the cast of Storage Wars, not the latest batch of hunks for this season of The Bachelorette.

Forget bath salts, if you really want something addictive just turn on your TV. Plus TV probably won’t make you want to eat anyone’s face…unless it happens to be the challenge ingredient on an episode of Iron Chef and someone whips up a tasty looking three course serving (Appetizer:Face a-la-carte, Dinner: Open-Faced Sandwich, Dessert: Puff Face-stries). But when it comes to TV, people will always tell you the same shows are addictive: The Wire, Lost, Justified, Downton Abbey, Mad Men. You know, all those quality programs with artistic ambition, well-crafted writing and nuanced performances. But let’s be honest, those aren’t the shows that you watch 7 episodes in a row of when you flip the TV on, simply because you can’t bring yourself to change the channel. These shows, however, are. Or at least they are for me. Basic cable has cracked the code of hos exactly to keep me watching through every commercial break: cliffhangers and marathons of episodes.

5. American Pickers - This show about a couple guys digging through old barns and houses stuffed with rusty old garbage could be incredibly boring, but the two hosts make it a fun ride and make you excited about their latest find. I honestly never thought I would be excited about the prospect of finding a rare oil can, but that’s just how infectious their enthusiasm is. Plus checking out the bizarre places crammed with junk is always amusing.

4. Swamp People - When a show is filmed entirely in the USA, and only features born and bred Americans, but still requires subtitles, you know you’re in for a treat. This is a show about people in the swamps of Louisiana who hunt alligators for a living, which is pretty insane and looks horribly unpleasant. I don’t know what is scarier, the alligators or the dentistry. But when they start fighting with a big old gator it becomes pretty riveting TV. And yes, you do find yourself rooting for the gator a lot.

3. Pawn Stars - Will Rick buy that Civil War era rifle? Will Big Hoss risk buying a used ice cream truck? Will Chumley say something really dumb and scripted about whatever collectible is brought in? (yes) Will the Old Man live through the entire episode? These are the questions I ask myself pretty much every episode of Pawn Stars, and boy do they keep me watching. By highlighting collectibles and rare finds over what 95% of the pawn shop business is actually about (buying a blood-stained gold watch from a crackhead so they can go buy more crack) they’ve come up with a winner.

2. American Restoration - Every episode of American Restoration is simple: a couple people bring in really cool old timey items, the guys on the show fix them up so they are even cooler looking old timey items. But once you see the rusted shell of a unique item and hear what they have in store you just can’t help but see it through to the end. Every time they try to put in a “story” or feature the “characters” it is some of the most poorly scripted reality TV I have ever seen, but checking out that shiny refurbished item is always worth it.

1. Storage Wars - Ok, I’ll be the first to admit the premise of this show is depressing from every angle. Storage lockers go unpaid for (probably because the person is dead, in prison, or in horrible debt) and then get bid on by people desperate to dig through dirty old junk in hopes of eeking out a bit of profit. But boy oh boy is it addicting! Just waiting to see what odd treasures they discover is great, but when they happen to stumble across a safe and have to bust it open it’s low stakes suspense TV at it’s finest. I’ll also be the first to admit that the producers clearly plant some of the more unique items to spice the show up, but who cares? This show has Barry Weiss, after all, the greatest personality in all of reality TV.

Fringe Finale Was Awesomely…Fringey

Posted by BRADY in Fringe

June 1st, 2012, 09:38 AM

Despite the fact that I guessed everything before it happened during the season finale of Fringe, it was still a pretty darn exciting episode, right?! Agent Olivia Dunham, who is part of the Fringe Division, a Joint Federal Task Force, is totally freaked out by her new powers. Yeah that’s right, she has super powers now. And the cool kind, like in Heroes season1, not Heroes season….well, all the other seasons. In this episode I think one of the most awesome tricks is catching hyper-attenuated bullets and somehow shooting them back at the assailant without even looking at where the bullets were going. She would totally rock as a contestant on that History channel show Top Shot.

On a side know lets take a moment to mull over one mind boggling bit of this episode: September, the observer (for those of you not in the know, he is an odd, super pale and bald dude who eats a gregarious amounts of hot sauce, randomly appears, usually says something important and then disappears) met with Agent Dunham while she was in a different universe with a bullet wound telling her that she will die in every possible future. Sounds normal, right? Well, normal for Fringe. But in Season 4, Episode 22, which is the present time for both of them, somehow their meeting happened in her past and his future. Wait, what? I know September can travel through time and space but how did he know to investigate her future and find out that she was going to die in every possible future? If he hadn’t followed Jessica into a trap in the warehouse with Agent Dunham and Peter, and if Jessica had not shot him, he would not have started to look into Dunham’s past, right? If Agent Duhnman had not mentioned to September that he came to her in her past would he have gone through time to warn Agent Dunham in the first place? And since Agent Dunham and Peter were only there by accident, how did September know that those sequences of events were even going to take place at that particular moment in time since he did not foresee walking into a trap? Riddle me that, Batman. Time travel gives me a headache.

Anyways, back to the main story. Agent Dunham’s ultimate super power, which puts the rest to shame, is her ability to collapse two universes, killing everyone and everything so that a new one can be created. Wow, someone is going to develop a God complex… No wonder random strangers have been “activating” her by putting her or people she loves in life threatening situations. These situations gave her stronger psionic abilities by amping up the power of the nootropic drug, Cortexiphan, in her body. William Bell (Leonard Nimoy, king of all things geek) has been activating her to use her as the energy source to destroy the worlds.

By the end of it all William Bell, aka God of the new wold, escapes because no one is smart enough to shoot him, yet Walter freaking SHOOTS OLIVA IN THE HEAD!!!! Crazy, but apparently necessary to stop the end of the worlds. She lives due to Walter’s awesome operating skills and later turns out to be a fairly normal prego mom to a beautiful girl (Letters of Transit episode). All is well in the world of Fringe.

“You’ve had the most extraordinary gifts but the only one you were denied was knowing it.” - Nina Sharp

-This post brought to you by Courtney

Totally Cheesy….But Not in the Awesome Way

Posted by BRADY in Bones

May 23rd, 2012, 02:01 PM

Bones fans have a bone to pick with The Bone of Contention, the fake Bones movie. Also, bone.

Was it just me or did anyone else think that the latest episode of Bones (Season 7, Episode 12) was kind of lame and way too cheesy? I love the show because it makes me feel smart and scientific while sitting on my couch and not actually doing all that dumb doctor learning, but this episode was way too much of a cheese bag for my taste. First off, the trailer for Dr. Brennen’s movie (The Bone of Contention) is so horrible it’s not even funny. I know they were trying to make it look fun and light hearted, but it just turned out tacky and cheap. The cameo appearance at the end was also simply awful. Everyone is just sitting on the grass enjoying the sunshine COMPLETELY oblivious (and apparently deaf) to the fighter jet shooting at the action heroes right behind them. Then, when they interview the actors playing Bones and Booth in the fictitious movie, Sherry is complete with big boobies and a cheap wig. Totally not Dr. Brennen. Or is this an adult movie parody they’re filming? That might explain the acting in it, and the parody title writes itself. The only cool person playing one of our beloved characters in the Bone of Contention is Mr. Barry Summers, who plays Hoggens. His joke about a methicillin resistant staph aureus infection actually makes Dr Brennen and Doug Fillmore laugh. Apparently “a type of staph bacteria that is resistant to certain antibiotics called beta-lactams” is funny. Who knew?

The director is a stereotypical douche, and I am very surprised Dr. Brennen stood for his douchey director shenanigans. Didn’t even punch him in the face. What a shame. I know she is a mother now but come on! Bones is all about getting the facts straight, I didn’t think she’d be sitting back and letting them get her own life wrong.The whole movie is a cheap sham…kind of like a TV show going for the easy gag of a fake movie based on its characters. OMG don’t get me started on the scene when Bones and Booth kiss with the hearts in the unflattering background. Total Cheesy bag.

Aside from Barry Summer, the only other rad part about this episode was the Invasion of the Mother Suckers, in which Dr. Camille Saroyan, the pathologist and the Head of the Forensic Division at Jeffersonian Institute, plays a sexy vampire. The acting was superb and the special effects were the top of the line. I thought it was good humor and well placed in the season. Plus, vampires! No one is sick of them yet, right?

Hopefully the season finale will be less cheese and more awesome.

-This post brought to you by Courtney

Travolta’s Not So Relaxing Massages

Posted by BRADY in Chuck, The Hills, celebrity gossip

May 18th, 2012, 12:09 PM

So John Travolta walks into a massage parlor–stop me if you’ve heard this one before.

Oh how quickly something that’s supposed to be all about relaxation and tension release turns into one of the most stressful PR nightmares of poor Johnny T’s career. As I’m sure everyone has heard, John Travolta has been accused of trying to force the moves on a male masseur. And with 4 accusers coming out so far, it seems this is kind of a hobby. Heck, Grease star Jeff Conway’s longtime girlfriend is even jumping into the mix and claiming Travolta tried working his magic on Jeff back in the day. Obviously the “forced” part of the equation is where John could land himself in some legal trouble, and it is definitely not cool, but otherwise I have to ask: is ANYONE surprised by this news? The rumor that John Travolta is gay is one of the longest and most persistent in Hollywood, to the point where people there have seemed to just accept it as fact. It’s one of the worst kept secrets in all of Hollywood, and one the guy shouldn’t feel the need to hide at all (if its true, of course).

But that got me thinking, what other horribly kept secrets will entertainment journalists “blow the lid off” next? Let’s take a gander into my crystal ball which only has one channel: TMZ…of the fuuuutttuuurrrrreee!

- Mel Gibson’s Confession: “I Don’t Attend Many Bar Mitzvahs”

- Tim Burton Release New Film Where Johnny Depp Has Weird White Face Make-Up!

- Glee Creator Reveals Shocking Secret: “We Just Do Cover Versions of Popular Songs to Trick You  Into Liking Us!”

- All of Hollywood, Most of Humanity, Sign Letter Confirming Chevy Chase is a Jerk

- Bill Murray: “I’m Never Going to Make Ghostbusters 3, Stop Asking Me!”

- Snooki Reportedly Not a Very Good Mom!

- Eddie Murphy: “Yeah, I Got Tired of Being Funny About 20 Years Ago.”

- Every Male Masseur Tom Cruise Has Ever Visited Found Dead

NBC Hates Their Best Friends

Posted by BRADY in Square Eyes

May 4th, 2012, 10:47 AM

Alright NBC, I’ve been letting you off the hook recently because of your decision to bring Community back, but canceling Best Friends Forever?! After 4 episodes?! Come on! For those not in the know, BFFs is (or, sadly, was) a new single camera sitcom created by, written by and starring Lennon Parham and Jessica St. Clair, two extremely funny ladies. NBC gave the show a 6 episode order, pairing it with Betty White’s Off Their Rockers on Wednesday nights, but after only 4 episodes airing they stuck it on “permanent hiatus,” replacing the last two episode with more of Betty White’s show. That’s right, the funny and charming BFF was ousted because Americans and NBC needed even MORE old people pranking youngsters. Old people rapping and runaway rascal scooters!! Groundbreaking stuff here people. I’ve been expecting some Betty White backlash to start ever since her big comeback where she began appearing in every piece of recorded comedy over the past couple years, but people still can’t get enough of her. Maybe slapping her name on this hokey show was her attempt to kick the backlash off so she can finally get some rest. Well, mission not accomplished.

Anyway, back to BFFs and why you should care about NBC canceling it. Well, for one thing, it got funnier and funnier throughout it’s first 4 episodes, which is an extremely good sign of the heights of hilarity it could reach in a season 2. Second of all, it’s got one of the more unique and intimate creative processes in network TV. Whereas most network sitcoms have a room full of writers just pitching out idea after idea until one sticks, Jessica St. Clair and Lennon Parham, real life best friends who met doing improv for the legendary UCB, improvise all these scenes just the two of them playing all the characters, then transcribe those to write the scenes. Plus, this is maybe the only truly female-driven network tv sitcom. Sure, there are some created by women and starring women, but most still have a healthy dose of testosterone in the writer’s room.

Unfortunately, what gave BFFs so much potential (it was essentially just a show about two best friends, so it could go anywhere) is probably what killed it for NBC, who are very much used to shows with an easily definable hook (This one is in an office! This one is in a TV studio! This one is in small town government! This one is in a community college!). But check out the competition over on ABC, like Happy Endings. That show was initially received as a Friends rip-off that had no real point, just a group of friends hanging out. And guess what? By it’s second season it was one of the funniest shows on network TV.

So come on NBC, give your Best Friends a chance! Can Best Friends Forever at least be Best Friends For Two Seasons?

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